Beep...beep..beep.
"Xander," I groan, "Why'd you turn the alarm on. Turn it off!" I grap my pillow and put it over my head. I sigh in relief thats better. My peace is short lived when I could still hear the muffled beeping noise. I growl in frustration. I sit up out of the cover, "Xander! I said-" Xander's side was empty. Where has he gone? I put my hand on it. It's ice cold. I frown. Where has he gone? "Xander?" My heart starts to beat. Wait. It wasn't a dream. I look down at myself. I'm still wearing the clothes I wore at the prison. I close my eyes and try to search for any kind of connection to Xander. But I am only met with silence. 

I feel as if I don't even have a heart anymore. I feel nothing but complete brokenness. I stand up from the bed. Everything in our bedroom is still in it's place. Nothing as been touched. Nothing is out of the ordinary. It's as if nothing ever happened. I didn't get taken and Xander didn't die. But that is exactly what happened. I was taken and Xander is dead. I walk into the closet, my nose was met with his scent. It's as if he was still here. I run my hands over his hanged shirts. They'll never be worn ever again. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I hold my necklace. I let the tears run down my face like little rivulets. I look at how our clothes are mixed together slightly and let a small smile reach my lips. He was never organised with his clothing. I'd sometimes find his underwear in my drawers, or one of his shirts. I look in my drawers and find one of his socks in it. I giggle a little, but then my giggle slowly turned into a sob. I sob as I try to find some of my underwear. But my hands touched something cold. I lift it up only for my eyes to see the medallion. I sob even harder. I never got the chance to give it to him. I slowly lower myself onto the floor. I curl myself into a ball and rock myself as I scream and sob. I felt as if my heart was  bleeding and there was no way of stopping it.

"Lizzy?" through my blurred vision, I saw my big brother in the door way of my walk in closet. I stand up on shaky legs and run into his arms. I hold him s tightly as I sob into his chest, "E-E-Eddie, h-he's g-g-gone!" He snakes his arms around me, around his baby sister who is hurting so bad. "Sshhhh, it's okay Lizzy."

"But that's the thing Eddie! It's not okay! everything is not okay! I'M NOT OKAY!"

He just grabs me and drags me back into his chest. He holds the back of my head and rubs my back as he whispers soothing words into my ear. I see something shinny on the door of my closet. I turn my head to see what it was. I was met with my very own reflection. I step out of my brother's arms and look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are red and I have big purple bags. My skin is pale. I've lost quite a bit of weight. But my spirit lifts slightly when I see my baby bump. I put my hands on my belly. My baby is in here growing. He's probably the size of a little plum right now. 

"I kinda forgot I was pregnant." 

Eddie chuckles, "Damn, you're gonna be one hell of a mother."

I smile a little, but it soon dies, "My baby isn't gonna have a father," I whisper, "He's never gonna get to experience anything a son would with a father,"

"Hey," Eddie lays his hand on my shoulder, "He won't be alone, he'll have Uncle Eddie and Uncle Soul, along with Uncle Noah. He wont be alone. We will take care of him Lizzy, I promise. And we will take care of you too. We'll keep you safe."

"Thank you Eddie, but you have your own families to worry about. You have Zapora, Noah has Keith and Soul is just a happy chappy person that loves being free. I don't want to pull you guys down.

He puts his hands on both of my shoulder, "You're not pulling us down Lizzy. We are your family...and family sticks together."

I hug my brother, "Thank you Eddie! I love you so much. I know I don't say that much, but I should."

He hugs me back tightly, "I love you to baby sister."

I sigh deeply. I still feel a deep ache in my chest. A gaping hole. And there is no way to fill it anymore. Eddie let's go of me, "The best thing for you now is the baby. Just focus on him for now. Try to not think about...him too much. It might hurt the baby."

"Not thinking at all is more like it."

"Hey, everything will be okay, it just takes time."

I nod, "So you and Zapora huh?" I try to change the subject. 

