Day by day, Wooyoung's eye bags grew worse. His cheeks became gaunt as he barely ate and Seungyoun had to reply to the worried messages his parents sent him, asking to see him. Seungyoun said Wooyoung had a nasty allergy to dust currently and couldn't show up on camera, and they had no other choice but to believe Seungyoun.

Night by night, Wooyoung sat at the window while Seungyoun tried to stay up with him for as long as possible, only to give in to his exhaustion after a few hours. He talked a lot, but they were lonely conversations. Wooyoung barely acknowledged him and when he did, it was only by a nod or a disassociated hum.

Yongguk dropped by a few times. He brought snacks and drinks that he knew Wooyoung loved and he updated them on the happenings at work. Wooyoung's report had been pushed out to a later date because of his predicament. Talking with someone was good for Seungyoun. They had their private discussions while Wooyoung just sat in a corner and looked at his lap.

He played a lot with his hair pearl recently. Cradling it in his fingers, staring at it; it reminded him of San. He only had so few memories of San. The other one was the sketch from Leonardo that Yongguk had brought from Wooyoung's home after he had asked for it.

New Year passed by them in depressing silence, as well did Epiphany.

After Seungyoun mentioned to Yongguk quietly once about how his back hurt after the many nights of sleeping on the floor, Wooyoung figured it couldn't go on like this. He used up so much of Seungyoun's patience and care, giving him no opportunity to get some relaxation in.

That day after Yongguk had left, Wooyoung told Seungyoun quietly to sleep in his bed. At first, the man had looked relieved at the suggestion, then his eyebrows had drawn together as he pieced Wooyoung's sudden motivation to mention it with the conversation at noon.

"I don't want to leave you out here alone," Seungyoun had explained. Wooyoung smiled, a shadow of what his bright grin once was.

"I will join you in bed once I'm tired."

Both of them knew he lied, but Seungyoun was exhausted, so he took it.

For two nights, Wooyoung didn't sleep at his side and just sat at the window. Sometimes Seungyoun's cat joined him, sometimes she didn't. Seungyoun relaxed after finding him in the same spot where he had left him in the evening every morning. He went to sleep with a clear conscience after that.

One night when Wooyoung couldn't resist the draw of sleep any longer, nightmares plagued him. Pictures of San, dead in all the times they had met. Beheaded at Babylon, crucified in Rome, split open with an axe in Norway, shot with a bow in Nottingham, hanged in Florence and guillotined in London. Each sight was more cruel and twisted than the next and Wooyoung startled himself awake in a cold sweat after the dream ended.

His heart burnt like liquid metal in his chest. It agonised him, wanted to make him scream for his lover like a lost child.

When he couldn't take it anymore, he fled to Seungyoun's room. The noise of the door woke the man, and he blinked at Wooyoung's silhouette in the faint light of the living room.

A sleepy hand lifted the corner of the covers and Wooyoung dashed to his side. Trembling, he curled up against Seungyoun's chest and the man wrapped a protective arm around Wooyoung. The act choked him up, brought up so many memories.

Cradled by the warm body behind him, Wooyoung cried and cried. He cried until his eyes dried out yet again and his body had numbed into blissful stillness. Seungyoun held him through it, ran his fingers through Wooyoung's hair and shared his warmth under the covers when Wooyoung feared his heart would freeze in his chest.

When the worst had subsided and Wooyoung could see the rays of moonlight falling through the gap between the curtains again through his blurry sight, he took a shuddering breath. Seungyoun heard it and his hug tightened for a moment.

"Good. Get it all out."

Wooyoung sniffled against the soiled sheet under his cheek.

Upon Wooyoung shuffling to turn in Seungyoun's arm, the man loosened his grip enough to allow the sudden movement. Confusion showed in his sleepy face that Wooyoung could barely make out in the twilight.

Deciding it was good enough, Wooyoung closed his eyes and surged forward to kiss the man. Their noses brushed as their lips slotted against each other and shared the taste of salty tears.

In the first moment, Seungyoun didn't react at all. His lips were soft and confused under Wooyoung's, not reacting to the kiss.

After a second of perplexity, Seungyoun's hands came up under the blanket to shove Wooyoung off by his shoulders. Their lips parted and Seungyoun moved his head back and further out of Wooyoung's reach.

"Wooyoung... You love San," Seungyoun whispered as if Wooyoung needed the reminder. Each time he remembered, another hot knife stabbed into his chest.

"He's dead." Right upon his icy reply, Wooyoung dived in for another kiss. Seungyoun dodged him, the hands pushing on Wooyoung's shoulders growing more insistent.

"I'm not doing this. And you are neither. Lie down."

Stubbornly, Wooyoung fought the hands yanking on him. He kissed Seungyoun's cheek, barely catching the man's pursed lips with his.

Wooyoung just wanted to feel something. Seungyoun provided warmth. He could help make Wooyoung forget for a while.

Seungyoun's defences remained ruthless. He flipped Wooyoung back over and pinned him down with an arm over his and a leg twisted around Wooyoung's.

"Sleep. No stupid decisions on my watch. We both know you will regret this."

Wooyoung wouldn't. He would allow Seungyoun to fuck all the pain out of him and move on as before.

He was selfish, not considering Seungyoun's feelings, but he was too numb to care.

Wooyoung tried one last time, but had to give up when his weakened body had nothing on Seungyoun. Upset but at least thankful for the warmth, Wooyoung allowed himself to sleep some more. This time, his drained body caught up on all the missed hours and slept so soundly that he didn't dream.

