WARNING :
THIS CHAPTER HAS SLIGHT TRIGGERS CONCERNING SELF HARM!!!!!! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE
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Huzaifa watched Yasmin pick up the walk pass the towel he had thrown on the bed,to go to her musallah and begin to offer her esha salaah.His heart contracted at the sight of tears pouring down her face as she offered her salaah and he looked away,unable to bare the thought of not comforting her when she needed him the most.

He would never forget the spark leaving her eyes,the blood draining from her face when he sat her down to tell her about nani.The empty look in her eyes killed him but what killed him even more was the heart wrenching sob she let out as she clung to him.He had taken her to her parents house from where the janazah had left and he could still see her sitting in one corner,staring at the bodies wrapped in their kaffins and just being blank.She had only come forward once,that was to wrap the head part of the kaffins before the janazahs were lifted away.

Five days had passed,his wife was now a machine.Eating,sleeping and praying.She did nothing more.She would not even go to her reading nook when she had to read Quraan,she would sit on the bed a pillow in on her legs as she read Quraan.She cooked for them but she would eat before he came or after he left.This hurt Huzaifa but he choose to remain quiet.H knew she was not in the right state of mind,he could not find it in him to ask her to wait or eat with him.Yet a part of him,constantly nagged him that maybe she was not eating.He only knew she was eating from what she told him but he never saw her empty plates.That’s why on the first Sunday together his suspicions had been confirmed,he had not seen her once lift a plate and he now made up his mind he would get her to eat with him to make sure that nothing affected her health.

Yasmin finished off her salaah,folding her musallah when she felt Huzaifa stand next to her.She looked over at him as he gazed at her,his lips turned up in a small smile.

“Let’s go eat.I’m hungry.” At the thought of food,Yasmin felt a wave of nausea hit her but she held it away.She wanted to refuse when he held her arm gently,“Please.I want to eat with you.” His soft tone,almost begging had Yasmin nodding her head before she realized what she was doing.

“Okay.” Hiis smile sent her heart beating faster for the first time in a couple of days and she followed him to the kitchen.Yasmin sat down on Huzaifa’s order while he went into the kitchen,only to come back with two plates filled with pasta.He handed one to her as he sat down at the eating table.

Yasmin looked down at the food,nauseated by the mere smell of it but she knew she had to eat or else Huzaifa would know she had not eaten a proper meal since the mayet.Her nana and nani’s mayet.She thought,tears filling her which she quickly blinked away bring the fork to her mouth.With great difficulty she swallowed the food,hoping that she would be done as quick as possible.Once she got done,she looked up at a smiling Huzaifa who was also done with his food.

“Want to watch a movie?”

Yasmin shook her head,“No,I just want to go take a quick bath and lay down for a while.”

Huzaifa’s smile dimmed but he nodded his head,biting his lip in dismay.Maybe it was a bit too early to push for much but he could not help to hope.Yasmin begun to walk away only for Huzaifa to stop her with a hand on her arm.She turned to face him as he stood up.

“Jee?”

Huzaifa pulled her closer to him,pressing a kiss to her forehead,“I love you,Yasmin.”

His words brought tears to her eyes,her throat started to close up as she glanced up at him,“I love you too,Huzaifa.” Her voice cracking at the end.

“You know you can talk to me about anything,right?You just have to say the word once and I’ll be there to listen.Don’t push me away please.”

Yasmin nodded her head as she walked away,her arm slipping from his hand.She entered the bathroom,shutting the door behind her as she made way to the toilet where she pucked out everything she had just eaten.A sob left her body as she pushed herself away from the toilet to the bathtub,sobs wracking through her body.She brought her hand up to her mouth to muffle her cries from the man outside,as tears streamed down her face and her chest heaved up,down.

Her nana and nani had passed away.They both left her alone.Now she had no older ear to turn to.She had no one to comfort her when her mother would shout her for doing something against the family.She had no backbone.She could not believe they had left her alone,too face the world when she had just begun to find her footing in the cruel world.She hated herself for not being there in nana’s last moments.She hated herself for not being there for nani in her last moments.How could she have not been at their sides when they needed her the most?

Yasmin bit her hand as her emotions grew,the hate inside her grew.She bit harder and harder until the pain was all she could feel.Pain.Just like diamond cut diamond,only pain would cut her pain.She let go of her hand as she glanced around the bathroom,looking for something to relieve her of the pain.Shaytaan clouding her mind,her need to give herself pain felt like the need of a drug addict in need of his shot.

Her eyes fell on the razor on the side of the bathtub and she absentmindedly reached for it.She gazed at the sharp edges,her finger running down the blade,horizontally causing the blade to cut through her skin.The pain giving her the relief she craved.Yasmin pulled off her pants as low as she could.She brought the blade to her thigh,pressing it against her skin to give her the relief she needed,ready to slide it across her skin.

“Yasmin.” The voice came from the door,the voice that caused every bad thought in her mind to evaporate,the voice that cause the fog that Shaytaan cast over her mind to disappear and she chocked out a sob.

“Huzaifa.”

Huzaifa’s heart dropped to his stomach when he heard Yasmin’s tear filled voice,he pushed open the door,stepping in only to feel his heart trying to jump out of his chest at the sight of Yasmin on the floor,a razor pressed to her bare thigh.

