This was written over 2 years ago this is crazy. Enjoy

Millie's POV

My eyes shot open, my heart racing. I don't recognize where I am. The room around me has grey walls, with things hung up on them. Scary things.

I realize there is tape over my mouth, blocking me from speaking. My heart continues to race, as I turn to my right and see Finn, sitting in a chair, watching me. He sees me notice him, and get onto the mattress with me. He climbs over me, and my breathing gets fast and heavier, not being able to breathe correctly from the tape on my mouth.

He takes his index finger, and smoothly traces it from my temple, down my jawline, down my neck. I never lose my eye contact with him.

He takes off the tape from my mouth, and I realize my hands are tied together, behind me.

"Where am I?" I asked, and he smiled, looking at me. He puts his finger on my lips, in a shushing position.

"It's a secret."

I jolt awake, breathing fast and heavy. My heart rate is way too fast, so I try to calm myself down. It's just a dream, Millie. You weren't fucking kidnapped by Finn. Get a grip.

I realize today is Christmas Eve. I smile, excited to give Sadie her gift. I really hope she likes it.

I put together a couple of picture frames and cork boards of every single picture of us since I moved here, and I got a box full of more pictures and notes for her. Sadie is my best friend, and I never want that to change.

My door opens, Ava running into my room.

"It's Christmas Eve!!! Millie it's Christmas Eve, let's go open a present!" She said, and I laughed. We always open a present the morning of Christmas Eve. My mom spoils us as much as she can, and I appreciate it so much. I also got my mom some things, because she deserves Christmas presents too.

Ava and I go downstairs and meet my mom, and she hands us specific gifts she wants us to open. Ava opens hers, and it's some stuff she was asking for to start a YouTube channel. Typical 11 year old.

I open mine, and see that there are millions of little pins and magnets, some from my favorite show, some representing mental health awareness. Underneath that, is a maroon sweatshirt, with a semi colon. I smile at my mom, and she hugs me. I hold back my tears of happiness, because I don't want to cry in front of them.

—

It was around time to go to Sadie's, so I wrapped up her gift and I waited for Finn to pick me up. He texted me earlier, saying not to drive myself, and let him drive me. I was confused, but agreed.

I ended up putting on a pair of leggings with a T-shirt, and the sweatshirt my mom gave me. It's actually really big and comfy, going down to my mid thigh.

I got a text from Finn saying he was here, so I walked out to his car. I got in, and I set Sadie's gift on the floor in front of me, closing the door.

"Hello." I said, looking at him.

"Hi." He said, starting to pull out of the driveway. I was confused.

"So you're not going to tell me why I couldn't drive myself?" I asked, and he shook his head no. I looked out the window, at the darkness around us. The only part of the road you could see is the shine from Finns headlights on the car.

It was a bit quiet, and I didn't know what to say. Should I tell him about my dream last night? I haven't spoken to him for a day or two. But my dreams usually mean something.

"Finn, I have a serious question." I asked, and he parked in Sadie's driveway, looking at me.

"Yes?" He asked, eyeing me down, inspecting my outfit. I did the same. He was actually wearing black pants and a sweater, a grey sweater with a longsleeve under it. It's cute.

"Do you have a secret room?" I asked, and his eyes went black. He looked surprised.

"No? Why would I have a secret room? What would I use it for? No. I don't have one," Finn explained, trying to defend himself. I've never seen him defend himself on a question like this before.

"I was just wondering. I had a weird dream." I said, shaking my head, and he looked to me.

"About?" He asked, anxiously. I didn't meet his eyes, staring awkwardly out the window.

"I don't think this is the right time to talk about it. I was just wondering if you had a secret room." I said, and he shook his head no. I shrugged it off, and we went inside, with our gifts.

"You look nice," He said, before we walked into Sadie's house. I looked at him, already staring at me.

"You look really nice too." I said, smiling, then opening the door to greet everyone.

"Guys tomorrow is literally Christmas," Gaten said, making Maddie laugh.

"Yeah, it'll be fun. Should we all do something or do you wanna spend it with family?" Maddie asked. I feel like it would be fun to do something. And spend time with family, either way.

"Okay, I'm ready for gift exchange," Caleb said, and everyone else agreed.

So we just spun a bottle to see who would give their gift first. It landed on Sadie, and she gave hers to Noah. She got him this thing he's been obsessed with lately, I really couldn't tell you what it is. I think it's a movie. He was very excited.

"Maddie, your gift." Sadie said, and she got her gift out, and handed it to Finn. He opened it, and it was a red sweatshirt. Everyone was very confused.

"Come on, all you wear is black, you have to spice it up a little," she said, making the guys laugh. She told him to check the pocket, and he found 4 packs of different flavored chapstick in them. Now everyone was very confused.

"Come on, y'all are stupid. Don't you remember camping and we all kissed Finn because he was an amazing kisser? Well it would be even better with flavor." She said, and some of the group gagged at her, the others laughed. I laughed.

Soon enough, it was my turn to give my gift to Sadie. She opened it up, and everything was stacked. So first she saw the box with the notes and pictures, the item frames, and the cork board with all of our memories on it. She had a huge smile on her face, and turned to me.

"Thank you Millie," she said, hugging me tight. I hugged back, happy she liked everything.

It was only me left without a gift.

"Who had Millie?" Caleb asked.

"I did." Finn said, and my heart jumped. I looked over to him, and he looked at me. He handed me a wrapped gift, very thin. I unwrapped it, and furrowed my eyebrows at just the piece of folded paper. I unfolded it, and read what was on the inside.

