"Heroism, the final chain that holds us in this wretched life. Heroism: the idea that there is a reason to live life, and to live it well. It is a nuisance to be sure, and the only one keeping me from my true goal. For so long as heroism exists, people will not accept the truth I bring. Thus, for the past thousand years, I have made it my mission break heroes. If I simply killed them, they would be martyrs. But if I can turn them from the futility of life, then the rest will follow.

Of you mortals, only two have defied me thus far. One is a master of magic. He thinks that there is something noble in the soul, and seeks to free it rather than forsake it. The other is more direct. Though stripped of all she loved, she presses on. This makes her dangerous above all others. For if she can bear such scars and remain righteous, then all my works will have been for nothing. But I know she will break, for none know the follies of Heroism better than I...

********

"I don't know how to describe it, being undead. Try and think of how boring everyday life can be, how tedious the average nine to five existence can play out. And then remove sleep, the need for food, even the ability to lose yourself in booze, or sex, or any other vice, even ones as simple as reading for too long. You are conscious and aware of yourself and every action you take during every single moment of every single day without pause or break."

"I guess it could be worse, and you can still taste stuff if you're lucky. So here I am, at this cozy establishment, hoping for maybe two minutes of distraction."

"Bartender! Some more brandy, and here's another twenty silver to leave the bottle."

"The guy nods, and he smiles. I think he's honestly happy to see me. I never talk more than five minutes with him. But I keep the rowdier customers in line, I pay for any damages that might come from that...and I don't get drunk and try to come on to him...like five of his exes did. Small miracles I guess. Wow, he actually does look kinda adorable up close, in a dorky way."

"Here you are, Dame Barbara."

"Thanks, Jackie. You're the best."

"Anytime, Madame."

"He smiles when he says that, while I give him my customary polite nod. Even as he goes away to the other patrons, I can tell he wants to sneak a peek at me without my mask. It's not out of lust or anything creepy though. If I saw me walk in here wearing a skull face all the time, I'd probably wonder what I looked like underneath it too. Oh well. The bar certainly has been touched up though, benefits of being underground. What's the deal with that anyway? Dwarves "needing" to be underground?"

"Well whatever thoughts I might have about all that is getting blocked out by some very noisy footfalls, at least I know who it is."

"Hello, Jose."

"Evening my beauty."

"He of course picks the stool closest to me. But that's fine, I don't mind talking right now, there's a lot on my mind anyway. He's getting a drink now."

"I'll just have some Strumhanden beer. A pint if you don't mind."

"The bartender seems to agree with Jose's taste."

"Of course, Master Reyes, right away."

"Jackie gets the drink, puts it at Jose's slice of the table...then takes one look at us and figures we want some privacy. So, he just smiles."

"If you need anything, I'll just be over there."

"I raise my glass."

"Thanks, Jackie."

"He nods, then walks off to the other patrons. This place has gotten pretty noisy now. I shouldn't be surprised. It's evening and all the repair workers and mystic engineers are tired and thirsty after all. Also unsurprising is that Jose is the first of us to talk."

"Are you going to drink that brandy?"

"When I get a little more privacy. Don't wanna stain the mask."

"That's a shame."

"Here we go, how many times do I have to repeat myself..."

"It's part of the aesthetic...and frankly, it's pretty bad-ass."

"You won't get any argument from me, my dear. But to wear it even at dinner and at the bar?"

"It can open up at the jaw if I want to. It can still get messy."

"Jose's starting to look at me with that bewildered stare of his again."

"Babs, I can't help but notice that your hair is lovely as ever and that your eyes are undamaged as well."

"Your point?"

"I don't think you have any reason to hide yourself among your friends or even strangers for that matter."

"My armor, my rules."

"He looks a little frustrated by this. But then he shrugs his shoulders, accepts that I won't budge...and yeah, he's finally drinking. Bout time. Now if I just turn around a little and open up my mask-"

"Have you cried for Atma yet?"

