I wake up to the sound of beeping. As soon as I hear the repetitive sound, I knew I was in a hospital room. I slowly open my eyes, but I flinch when nothing but light blinds me.

"Someone shut the curtains!" Someone demanded. I take in a deep breath. But stop when I smelled something I never thought I would smell again...Xander? I open my eyes again. The room is dinner which helps. I look to my right and is disappointed when I see a sleeping Soul. I roll my eyes and groan. Soul and Xander are unnaturally like. It's so disorientating sometimes.

I try to sit up but flinch when a sharp pain radiated from my lower abdomen. "Lizzy? Are you okay?" Eddie was beside be along with Noah who was sitting on the couch and looking at the floor, seeming lost in thought.

"I'm okay," I whisper. My eyes widen in a panic, "Please don't tell me I lost-"

He shakes his head, "No! No! You were in the early stages of a miscarriage. But the doctors prevented it."

"So....I'm okay then? Can I go back to the office? Because I had a meeting organised with-"

"No,"this time it wasn't Eddie But Noah. He got up from the couch and sighed, "You are not going to do any duties as a Luna whilst you being pregnant. You almost lost the only heir we have as an alpha because of....EVERYTHING. I'm not going to let Xander's son die Lizzy. I won't. So you're going to sit your pretty little ass in that bed until the pregnancy is done."

I growl at him, "You're speaking to a Luna, Noah. My authority overrules yours. I could order you out of this pack if I wanted to."

He smirks, "Your rank may be higher than mine, but my concern for a girl who I consider a little sister overrules all authorities."

Tears well up in my eyes, "AWWW!" I start to sob, "You're so sweet Noah! I love you so much. Come here! Give me a hug?" I hold my arms out for him like a little child.

He groans, "Please save me," he mumbles. But he still comes and give me a tense hug, I know he means well though.

Eddie chuckles, "You're going to be an interesting mum, Lizzy."

I smile, "I hope I'll be a good mother/father. I wish Xander could be here to be a father."

"He would've been a good father."

"No," I shake my head, "He would've been the best father."

Soul shifts a little in his chair until his eyes pop open. He sees I'm awake and is instantly on his feet at my side, "Lizzy! Are you okay? Do you feel any pain? Are you comfortable? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

"Shut up! Give her time to answer man!" Eddie exclaims.

Soul sits back in his chair and takes a deep breath, "Sorry, I just got worried."

We all looked at him weirdly. I didn't know Soul cared so much? "Are you okay?" I ask.

He frowns, "Yeah why? Am I different or something?"

I shake my head, "Nevermind."

Noah goes still and his eyes glaze over. I think he's being mind linked. His body relaxes for a second, but when his eyes met mine, I knew that something wasn't right. I sit up from my bed slightly to lean towards him, "What's wrong?"

"Soul just mind linked me and said that there are rogues sniffing around the area...it's Matheseus."

My heart starts to pound as fear consumes my train of thought. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to try and push my fear down my throat, "Okay...make sure the women and children are always with a male. No one is to walk around on their own anymore, okay?"

Noah nods in agreement.

"And I want there to be double the patrol on each border side. I also want someone to check the borders and see if there is a gap or if there is a blind spot we don't know about. No one is to go into the woods anymore. I don't want to risk their safety."

"But the thing is, is that no one knows of the rogues. Only the warriors does."

"Well I want YOU to make an announcement to the whole of the pack."

"What do you want me to say?"

"We're going to war."

***

Its been a couple of hours since I woke up. I was shifted to my bedroom which was nice. Soul was guarding me from outside the door. I just wanted to be alone for a while. I look around the room and sigh, this is where I'm going to be for a while. I talked to the nurse. She said that the loss of my mate, me being a Luna as well as trying to take care of the pup put a lot of pressure on me, and therefore, my body tried to naturally abort the baby. I asked the nurse what I could do. She said that I have to have bed rest until I go into labor. I can walk around the house a little, like to go to the bathroom or to the kitchen. But I have to have A LOT of rest. Or else I could easily lose the baby. So now, Noah and Soul is pretty much running my pack.

I wonder where my wolf is. I haven't heard from her in so long. I thought she abandoned me for a bit, but I could still feel her presence in my mind. Where has she gone?

I'm right here.

Where have you been?

I'm sorry, you blocked me out.

