GENRE: enemies to lovers, fluff
WARNINGS: none
NOTES: i haven't been online bc my life has been stressful and i very much have creativity block. but ive been trying to work a little on a few things, and i finally finished one!!! this is basically a gift for mximmcff based off a prompt they gave me bc we both love alex sm <3 hope u enjoy bestie!!!!!!! love uuu
WORDS: 8170 (yes i got carried away lol)

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"Why do you have to be such a dick?" You yelled in frustration, glaring over at Alex as you walked down the ramp of the cargo hold. Your hand ruffled through your hair, and you didn't wait for anyone to head in - - instead stomping off to where you knew the door was as the rest of the team lingered in the hold of the aircraft with the new, unconscious mutant.

Alex, of course, wasn't one to back down when he thought you were being insufferable, and making a big deal of things. "Why are you such a baby?" He bit back, pushing his long sleeves up his forearm as he followed behind you - - not noticing that everyone else was prying in on your conversation much like usual. It was difficult not to when you tended to argue in front of them on (at least) a daily basis.

"Well, sorry for worrying about your life more than you do!" You muttered under your breath, intentionally loud enough for him to hear, because you wanted him to know you were upset. The whole team had set out a couple of hours ago to try and bring an Alpha level mutant back to the mansion (one who was currently asleep on a stretcher in the back of the jet) - - a young boy that was volitile, and dangerous because of his elemental abilities. You were talking him down from an overwhelmed, terrified state as he backed into a corner, afraid because every other adult that had approached him didn't understand. His parents tried, but they got the wrong people involved before you could arrive.

Just when you thought you were in the clear with the boy, a blue and white car came careening down the cul-de-sac, engulfing the room in flashing lights and sirens. The front door swung open, and the boy retroactively clasped his hands over his ears, his senses overstimulated as the floor began to shift around him. Mud and earth crawled between the floor boards, chunks of stone and clay breaking through as you took a stumble back, your teammates calling out to you - - grappling to pull you back as his small figure was enraptured in a crust of rich brown earth.

You thought you were safe, until you heard the officer exclaiming, his gun aimed at the pulsating shield the boy had created around himself.

"He's not dangerous," Charles tried to explain, much to the ignorance of the unwavering cop - - who sent two bullets skittering off of the stoney façade before anyone had a chance to stop him.

The next moment you blinked, you saw the rocks and earth begin to rumble, and then an explosion that sent debris out across the room in an arc. Your hand whipped up, protecting your face despite knowing you'd need more than that to help you.

For a moment, everything felt breathtakingly still, as if slow-motion had set into play. A hand tugged at yours, and a body swung its way in front of you to block the blow.

It was Alex. Of course it was. Because no one else would be stupid enough to jump in front of you, other than him. A blinding blast of red energy coursed from his chest, incinerating the scraps before they could harm you.

He'd been luck enough to be able to control his powers and not kill the little boy by doing it, but he also risked himself in not even a second for you. As soon as your adrenaline had left you, you were shaking and your head was spinning. Of all your time with other mutants, this was the closest you'd actually come to dying. Everyone else handled the kid - - who had collapsed from sheer exhaustion after his final attempt to protect himself - - as your ears rung with shock, and you blinked away the situation.

Not a half hour later (once you'd recovered) you were chewing into Alex for what he had done. Yes, he'd saved you - - but it wasn't justified in any sense, not when his own safety, and the kids was on the line. You didn't need him to defend you, and you sure has Hell didn't need to owe him your life.

You'd just come to terms with accepting help from Charles and Hank, nevermind from someone you had a subversive relationship with - - to say the very least. He didn't get why you were mad, and in a way that was so stubbornly him.

The others refused to weigh-in when you had asked for their opinion, knowing better than to get involved between the two of you. Hank had solemly nodded in agreement to your argument, but that was the best you were getting out of them.

It was so infruriating. Stuck in a mess of feelings and moments that you couldn't begin to make Alex understand from your own perspective.

This wasn't the first time you'd become upset about his imuplsivity and how it affected the team. In fact, you weren't the only one to bring it up by any means. Mad that he'd put himself in trouble - - which he couldn't begin to understand why, when you seemed to despise him so much. It felt like you'd want him to be put in his place more than anything, maybe even see him hurt a little. That's why he couldn't help but combat you, no matter how much everyone told him that your constant annoyance probably meant you cared.

