It's been a week since I've been marked. A week since the message written in blood. It's been hard sleeping since then. I've found it hard doing my day to day Luna duties with my anxiety plaguing me. But the people of the pack have been very assuring to me. And Xander was doing good, he was being very kind, very protective. 

However, recently I have noticed some things rather odd with Xander. He has become quiter and quiter as the days roll past. He hardly comes to bed, and when he does, he's already gone in the early morning. He wasn't being rude. He would give me a kiss or a hug when he saw me. He was being polite and gentle with me, but he is hardly around ever.

I'm sure he is worried and stress, which is something I understand and sympathise with, but I don't understand why that would cause him to, what seems like him staying away from me?

He has become distant. At first I understood, but I've become more scared after every passing day and it's hard to deal with it alone when all you want is your mate to hold you and make you feel safe.

The other day I was making my special lasagna because...well, because. And he...didn't eat it?

"Hey Xander! I made some Lasagna for dinner!"

He comes down and gives me a small nod. I frowned. That's weird. I noticed the bags under his eyes. He looked a little more paler. He sits at the table and I place the plate of food in front of him. All he does is stare at it which was very unlike him.

I stand behind him and rub his shoulder. I frowned when I felt that he was very tense.
"You okay, Xander?" I asked hesitantly

He looks up at me and paints a tight smile on his face, but it never reaches his eyes.
"I'm fine," He slides his untouched plate away and stands, "You know what I'm quite tired. I had  a big lunch anyways. Thank you though. I'll see you in bed sweetheart." He kisses my cheek and leaves. LEAVES! With out eating my FOOD! Freaking asshole!

This has been his behaviour for the last week. It's weird how fast he changed. One second he was my Xander and he was ranting about how he was going to take my virginity and then next thing you know...he's totally reserved. What's he hiding?

I'm sitting under a tree thinking about all this when a hand covers my mouth. I'm instantly on survival mode. I try pull out of the grasp but it doesn't work. The guy drags me deeper and deeper into the forest. I wiggle and jostle the whole way, trying to get back to Xander. The man let's go of me once we come to a dark clearing.

I stumble out of his embrace, I spin around, ready to fight off this asshole when I come face to face with my big brother...Eddie.

"Eddie?" I ask. I have to see if this isn't a dream or a hallucination or something.

He holds his arms out, "It's me."

I launch myself into his open arms.
"EDDIE!" I squeal.

He lifts me off my feet and spins me around laughing.

"I missed you so much little sister." He whispers in my ear.

Once he puts me back on my feet, Eddie grabs my hand and pulls me even deeper in the forest, "Let's go. If we're quick enough we'll be able to go unseen."

To go? I stop in my tracks and rip my hand out of his grasp.
"What do you mean?"

His brows pull in confusion, "Lizzy, I'm
Helping you escape that monster."

My inner wolf stirs around, "He's not a monster." I state.

"Come on Lizzy! Have you seen what he's done? This is the Alpha of the Blood Moon Pack! This is Xander Nightwalker! Are you mad?! He's slaughtered a lot of people! A lot of packs! How can you defend such a man?!" He yells.

"Because he's my mate!" I yell back.

Eddie becomes silent as he stands in shock. He looks up to the sky and whispers, "Why me?"

"I can't leave Eddie. It's not right. You don't know him like I do. He's changed. He's good."

"Please come with me? Please come home." He begs

"Why would you want me to go back to that hellhole anyways! Your mother abused me as well as Vince for 11 years! Do you really want that for me?"

He shakes his head, "Of course not!"

"Then why?"

"I guess for my own selfish reasons. Besides that doesn't matter anymore! Vince has gone missing and mother has run away somewhere." I am honestly not surprised. She never cared about anything. Even if she looked like she did, it was all an act, there is not one loving bone in her body.

I frowned, "She ran away?"

Eddie nodded his head, "She's gone to New York, apparently she has an Ex boyfriend there that is going to take her in. Bu that doesn't matter. If you come back. It's just going to be us and dad. Please! I don't want to worry about leaving you here."

I walk up to Eddie and hug him tightly.
"It's okay. I'm okay...you don't need to worry about me."

He folds his arms around my back.

"So where do you think Vince is?" I asked.

I felt my brother shrug, "I wouldn't be surprised if he went to find mother."

I laughed, "No I guess not."

We stood in silence for a moment. 

"I'm glad I found you Lizzy," My brother says softly, "Love you little sis."

I smile in his chest, "I love you too."

We were having a lovely sibling moment when Eddie is suddenly ripped put of my grasp. I open my eyes and see Xander throw him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing with my Mate!" He yells in anger

"Xander wait!" I pull at his arm but he wrenches back, make my stumble. Xander looks at me, his eyes are a storm of possessiveness and anger. "Don't touch me." He growls. This catches me off guard. He's never done that to me and really meant it before.

"Xander stop!" I scream, "Don't hurt him he's my brother!"

He turns and stomps towards Eddie.
"You mean the fucker that abused you?!" He yells.

I jog after him, "NO! It's the other one. The one that tried to protect me. Please stop!"