-

Wooyoung tried to appeal to Seungyoun again two days after that. The man had closed off some, his irritation with Wooyoung showing more often on his brow. Wooyoung knew it wasn't because the man wanted him gone, but he couldn't help but feel he should return to his own home.

The thought of his cold and empty apartment sent shudders down his spine.

Seungyoun sat on the couch reading a document when Wooyoung slinked over to him. In his hands, he cradled Seungyoun's plush dog that his cat had let go of only unwillingly. In the first moment when Wooyoung went to straddle Seungyoun's lap, the man pushed his knee off in exasperation. When Wooyoung dropped his entire weight on his thighs, Seungyoun relented with a huff. He put the tablet down next to him on the couch to look up at Wooyoung sternly, his arms crossed.

"What do you need? You can talk to me, you know I won't make it weird."

Instead of talking, however, Wooyoung leaned his head into Seungyoun's neck. Instantly softened, Seungyoun wrapped his arms around Wooyoung's back to hold him and the plushy close.

"I'm sorry for being difficult. I'm annoying myself, too," Wooyoung whispered. He was so weak, so useless without San. As if his whole life's purpose had died with the man. What had Wooyoung done before knowing San? What had brought him happiness?"

"You're not annoying me and there is nothing to apologise for. I want you to get better soon. But I want you to do so healthily." Seungyoun petted Wooyoung's hair. It was soft after the man had forced him to take a shower in the morning. It also smelled of Seungyoun's apple shampoo.

"That's why I'm asking you and not some random stranger. Won't you hold me? It will make me forget." Wooyoung angled his head to brush a kiss over Seungyoun's jaw. Softly, the man pushed at his shoulders to warn him rather than shoving him off.

"I won't let you use me as a toy replacement for your lover, Woo. If you train yourself to cope like this, it will haunt you down the entire path. Let's not even start there."

Wooyoung let go of him and slumped against the man's shoulder once more. He was too lethargic to force his friend. Deep in his heart, he also knew how wrong it was to ask Seungyoun these things.

"Maybe I can ask Yongguk. Or anyone, really," he whispered in pure malice. He was annoyed, wanted to hurt Seungyoun back just how his rejection hurt Wooyoung's heart. It exposed him as being weak and pitiful.

Seungyoun caught Wooyoung's chin with one hand and brought him into an upright position. Nervously, Wooyoung's fingers fiddled with the ears of the plush animal. His eyes flicked to the cat on the windowsill and back to Seungyoun, unable to bear the weight of his gaze.

"How about this: we will buy ice cream. You get to try all the stupid ice cream flavours and pick one you can be angry at and one you will love. Then I will get the Playstation out and you get to shoot at all the zombies you want, as angry as you want. How about that for coping?"

His expression was so honest and so worried for Wooyoung that Wooyoung felt bad. When he nodded, Seungyoun grinned at him and stood up with Wooyoung in his arms. Naturally, Wooyoung clung to him and left his plushy behind.

With Seungyoun, he could just be a vulnerable little kid until he had rebuilt his walls. The man was worth his weight in gold.

"You're getting too light. What do you want to eat today? It's on me."

Wooyoung mulled it over in his head until he found an answer. Telling Seungyoun he wasn't hungry wouldn't get them anywhere, he learned that over the past few weeks.

"How about pasta? With lots of cheese."

"Casserole?" Seungyoun offered as he put Wooyoung down on his bed and picked out a new outfit. When Wooyoung agreed with delight, the corners of Seungyoun's lips jumped into a smile.

They went shopping together and never left each other's sides as they collected their ingredients. Seungyoun insisted on a salad on the side to force some nutrients into Wooyoung's body.

After their meal, the two of them dusted off Seungyoun's old Playstation and picked a game they wanted to play. Seungyoun only had a time-travel themed one with zombies, so Wooyoung settled for slaughtering some orcs in a fantasy game instead. Their evening was spent yelling at the screen and mashing buttons until Wooyoung believed to have blisters on his hands.

When they went to bed that night, Wooyoung didn't force Seungyoun into anything. He let the man hold him in the night's darkness that had become so scary to Wooyoung.

His recovery got better after that. He and Seungyoun enjoyed each other's presence, and they talked more frequently and happier. Whenever Yongguk dropped by, the pride over Wooyoung's progress glistened in his eyes as he watched the two of them bickering like back in the day.

By the beginning of February, as the cold and dark months gradually ended, Wooyoung moved back into his own flat. Sometimes, loneliness and nightmares still plagued him, but his friends checked on him often. One night when he couldn't sleep and called Seungyoun, the two of them planned out a trip to Normandy in France to visit San's grave. It wasn't official, just for the person whose identity he had taken on during the war, but they wanted to bring him flowers, anyway. They didn't go ultimately, the imagination too sad for Wooyoung.

In mid-February, Wooyoung went back to work and did some minor jobs. He collected some items from the past for their museum and it was simple work, just a fetching task. Yet, whenever he arrived at the past, he couldn't help looking around for San, hoping their paths would cross even when San had no reasons to be at the same spot.

Slowly, Wooyoung re-established a healthier life with himself and his work again. He was proud of himself and thanked Seungyoun and Yongguk for their efforts with gift baskets. Their softness for his recovery still showed in their every smile.

Every night before he went to sleep, Wooyoung still looked at the sketch Leonardo had drawn for him and San. He refused to let their relationship feel like a distant dream. He cradled their precious memories close in his heart, sealed them at the core where they would take root and always make him smile when they resurfaced in the middle of the night to soothe his fears.