I know this sounds completely crazy, but I decided to wake up earlier than Xander to drop off a coffee and brownie at his office before he gets there. I don't know why I decided to do something like that, especially with the way he was treating me. 

I think something inside me still wishes for him to care for me...even if it's in a small way. And I thought maybe if I showed him that I was being nice, maybe he might return the favour.

I climb out of bed and have a quick shower. I chuck on a simple outfit of just a navy blue dress, black tights, a black woolan cardigan, burgundy coloured infinity scarf and black ankle boots.

I make my way to the kitchen and get started on the coffee. I grab a slice of brownie, put it in the microwave, and settle it on a small plate. When I looked at the brownie, it seemed so plain. So to make it look prettier, I grabbed a sifter and icing sugar. I sifted the sugar over the brownie, making it look like snow. There...now it looks presentable.

I walk into the office and quietly place them on his desk. I retreat back to the house.

"Hey Lizzy! Me, Emily and Zapora are going to the mall for a bit, ya wanna join?"

"Thank God you asked! I've been here for almost a week and a half, I'm already feeling trapped!"

Avery laughs, "I so get you girl! This house can get so gloomy at times."

I quickly put on some light makeup: A little bit of brown eyeshadow, liquid eyeliner, mascara and lip balm.

"Hey Jason! I'm going out to the mall for a bit! Be back soon! Love ya!"

"Wait! Can you get me something?" He yells from their upstairs bedroom.

Avery rolls her eyes, "WHAT!?"

"We need more condoms! We used them all last night!"

Avery closed here eyes in embarrassment. Her cheeks go bright red, "You IDIOT! Lizzy was right beside me when you said that!"

I heard him say "Shit!"

I laugh as we exit the house and to her car where the other girls were waiting.

"I've never been to the mall before," I said. I look inside and was amazed. People are everywhere, shops of different kinds were everywhere! It was like a whole different world. It was like a city within a city.

"Isn't it beautiful," Emily says in a trance, "OMG! Let's go to Starbucks before we shop!"

I frown at Emily in confusion, "StarBucks?" All three of them freeze at the same time and slowly turn their heads in shock.

"You have never. Had. STARBUCKS?!?!" They all exclaim.

I duck my head a little before they saw my cheeks flood in red, embarrassed that I haven't experienced what seems like the most common kind of experience of all. 

Zapora touches my shoulder and gives me an encouraging smile, "There's always the first time, right?" The three of them rush me towards the cafe.

All three of them are ahead of me when a hand covers my mouth and drags me into a closet. The person sharply turns me around and yanks me towards him. My heart went from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. "Hello there beautiful," he says sniffing my neck. I try to push him off but he was too strong. I didn't know what to do. 

"Please! Let me go." I squirm in his grasp. He slams me against the wall, holding my mouth. I whimpered at the impact.

"You're Xander's mate, right? He killed my brother. And my mate rejected me because she thought I was weak for not killing you Xander." He whispers to me. As I look at him I could see the lust in his eyes and literally made me feel so ill. I shake my head vigorously.
"I see that the way your body reacts, you're a virgin which makes this so much more sweeter. let's have some good old fashion, grown-up fun."

His hand climbs up my dress. I try to shove him and get out of his grasp. But he was stronger than me. My lip quivers as my eyes fill with tears.

The man's hand rips my tights and attempts cups my crotch, but I close my thighs tightly.

Suddenly the man's weight is gone. I open my eyes and see Xander pounding the man's face. Wait...Xander?

Xander left the man beaten and bloodies on the ground then walks over to me and cups my cheeks, "Are you okay?" He whispers.

I nod my head shakily. I felt better considering the guy was finally gone...but then a quiet sob escaped my lips. I immediately cover my mouth with my hand, trying to keep it in.
My knees give out, but he catches me. Xander sits down on the floor and pulls me onto his lap. I straddle him and wrap my arms around his neck. He rubs my back and strokes my hair.
"It's okay, you're okay. I'm here, I'm here now," he whispers. I nod against his neck. A sharp jab hits my neck. What the hell?

***

I groan when I wake up. Was that all a dream? Did that happen? If it was a dream it was pretty damn realistic. It was one of the most real dreams I've ever experienced. You know when you have dreams, it feels a little hazy? It didn't even feel like that at all. I could remember every single thing. It was still fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday.

I look at the time and see that it is 8:30 AM. I better get up to make Xander's coffee.

I climb out of bed and put on my white robe. I go downstairs and into the kitchen. Soul is sitting on one of the barstools at the counter, looking at his hands seriously.
"Soul? You okay?"