My brother smiles instantly, "Yeah, she' amazing Lizzy!" Lizzy, they've all called me that. I'll never be called Izzy ever again. Izzy was Xander's name for me. While everyone called me Lizzy, he always called me Izzy. But now that name has died along with my beloved mate.

***

I've been free for three days now. But I don't feel free at all. I feel trapped in the darkest corner of my mind. I take a deep breath. I need to stop thinking about him. It hurts too much. All I need to do is make sure my pup is okay. I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. I'm wearing some 3/4 sports leggings and one of Xander's t-shirts.

A knock sounds at the door. I turn and see Zapora walk in. She smiles at me brightly. But I can see the loss of her brother is hard. She always looked up to him. He was her hero. She walks to me and doesn't say anything. She just pulls me into a tight hug. We stay this way for a while. I feel her shoulders jerk slightly as I felt her tears wet my shirt. I've cried alot these past couple of days, I feel I just need to hold Zapora and show that it's okay to grieve as well. I stroke her hair in a motherly way and whisper, "It's okay Zapora, it's okay, you can let go." She instantly collapse onto the floor, I go down onto the floor as well and hold her tightly to me. She sobs into my chest. "I miss him so much. I just can't believe he's gone. I always look at the door and just wait for him to walk in. But it's never going to happen no matter how much I want it to."

"I know." I whisper.

"It must be so hard for you Lizzy. I don't even know how you're dealing with this."

I sigh, "Honestly, I'm not. I'm trying to keep myself together for the sake of the baby. I just try not to think about it."

Zapora nods, "I can't even imagine losing Eddie. I'd feel like I wouldn't be able to live anymore. Do not feel to just want to...disappear?"

 I smile and sadly at the girl that I consider my sister, "Everyday I want to disappear, but I can't be selfish right now. My main priority is my pup. Even if I don't want to even be alive right now...my baby needs me...and I'm going to be there for him."

Zapora smiles at me, "You're a good mother."

I hope I will be.

"Come on down stairs, you shouldn't be alone right now."

"Oh I'm pretty good here on the floor."

Zapora stands up and offers a hand, "No, you're coming down stairs where your family is."

Xander was my family.

"Okay," I sigh in defeat. 

We went downstairs and I met with chattering. Everyone was either in the kitchen or sitting at the bench. I see Xander's parents. Abby, his mother is the first to see me. she makes her way towards me and pulls me into a hug. "Hello Lizzy."

"Hey Abby," I say with a shaky breath.

She steps back and smiles at me, but I see that the death of her eldest son has aged her quite a bit. Guilt starts to eat me. If I had not been so quick to judge when I saw Xander with Lana, we would not be in this position. If only I stayed and asked questions instead. my bottom lip starts to quiver, "I am so sorry," I croaked, "This is all my fault."

Abby holds my shoulders tightly, "Now you listen to me young lady. This is not your fault. Xander would not want you to blame yourself for something that was completely out of your control. Now you just get those thoughts out of that head of yours." I sniff and nods my head like a little child.

I talk with the family for a while. We didn't talk about him at all though. I tried my best to avoid that subject. 

"Oh I almost forgot!" Zapora says. She turns to me, "Lizzy, you have an appointment at the pack doctors like...right now." She gets up and rushes aroud to get me a jumper. I couldnt help but notice the bags under eyes. I grab her arm to stop her from running around, "Zapora, I can go alone. You need rest."

She frowns, "You shouldn't go alone. No one should do this kind of stuff alone."

I smile at her, "I'm fine. You on the other hand is exhausted. Go to bed. That is an order from the Luna. "

She sighs, "I am pretty tired."

I giggle a little and push her in the direction of the stairs, "Go." She reluctantly does.

"I'll go with you." I turn and see Eddie standing there.

"No."

He frowns, "I'm not letting you go alone Lizzy." he pushes.

"Your mate needs you right now. She just lost her brother Eddie. Go to her, comfort her, love her."

He looks at me with eyes filled with sadness. He gives me a defeated sigh and nods. He bows his head towards me, "As you command...Luna." He straightens up with a slight smile. 