Xander finally stills. His back and shoulder tense up every time he takes a deep breathe. He turns around and makes his way towards me. By how he's stomping, I'm guessing that he's pretty mad.

"What the fuck are you doing here alone Izzy! I've been trying to find you for fucking hours!"

"I just wanted some fresh air. Calm down." I touch his chest in hopes to relax him, but he jerks out of my hold.

"Don't tell me to calm down Elizabeth! Do you even care that there is a madman trying to get to you? Do even understand that?"

I frown, "Of course I do!"

"Well it doesn't seem like it. You're being stupid Elizabeth." There goes my full name again!

"Don't call me stupid. I just wanted some air." I frowned while crossing my arms defiantly.

He scoffs, "Fresh air? FRESH FUCKING AIR?" He screams.

His words make me flinch. I was actually scared of Xander at this point. His glare deepens before he shifts into a Wolfe and disappears in the dark forest.

"I guess he's not all monster. But he does have one hell of a temper little sis."

I turn and see Eddie behind me. I sigh and I grab his hand and pull him towards the house.
"Come on. Let's get you situated into a room shall we?"

As we walk, Eddie asks, "Are you actually okay Lizzy?"

I look away with a sigh, "No. Some stuff has happened." I explained the whole situation to Eddie as he silently listens.

A growl radiates from Eddie's chest.
"I'll kill him before he hurts you Lizzy."

"I know and so will Xander. He really isn't that bad," I tried to explain, "I think he's just under a lot of stress right now."

He nods, "I'll try I guess."

I smile and kiss his cheek, "Thanks big bro."

Once we were at the house, I give Eddie my old room. While he gets cleaned up and rests, I go down to the kitchen.

I make myself some fried rice, a fresh salad with feta cheese and a glass of wine.

I feel so...alone right now. I wish I was with Xander. He thinks I don't understand, but I do. I really do. Every time I hear a twig snap or a door creek, my heart skips a beat. I'm Just trying to not live in fear. This guy is trying to scare me...make me cower into a dark corner. But I don't want him to think it's working. Even though I'm scared out of my mind, I'm trying so hard not to show it. I'm trying so hard to stay sane and not go mad from paranoia or torment.

Tears fill my eyes to the very brim. They threaten to spill over, but I quickly close my eyes and take a deep breathe. I need to stay calm. I can't let this control me.

My eyes snap open and I immediately sit up. I wake up in the kitchen. I groan when I feel my neck and back crack from being in such a awkward position.  I must have fallen asleep when I laid my head on the table. I stretch my arms over my head and then rub my eyes. 

My sleepy eyes catch a flash of silk red. A single red rose with sharp thorns and a black bow. To most people, it would be a regular rose...but it wasn't. Something didn't feel right. With shaky hands I lift the rose to my nose and give it a little sniff.
I frowned when it was the smell of my perfume. How did he get the scent of my perfume?

There is a little letter left next to it. With trembling hands I struggle to open it, but once I do...I felt like I was going to be sick as the floods of fear drown me...I can't breath. My breathing becomes erratic to the point I thought I was going to faint. I-I think I'm having a panic attack

YOUR FATE:

I can go unseen
I will snatch you
I will spill your blood and make it run like a stream
but first I will take you over and over again until you bleed
I will fill you with my seed
I will be the reason you will scream
nothing will stop me, this is your fate
nothing will save you, not even your beloved mate.

Suddenly hands cup my cheeks.
"Izzy look at me," My wide eyes land on Xander, "Look at me and breathe!"

I can't breath. I can't breath. He was in the house. He was right next to me. He could have taken me? Why didn't he take me? He just left a rose.

I feel my blood draining from my face. He's tormenting me. He wants me to squirm into paranoia. He wants me to know that he is coming. He wants me to go crazy.
"ELIZABETH!" Xander yells. His eyes have widen with worry.

"Snap out of it Izzy! Snap out of it!" He shouts, "You're fine! You're okay, nothing bad is happening to you!"

I fall out of my daze and look straight at my mate. I grab his shoulders and shake them.

"He was here!" I shouted at Xander, "He was in our house! Our home! He was right beside me! He was right next to me Xander!" I sob, "I can't handle this! I feel like he's everywhere. He's watching me Xander! He is somewhere close by! He's probably watching us now!"

I was scared out of my mind. Tears streamed down my face. I know I cry a lot but imagine a psychopath after you. It's not a good feeling so YES I AM CRY SO BACK THE HELL OFF. It's not that sad cry where you're quietly sniffling...it's the disgusting snot slime water all over face kind of cry.

Xander pulls me close to him. He holds the back of my head to his chest and rocks me.
"You're okay Izzy. You're okay. I'm here now...I'm here."

I push him away and shout, "No you're not! You're not here!" Xander stands in silence, "You're never here! I can't even remember the last time you touched me or when we had a real conversation. All you do is plan and prepare. I get it you have to do that, but at least look me in the eye and acknowledge me!" My voice cracked.

"I feel incapable!" He confessed with a tight voice.

