“Oh, it is just a small company somewhere to the north of the city,” I said to her trying to sound convincing and hoping that my voice would not betray me. My heart was pounding in my ears. It was all I could hear and the time stretched slowly, though it must of been only been a couple of seconds. I prayed so hard, hoping that she didn’t see through my lie. She looked at me and for a split second I thought I was a goner but then a miracle happened.

“Okay Eri, just take care and call me if you need anything,” she said smiling at me, unsuspecting of anything. I think she was  just relieved that I had got a job and didn’t want to jinx it too much. I knew I would not feel her wrath - dramatic I know but my mother would be fuming to know I was working for the man that got my sister pregnant and left to fend for herself.

Feeling totally relieved I kissed her of the cheek and sighed.

“Sure mummy, I have to go. Bye,” I said cheekily, happy that we were not going to play a game of 20 questions. I felt guilty, of course, but at the end of the day, she didn’t need to know who was paying me - a job was a job.

“Bye Eri,” she shouted at me as I walked out the kitchen as quickly as possibly whilst trying to look normal.

“Mum, Erica. Please,” I said laughing, “don’t call me Eri.” I heard her laughing as I walked out the door, ready to embrace this new chapter of my life. A life I now had to share with a complete bastard and I was already starting to have feelings of regret as I started my journey. 

Butterflies did not flutter in my stomach, no. They were rattling the bars, desperate to escape, but I was determined to carry on and, remembering my pep talk earlier, I continued without hesitation. 

Xavier’s POV

“Babe, just look at that teddy!” She squealed with excitement as she dragged me by our entwined hands to the enormous teddy bear. Her eyes shone with happiness and I laughed at her childish ways but I didn’t care, she was the love of my life. She looked so carefree and bubbly, just a couple of reasons why I love her so much. I must admit that the revelation of ‘love’ was scary and weird but it feels so right and I am so lucky that I have met someone to make me feel this way.

She is absolutely perfect, from her hazel eyes and her smile that makes me swoon even when I try to pretend that she does not affect me. Her hair was actually the first thing that ever attracted me to her, she had it tied it up into a loose bun with some tendrils framing her face. I remember that she was talking animatedly with someone, a friend, and I just remember her laughing. She was like an angel. She turned towards me and I saw her eyes and they were mesmerising. It made my heart flutter like it never had done and she still has the same effect on me now. 

It was not just her stunning looks that has me captivated, her personality is just as beautiful as her appearance. The more I got to know her, the more intellectual I realised she was and I believe she is the one for me.

I was broken out of my reverie to the sounds of fingers clicking and waving in front of me.

“Xavi, did you hear me?” She said pouting with her arms crossed. Another weird thing that made her more attractive to me was when she was angry, let us just say that our first meeting was not plain-sailing but it made me want to get t9 know her even more. 

“Yes princess, of course,” I spoke as I looked down at her. I pulled her tightly into my arms as her head rested on my chest and she nuzzled into me.

“Did you just sniff me?” I spoke with confusion and a trace of teasing in my voice. I could have sworn I heard her sniffing me. she pulled back slightly and looked up at me with a slightly guilty and bashful face.

“Errr, I might have done?” She mumbled with a mischievous look on her face and I could see her blush profusely. 

“Why would you sniff me?” I asked laughing inside at her whilst trying to look seriously at her. I glanced at her and I could see that she was trying to find a way to tell me and refused to look at me, instead she chose to bite her nails. “I’m waiting,” I teased her.

“Ugh, okay. Fine,” she spoke quickly as she snuggled back into my chest. “You smell so goddam good!” I heard her grumble in defeat as her breath warmed a segment of my chest. I could not contain my laughter at her innocence and my shoulders shook. She honestly makes my like eventful but complete, all the good and bad parts and I promised myself I would never let her go.

