pic related

so a lot has happened: the demons are no more! I'm on meds for it and they left like the cowards they are.

I've been doing really well until like last week, when I crashed BAD. I'm fairly sure I have this thing called PMDD (premenstrual dysphoria disorder) which is basically when on your period your mood is magnified by ten. it's really dangerous, not diagnosed a lot and destructive.

I also think I have Menstrual Psychosis? that's when you get the effects of Psychosis on your period. so that's cool!

{TW}
I self-harm relapsed badly on my arm, bicep, and shins but my folks know and I'm doing better. I'm still occasionally plagued by the girl online I told ya about but thats cuz I didn't get closure. I did something stupid, she blocked me and that was the end of it.

oh well. I hope one day in the future I'll run into her again and we can go back to being friends. Que Sera Sera.

my dad talked to me two days ago, and he said some stuff that really hit home with me. he talked about my Uncle Andrew, who committed su/c/de before I was born. Uncle Andrew isn't mentioned a lot in our family, so I made sure to listen.

Dad wants me to live a long life and he's very concerned that I have too much of Uncle Andrew in me. 

I want to live. I'm tired of wanting to die. And I know there'll be ups and downs and there will be times where I feel like going to sleep and never waking up again, but I'll be able to get through them because I've been through hell already. I awoke love before it's time and nearly died, so.

And I know how much my family loves me. I know God has a plan for me. I know how much I mean to my friends.

And I know so many people think my story will help others. How I struggled with crushes, faith, my own thoughts and hardships.

<3 please let my story thus far be a reminder that it does get better. Take care of yourself.