Yasmin groaned as she reached for her phone to switch off the buzzing alarm.Goosebumbs rose on her arm from the cold as she grasped her phone and tapped the circle at the back.Yayy for Huawei.She read her dua when waking up and glanced at the phone screen to see the time when her eyes fell on the date.

She froze.Her heart begun to beat faster.She sat up slowly and swallowed back the lump that had begun to form in her throat.She put her phone on the bedside table as she made her way to the bathroom,her body cold.Not just from the cold though.She went to the sink and turned the nob on the side of the tap.She cupped water in her hands and splashed it on her face.Once.Then twice.Then thrice. Before gazing into the mirror.

13 July.Tomorrow would be the 14 of July.

Yasmin took a deep breath before splashing water on her face one more time as her thought finally came through.

The day Muhammed passed away.The day she watched him die and she became a widow.The day her world came crashing down,the day her mother-in-law and father-in-law’s worlds came crashing down.

Did she have a right to mourn a man she had lost now that she was married to Huzaifa?She had no damn clue but her heart still contracted in pain at the thought of the horrible nightmare she had lived through and how it affected her life.

Yasmin stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower.She felt the water cascade around her as she slumped onto the floor,back against the glass doors and knees cradled to her chest,her head resting on her knees.She sobbed and sobbed until her throat ached.

A knock sounded on the door and when she did not respon Huzaifa called out,“Yasmin,are you okay in there?You’ve been in the bathroom for over an hour,are you okay?”

Yasmin swallowed away the lump in her throat from her silent sobbing and she called out in the strongest voice she could muster,“Jee,I’m fine.I’ll be out now now.”

There was a pause,“Are you sure?”

“Jee.”

“Okay.Please make fast I need to use the bathroom.”

“Sure.” Yasmin stood up and took a deep breath,willing away her tears.She closed her eyes as she pictured her happy place.Her happy place,where she went when she felt her emotions pulling her in,wrapping around her like a band that left her with no oxygen.That happy place happened to be books.She thought of the latest book she had been reading and she thought of the countless endings.Some making her smile,other’s making her laugh.Even if the smiles and laughs were fake,they still took her mind off her miserable life.

She showered with no interest,leaving her washcloth on the floor and not bothering to use her hair conditioner.She wiped her body dry almost flimsily and slipped on her bath robe.Stepping out of the bathroom she gave Huzaifa what she thought would pass for a happy morning smile.

“As salaam mu alaykum.Sorry I was busy with some TLC.”

Huzaifa’s hand wrapped around her waist and he kissed the top of her head as he entered the bathroom,“No problem.I just thought you fell or something happened.”

Yasmin looked at her clothes as she shook her head,“I’m just fine.”

Huzaifa closed the bathroom door with no words and Yasmin sniffled,before reaching for a tissue and blowing her nose.No crying.No crying.She repeated to herself as she reached for black sweatpants and a black hoodie.She slipped on undergarments and wore her clothes.She threw her hair into a messy bun and slipped her feet into comfortable slippers.

Yasmin walked into the kitchen and she begun to make breakfast.A simple eggs with toast breakfast that she knew Huzaifa would not mind eating.She did not happen to be in the best states to make anything else,which got it’s proof from the couple of even times she touched the hot pans or the fact that the oil got so hot there actually happened to be smoke in the air.

“Is something burning?” Huzaifa asked as he entered the kitchen and Yasmin snapped out of her thoughts as she shook her head, looking over her shoulder at him.

“Nope.I just kinda forgot about the oil on the stove and it heated up too much.I’ll open the windows to let out the smoke,you open one of the sliding doors.”

Huzaifa glanced at her back,taken back by her cold tone.He wondered what was wrong as he opened the sliding door and walked back into the kitchen.He stood,watching Yasmin make his breakfast and he saw her reach for something that definitely did not belong in his lunch bag.

“Yasu,why are you putting an egg in my lunch bag?” Yasmin stopped in her tracks and looked down at the egg in her hand before shaking her head,forcing a laugh as she put it down.