“You know I love you, right,” I whispered to her and she nodded at me clearly still suffering from her revelation and I kissed her forehead before letting her go. “Now watch me,” I said confidently as I walked towards the stand. i took some cash out of my wallet and paid the man at the booth to which he gave me a single ring needed to play the game.

“One ring?” I asked the man in confusion because usually they give three,

“Yeah, one ring to get around the teddy bear,” the man spoke with a smug look on his face obviously thinking that I would not be able to to it. Well mister, you messed with the wrong person today.

“That sure toughens things up a little bit, doesn’t it,” I said, determined to not give the man the satisfaction of seeing me lose.

“It does, but it is possible,” he said back, smirking slightly.

I eyed the target and breathed slowly, closing one eye to see the target more precisely. Bit hard because it was a ginormous bear but I did it anyway. I released the ring from my grip and threw the ring towards the teddy, my breath caught in my throat even though it was literally only a stuffed toy, and I felt a wave of relief flood me as the ring fell onto the teddy bear. I had won the teddy she wanted and I couldn’t hide my smile at the shocked look on his face.

“You should never judge a book by its cover, you know,” I said to the man who was speechless. I bowed to him after he gave me the teddy bear. “Nice doing business with you,” I said with a laugh and turned around to see her jumping in elation.

“Happy, princess?” I asked, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Yes, of course!” Thank you so much!” She exclaimed as she took the teddy from my outstretched hands. “Don’t ever let go of me, baby. Ever,” she said pulling back a little and staring into my eyes.

“Never, princess. I will never let you go,” I assured her and it was the truth. I wanted this moment to last forever and spend the rest of my life with her. 

At that moment, I had no clue that I would lose her and we would never fulfil our future dreams.

______

*Ring* *Ring* 

I groaned into my pillow as I heard my blasted phone ringing. Still half asleep, I moved my hands frantically under my pillow and around my bed to find it as I realised that the caller would soon hang up if I didn't pull my act together. The incessant ringtone was giving me a headache and I could not find the damn device so when the phone finally stopped I had a chance to think and properly wake up. 

I sand back into the covers to get a few moments extra sleep, only to feel my sheets were wet. I sat up quickly, now alert, only to see large patches of sweat all over the duvet and pillows. I pushed my sweat ridden hair off of my face and weary got up from the bed. I must have been sweating profusely judging by the state of mine and my beds attire.

Why was I being punished? I was fed up with my brain not allowing me to move on from the fact that she was no longer here. 

I am scared beyond belief. I am terrified, even. She is not here right now to comfort me and thats what worries me. I had become too reliant on her, her comfort, her consoling me, her creating happiness in my life. Now that she is no longer here, I am crushed.

I feel like I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms. She was my drug which I had to have every day, my daily dose. Now my body and mind cannot cope without her because that dose has not been taken. The pain, the thirst is still lurking in my heart, my brain, my body. Like a vampire needing the blood. 

I sit there, letting the agony transform into tears which slip down my cheeks for a few minutes. Then I felt disgusted by myself, I shouldn’t be feeling these emotions because it made me weak. I was respected. I was ruthless. I had an empire to rule. 

Determination overcame me and I abruptly got up from my bed, my feet touched the cold wooden floor and my duvet fell to the floor. I walked to the mirror and saw my reflection. Fragile. So vunerable. It repulsed me. 

The hate for myself, my emotions, my inner turmoil filled my entire body. I punched the mirror, no hesitation or pain when I hit the glass. I was numb. The shards of glass decorated the floor around my feet and I stared at my reflection. The glass twinkled when in contact with the light that had escaped from the curtians. It was a sight to behold and I liked it more than the weak individual I knew I was inside. My knuckles dripped with blood and it painted the floor, drop by drop. I treasured the pain that came with the suffering because it made me feel something apart from loss and loneliness.

I was a beast. An emotionless monster that succumbed to every emotion in the world.

Love

Joy

Devotion

Sympathy

Hate

Despair

Wonder

Princess, where are you?