"He's damn lucky I wasn't pouring yet. Just set this on the table, close up my visor and-"

"No Jose, I haven't cried for Atma."

"I know I have."

"That's very nice of you."

"The old man's fixing me with another bewildered stare."

"This worries me, my beauty."

"Why?"

"You may have only spent a while with her. But you certainly put a lot of effort into protecting the girl."

"I'm gonna need to push my brandy in a little more, don't want it falling off."

"Alright you old bastard, you want to know the truth? The whole thing?"

"He nods, with a little bit of eagerness in his eyes. I swear if he's just using this as fuel for another damn play...Whatever, I might as well get this all out now."

"I got a farewell message from Miranda. She'd been scattered, and she used whatever energy she had left to call me. She said she had two kids that she wanted me to take care of but then disappeared into the ether or whatever the terminology is before she could finish. I made some inquiries, and found out that she had been looking for..."

"Shit...why is this so hard for me? Why now?"

"She had been looking for Xavier. And they got into a tussle."

"Him again?"

"Yeah. Another person I cared about, lost to that bastard...and with my luck probably not the last."

"My hands aren't shaking. They always used to when I got angry...not anymore. Not ever since putting on this armor and cow-towing to Anubis. But there's more to tell I guess:"

"I didn't know where exactly they fought, and it turns out that Miranda's message had gotten to me several years after her fight with Xavier."

"Which means whatever fragments of her spirit remained must have traveled across the ether. All to help those children."

"That was what I thought. So, I didn't know if my search would really mean anything after that. But I kept at, I followed Miranda's trail down to Adder's Fall. Before I decided whether or not to approach them openly, I heard a commotion. I sent some spirits to check it out, and they ran back to me saying that a demon was fighting off several soldiers wearing the Imperial Flames' colors."

"Jose takes a drink from his mug. I think he gets where this story's going."

"What happened after that?"

"I ran to where the action was. And I saw the demon: a scared barely university-age girl holding off nine fully armored knights with a warlock supporting them. So yeah, I jumped in. We made quick work of them after that. They were distracted with me, and Atma took'em down with her bow. Not bad for a grouchy middle age bitch and an edgy teen...you know what she said to me after we were done?"

"What did she say?"

"She said: "They weren't always like this...I don't like that it was me who gave them some peace." When she said that, I knew that I had found one of Miranda's kids. When I asked about her brother, she told me he'd would kill both of us if he got a chance. I didn't question it, and I didn't feel like fighting a whole army of demon worshiping blood junkies...so we ran, and you know all the rest."

"Jose nods, but of course he has more to say."

"It was for Miranda then?"

"It started that way, yeah. But then it was much simpler than that. Atma was a good person. She loved life and wanted everyone to see the beauty in it. Just like...just like my husband did. Just like my kids did. I couldn't let her down...but I did. I let her get killed by some horny punk and a power-drunk lizard. Even after I promised her that I'd protect her...I didn't even get to say goodbye."

"Damn it, I can feel tears sliding around in my mask...shit."

"I'm taking this off. No comments from you old man."

"Jose raises his hands like he's being persecuted and nods. Asshole. But I'll have to admit, it does feel a lot nicer without this mask on. And I've never gotten used to wearing it. But it sets an image and serves a purpose. So I deal with it...Great, now Jackie's staring at me."

"What's wrong kid? See something scary?"

"N-No, not by any means...it's just that, you look like Uhm..."

"Jose cuts in."

"I believe the word you're looking for is: Statuesque."

"Oh that definitely earns an eye roll."

"Really, Jose? Really?"

"Bastard just shrugs."

"Really. You're a little paler than you used to be, but the desert's kiss still lays upon you?"

"The desert's kiss?"

"Sorry. I couldn't find any other poetic way of saying you still had darker skin than most in Leo."

"Great. Nice."