His eyes were red from exhaustion, the purple bags under his eyes were bigger, he hadn't shaven in a while, He looked totally unkempt. "I've been trying to find a way to keep you safe. I've also been trying to figure who this fucker is. And then I feel guilty because I'm the cause of this. This is my fault Izzy. It's my fault he's after you. I don't want to look at you because it just reminds me of what I'm doing to you."

I frown. Now I felt guilty for having a tantrum about not getting enough attention when Xander hasn't had it the best either. I sighed and cup his face, I run my thumb over his cheek. Xander's eyes were closed and he leans into me touch, "Who is this man, Xander?"

Xander's eyes hold such a burden. You can see that he has so much blocked up inside.

He takes a deep breathe, "It's not a pretty story."

I shrugged "I don't want a pretty story...I want your story."

He nods, "A week after I met you, my pack was attacked by a group of powerful rogues. They weren't ordinary. They had a strong Alpha rogue leader. His name was Matheseus Rome. Matheseus caught me while I was hiding in the woods and brought me to the Rogue Packs base. He locked me in a cell, bend down on his knees and said, 'You're my new special boy Xander. You're goin to be good now. I'm your new father.'
I didn't understand what he meant by 'special boy.' But I did 3 months later. Matheseus came to my cell in the night...and tried to rape me. But I was pretty strong for a little guy. I could defend myself. Because of my refusal, he decided to punish me in other ways. He would torture me. Tell me once I found my mate, he would take her as his own. He would always find ways to cut me deeper even when I thought there was nothing else to cut. His mate and wife was as twisted and wicked as he was. She would tell me what a handsome boy I was. How I was like a son to her. I was never raised to hurt women, so when she started to...touch me...I couldn't do anything. She would come into my cell and play with me."

He took a deep breathe. He looked into the distance in daze, as if he was reliving it, "I hated her. I hated her with a passion. All the tortures and late night visits continued for 6 years. I was trapped for 6 years Izzy. When Matheseus came into my cell one day, I had a plan. In my spare time I would train my body. I needed it to be strong. But Matheseus didn't know that. I kept my training hidden from him. He presumed I was still a weakling, but I wasn't. I was angry. I used my rage to attack him. He fell unconscious. I then went up to his bedroom where his beloved wife was. She was asleep. I woke her up...I wanted to be the last thing she saw before she died.

I still remember the fear in her eyes as I slit her throat and gutted her. I cut her body into pieces and buried them in different places of the world. Then I fought my way out of the pack and ran...until I got home."

With a shaky voice I ask, "How many did you kill?"

There was a moments silence...then the words, "All of them."

Oh moon goddess.

"I killed the whole pack Izzy. I killed everyone," he whispers. I see his eyes are a little bit teary. He's trying to be a man.

"This is why I tried to push you away. I'm a bad man. I've killed. Murdered. The same hands that hold you is the same hands that murdered them Elizabeth," he whispers, "And now my past has come back to haunt me. He wants you to try and hurt me. This is the consequence of my wrong doings."

I hold his face in my hands, "You are not a bad man Xander. You have done some bad things, but that is not who you are. What makes you who you are, are the actions you choose now, despite your past. And I understand the way you feel now. And why you act the way you do. I understand Xander," I whisper the last bit.

His tired eyes raise to my own,"I just want to protect you. I couldn't even look at you without feeling painfully guilty...that's why I've stayed away. I'm sorry." 

I lean in and rest my forehead on his,  "I understand, Xander. But please don't push me away. We're mates, we're a team. We work things out together, we make decisions together, we let each other no where we're at in our thinking process."

He nods his head, "I know and I'm stupid for not doing that. I'm just so afraid of losing you."

I raised an eye brow, "Xander Nightwalker? Afraid? I've never heard of such a thing. I never knew Xander Nightwalker had fears...I thought he wasn't scared of anything."

He doesn't smile or respond to my playfully, he just says while looking at me intensely, "I'm not scared of anything, not even death, but the one thing I am afraid of is losing you. I can never never lose you Izzy. It would ruin me."

I lean in and stroke his hair and whispered the most honest thing I could ever say to him, "I love you Xander." 

He becomes deathly still. His breathe hitches, "Say it again." He said after being so silent.

I smile, "I, Elizabeth Marie Crowe, love you, Xander James Nightwalker. You have told me the darkest parts of yourself...and I love you still."

He looks into my eyes with a serious expression. Oh shit! Maybe I shouldn't have said it after all.

"Look Izzy," he says with a sigh, "I need to tell you something."

Shit! I hate feeling rejected! I should have just left it.

His mouth moves closer to my ear and whispers, "I fell in love with you the moment I met you. I've loved you for 12 years...and I still do...with a passion."

My breathe hitches. His words make me melt. I grab his face and smash my lips onto his. Xander's arms wrap around my waist tightly, pulling me flush against his front. I wrap my arms around his neck as he stand up with me still in his arms. We travel up the stair, into our bedroom and collapse on his bed.

Xander retreats for a minute and rests his forehead on mine.
"Say no baby and we'll stop if you're not ready...say no. if we keep going the way we're going...I won't be able to stop myself."

I pull him down on top of me and whisper in his ear, "Yes...I'm Ready. Take me."