He surged forward,pushing his legs beneath him until he fell down next to his wife.He reached for the razor in her hand,gently coaxing it fro her fingers before throwing it to the otyher side of the bathroom,“Yasmin.” His whisper filled with torment as he moved her hands away to check for any wounds on her thighs,before he grabbed a hold of her arms,turning them around to see if she had any wounds and he sighed in relief when he found none except the wound on her finger.

Huzaifa looked at Yasmin,tears falling down his face as he cupped her face with his hands,“No Yasmin.No.You can’t do this to me Yasmin.Talk to me.Hit me but don’t,” He sobbed as he rested his forehead against her own,“Don’t do this to yourself,don’t hurt yourself,baby girl.Don’t”

Yasmin’s body shook with her sobs as she slumped against Huzaifa’s body,her hands tightly holding onto his shirt,“I’m so..sorry.I can’t.They gone.They gone.”

Huzaifa wrapped his arms around his wife,he held her close to him with no intention of letting go.He let her cry,he let her cry until there were no tears left only hiccups,he let her cry until her body and mind fell into a sleep.Once he saw her sleeping,Huzaifa picked Yasmin up and carried her to their bed.He pulled up her pants,to cover her legs before going to bring a warm facecloth to wipe her face.He stripped his shirt as he got into bed,snuggling close to Yasmin.

The image of the razor pressed against Yasmin’s thigh flashed repeatedly before his closed eyes and Huzaifa opened them up,blinking back tears.His arms tightened around her sleeping body and he gazed down at her.He did not know how his wife had survived on little food and he had smelt the vomit when he entered the bathroom.His firt thought had been when he had heard her sobs was that she had thrown up but nothing prepared him for what she had actually gone through.

What can I do to help you,my love?I can’t see you like this.

Huzaifa tried to think hard as to what he could do to help his wife out of this emotional state that had made her turn into a machine.He knew he had to get her to talk but how?If she did not open up about nana and nani,Yasmin would fall into a depression.She would smile for him,for the world but in the end she would be wearing a mask to fool others and she would fall into a deep darkness that sometimes people did not escape.

No,he thought to himself as she snuggled into him.I will not let that happen.

Then an idea hit him of what or more like who Yasmin needed.Someone who you could feel comfortable talking to.Someone who could help you stay sane in time of need.Someone who could understand you.Someone you could turn to in your time of need.

Now all he had to do was convince Yasmin.

Yasmin groaned as she got pulled from her land of dreams into reality.She rubbed at her eyes which felt sore and she moaned at the roughness of her throat.She squinted her eyes open,the foul taste in her mouth made her want to gag.She glanced at the time which said five o’clock.Wow her mental alarm woke her up pretty quickly.She glanced at the face belonging to the man she was currently pressed against,her eyes meeting his came as a signal to the memories of what had happened the night before.

Yasmin sat up with a gasp.Ya Allah!What did I do?How could I have even thought of harming your ammanat?

“Yasmin?”

She glanced at the man who sat behind her,“Huzaifa,I-“

Huzaifa shook his head as he cupped her face in his hands,“We will talk about what happened after fajr.Come.”

He helped her off the bed and into the bathroom.Yasmin felt relieved to brush her stinking mouth before making wudhu.She kept on glancing at Huzaifa through the side of her eye but he only smiled at her.

How isn’t he angry?Repulsed?Why is he so calm?

She wondered as he lead her out of the bathroom and on to the musallah.He took his place in front of her and they begun to offer their Fajr prayers.They made dua at the end,with Yasmin begging Allah to forgive her for her previous nights actions.When they packed away their musallahs,Yasmin followed Huzaifa to the reading room where he handed her,her Quraan and took his own Quraan.They sat down to read Surah Yaseen and once they were done,Huzaifa took the Quraan from her to put on the highest shelf.

He sat down in front of her,gazing at her with love shining through his eyes.Yasmin did not know what to expect but she expected the worst right now.

“Yasmin,I know that you have realized that what happened last night was wrong.I won’t question you.I won’t push you for answers but I don’t want this repeating again,I can’t lose you.I don’t want that all your sorrows will lead you down a deep path.” Huziafa got off his chair,kneeling in front of Yasmin’s chair.He grasped her hands in his own while she looked down at him,“I’m going to suggest something that might help you fight against the darkness that is covering you.Don’t take me wrong.If you say no,I won’t push for you to go.I want you to go by your on will.I” Yasmin looked down at him eyes wide,hoping that he was not sending her to her father’s house where many memories remained of her grandparents,“I wat you to see a psychologist.”

Yasmin let out the breath she was holding in,only to shake her head at his suggestion,“No not a psychologist.Anyone but a psychologist.I can’t talk to someone I don’t know.” She looked Huzaifa in the eye,fear coating her face,her body shaking,“Not a psychologist.Please Huzaifa.”

Huzaifa nodded his head,his hand cupping her cheek,“Okay not a psychcologist but you need to talk to someone Yasmin.”

“You.I’ll talk to you but no psychologist.” She pleaded with him and Huzaifa took in a breath.She would talk to him but would he be enough for her?Would he really be able to help her?

He looked out the window at the black sky,he put his trust in Allah and looked at Yasmin with a small smile,"Okay.Come let us go read Fajr."
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As salaam mu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa brakatu everyone

Self-harm is no joke. Yes it happens to everyone no matter what your religion or race, yes people think it is a joke. It is not a joke. If you know someone who self-harm, you never know what kind word you say could stop the next cut and if you are someone who self-harm don't feel afraid to speak to someone, even if it's  someone you don't know and it is okay to ask for help. If any of my readers ever need to talk please PM me, you are not alone

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