What do you mean I blocked you out.

You were so focused of on everything and being so stressed. I didn't want to add to the pressure.

I sigh, You wouldn't add to the pressure. You could've helped me.

I know that now. I'm sorry. But I did give you strength to not lose our pup?

I smile, Thanks...How're you holding up?

With what?

Losing Xander.

She was silent for a bit... Its extremely hard. I always want his wolf. And its such a foreign feeling to not be connected to him. To be totally separate...it breaks my heart. I just want him back.

I know, I still feel that way. He was our world. Its weird thinking that we were going to grow old together because he's gone now...and he won't be coming back.

But the happy part is that he's not totally dead.

What do you mean?

I mean there's a part of him in our pup. That makes me happy because I feel like Xander will live on through his son.

Yeah, those kinds of thoughts give me a lot of comfort.

Sleep now Lizzy. You need to get stronger.

I close my eyes and for once in my life, I was starting to slowly let go of Xander, in a good way. I feel lighter now. I feel like I can be happy even when I think about him. But I will always know that I won't be able to be with anyone else ever again. And I'm okay with that. With that peaceful thought in mind, I let my self sleep.

***

I am almost 6 months pregnant. it has been around three months since the 'almost' miscarriage and I am feeling great! I can start to walk around more. I get 8 to 9 hours of sleep. I've been meeting with my friends way more, like Avery and Zapora. I just feel better...not completely happy yet. But I feel like I am definitely getting there which really encourages me. I've discovered that I have highs and lows. Highs, which is when I am positive, happy and just lighter. Lows, well the opposite of high, to have all of your grief, pain and traumatic memories back. My lows can be triggered by something that reminds me of Xander. Like a deck. It reminds of when we went to New Zealand and there was a big long deck at where we were staying.

https://youtu.be/8c81fXTZ-74

(A/N: OKAY! SO! I really feel like this song matches the next scene, but I also think that this song really describes Lizzy's situation in general. Please please PLEASE PLEASE! For the love of all things good please COMMENT what you think of the song.)

That is where I am now. I am sitting on my deck while it is snowing outside. It's only light snow though. I have blankets upon blankets on me while I am curled in a ball.

Xander...oh Xander. You are the only key to making me whole again. But you're not here. I decided to try and maybe talk to him out loud.

"Hey Xander," I croaked, "how've you been doing?"  I was trying to be polite, ya know because he's dead and all. But I just couldn't. I had to let it out. People say letting it out is bad for the baby. But I feel like letting it all out fils a form of healing. If you keep all your emotions bottled in, you're just creating poison within yourself. So I let it out.

"I miss you." I sob, "Oh my gosh I miss you like crazy. I wish you were here. I've been telling everyone that I've been feeling better and that I might actually be happy. But to be honest, I still feel the same sharp pain in my heart that I felt that day I saw you die. The wound is still so fresh. I feel like I'm slowly dying. But I know that you're at peace now, and I would rather you be there than be here in this world filled with war and pain. Thank you Xander. Thank you for always being there, for protecting and keeping me safe. For comforting me when I felt down. To encourage me when I felt discouraged. Thank you for making me whole. I love you so much my darling. And you're right...we will meet again...in another life." I whisper.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, hold for ten seconds, then release. I did this until my heart calmed ddown. I felt like I needed that. I needed to do that. It helped me cope I think.

I hear a wooden squeak. I turn and see Soul standing on the frame of the door with such a pained expression. His eyes glistened with tears until they fell down silently. But they didn't hold sorrow, or loss, they held sadness and longing. "Are you okay Soul?"

His eyes level to mine. He just stars me for a while. His face made my heart break.

He finally breaks out of his trance and shakes his head. "Sorry, I ummm zoned out."

"Were you standing there the whole time?"

"Long enough to get what you were saying."

"Oh." I turn away. I don't want him to get the wrong idea about us. He's like my brother.

He coughs into his hand and say, "Well, ummm, I'm gonna just go take a nap. If you see anything out of the ordinary, just yell out for Noah. He's in the lounge."

I give a small smile of appreciation and then he left.

I bend down over the chair a little to grab my cup of hot coffee, but I see something in the corner of my eye. It's the mood detector that witch have me. Just for pure entertainments I decided to put it on my stomach. Right now the stone like screen is black.