“Uhh,I’m tired.” She said as she picked up his lunch and put it in the lunch bag.She reached for a plate and put an egg for him along with toast.

Yasmin left the food on the table and Huzaifa looked at her confused when he did not see a plate or cup in her hand.

“Hey,where’s your tea?”

Yasmin forced a smile as she looked at him,“I’m still tired.I’ll go sleep for a while then eat.”

Saying that Yasmin walked out,leaving Huzaifa extremely confused.Normally she would sit with him,have a cup of tea then see him to the door.Even if she was extremely tired.Her smile and laugh both seemed forced to him.Huzaifa shook his head.

I’m just overthinking.If something was wrong Yasmin would tell me.

He finished off his tea and made his way to the room where he found Yasmin laying in bed on her side,eyes closed.He kissed her temple and walked out of the house.He sat in the car and drove away,with a smile on his face as he thought about the surprise he would be giving Yasmin in the night.

Yasmin opened her eyes as she heard the front door shut and she blinked her eyes as the silence grew.She wanted to cry but it seemed as if all the willpower in her body had disappeared and there was nothing,nothing but a black hole to fill her chest.She sat up and looked up as she thought of Muhammed.

To some it may have seemed as a dream or a hallucination but she could hear the sound of him laughing echo through her ears.The way he would laugh when she would be frustrated or doing something silly.As she closed her eyes and took a deep breath,she froze.She could smell his perfume.His Old Spice perfume,the one she had always bought for him since he fell in love with it when he got it in his wedding gifts.

Yasmin threw back the covers and walked to get her Musallah which she laid out on the floor,facing the Qiblaah.She slipped on her burka and made the intention to offer two rakaats nafl salaah.When she performed sajda,her tears begun to pour out as the curtains between her and her Lord lifted.Throughout her salaah,her tears did not stop and her eyes did not grow dry.When she ended she raised her hands,her eyes closed and she begun to make dua.She made dua until her throat ended up being hoarse and the energy in her body failed to keep her upright as she fell into sajda.

Yasmin jolted from what seemed to be sleep when the ringtone of her phone sounded.She stood up and walked to see who was calling.Her heart beat faster as she saw the name Maryam ma on the phone and she swallowed almost audibly as she reached to answer the call.

“As salaam mu alaykum Yasmin.”

Yasmin pursed her lips as she tried to push her tears back and she let out a breath to make sure that her sadness did not reflect in her voice,“Wa alaykum mu salaam ma.How are you?”

Maryam did not speak for a couple of seconds and then Yasmin heard her sigh,“You have been crying,haven’t you Yasu?” Yasmin let out a sob as she sunk onto the bed as her tears flowed once againOn the other side Maryam closed her eyes as she shook her head as she heard the anguish filled cries of Yasmin,“No Yasmin.No.You can’t cry like this.Yasmin,you are going to get sick.Hush my bachoo.Yasmin,please don’t cry.If you cry,I’m also going to cry and you don’t want that do you?Please don’t cry.”

Yasmin brushed away the tears as she was reduced to sniffles and she pulled her voice together to talk to Maryam,“How are you,ma?How is papa?Do you’ll want me to come see you’ll?What am I even asking,I’ll take a turn tomorrow.”

“Yasmin we are fine.You don’t have to come here to check on us.We make dua for him every day of the year and I agree when this day does come we do get a little sad but then I remember what the Quraan verse says.Surely to Allah we belong and to Him we shall return.We all are human and we shall return to our Maker.All these years I’ve watched you cry and express your sorrow over Muhammed’s death but now you need to let go.You need to let go of the guilt,that if you knew you could have saved him.When it is a person’s time to go,they will go.Whether it is a natural death,heart attack or car accident.You need to let him go,Yasmin.He would have wanted you to live your life to the fullest and not cry over his death.This is what Muhammed would have wanted and you will do as such.”

