It's been around two and a half months since the funeral. It's hard. During the day while I do the paper work, meetings, duties, organizing...I'm fine. I'm too busy to think about him. But when I'm alone at night and in our bed, thats when I feel the pain again. It's not as bad as it was before. But it's still there. It still hurts. However, I haven't had a nightmare in about month. I take that as a sign of improvement.

I am currently in a meeting with the crescent moon pack. I roll my eyes mentally at the Alpha.

"Xander said that he would give some of his warriors to me because my pack needs it more than you do." I can tell he's frustrated.

Noah instantly stands up and growls, "Do not lie in the presence of the Luna. You know that Xander said no such thing.  Tell the truth! Xander denied your request and you know it."

I stand up in front of the Noah, the Alpha, and the Alpha's beta. They all fall silence, "I cannot give you my warriors,"I stated. The Alpha stands up and snarls and growls at me, "I'm not finished," I said harshly to the alpha, "Alpha Mason, I am going to propose a deal." His beta scoffs and rolls his eyes. Noah stands in attack mode, "You disrespect her one more time, I'm going to personally show you new techniques of torture." This makes the beta shut up. I turn back to the Alpha Mason, "As I was saying. I will give you exactly thirty warriors to you for three months to train your pack and then, they will be returned. But in exchange I can call upon your trained wolves if I need them as an ally."

Alpha Mason and his Beta fall silent. They turn each and whisper in discussion. I hold my very protruding stomach. I have definitely gotten bigger. Its so much more noticeable. It's strange thinking there is a pup inside of me right now. I always find myself caressing my belly without even knowing. I just naturally start rubbing my stomach. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, whenever I think about my baby, I feel happy that a piece of Xander will live on, it gives me a sense of comfort and peace. At least he can still watch from above. 

Alpha Mason coughs into his hand, catching my attention, "Yes?" I ask.

He nods his head, "I will take the deal. I'll come back next week to collect the warriors for three months."

I shake my head, "Just take them now, I don't have time to see you next week. I'm far too busy," I turn to my beta, Noah, "Noah, can you please escort Alpha Mason to the training grounds?"

He nods his head, "Luna." He nods towards Alpha Mason and they both along with some of Alpha Mason's men, walk out. I collapse into my chair in exhaustion and groan. I hear a chuckle. I peak one eye open and see Soul leaning on the door way, "Long day?" he asks.

"You have no idea. Where's Eddie?"

"He's training some young pups how to do patrolling around the borders." I nod my head and close my eyes again. "Maybe you should take it easy for a while. You are pregnant Lizzy."

I groan, "I know, but this is what Luna's do. I wasn't really being a Luna because of the Rogue Alpha drama. But now I get the chance to really prove to the people that I can be a good leader."

He shakes his head, "Don't you get it? They already think that you are worthy. When we were about to attack Matheseus's Prison...I heard all of the men's thoughts. All of them were in rage for what they did to you...what matheseus did to you. They were ready to die protecting you. They were ready to die if it meant you were home safe."

I tear trails down my eyes and I start to cry. I wave my hand around a little, "Don't worry about me, every little nice thing I hear I start to cry. I think its hormones. but I just can't s-s-seem to stop c-crying."

Soul groans, "Not again." Yeah I've been doing this a lot. Eddie said that I looked nice the other day...I cried for ten minutes because I thought it was so sweet. Yeah, my hormones are EVERYWHERE. 

I take a deep breath and compose myself, "Okay," I whisper,"I'm calm...now, Solomon, " I take another deep breath and look at him, "Is there any updates on Matheseus?"

His eyes switch from peace to anger, "No," he growls, "We've even searched the prison, they're all not there anymore. It looks like they've fled. But he's still out there, that's the problem. Once I find him I'm gonna-"

"Ah!" I yell. I hold each side of my round stomach, "Don't say anything violent in front of the pup Solomon Nightwalker."

He rolls his eyes, "Sorry," he mumbles. 

I take a hold of his shoulder and squeeze it, "Everything will be okay. We just have to always be ready...now, help this fat lady up."

He smiles softly and puts his arm around my waist to lift me from the chair, "You're not fat, your body is just changing in order to accommodate this little person inside of you right now."

I laugh, "That's such a sweet way to agree with me. But lets face it Soul...I've gained weight."

He rolls his eyes, "I'm not eve going to comment because whatever I say, you're just going to go against it."

I smile at him, "That's true." we finally made it outside without me falling. Improvement! I take a deep breath of the fresh air. "You know what, I'm going to go sit under a tree," I look at Soul closely," Alone," I added.

He frowns, "You can't do that right now. Its too dangerous to be alone. There could be so many things that could go wro-"

"Soul! You can still be with me bit at a distance, a place where you can still sense me, but I still have my privacy."

He releases a defeated sigh, "Fine."

I go outside and find my tree. I haven't gone to the tree in so long. It was the place I went to when I first met Xander. My mood instantly dampens with I thought of him. I still have a constant ache in my heart. I can still feel happy now and then, but I feel like there will always be a nagging pain in my chest for the rest of my life. I sit down under the tree and look down in my hands. Its my mother's diary. The one I would read sometimes. It helped me feel connected to her. I stare up at the sunset sky. I felt the hole in my heart become bigger. My lips starts to quiver violently. I felt this huge ball of tension building up. I rub my chest to try and relieve it of any pressure, but no matter what I do, it will always be there. I inhale deeply, but I exhale a sob. I sob...again. Tears pouring down my cheeks. I curl up in a ball and rock myself as I release my pain. I haven't done this in about a month. But I'm doing it now. 

I just don't understand...why did my life turn out like this? Why am I alone. I always thought that me and Xander and...well...everyone would be together forever. But it looks like the moon goddess decided to play a cruel joke on us all.

"Lizzy?" I look to my right and see Kieth standing there, "Are you okay? Why're you crying?"

I smile through my tears, trying to look some what happy, "Sorry, it's what happens when you're having a pup. Your moods are everywhere. You don't know if you're happy or sad sometimes."

I sits next to me under the tree. I giggle a little when I realize this was how we first met, "how're you going Kieth?"

"I'm going-" Before he could finish, I gasped when i felt a sharp pain. I look down and see blood. Tears emerge in my eyes, "No, no, no, no, no!" I chant. I slowly stand up and groan through the pain. Kieth's eyes widen in fear, "Whats happening?"

"It's okay Kieth, I need you to help me to the doctor okay?" he nods hesitantly, but he lets me lean on him slightly to help with the pain. I take deep breaths through the sharp pain. Instead of felling sad, I felt angry. I look up at the sky while tears that were poisoned with rage poured down my face, "Don't you dare take this last bit of hope from me. Don't you fucking dare do this to me! I have lost everything and you want to take my last bit of life! If you do this...I swear I will be extremely happy to kill myself." 

Another shark pain hits me and my legs give out. But before my knees met the ground, I felt arms circle around me. Soul catches me just in time, "You're okay Lizzy. your pup is gonna be okay." 

I lean into him and start to mumble, "She's taken everything from me. please don't let her take this too."

"Shhhh...I won't let anything happen to you or my pup...I- I mean your pup." I don't even really take notice of what he just said. I am just hoping that my pup is okay. I felt myself starting to slowly let go. It's not even my choice, my body is forcing me to shut down. And I do.