Hmmm, maybe I need to say something, "Vegetarian?"

The screen goes a green colour as if it felt grossed out. I giggle, "Okay, maybe not a vegetarian? Hmmm...steak?"

The colour turned to pink. Happy. I laugh, "You're a funny one baby boo." 

"How about Family?" The colour stayed Pink. I guess he's happy about our family.

Suddenly he started to kick a lot. I hold my stomach and frown, "Whats wrong?" What came on the screen had chills coming up my spine. It was a whole lot of different colours. Red, blue black grey,green and so many other I don't recognize. He's scared. I look up at the tree line.. I couldn't see anything out of the ordinary, but I do sense something. Something isn't right. "Noah?" I shouted out. He is instantly by my side, "Whats wrong? Is it the baby?"

I shake my head, "No," I whisper, "But somethings wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"Something," I whisper shakily, "Something isn't supposed to be here. It's like a presence. I-I think something is gonna happen." 

A shadow passes through the tree line like a ghost. Noah is on guard. His eyes are trained on the woods. "You're right," He says,"Something isn't right." He turns to me and helps me out of my chair, "Lizzy, I want you to go inside, go to your bedroom and lock the door."

I grab a hold of his shoulder,"But Noah-"

"Now." He says harshly. I gulp because something is in his eye that makes my knees weak...He's scared.And if Noah Maverick is scared...then we all have a reason to be. I do as he says and go up stairs. I close the door and lock it. But that doesn't feel like enough. I put a chair in front of it too. I go and sit on the bed, curled up in a ball. I rub my belly comfortingly, "It's okay,mummy's here, you're okay, you're okay." I need to do something so than I won't get scared or worried. 

I see my piece of paper on my desk. I grab it and realize it was the list of names I chose. But one caught my eyes, "Xavier," I said out loud. Xavier is a good name. Xavier, son of Xander. I think I want to name him Xavier.

"You're okay Xavier, mama's not gonna let anything happen to you. You're going to be just fine. Uncle Noah is gonna keep us safe."

I lye down in my bed and take a deep breath. "Everything is gonna be okay." I close my eyes and hold on to my obsidian necklace, "Everything is gonna be okay." I turn to my side.I don't know how long I was in that position for, but I know that it was for a long time because I slowly felt myself slipping into the darkness of peace and nothingness.

I wake up to the sound of screaming and to the smell of smoke. I sit up quickly and look around frantically. My room was fine. But what got me on edge was the door. There was an orange light under it, and the door was shaking from all the shaking and banging. I quietly climbed out of bed and with shaking legs, made my way towards the entrance. I remove the chair and open the door. What I see has me almost pissing myself in fear. The whole house is engulfed in flame. 

I quickly run out of my room and pass the burning walls. I run downstairs and burst out the door. I am coated with a thick layer of sweat. I look around and tears fill my eyes...the whole back in on fire. I see warriors trying to get their families out. The unmated men are trying to put out the fire with water and snow.  "Please don't let this happen."

I see Noah shouting orders at the men. Soul is fighting some rogues I think and Eddie just came out of a house holding a little child he must've saved. This is all my fault. I am the reason the pack is dying. 

I waddle towards them to try and help, but a hand covers my mouth and an arm hold me around my waist, just over my baby bump. I thrash in this person's arms, but he ignores it and drags me away into the darkness of the woods. With all my strength I try to get out of his hold, but I can't. He's too strong. Every time I do something to try and get away, he knows exactly what I am about to do and deflects it. 

We've been walking for a while now when he shoves me forwards and fall to the ground. I turn around to attack, but he's gone. 

"He is just one of my men, he has gone back to finish off your pack," That voice has me closing my eyes and wishing this was all a dream. I lift my vision and gaze upon the face of the man I fear most. Matheseus. "What do you want?" I croaked, "You took everything from me. WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT!"

"I want you."

"I'd rather die than give myself to you." I snarled at him with hate.

He smirks, "I know. I know I cannot truly have you. And to be honest, I don't want anyone else having you either." He turns to his side, "You can come out now darling!" A girl comes out. I frown when I recognize her. She's the witch from the cell. She has become the shell of the person I met. She is skinny as a stick, her eyes look sunken, they have no spark in them.

Matheseus's cruel smile turns back to me,"Now, if you want your baby to live...I Need you to recite some words for me."