My voice snaps him out of his daze, he turns to me. He looks at my whole body as if he's searching if I had any injuries. Weird.

"Soul?" I ask again.

"Yeah...yeah I'm fine. Are...you? Are you okay? Do you feel fine?"

I frown at him, "What is this 20 questions?"

Soul shakes his head, "Sorry, forget it."

I brush it off and shrug my shoulders, "Hmmm...okay then."

I get started on making the coffee and heating the brownie. While I was at it, I made a coffee for me and Soul as well.
I like my coffee a little stronger than most and with one teaspoon of honey.

I place the coffee in front of Soul, he looks up at me and gives a small smile.
"Thanks, Lizzy."

I give him a big smile, "Your welcome Solomon." He laughs at his full name being said.

"What?" I ask.

"No one ever calls me that anymore. It's just Soul."

"I like your full name though. It sounds cool."

He chuckles and shakes his head, "Well I give you permission to use it if you like it so much."

Once I got the Coffee and Brownie in Xander's office, I decided to write some poems under a tree. I think best when there is a tree nearby. It's weird.

As I write, I think of my life. Who knew I would find my mate? Who knew it would be the most dangerous Alpha of them all? And who knew my Alpha mate would hate me and wish that I was never his mate? It was all very... Unexpected. Unexpected? That's a pretty good word for describing my whole situation. It kinda reminds me of me and my Mama's conversation a few days before she died.

"What's wrong mama?"

"I'm dying Little Beth."

"Why?"

"Because it's my time Little Beth. It's part of my destiny baby girl." She sounds so weak.

"Mama?"

"Yes, sugar?"

"What's my destiny?"

"Only God knows that my darling. He plans our destinies similar to the weather, you can guess, but you'll never truly know."

"Will my mate be my favourite season?"

"Yes, honey." She laughs weakly.

"But just remember sweet cakes, being mates ain't all sunshine and rainbows. You gotta work at it sugar. You have to give your man everything ya got. Just remember that men can be slower than women sometimes. So just be patient okay sweetheart?"

"Yes, mama."

"I love you, baby."

"I love you more than the stars in the sky times 10 then times 5 and then times 125.2."

She laughs, "You always know how to put a smile on ya mama's face."

That was the last time I heard my mama's laugh.

I hate remembering things about my mum. It always ends up me crying or something.

"What're you writing?"

I look up and see a little boy, maybe 5 years old? He's got bright blue eyes, black hair, and slightly tanned skin. He reminds me of someone, but I can't put my finger on it.

"I'm writing poems."

"What're they about?" He sits down next to me under the tree, waiting for my reply.

I smile and say, "My mother. But she died...along time ago."

The little boy looks down at his feet, "My mother died too. She was killed by rogues."

I put my arm around his shoulders, rubbing his upper arm.
"What's your name kid?"

"Keith."

I hold out my hand, "My name's Lizzy."
We shake hands.

"Can you come play with me? My dad never wants to play with me," he pouts.
How can I say no to that adorable face?

"Okay. What'd you want to do?"

"I want to have a mud fight!" He yells with excitement. Well...this is going to be interesting

***

"So what'd we do?"

We are both standing in a mud that goes up to my shins.

"I am Alpha Keith! I shall destroy you for trespassing into my territory peasant!" He shouts.
OHHH so that's how to going to go. I haven't played pretend ever since my mother died.  But doing it now with Kieth, it made me feel excited. 

I get on my knees and pretend to be a maid.

"Oh please Alpha! I didn't mean to! Please forgive me!"

"NEVER! You shall be punished!"

Then he grabs a hand full of mud and throws it...AT MY FACE! I slowly wipe the brown mush off my face and look at a laughing Keith.  Oh it's on!

I grab two hand fills with mud and chuck it at him. It hits his face. I start to laugh. As he tries to get more mud I run after him. He squeals and tries to get away, but I catch him and drag his whole body into the mud.

"Ha Ha! I win! The great Alpha Keith has been defeated!" I should in an Evil voice.

"What. The fuck. Are you doing?"
I spin around and come face to face with a serious Xander.
I roll my eyes at his angry demeanor, "Ummm I'm having a mud war...duh?"

He growls. But it doesn't scare me this time. "Hey, Loser!" I turn around and look at Keith, only to see him throw mud. I duck, "Haha missed me!" I turn around and see Xander's face covered in mud.

I put my hand over my mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. But I couldn't take it. The most ruthless Alpha has mud on his face, that was thrown...by a...5-year-old? Hahahaha!

He wipes the mud off his face,"You think that's funny do ya?"

"No." I said laughing. I'm getting an ab workout from how much I was laughing.