Tonight

I look at him, and he looks at me. Does that mean something tonight? Like later?

He nodded, like he fucking read my mind.

"Wait what is it?" Lilia asked, and I closed the note.

"I can't say," I said, knowing it's probably a private thing. Everyone groaned, and the girls tried to attack me to see what the paper said, and we all ended up laughing, on the floor.

—

Everyone was saying bye, and I got into Finns car with him, the note in my hoodie pocket.

"What's tonight?" I asked, and he looked at me. He looked nervous.

"I'll show you." He said, and he started driving, the music playing softly in the background.

I couldn't stop thinking about what it meant, and my stupid dream. Is he taking me to that room? Was my dream foreshadowing? Oh hell no.

On an impulse decision, I take off my seatbelt and open the car door, trying to jump out. Finn notices, and grabs my arm and pulls me back in and brakes before I can.

"The hell Millie?" He said, and my heart raced.

"What if you're kidnapping me?" I asked, and he laughed. He actually genuinely laughed.

"I'm not. I promise. We are almost there. Just close the god damn car door." He said, and I closed it. I'm kind of stupid, if you didn't know.

—

He led me up to the roof of this abandoned building, and there was no snow on it. He had me sit next to him, on the edge. He told me to look straight, and I did. It was actually beautiful.

All the lights of the town were lit up, and Christmas lights everywhere. From the building, it was a great view. It was beautiful, actually. I love pretty views. I didn't even realize I was smiling, and looked over to Finn, already looking at me.

"You like it?" He asked, and I nodded.

"It's beautiful." I said, and he nodded. He let me look for a couple more minutes, before getting up and telling me to follow him. I did, and we ended up on the street downtown, by the Christmas lights. To the right was a trail we could walk down, and look at all the lights and decorations, which he led us to.

As I was looking around, I realized how pretty it all was. It was really pretty. Views like these give me happiness. It makes me forget about everything in that moment, and just look.

As we were walking slowly down the trail, felt a hand graze mine, and softly intertwine our fingers together. I didn't look at Finn, I just smiled at the presence of my hand in his, as we walked down the trail. It gave me butterflies, and he kept my hand warm. I wanted to stay in that moment forever. I didn't want to leave.

We also went down a couple blocks, and watched the light show someone was putting on at their store. It was pretty and elegant. I like pretty and elegant.

—

"Thank you for taking me." I said, looking at him in the car. We haven't left yet, we've been sitting here in comfortable silence for a minute or two. He turned to me, and met my eyes.

"I thought you'd enjoy it. You like a pretty view." He said, and I nodded. We didn't mention how we held hands for ten minutes as we walked down the trail, and saw the light show. We didn't mention it.

"I'm sorry for um, thinking you were going to kidnap me." I said, and he chuckled.

"It's okay. I'm not a kidnapper, Millie." I said, and I looked at him.

"Then what do you do? What are your secrets? Interests?" I asked, and it felt as if he put a guard up as I asked those questions.

"I don't really have any secrets or interests." He said, obviously not wanting to tell me. My smile disappeared into sadness. I wanted him to talk to me. I think he noticed, because he looked toward me and spoke up.

"I have these bursts of feelings and emotions sometimes, and I don't know how to handle them." He said, and I met his eyes. He looked vulnerable.

"Like what?" I asked, my eyes not leaving his.

"Anger. Happiness. Sadness. Confusion. Pleasure. Nothingness." He said, and I furrowed my eyebrows. Pleasure? Did he just say pleasure?

"What do you do with the emotions and feelings?" I asked, and he wouldn't look me in the eye.

"I just deal with them the best I can." He said, lying. I know he's lying, but I'll let it go.

"What do you mean by pleasure?" I asked, and he shifted awkwardly.

"Um, just sexual stuff. It doesn't really matter, we can move on." He said, and I saw his leg bouncing, and his finger tapping on the stick shift. Sexual stuff about what? About people? About me? Don't get ahead of yourself, Millie.

"I want to hear about it, though. Like what?" I said, and he let out a deep breath. He turned his head toward me, fidgeting with his fingers.

"For example, I have a sudden urge to kiss you. Kiss you a lot, actually. I have to force myself not to, because I can't even be 100% sure I want to. It's just an urge." He said, looking away from me, embarrassed. Butterflies were going crazy in my stomach, as I held the side of his face, and made him face towards me. I eyed his face.

"Then don't fight the urge." I said, and he shook his head.

"I can't. I can get carried away with everything I do with all of my emotions, and this emotion is a very sensitive one because it involves another person." He said, his leg bouncing like crazy.

"Don't fight it. Let's just see what happens. If you don't end up wanting to, then don't. Doesn't hurt to try." I said, looking at his lips. I look up to him, and he's already looking at me. He took his hand and set it on the side of my face, leaning in and pressing his lips against mine.

It wasn't silent, I could hear music coming from his speaker, a little quiet. It was a nice song to kiss to, honestly.

His lips against mine felt nice. It wasn't a mistake, it wasn't a drunk kiss, it was planned. But do I really want a planned kiss with him? Am I just lonely?

The emotions I'm feeling say I did want it. It was not a make out, it was a simple kiss, a lingering one. He let go, and met eyes with me.

"Did it help?" I asked, and he laughed a bit. I laughed, and we ended up just laughing for a couple minutes over nothing.

It was a nice night. I saw more raw emotion from Finn.

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The music I'm listening to inspired this chapter