I grab a big thick coat and step outside. Everything is iced with snow. It looks so beautiful. The trees have frozen slightly with ice, making it sparkle in the light. The ground is completed coated with snow. It looks like a canvas of a painting that hasn't been fully coloured yet. I shut the door behind me and make my way towards the pack doctor's house. It's rather close. In walking distance. 

Once I got there I knocked on the door. A woman, who looks around her mid fifties, opened the door. She smiles sweetly, "Hello Luna, please come in before you catch your death."

"Thank you."

My body relaxes from the warmth that instantly engulfs me as I step inside. I just wish this kind of warmth could warm my heart. The doctor pushes me towards the back room. "Come come now dear. It's time have a look at that adorable baby of yours."

"Okay."

We enter a room that looks to me like a hospital room. "Now I just want you to lye down on the bed and lift your top please." I do what she says. 

"I'm sorry, but I didn't catch your name."

"Oh! I am so sorry Luna, I should have introduced myself. My name is Mary." 

"Mary...beautiful name."

"Thank you," she laughs. 

Mary starts to rub some kind of jelly like cream on my stomach. "Okay so you may feel a slight bit of discomfort from the pressure, but don't worry, the baby will be totally fine." I nod in understandingly.

She used the ultrasound wand and put an immense amount of pressure on my lower abdomen. Okay this freaking hurts like cray cray. As she was moving it around, I look to my left. There is an empty chair there. That chair was for people who came as support. A best friend, Sister, brother, mum, dad...mate. But Xander  isn't here to see his son. I feel my eyes sting slightly with tears, but I blink them away and take a deep breath. Suddenly a loud thumping noise echoes throughout the room. I look to Mary in question, "What is that?"

She gives me a bright smile, "Its your baby's heartbeat."

All sad thoughts instantly disappears as I hear my pup's heartbeat. Tears trail down my cheeks, not in sadness, but in love. This sound is the sound of life. It is the sound of a future. My little pup. "Your pup's heart beat is unusually strong. I am quite shocked. I've never heard a heartbeat as strong as this before." I smile with in pride. Honestly I'm not surprised that he is so strong considering who his father is...I mean was. My little warrior pup. 

Mary ends up wiping me down and cleaning me up. "Its still snowing pretty heavily. Why don't you stay a while?" Mary asks.

"I'd love to thank you." 

We go into the kitchen and she makes me a cup of tea. As she is busying herself around the kitchen we start to talk.

"So, werewolf pregnancies are all different for everyone. If your an Alpha, its around a 6 month pregnancy, if your a beta, its 7 months, gamma, 8 months, and then for the regular wolf it is the same as a human, 9 months. "

I nod, "So I am 6 months?"

"Because you both come from Alpha background, it was be just under six months."

"Okay."

"And also, you are a little malnourished and under weight. So, I want you to start eating more. Eat only organic and fresh foods."

I nod, "Okay, like what?"

"A lot of different and bright coloured vegetables with meat. Everything organic though. And because of ummm...your time at that...place, our body might be a bit traumatized, so don't be surprised if your throw up here and there."

"Okay, thats doable."

"That all you need to know for the time being. You next appointment is at the half way mark. Three months."

"What do I do when he's born? I mean....I don't know how to be a mum while I'm struggling with my own issues. I am a single parent Mary, I don't have anyone! I c-cant..."

She holds my shoulder, "Sshhh. Every mother feels this way. As long as you love your baby with everything you have, then you will be okay, if you do that the motherly instincts will kick in. And as for the loss of your mate...I am so sorry Luna."

I look down. I can't look at her. If I see the sadness in her eyes, I know I'll just burst into tears. "He was a good alpha."

"He was the best alpha," I corrected her. 

She nods in agreement, "You know...I have met a lot of mates who were very selfish with each other. I knew this couple. The wife died from a rogue attack. The husband drowned in grief. He couldn't function. He would sometimes forget to take care of his three kids. There was a kids camp. A father son camp. On the last day of the camp the son woke up and couldn't find his father. He walked around the camping grounds, trying to find him."