You were that person on the team. The one looking out for everyone. The one that connected with new people, and always held a tender adoration for those around you. You even begrudgingly looked out for him, in the simplest ways.

This didn't, however, mean that you weren't going to be a pain in each other's asses all the same. Seeing you shell-shocked from your near death experience made Alex uncomfortable. Like he wanted to reach out to you and tell you everything would be okay (something he found completely unnatural, especially in regards to you). So when you'd gained your senses slightly as you berated him, he couldn't help but go along with it, in hopes that'd restore some normalcy to you.

It was comfortable for the two of you.

"I can do whatever the Hell I want. Just in case you didn't notice, angel, but you're not in charge here," He reminded you, voice gruff as he watched you pause in the doorframe.

He stopped in his spot, waiting for you to whip around and inevitably tell him off - - staring at your back as your shoulders squared. And maybe he got off on it a little, he had to admit - - it was satisfying to cross his arms and watch you go red in the face at his nickname for you (though he didn't know the true meaning of your blush), your voice adamant and perfect in his ears.

But, instead of speak, your eyes connected with the gaze of Charles, who could only offer you an empathetic look - - sighing out in a way that made you understand his position without any telepathy.

You were on your own to sort out your greivences with your co-worker.

With this realization, you turned to leave without even sneaking a glance back in Alex's direction. He couldn't help the way his jaw clenched, slightly dissatisfied with the way you'd diffused it, when he could go on for days with you.

Part of the reason why you disliked his arguing so much was his smugness. The little glint behind his eyes that told him that he took satisfaction in antagonizing you. It made your skin crawl, and it was routinely all you could think about with the way it was going. How goddamm handsome he still managed to be while it was all happening, was beyond you.

________

"This is a terrible idea," Hank murmured, holding the bridge of his nose just below his glasses. He knew he had no authority in this area, and couldn't get his friend, nor his partner to rethink what they were planning.

"What are you talking about? It's a great idea," Raven encouraged with a beaming smile, placing her hand on the scientists shoulder in a way that only seemed to unsettle him further.

Noticing them uncharacteristically grouped around Charles as you joined them in the common room, you couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, "What are you two up to?" You settled on the couch, curious as to why they seemed to be planning something unaware to you.

"It's not just them, dear," Charles informed you with a sigh, as if he was disappointed with himself for saying it. Despite this, there was a still a recognizable gleam of mischief in his eyes.

"Charles? They've roped you into something, too?" You laughed slightly, thinking that he would be the last one to indulge them like this. Though, the more you thought about it - - you might be totally wrong.

"I haven't been roped into anything, Miss (L/N)," He corrected, shaking his head as Raven decided to casually join you on the seat you'd taken up, "I've actually gathered you all to give you the addresses you've been waiting on."

"Oh, finally," Sean piped up from the doorway, rushing over to claim one of the big, comfy armchairs before anyone else arrived. All of you were antsy to get started, but you'd realized over a few weeks with him, that Sean was particularly impatient. He was practically bouncing off the walls while waiting for something to do. You couldn't imagine what he was like when he was a kid, given how fidgety and all over the place he already was.

Hank elected to remain standing, leaning up against the sill of one of the large sash windows while the remainder of the team arrived to your impromptu meeting. Erik and Darwin, and then of course; Alex was last (because for some reason, he always had to be late).

It didn't take long for Charles to establish the simple plans he had for all of you. You'd work in pairs, and use the addresses they had found through Cerebro to hopefully locate a few mutants who were willing to join the cause you had. Or, at the very least, offer them refuge, and a place to learn how to control and better their use of their mutations. This meant simply talking to them, and avoiding conflict. You were somewhat relieved by the idea, but knew that it realistically couldn't be guaranteed. Mutations were a sore spot for some people, and you doubted that pointing if out would always go well. Particularly with people who didn't have full control of themselves.

"Erik and myself will be going together, so will Raven and Hank, Sean with Darwin, and (Y/N) with Alex," Charles recounted the list of duos, "I hoped to balance you out evenly."

You didn't know why the Professor was playing this game with you, but you knew Hank and Raven were involved. You did know that he wanted you and Alex to get along, but being around him for extended periods didn't exactly feel like a way to mend your relationship. It seemed like a way to completely destroy it.

Keeping your concentration on your superior, you hardly noticed the way your new partner kept glancing at you from the corner of his eye. Jaw clenching, and heart thumping for reasons unknown to himself.