Yasmin pondered over what Maryam said to her and she processed it bit by bit.How could she just let go?Was it that easy for her to let go of such an important part of her life?Was he such a small part of her life that letting go should be an easy thing to do?Yet if she wanted to move on she would have to let go now,today.She would have to put the past behind her and move on in life.

But can’t I have a little more time?

Yasmin voiced her question,“I need a bit of time.”

“Your time is now with Huzaifa.Don’t be unjust to the man who has given his entire being to you and presume that the half that you give him is sufficient.Huzaifa is a patient man but for how long will his patience hold.There will come a time when he will have enough and you will have let an amazing man slip through your fingers like sand.It’s time to let Muhammed go and to let Huzaifa fill your darkness with light.”

Maryam bid Yasmin farewell and Yasmin put the phone down,somewhere.She laid down as she pondered over what Maryam told her and she thought about it.Muhammed had loved her and they had lived almost happily ever after.He had always tended to her needs and given her whatever she wanted.In return she had done the same,sometimes she had done even more without expecting anything in return because she knew what he went through to give her world.

Huzaifa gave her the world,expected nothing back and went way beyond his limits to make sure that she was comfortable.He let her be when she felt uncomfortable,held her when she felt scared and never let her go to sleep when they fought.In return what had she given him,a bed to share and a hand to hold.An ear to lend and a smile to assure his heat that she would fall for him someday.

But would that someday ever come if she still mourned over a dead man of her past?Would they ever be able to move ahead of the friend space into something more if she never let go?She need to let go but she felt something stopping her.Something pulling her back.

Yasmin closed her eyes and she willed herself to sleep.When the Zuhur azaan went on she sat up,groggily wiping her eyes but there was a smile on her lips.She finally knew what she had to do to have that’something’ off her chest.She now knew how to get rid of the ‘something’ that pulled her back.She intended to make dua to her Lord to guide her on what she intended to do.She went to perform wudhu and then performed her Zuhur salaah,after which she raised her hands to make dua.

Ya Allah,you are All-Knowing and All-Seeing.You know each and everything that happens,whether it’s in our heads or actions.Before we act You know it.Ya-Allah I want to give Huzaifa my entire being,I want to love him without the fear of betraying Huzaifa.I want to be able to live my life with no guilt.Ya-Allah guide me please.Give me a helping hand and watch me walk towards my destination with your help.Ya-Allah grant Muhammed Jannat-ul-Firdose and the most beautiful woman in Jannah.Ya-Allah save him from the ounishment of the grave and grant him respite.Even if I let go off him from my conscious,he will always be in my duas.Ya-Allah I put my trust in You and You alone because I know You will always guide me.Ameen.

Yasmin rubbed her hands over her face and she folded her Musallah and burka.She went into the closet and looked through her clothes.She wanted something smart,almost romantic to wear when Huzaifa would come home.She would take a couple baby steps towards him in the hopes that they would turn into big steps and unite them,metally,emotionally and physically.

Yasmin decided on a white loose jersey ,that fell over one shoulder and slipped into comfortable black jeggings.She decided she would put on some makeup and takkies just before Huzaifa would come home.Just as she exited the closet her phone buzzed and she went to pick it up to see Huzaifa’s name on the screen above a message.She opened it and smiled.

Don’t cook.I’ll bring pizza and pasta.

Gahhh.He was the best.Yasmin replied with an okay and smiley emoji.She put the phone down and got to cleaning the house.As she cleaned she begun to hum along to some naats.Once she was done she decided to watch a movie and she choose The Lion King.No lie she cried when Mufasa died and then laughed at Pumba and Timone.

When she looked up at the clock mid movie she quickly got up and went to put on some makeup along with her takkies.She took out two plates and two glasses.She grabbed the ice tea from the fridge along with some Tropica juice which she put on the dinning table.She heard Huzaifa’s car pull into the yard and Yasmin quickly went to open the door the lead into the garage.

