I walked into the house exhausted and confused, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep without her by my side. I craved her presence, craved every inch of her with my whole entire being, but I had no idea when, or if, she would appear.

"If you ever set foot on my pack lands again, then I will find a way to kill you. Do you understand?" My voice echoed through my mind, and I cringed in guilt. I hadn't meant it when I had told her that, but I had no idea how to tell her that.

I had been angry, upset, and hurt. I had let my mind put together what she didn't and did say, putting two pieces together that I now knew as false. But, a part of me did believe she considered me to be a monster, a monster that needed to be locked up.

The pack was walking on eggshells around me, making sure that they didn't say her name when I was earshot. Some were afraid of me, afraid that I would become of the monster in the night, but they wouldn't say it in earshot of either me or some of the Guardsmen that had decided to take residence in the pack.

The Guardsmen didn't tell me why they were there. They merely stated that they had orders to be there but didn't go into who gave those orders or why.

A part of me hoped that it was Cass who had given them those orders for whatever reason, but I hoped that it wasn't her. I hoped that they wouldn't take them, the kids, away from me because I needed them now than ever. They were the light in the darkness that I needed and kept me sane, especially Clara.

"WELL, WHY CAN'T I?" I heard Clara yell, causing me to quicken my pace until I was running to where I heard her voice. "I WANT TO!"

I ran into the room and noticed Clara with her arms crossed while she was pouting about something, and TJ was by her side with his head on the table. I relaxed when I noticed that they were alright and looked at the other side of the table to see Hank with a half-eaten cupcake in front of his mouth.

Hank cleared his throat and set the cupcake down before watching me with hesitant eyes. "Umm..." He cleared his throat, again. "Hello, Alpha," he said.

I frowned and turned my gaze to Clara, deciding to ask him what he was doing here later. "What's wrong?" I asked. "What happened?"

"I want a cupcake," she said, pouting. She gave Hank a scathing look, and I could have sworn that his face turned paler as he gulped. "But, Hank says I can't eat a cupcake because it's breakfast time."

I turned my gaze to Hank and raised an eyebrow. "Why are you eating a cupcake, then?" I asked. "It's breakfast time."

Hank looked at the cupcake and then looked at me, picking a piece of it up and putting it in his mouth. "I wanted a cupcake, and I am an adult," he replied after he finished his bite, ignoring Clara's glare. "Besides, she'd kill me if she found out I gave her one." He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "Or worse."

"What's worse than death?" TJ asked, giving Hank a weird look. "I mean, death is basically death. You're dead."

Hank shook his head, smiling grimly. "Oh, no," he said. "Not with her. You should see the stuff she can do, or what she can think of. Some of them, you'd wish she was nice and killed you in the first place."

I sat down at the table, silently, my heart pounding in my chest. I knew that he was talking about her, but he didn't say her name like I hoped he would. My heart pounded in my chest, and it took all of my self-control to stay silent and not beg him to say her name.

"Has she ever made you wish for death?" Clara asked, cocking her head. She studied him with bright eyes, and I knew that she was curious about this man, who had known her cousin in a time so long ago.

Hank paused and cocked his head. "Not really, no," he said, shaking his head. "But, that doesn't mean she doesn't want to sometimes." He shrugged. "I think there are times when she does want us to wish for death. However, she won't do it."

"Why not?" TJ asked, cocking his head. "Why won't she make you all wish for death?"

"It's against the code," Hank replied. "She'd get into trouble if she did. Trouble for us means..." He shrugged, grimacing, and I had a feeling that it meant death. "We're sworn to loyalty to each other and to the throne. If we turn our back to the throne, then..." He shook his head, grimacing.

"It means death?" Clara asked. Her eyes went wide, and her face grew pale when she thought of something. "Does that mean..." She couldn't finish that sentence, whatever that sentence would be.

Hank shook his head, quickly with his eyes wide as if he knew what Clara was asking. "No," he said. "That is something else. It's for th-" He stopped talking and flinched before he took something out of his ear and tossed what appeared to be an earpiece onto the table in front of him. "Goddess," he said, grimacing before moving a hand through his hair. "I hate being a Guardsmen sometimes."

"Why?" Clara asked. She was relieved that whoever she was worried about wouldn't get hurt, but it left me confused because I had no idea what they were talking about.

"Because I just had eleven people yell at me to shut up," he replied. He leaned back in his seat and glanced at me. "Don't ask," he said. "I'm not at liberty to say anything without permission. No one wants to face her wrath."

"Is she scary?" Clara asked, cocking her head. "I'd never seen her anything but kind or scared."

Zion opened the dining room door when she asked that and snorted, and everyone looked at him. "First time that I had met her, she was covered head to toe in blood and was holding a head of somebody. She interrupted my questioning with Commander and the King by setting the head down and walking away without a word." He shook his head, shuddering. "Her eyes were half gold and pale silver, so yes. She is very scary."

Hank snorted. "Try standing on a battlefield with her having a battle ax in her hand and multiple decapitated bodies surrounding her. That was scary."

Zion rolled his eyes. "You knew her then, Hank," he replied. "I didn't know her when she walked in and thought she was there to kill me." He nodded his head to the earpiece. "Put that back in. The packages are about to arrive."

"Zion!" Clara exclaimed while Hank placed the earpiece back in his ear. She bounced over to him and gave him a hug, kicking her feet up when she held onto him.

Zion looked down and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" he asked.

"Can you tell Hank to make me a cupcake?" she asked, putting her chin on his stomach and pouting. "I want a cupcake for breakfast."

Zion sighed and grabbed her hands. He pulled them apart and waited until she was standing before letting go of her. "Why can't you have a muffin?" he asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Clara scowled and shrugged her shoulder. "Because a muffin is just an ugly cupcake, and I don't want an ugly cupcake."