"Did he?"

"The son found him. He hanged himself in a tree."

I gasped. How could you do that to your own child. 

"So Luna, I know its...very very hard. My mate died of a heart attack. I've been living without him for about 15 years. Its hard...but it gets better. I just beg of you...do not abandon your child just because your lost your mate. Your pup has half of your mate in him. and he will grow to be a good leader just his father. If you do that, it will help you heal."

I nod silently. I take in her words. I know that I can't abandon my child. I wasn't even considering that. but when she said that he is half of Xander...it made me feel better. The thought of having a little piece of Xander still living, gave me comfort. It gave me the closure I needed. I take a deep breath, "Thank you Mary. You have no idea how much you've helped me."

She displays a motherly smile on her face. "That's okay Luna."

"Please, call my Lizzy."

The snow had calm down a bit, so we said our good byes. As I was walking back home I was looking at the tree line of the forest. I remember running in there and being taken. I shivered slightly at the memory. Suddenly, I hear a branch snap. I still myself. I'm not alone. I wrap my arms around my belly. I look at the tree line. I couldn't really see anything. I heard another snap. I snarl and growl deeply. I look closer. There was a shadow in the woods. I could only make out a little bit of it. I felt extremely uneasy. The wind blew towards me from the forest. My nose caught a smell I did not want to sense ever again. It was familiar smell of one of Matheseus's guards. I growl louder, warning him that he is trespassing into my territory. 

"Lizzy!" I turn around and see Noah was a dangerous look in his eyes. He puts his arm around my shoulder in a brotherly way, "Come, I'll walk you home."

"Noah, there's a-"

"I know. Just ignore him for now. I have guards searching the area. He is still after you Lizzy. He won't stop until he has you."

I stop walking when I hear that. I lost my mate, I'm pregnant, I have Luna duties and now I have to deal with freaking psychopath that thinks I am his mate because I look like her! "I hate everything," I groan. I feel my bottom lip quiver. My eyes sting with tears. I could see Noah felt uncomfortable with how much emotion I was displaying. He sighs loudly. He steps in front of me and takes a hold of my shoulders. I feel like everyone is always touching my shoulders. "Lizzy. I know you have a lot on your plate. You do not deserve this. No one deserves the things you're going through. But, you are very strong. stronger than you think you are. You are the leader of this pack now. You are a Luna. Even though it is hard emotionally, you have to start being a leader to your people because they need you right now. We be at war still. The men need your inspiration your passion your motivation. The women and children need your comforting hand. We ALL need you."

I lift my head up high as a Luna should. I straighten my shoulders. "I'll try my best." 

He nods at me, "And I'll be right beside you if you need help."

I nod, "Thank you Noah. You're a good friend." I go and hug him tightly. I smile a little when I feel him stiffen up a bit, "Come on man! Loosen up!" I hold him even tighter. I feel his chest vibrate from the slight chuckle. He ends up using one arm and pats my back. "Okay Lizzy thats enough, you're embarrassing me now." I giggle a little, but let him go. Then we continue on our walk. "By the way," he says, " we are still dealing with Matheseus. You are to be guarded at all times."

"Okay then, who's guarding me?"

"Soul volunteered."

"Thats good, I feel comfortable with him." He nods, but he seems distracted and...anxious? He starts to fidget as we near the house. His hands start to shake.

"Noah what's wrong?"

He take a very VERY deep breath. "I just got mind linked."

I frown,"And?" 

We step up on the porch. I am about to open the door when suddenly Noah stops me, "Look...you might see something. But just...have an open mind okay? Take a deep breath."

"Noah you're scaring me."

He opens the door for me and ushers me in. I see everyone crying. Whats going on? As I near everyone, I see them all standing in a circle.

"Guys?" I said in question. They part. And what I see in the middle has me collapsing onto the floor. Noah and Soul are instantly there to catch me and settle me on the ground. Right in the middle of the circle is Xander's dead body.