It was a long walk home, watching the late-afternoon sun begin to set behind the clusters of trees that rimmed the neighborhood between the school and my house. My bike, not surprisingly, had not been waiting for me outside the gym. I hadn't locked it up when I'd left it there, so it was safe to assume I would never see it again.

I instinctively reached for my phone in my back pocket once I started the long, cold walk in the mid-November chill. But of course, that was missing too.

I had left my entire backpack in the pyramid house when I'd chased after Adam. I could only hope it had fared better than the bike. Of course, lots of people knew about that house—even people who knew nothing of the meetings that used to take place there would sometimes use it for parties or just as a place to make out.

So I might have to add "new phone" to the list of things I'd be digging into my already bleak savings account for.

And "new phone" made me think of Kieren. I would have to tell him I was back. I'd send him a DM when I got home, assuming my father would even let me in the house.

I'd gone missing for four whole days, with only a vague explanation from Kieren to pacify him. I'd also missed school and blown off work, leaving my dad to make an excuse to Mr. Chu for me. At least when I'd sneaked off to Portland with Brady in our previous reality, it had been under the pretense of going to summer camp. This time, I'd just taken off. I braced myself for the fact that my relationship with my dad might be permanently altered by this.

How would I make it up to him?

But as I approached my house, I knew that talking to my dad wasn't going to be my immediate concern.

Because Brady's car was parked on the street, waiting for me.

I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath. I had been hoping to at least have a night to rest before having to do this. But maybe it was for the best this way. I wouldn't have been able to sleep with my guilt hanging over me.

Tell him the truth. Everything else just hurts more... in the end.

I walked up to the car and saw that he was asleep inside, his seat reclined all the way back. An assortment of chips and to-go bags littered the floor, and he appeared to have about four days' worth of growth on his cheeks.

Had he been sleeping here the whole time? Why didn't he go inside?

I knocked lightly on the passenger-side window and he bolted up, looking shocked for a moment before realizing where he was. When his head whipped over towards me, a look of extraordinary relief took over his red-rimmed eyes.

He pressed a button to unlock the doors, and I took a deep breath and got in.

I had to push a fast-food bag out of the way to sit, and when I closed the door, I could feel how warm it was inside the car. Brady's body heat had filled it up, turning it into a cocoon.

"Hi," I said in a weak voice.

He pulled his seat into an upright position, shaking his head rapidly as though trying to force the sleep out of his brain. He rubbed his eyes. "You scared me half to death," he finally said.

"Sorry, I tried to knock lightly, but—"

"I don't mean by knocking on the damn door, M."

"Right. Sorry."

He finally pulled his hands away from his face and looked at me. His beautiful brown eyes were creased with fine lines I had never noticed before. Had I aged him in the time I'd been gone? Did I really worry him that much?

"Are you okay?" he asked now, a waver barely audible in his rich voice.

I nodded.

"What are you wearing?"

I quickly scanned my own appearance. I was still wearing the overalls from the fort, a fact which would be difficult to explain without telling him everything. "It's..."

"Never mind," he dismissed the topic. "It doesn't matter. Did you—did you do what you had to do?"

I nodded again. "I know it seems like it was reckless or... I don't know, irresponsible of me to go like that. But I promise I had a good reason."

"I know you did. Or at least, I know that's what you told Kieren."

I cleared my throat when he said Kieren's name. I tried to steel myself for what I had to say next. "Brady, I have to tell you something."

"Kieren told me everything."

My eyes popped open suddenly, and my mouth moved to ask what that meant. But I couldn't find the words.

Brady was still looking at me, his face tired and sad. "You don't remember any of it, do you?"

I kept listening, afraid to interrupt.

"The last eighteen months," he continued. "Since the night we got back from the beach behind Sage's hotel?"

I shook my head slightly, enough to affirm that the answer was no: I didn't remember any of it.

"Our first kiss? The first time we said 'I love you'?"

I could only shake my head again.

"Do you still feel anything for me?"

"Yes," I insisted. "Of course I do. I just... I just... I didn't have time to get used to it. One minute, we were just friends. You were a guy that..."

"Go on, say it."

"You were a guy that I had a crush on when I was fifteen, Brady. That's how I thought of you. And suddenly you were my boyfriend and I didn't have any time to..." The words died in my mouth. I wasn't saying this right. I didn't know if there even was a right way to say it.

He nodded, trying to take it in. I could see that his mind was racing, and I could only imagine he was thinking of all the moments he and I had shared in the past eighteen months that only he could remember.

"When I changed what happened that night eighteen months ago, I thought that—" Oh God, how could I tell him this? "I did it because I thought that..."

"You thought you'd be with Kieren when you got back to today," he finished my sentence for me so that I wouldn't have to. It was a relief, and more than I deserved. "Because you were always in love with Kieren."

My lip was trembling and I tried desperately to stop it. But it was useless.

"I didn't know it would be like this," I whispered.

"Yeah, sorry to break it to you, but Kieren dumped you as soon as he got to college."

My lip now took on a life of its own, shaking violently.

"And I was there for you."

"I know you were."

"I was your friend when you needed one. And you were mine."

"I'm still your friend, Brady. We can be still be—"

"Stop!" He turned forcefully to me now. "Do not say that word."

We sat in silence for another long, tortured moment. The air was thick in the car, and I didn't know what else I could possibly say. So I was surprised when Brady grabbed my wrist. He rolled it in his hand, a bit too harshly, and pulled up my sleeve to reveal my scars.

"Kieren told me about this too."

"They're the markings—" I began to explain.

"I know what they are," he cut me off, his tone cold. "You let Adam cut you."

I gulped down my guilt, terrified suddenly.

"What else did you let him do?"

But I couldn't say it. I couldn't confirm what he clearly had already suspected. How had he known? Or was he just guessing? Because Piper had cheated on him too. So did he just assume that this was what all girls did? That we all just hurt him in the end?

"I'm sorry, Brady," was all I could say. I was crying silently, ashamed of my tears. I had no right to be crying. I wasn't the victim here.

"Get out of my car."

"Please, Brady, please say you'll forgive me. I can't live with knowing that you hate me."

"Sure you can, M. We can live with lots of things."

"Please—"

"Get out of my car!"

With trembling fingers, I reached for the handle. Part of me was still hoping against hope that he'd stop me, that he'd tell me there was some way for us to still be friends. Or at least, that there was some chance he might forgive me someday.

But he didn't stop me.

I opened the door and stepped out, and I stood still as a statue as he started the engine and his car peeled away down my street.

I was still shaking, overwhelmed with grief. And I turned to the house, trying to collect myself.

Now it was time to see my dad. I could only pray that he would let me collapse into his arms, despite what I had done to him. Because I couldn't imagine going one more minute without being in the only place in the world that still felt safe.

****

Yeah, that was rough, but you knew it was coming, right? Keep reading for chapter 48.