______

"What are you grumbling about?" You asked aloud as Alex finally settled in the driver's seat, huffing as he did so. Besides being paired up with you, he seemed more agitated than usual. You looked up the address, and found out it was a bar. Best case scenario, you'd get this done as soon as possible, and not have to deal with getting in an argument with him while in a sour mood.

He looked over at you with raised eyebrows, letting out a slight chuckle as if it was obvious "What do you think?" he asked rhetorically, carrying on as he put the keys in the ignition, and pulled his seat belt on with a kind of nonchalance that bothered you for some reason or another. He had such a smug way of existing sometimes.

"Oh, just be glad I'm here to stop you from doing something idiotic," You rebutted, a smile pulling to your face despite yourself, looking out the side of your window so that you couldn't see him glaring at your profile because of your words. Despite this, you could feel how his gaze lingered as he began to pull out of his parking space in the long drive way of the manor.

"That's actually the opposite of it, really," He noted, tapping on the wheel with his excess energy, "You're here to get in my way." It would've seemed like an unnecessary statement if it was from literally anyone else. But Alex had a way of saying simple things that could feel cutting.

You scoffed, rolling your eyes at him in a way that felt overly familiar to the both of you. Almost like a crutch in your conversations. "Like you could talk to any of these people . . ." You trailed, both of you knowing well that he had very few people skills. And it was something he almost seemed prideful about; his straight-forward, realistic personality. Not to mention his lack of manners.

"It's more like I don't want to," He argued back, tilting his head with a hint of humour in his begrudgingly deep voice. In his head, he wondered how long he could keep this up with you. But he'd do it all day if he had to - - he wasn't about to let you win.

"Exactly," You agreed, making him look over at you in surprise when he could hear the smile in your voice, "You're useless on this one, Alex."

He sighed, hating that you were actually right. You were, quite a lot of the time; but he never, ever admitted it. "Useless, huh?" He asked with an unimpressed, raised eyebrow - - fumbling for a tape to put in the radio so that he could drown out the inevitable silence for the long car ride ahead. Part of him wanted to almost laugh at the truth. That he was so useless as talking to people, he'd somehow alienated the one person he constantly thought about.

_________

"Why should I go with you guys?" He asked genuinely, those his tone told you that he probably felt hopeless enough to stay put. It reminded you of what you were like before Charles and Erik had found you through cerebro. And Alex too, in a way. Neither of you thought it could get any better for you. It made your chest pang with a hurt sympathy, catching the man's dark brown eyes as he looked up at you through his brows.

"Beats this dump," Alex remarked, tilting his head as he referenced your dingy surroundings, a curtain of smog hanging in the air from the chain smoking regulars. It wasn't anything special, with wooden floors and walls that had aged over time - - but it felt homey enough, like it had been lurking on that street corner since long before any of you were born.

Ross sighed, looking down at the counter in front of him as he shifted on his feet, placing the glass he was working on to the side. "Well, maybe I'm used to this dump," He informed, shaking his head slightly as he couldn't seem to meet either of your gazes.

"I'm sure you are," Alex quipped in that stupid tone of his. Sometimes you wanted to strangle him because of his indifference. Saving someone one minute, to being an asshole the next. It baffled you constantly.

Ross let out a slight laugh, his tongue touching his palate as he looked the other man over. As if finally understanding what kind of guy he was. Before he could make a reply, you were leaning forward and placing your hands on the edge of the bar, moving slightly closer. His course of action became distracted as you glared over at your partner, admiring the fierceness in your demenaour.

"Oh, shut up, Alex," you huffed in a second, before your attentive gaze landed back on the bartender. Ross became even more distracted by the kindness in your eyes, like you really wanted to help. "Listen, you don't have to come with if you don't want to. What I am saying, is that we can help you. You won't have to feel like you're on the outskirts anymore. . . a-and I know what it's like to get comfortable in your otherness, but sometimes you just don't have to," You explained, hoping you hadn't botched up your sentiment too much.

The raven haired man's lips parted, as if not expecting you to say the words he most need to hear (not knowing, those words rang just as true to the blonde man beside you). In a moment, he found himself feeling a little greatful that you'd showed up. Especially you, really. He needed a change, and maybe this could provide that. Maybe he wouldn't feel so shitty all the time. Maybe he'd feel better about himself. Your eyes were doing wonders already.