Xander grabs a huge pile of mud and walks towards me. I put my hand in front of me as an attempt to defend myself. "Hey, hey now. The mud was an accident. No need to-" before I could finish Xander throws the gigantic pile of mud on my face. The force was so strong that I fell backward.

I slowly dig myself out and stand up. I wipe my face. I look at Xander dead in the eye, "You did not!" I growled. Then the most beautiful thing happened. Xander cracked a little grin. It was hardly a grin, but for Xander, it was a grin. His eyes shine with amusement.

Before Xander could react, I picked up Keith and threw him at Xander. He caught him, but before he could recover, I piled up a huge chunk of mud and threw at them both.
Xander and Keith both fall down.

Xander quickly gets up and start to run after me. I quickly get away before he wrapped his arms around my waist and tackles me into the mud. I squeal.

I tried to slip out of his grasp, but his grip was too strong. Our bodies were slipping and sliding off each other as we tackled one another.  Xander grabs my face and shoves it into the mud. I couldn't hold my breath for any longer, so I tapped his arm and he released me. "You win! You win! I give up!" I yell out.

Then...right then!!! He gives me a full smile. The smile lights up his whole face, totally transforming him. I knew he was hot, but with that hundred watt smile...he is drop dead gorgeous!

All we do is stare at each other. He starts to lean towards me and I do the same. Our lips are about to touch when suddenly he...smirks?

"Poor little Elizabeth. You actually thought that I wanted to KISS you?"
He starts to laugh, "I'm sorry, it's just that... it's kinda pathetic really." That asshole! That stupid fucking asshole!

I shove him off me and stand up, "Why would you even trick me like that?!" I shouted

All he does is shrugs...SHRUGGS! "Thought it could be funny. It made me laugh at least. That's all that matter."

I stand there in shock. He has played with my emotions so much! He's making me bipolar!

"How could you! How can you live with yourself!" He laughs, "You know what I think?"

He nods towards me, "Amuse me."

"I think you're just a broken person. Something happened to you that made you this way, that made you hard and numb and BROKEN! You may not believe it, but you are one shattered person Xander! And you're hiding all of your feeling and emotions, everything you think that is weak, behind the oh so ruthless and powerful Alpha Xander. You're hiding behind a meaningless title! You wanna know the truth Xander! You want to know what I think?! You are still that scared little boy inside. You are the same little boy that is still stuck in the hell you experienced. You haven't moved on and that's why you have a cold heart!" I shouted.

I am suddenly pinned to a tree. Xander's nose was almost touching mine. "You shut the fuck up! You don't know a God damn thing about me. And if you ever speak to me like that again? I will fucking kill you with a happy smile on my fucking face you."His voice was cold. There was nothing in his voice of regret or guilt. Nothing.

I lean forward, "Do it, you'd be doing me a favour."

He stills as his eyes pour into my own. A storm was raging behind them as he gets off me with a shove and stands up straight.

"Now will you excuse me...I have a date with Lana. I don't want to be late...then again maybe I do. She usually takes her anger out on me in bed, and that always ends up good for me." He gives me a smile that makes me shivers. Xander turns around and starts to walk away. But then he looks over his shoulder, "By the way, stop giving me coffee and brownies in the morning. I don't like how you make it. Makes me feel a little nauseous." With that said he leaves.

"Why are your eyes leaking Elizabeth?" Kieth said as he ran back from the trees

I look down at little Keith who is looking up at me with sad eyes. I totally forgot he was here.

"Was it because I punished you for trespassing? I didn't mean it! We were just pretending!" He explains frantically. I go down on my knees so than Kieth and I are at eye level.

"It wasn't that, Keith. It was nothing, don't worry about it, okay?"

He nods slowly, "Okay."

I stand up and hold my hand out.
"Let's get cleaned up, yeah?"

"KEITH!"

I spin around to see who's shouting.Noah? I see him running through the trees.

He stops at the sight of us covered in mud, "What the hell?" He mumbles. His sight lands on Keith. Relief is obvious on his face,"You can't run away like that, son."

Son? SON? Noah has a SON? So his mate died then? No wonder he looks so broken.

"I'm sorry Luna if he was any trouble." He apologizes formally.

I shake my head, dismissing his sorry, "It was no trouble at all! I loved hanging out with Keith. He's one special little guy." I look down at Keith and give him a little wink. He lets out a little giggle.

All Noah does is nod respectfully, "Okay son, come on." Noah turns to leave. He doesn't even check if his son is following him. However, Keith does follow.

I'm now left alone in the cold mud. This is so depressing. I hate my life. I HATE IT!

I get home and quickly hose myself down before I enter the house.