"He smiles and takes another swig from his mug. But yeah, I know what he was trying to do."

"So did you just do this to see me cry Jose, or for some other reason?"

"As they say: A bit of column A, a bit of Column B. I was curious about your and Atma's connection. And I knew you needed to mourn your losses. The strong are only strong because they know when to be weak."

"Wonderful, another quote from the master poet."

"He raises a glass."

"Free of charge, my beauty."

"Well, at least he's consistent. I haven't even touched my drink. Guess it's as good a time as any...well, that is smooth. It's just a little bit of the taste, and I can feel it. Not close to the full sensation at all, but it's enough to get by. Well, maybe for me it is. For other people though..."

"Jose?"

"Yes, Babs?"

"Do you believe in Justice?"

"In its existence? Yes. In its supremacy...Sometimes I think justice must mix with mercy. I've seen many a just person become a fanatic, and many a merciful person massacred by the unrepentant. It's complicated I suppose."

"I feel you. What I mean is...Is this right? I mean, I've had my happy moments sure, but worried I'm that I'm getting too comfortable with my job. People like Atma, my husband...why do they die so easily? I mean those people love life so much more than people like me, but they suffer the most. And the rest of us? The cynics and the casual killers? We endure. We get along day by day, while they burn out, or worse: get stamped out. It's not fair."

"Jose sits quietly for a long moment. I can already tell that he's thought about this before. Finally, he takes a deep breath, and takes a long look into his mug."

"I have no answer for you my beauty. Except...well, you believe in the Afterlife yes?"

"I don't really have a choice with that. But as far as Paradise for the good and righteous and punishment for the evil and vicious...I don't see it here. So I have no clue about whatever the hell is waiting for us out there."

"But you know that something is. If you will permit a reformed cynic, or rather a penitent old person, to speak his peace: If something is waiting for us beyond this life, it means that this life and this world are not the end. Not for us, or for the ways we grow as ourselves. It is my fervent hope that life here is simply a trial run of sorts, to see where we go on the next leg of our journey as free souls. And once we cross that threshold, only then will we know who we truly are, and only then can true justice and just treatment be meted out."

"You sound like a damn monk."

"Perhaps. But it's what I have for you. Whether you take it to heart or not is your choice."

"I'm taking a final swig of this brandy. I could have probably chugged this down even when I was mortal...but I guess that's not a bad thing. Well, I've been here long enough. Time to put my mask back on, and time to go back home. It's not two seconds since I get up when Jose asks:"

"Where are you going, my beauty?"

"I have new squires to train. Lucia and Absalom asked if I'd pick them up. Absalom's a pretty good kid, and Lucia's gotten wise since she heard that Skywood was in the hands of the Imperial Flame. Looks like she wants to help people besides herself, just like her sister did...I might as well help coach 'em along with that."

"What about Xavier?"

"What about him...Well, there's no use in denying it."

"I'm trying to learn from Abram's example if you can believe it. He burned down entire castles and families trying to avenge the dead. And now he sees that it may have been the wrong choice. Maybe the way we honor the fallen is by living. And helping others live too...kinda like what you said on the road."

"See! I told you poetry and literature aren't just a bunch of scribbles."

"We'll see. Have a good night Jose."

"And you too Babs. Take care."

"Already paid my tip, and the horse is still outside. Great. Not surprising that there aren't many people walking the streets of Ulq besides guards. No one wants to run into desperate crooks, or get accused of being one...The sun's setting. My son always loved sunsets, he said it was like dancing on the edge of one day and the next. Pretty eloquent for a kid...I've done enough crying for one night. And then there's this."

"I don't know where Lorenzo got this medallion, but just holding it now is making my hairs stand. Another mystery to solve, and another evil to hunt. But until then: I've got recruits to break in, demonic politicians to keep an eye on, and the next day to prep for...and I think I'm okay with that."

So ends the tale of "Xian." First of entry of the "Knightfire Chronicles."