"Fine. I'll go," He conceded, awaiting your excited reaction with a grin that curved onto his handsome features, drinking in the twinkle that seemed to illuminate your eyes. Watching as you instinctively looked to Alex for his reaction to your success, satisfied that you'd pried a slightly begrudging smile from him as well.

Ross wondered for a second if you and Alex had a relationship that wasn't what it seemed - - but he decided to store that in the back of his mind as his warm eyes met yours again. "But only because I'll get to see you every day," He admitted, the words falling from his lips naturally - - and yet, no less flirtatious.

You felt your cheeks warm slightly at the implications to his words, yet you couldn't help beam despite yourself, "O-oh, thanks. . ." You reached up slightly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear ad you tried to hide how flattered you were.

Alex watched your interaction with a newly formed frown, not sure why he felt a deep tugging in his chest at the thought of having Ross around. Like somehow you'd spend more time flirting with Ross, than talking to him. But who was he kidding - - you'd probably prefer sweet talk over a pointless fight any day (he couldn't blame you). And although it sucked, he was half the cause of his own demise - - so who was he to even get upset?

He'd never felt like he wanted to hide you away from anyone before. Keep you to himself. But he supposed that was because you weren't magnetized to any of the other X-men like you were with him. When you got along, it lasted a few moments, but they were the ones he ended up cherishing the most. When you argued, it was explosive and no one could stop you but yourselves. It wasn't hard to see why people connected the dots in your emotions, and assumed there was something deeper.

And he had a sickening feeling that they were right. There was a reason you were drawn to each other, and there was a reason why his blood boiled while you blushed for someone else.

He just didn't know if he could admit it to himself.

_______

The room was achingly silent after Ross had finally left, and you swore you could hear the tension over the crackling of the fire. Alex's arm extended over the back of the leather couch he sat on, his leg bouncing as his lips parted. Then closed just as quickly, stilling as if he couldn't figure out what to say.

Although you and him were how you were, you didn't remember this much silence around Alex. Not even when you'd first met. Those were the days when the decisions you made weren't as serious, and the stakes weren't right in front of you. You vaguely remembered getting along with him at some point when the team had first gotten together. Even having banter, and actively getting along. He was the first person you seeked out in a room, and had always noticed when he smiled - - despite how few and far between it was.

You didn't know when it changed. To the frustration with one another, the annoyance, the arguments that seemingly kept the other entertained. It felt like a game, and you didn't know the rules, or the intention behind his words. It felt more like making excuses to talk to one another, when being an X-man could be so fucking lonely. Like even friction was better than not expressing anything for one another at all. There was a reason you were so riled up when it came to each other.

And fighting kept you at a distance. In a place that could feel more comfortable than actually being vulnerable around the other person. Which was bullshit - - because you'd probably seen each other at your worst. But you'd still pick the other back up, only to start the cycle over again.

Before you could think of something to say, his eyes left their place on the flickering embers of the fire, turning to stare you down as his head tilted. Strands of hair fell with gravity, and he let out an almost inaudable: "Seriously? Why did it have to be him?"

Your face immediately contorted into one of bewilderment, not sure what he meant by the accusation - - but you had an inclination as to what he could've thought was going on (after all, people in the mansion loved to gossip). Why he would care about that, you fully didn't know. "If you're implying what I think you are, then you're wrong," You decided on saying, words chosen carefully, and face not revealing whatever Alex wanted to see. Lots of people had told you that they thought you and the new mutant would be good together. But you didn't pay them mind, when it really came down to how you felt about him.

Alex's frustration was clear when he scoffed slightly, letting an almost bitter laugh tumble from his lips, "What? As if you're not attracted to him." The way he remarked on it so casually seemed strange to you. Like you'd ever talked about this before, when you clearly hadn't. "Everytime you're in a room together, you can feel it," He added, his hand subconsciously picking at the hole in his jeans in a way that gave his discomfort away. Almost insecurity.

More and more often, he found himself craving your attention whenever it wasn't on him. And especially when you were laughing at someone, blushing, having an immediate connected - - and it just wasn't with him.

Aching to see your smile, or laugh, or even just be in a room with you. It went past him wanting satisfaction during your interactions. He wanted you. For you to be happy. To be near you, to have you to himself as much as he could. For you to need him, and trust him, and depend on him as a teammate.