I get into my warm shower. I love hot showers. Since Caroline has always cut the hot water in my shower, it makes me feel more thankful to have some hot water. It makes me feel so clean.
After a quick scrub down, I get dressed in some Nike sweatpants with an oversized grey jumper.

I walk down to the kitchen and see Zapora, Emily and Avery.

"Hello ladies," I chime.

They all turn to me and smile, "Hey Sista!" Zapora shouted.

"We were about to watch a movie, wanna join?"

"Sure. I probably need it to get my mind off things."

The others have already gone through to the Theatre Room.

Avery turns to me with a serious expression, "What happened Lizzy?"

I look away, "Nuthin."

"Lizzy?" She questions louder.

Knowing that I didn't want to hold it in, I sigh and told her, "Xander said some hurtful things today. And what's worse is that tomorrow is the date that my mother died." I blink back my tears.

Next thing I know I'm being enveloped into a hug.
"Come on Lizzy. Don't think about it Okay? Let's go watch the movie okay?"

I nod.

"But just remember Lizzy. I'm always here if you want to talk, okay?"

I smile at her. I'm so lucky to have her as a friend. Caroline has always pretty much locked me from the outside world so I never really had any friends. Well at least this is the one good thing that came out of me coming here.

Come watch the movie they said! It will be fun they said! They never mentioned
It was a freaking horror movie!

"Don't go in, don't go in, don't go-OHHH...he went in." Emily whispered.

We are all huddled together on the couch in blankets. I think there is literally 10 blankets on us. Extra protection from the scary movie.

"What the hell are you girls doing?"

We all jump and scream at the same time. John, Jason and Soul just came in. Emily and Avery rushed over and jumped on their mates. Zapora jumped on to Soul's arms. Well this just got worse for me. I'm stuck on the couch alone. Ugh!

"Ummm...I think I'm just gonna go to bed now. Good Night everyone!" I announced.
I quickly rushed out of there before anyone could say anything. This is going to be a long night.

I've been up for hours. I look at the time. 12:01 AM. Today is the day. I feel like I'm grieving all over again. There is a deep emptiness inside my heart. A part that is missing. I sob into my pillow. This pain in my heart is unbearable! I can't live like this! I hate my life! I hate everything about it! I just feel so lonely and empty and just filled with such a deep and grieving sorrow that I would literally die a painful death than feel this. That's how intense it is.

I take a deep breathe. What would my mother do if she was upset? The forest.
I get up out of bed. I go down stairs to go outside. Suddenly I hear a noise. Like a bang? I look down the hall way. It was from the strange door that Xander went to the that day.

I open it. There is a set of stairs that go down into the basement. I take slow steps into the darkness.

I come into a room. It's got one light hanging in the middle. I notice that there were scratch marks all over the walls. But not normal one. Wolf ones...and they were deeply engraved in the concrete wall.

Then there in the dark corner of the room is a big rusting cell with an old chair and a sobbing Xander in it.

"Xander?" I say carefully.

His whole body stiffens. He looks up. His eyes are black and his teeth were snarling and growling at me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asks in a chillingly calm voice.

"I-I heard a b-bang and wanted to see what it was."

"Get out." I didn't move.

"I said...GET OUT!" He shouted.

"NO!" I shouted back!

"You smell of salty tears. Why were you crying? Is it because your pathetic mother died?"

"How dare you talk about my mother that way!" I yelled.

He stands up from his chair."Well it's the truth. She was probably a little whore who would open her legs for anything with a cock! You're probably just like her! You're a pathetic, weak little girl! You're nothing to me! Now LEAVE ME!" He screamed.

I don't obey. Instead I take a step closer.
"WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH!?!? WHAT HAVE I EVER FUCKING DONE TO YOU!?!"

"You became my mate! You're a pathetic excuse of a mate. I DON'T WANT OR CARE FOR YOU! GO do whatever you want, just leave me!"

"If you hated me so much, why not just reject me from the very start? Why would you keep me just to hate me?"

Xander growls lowly at me, "You're right. You should leave."

I stand there firmly, waiting for a proper answer. 

"I said LEAVE!" He shouts. His eyes were going black. His claws have elongated. It looked as if he was about to shift.

Then in a deeper more beasty voice he growls, "Better yet, just go and KILL YOURSELF. The world will be a better place without you!"

I can't believe he just said that. I didn't know his hatred for me ran so deep. He wanted me dead? He wanted me to kill myself. If my mate doesn't want me...then there is no point in living.
Xander wants me to kill myself huh? Well I will be happy to oblige!

Tears streamed down my face as I smiled at him, "Good idea."

I burst out of the house and into the forest. And I won't be be coming back.