“Go back inside and wait in the lounge on the big couch.Close your eyes and don’’t peek.” Yasmin felt confused at Huzaifa’s words but followed them when he yelled,“Now Yasmin.”

“Okay.I’m going.” Yasmin did as he instructed and she heard him come in once then leave.She heard a tad bit of shuffling and she heard a cardbox box she presumed when she heard the annoying sound associated with it.

“No peeking Yasu.” Huzaifa said as he came closer and Yasmin nodded,eyes still closed.She brought her hand up to cover her eyes and she smiled.

“There.No peeking.”

She heard his footsteps get closer and stop next to her?In front of her?She was not sure.

“Okay open your eyes.”

Yasmin put her hand down and opened her eyes only to gasp at the sight in front of her,“Oh my God.”

In Huzaifa’s hands sat the cutest little white kitten with beautiful grey eyes.Yasmin reached forward and Huzaifa handed the kitten to her as she held the kitten close to her body,gazing down at the kitten with love filled eyes.

“Huzaifa,why did you get a kitten?” She asked him with a wide smile as the kitten put her paw on Yasmin’s face causing her to giggle at the feel of fur tickling her skin.

Huzaifa’s smile could have rivaled her’s,“Because you home alone the entire day and I thought you needed some company so I got him.”

Yasmin looked down at the kitten as she slid onto the floor,putting the kitten on the floor as well.The kitten sniffed the mat but ended up purring as he rubbed against Yasmin.

“What’s his name?”

Huzaifa petted the kitten,“I thought you should name him since you’ll be spending majority of your time with him.”

Yasmin thought for couple of minutes,“Flour?Snowball?Snow?No,everyone names their kittens that.Uhhh.Cake.We can name him cake.” Huzaifa glanced at her with a what the hell face and Yasmin rolled her eyes at his judgmental look,“It’s unique and you know how normal sponge cake is white,his like that so we going to call him cake.”

Huzaifa nodded his head,“Okay cake it is.” Huzaifa scratched the underneath of Cake’s head and he spoke to the cat,“My wifey is going to call you Cake.You are our Cake.”

Yasmin looked at him with a big smile and she leaned forward to kiss his cheek,something that only happened when she was extremely happy,“Jazakallah…darling.”

Huzaifa froze at her words and he looked up at her in surprise at the fact that she called him darling.She never ever called him by any other nickname but Zaify and darling was a big change.He saw her cheeks flare red and she quickly got up.He finally realized that she dressed differently than usual.Her jersey fell off one shoulder,exposing more skin then he had ever seen from her.She wore white Soviet takkies with a red star on the side.He now realized that she had applied makeup and he wondered what had changed.He did not intend on complaining at what brought the change,instead he welcomed the change with open arms.

“Pizza is getting cold.I suppose we’ll eat here.” Yasmin quickly hurried off and Huzaifa smiled at Cake as he replayed her calling him darling in his head.

“One step forward buddy.I guess you were a brilliant idea.”
_______________________________________
As salaam mu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa brakatu everyone

How is everyone?

Soo this update is late like very late and I blame this one writers block and Grey's Anantomy which I decided to binge watch (WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. P.S.I'LL EXPLAIN NOW NOW)

Shukar alhumdullilah for one of my friend's who gave me the idea of this chapter because I had ended up deleting two drafts that I was extremely unhappy with

Thanks to my bestie for the shoes picture @Nazmeeramention a user

GREY'S ANANTOMY SPOILERS BELOW!!!

Now Grey's Anantomy.🙃😕😑😱😶
All of those emojis and a lot of 😭😭😭😭😭
Like I thought Cassendra Clare was bad and then I met Shonda RHIMES 😖
I refuse to watch Grey's Anantomy after George,Lexie,Mark and Derek's death I refuse.
I mean there's only so many deaths of fictional characters that you can handle before you give up.
I'm done with all these deaths and now I need a new series to binge watch

Please give me some suggestions (P.S.I hate scary ones and sci-fi)

Take care

Fi Amanilah