"So, were you lying about loving my blueberry muffins?" Cosette asked, walking into the room. She handed me Bryson before setting a plate of food in front of me. "Eat, Alpha," she scolded. "We don't need you passing out from the lack of food you have been getting."

I sighed and looked at the plate of food. I wasn't hungry, hadn't been hungry since Cass had left and had been losing weight. I couldn't eat, not without waiting for Cass to do her little happy jig when she had food placed in front of her, so I just pushed it in front of me, staying silent.

"I do like your muffins," Clara said, skipping back to her seat while Cosette made a small tsk. She sat down in her seat and looked at her. "But, I want a cupcake. I am blaming Hank. Can you make me a cupcake?" She pouted and gave her puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

"No," Cosette said. "You will eat your breakfast. If you eat everything then, and only then, will you get a cupcake." She nodded to the table. "Sit, Zion," she said. "I made enough for you as well."

Zion shook his head. "Can't stay," he said. "I am here on Guardsmen business." He glanced at Hank. "Like you are supposed to be doing as well." He scowled, and the older male just shrugged his shoulder.

"I got hungry," Hank grumbled. "And these two were bickering up a storm. I thought that they'd wake up the whole packhouse with their yelling." He gave them a look, and they both shrugged their shoulders indifferently.

"Well, I am sorry for having some important information that I needed to discuss with my brother," Clara replied. She scowled and narrowed her eyes at him. "Of course, it was going to get loud."

Hank sighed and shook his head. "I am so glad that I am an only child," he muttered, ignoring Clara's glare.

"What did you need to discuss?" I asked, looking at the two children. "So loudly?"

"What the better breakfast option is," Clara replied. "Cupcakes or something else."

"Oh for the love of Goddess," Cosette groaned. She shook her head and went back into the kitchen to get food for the others.

"What do you mean by package, Zion?" I asked, deciding not to ask what Clara meant about breakfast options, especially since I knew that she was lying to me. "What package?"

The door opened and two men walked in, and I almost groaned because Bryson squealed loudly and reached for one of them. "Missed us?" Julian asked, and I couldn't help but scowl when Justin picked up Bryson.

"Why are you two here?" I asked, letting Justin have him.

"Orders," Julian replied, shrugging his shoulder. He shifted on his feet and looked around, nervously. "And... I have to do something." He looked down and cleared his throat.

"We're not going to be taking the kids away from you," Justin said. "She'd kill us if we did."

I frowned when he called didn't say her name, my heart filling with hurt. I didn't care why Julian was there; I needed to get out of the room. I needed to be away from these people that knew her but didn't call her by name. "Excuse me," I grunted. "I am not hungry." I stood and pushed in the table before walking to my office, the thought of sleep and eating on the back of my mind.

***

"Come in," I called out thirty minutes later after someone knocked on the office door. I moved a hand through my hair and sighed, closing my laptop shut and watching as Zion walked in with a plate of food.

"I know that you said that you are not hungry, but you need to eat something. You need to keep up your strength, especially with what is going to happen," he said, interrupting me from talking. He placed the plate in front of me.

"Why?" I asked, staring at it before looking at him. "Why should I eat something?"

Zion shrugged and folded his arms across his chest, backing away from the desk. "She would want you to eat something," he replied, and I frowned when he called Cass "she." "Sh-"

"Do not call her she," I snarled, slamming my hands on the desk, angrily and stood. I growled and leaned forward, glaring at the Guardsmen in front of me. "She is not just a she. She is a person with a name, so use her name. Please." I didn't mean for my voice to crack, but it did.

I craved the sound of her name coming off of someone's lips. I craved anything that had to deal with her, and I had no idea if she felt the same way or not.

Zion shifted on his feet and raised an eyebrow. "Cass'll get upset if you don't eat something," he said, finally. "Cass won't come here herself, but she will force someone to force feed you."

I snorted, pleased that he started using her name again and sat down in my seat. "And why will she do that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Does she even know that I am not eating well?"

"Oh, I won't be surprised if she does know," Zion replied. "Cass has a very good way of getting information out of people, especially the other Guardsmen."

I furrowed my brows. "So, they are here because..."

"Because she had asked them to," he confirmed. "They're here to keep an eye on you and the pack to make sure that nothing happens." He was hiding something, I could tell, and he knew that I knew because he shook his head and smiled grimly. "Cass's orders," he said, apologetically. "I can't tell you anything myself. It is all on her."

I huffed and nodded my head. "But, she won't come here. I scared her." I moved a hand across my face, exhausted "Can you tell her that I didn't mean it?" I asked. "That I will not try to find a way to kill her if she sets foot on my packlands?"

"I will," Zion promised. He cleared his throat and pulled a CD from his pocket. "Cass made you something before she left," he said, ignoring my shocked look and handing it to me. "I don't know what it is about, but I do that it is important."

I took the CD from him and moved my hand over the thin plastic, spying the word 'Xavier' written on it in her perfect handwriting.

"If you will excuse me, Alpha. I have other business that I need to attend to," he said, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yes, yes, thank you," I said, looking up at him. I nodded my head when he nodded his before he walked out of my office and looked at the CD.

What did you make for me? I wondered, silently and pulled the CD out. Slowly, I opened my laptop, opened the reader before placing it in and closing it.

The steady eeeerrrmmm of the CD player filled the air around me, and I waited until the screen popped up to show a smiling Cass out with some of the other Guardsmen.

Mischief filled her gray eyes, and she looked youthful and beautiful in the still image of the video. She had a smile on her face while she looked at the person behind the camera, not even caring about where she was.

After taking her beautiful self in for a couple of minutes, I took a deep breath and pressed play.