More than anyone, you stepped up to help everyone else; to help him when he really needed it. And his stubbornness had stopped him from seeing that you really cared, despite everything. And that he liked that. He was appreciating it more and more as the days passed, and you drifted.

And when your attention began to shift from its focus on Alex, he was having to come to terms with how much he really hated it. How it became more and more difficult to antagonize you, when he didn't want you to slip away - - like he never realized you could in the past. If that meant he needed to actually stop being a dick, he might give it a try. For you. For himself, really. He knew it was all defensive; to push people away before they could get close enough to see him in the first place.

And he also knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that you were the one that could be that person. The one that slipped through the cracks, and saw him like no one else did. And that was mildly terrifying.

He was so easily comforted by your voice and your words, when the praises weren't even for him most of the time. He'd stopped being able to hold in his contentment when you decided to stop by his room and ask how he was - - even when you were incredibly annoyed by him.

And then it had clicked to him, that he might be in deeper than he thought. Maybe a week before that very moment.

And he swore his head and his heart had been thumping ever since. Watching you be happy with someone else - - and you deserved it. Which didn't make the lump in his throat any less easy to swallow. He could barely keep up with the usual argumentative persona he kept around you - - slowly slipping in small moments that made him lie awake at night thinking about.

You'd noticed his shift in demenaour. His quietness, and his less gruff nature was out of the ordinary. He avoided you, rather than matching your energy like he usually did. It was concerning, but you assumed he would get back to normal sometime soon. In fact, that day he seemed like he was getting better; rolling his eyes, making off-handed comments, and being as cocky as ever. Decidedly more Alex again, after a few days of what felt like the silent treatment (ask yourself a month ago if you'd want him to shut up, you'd say yes in a heartbeat - - but you guessed you never knew how it'd feel until it happened). Of course you knew you cared about him, but you didn't want to admit it like you did with the others.

You just didn't imagine that this would all be because of Ross. Because he was so very clearly jealous for your attention. It made a lot of things make sense; yet you still didn't seem to process it fully.

"We have good chemistry, so what? Since when do you pick up on other peoples feelings, Summers," It was your turn to laugh dryly, crossing your arms across your chest in a familiar way to Alex. You were clearly defensive, your cheeks flushed at the accusation, when you knew the truth. You'd turned him down, ages ago. "And since when do you care who I sleep with, and who I don't?" You added with furrowed brows, genuinely curious as your eyes met his steady, unwavering gaze.

For a moment, you thought you saw him slip again, his chest stuttering as he ran his hand across his jaw and cheek. Expression unreadable in a way that was so him.

"You've slept with him?" He echoed your words, feeling his heart beat against his ribcage like it always did around you. He never knew how you managed to have this affect on him, whether good or bad. And in that second, he didn't really know what to feel. He didn't own you, and you could make your own decisions. But that didn't mean it didn't feel like a knife to the gut.

You seemed to find it nearly funny, uncrossing your arms as you sat forward in your seat, an amused but astonished chuckle falling passed your lips. He noticed your movement, hating himself for admiring the way the fire lit up the one side of your face with a warm, golden light despite your expression."No, you idiot! And why do you give a shit, anyways?" You reiterated, genuinely confused as to what he could be thinking, as of right then. The fact that he had the audacity to assume all of that.

"I don't," He immediately replied, but it felt like a lie to both of you as soon as he'd finished. The idea of you falling for Ross crossed all kinds of wires in his brain. It hurt to think about, and now he knew that it was because it wasn't him. It wasn't Alex.

"Sure. That's why you've been sulking ever since he arrived," You let your eyes flicker to the door that the other man had just left through, referencing Ross without having to say a word. It was true that Alex's troubles had started pretty much as soon as the new man had moved in, but you had assumed that was because that was when all of the new mutants started attending. Alex was always uneasy around people, and the influx of loads of them was bound to make him overwhelmed.

Yet, now you knew that it was more than that.

"I am not!" He countered, knowing that he was being defensive as soon as the words left his mouth - - but he didn't care how it came off, "Who says you know me well enough to even see that?"

Without a beat, you retorted: "I know you better than anyone, Summers." And in most ways, it was true. Despite everything, you were the only one that even tried to understand him on a more personal level. Sure, everyone knew of his struggles as a mutant (and they related), but you knew a lot more. Or silently understood, anyways.

"No. You only think you do," He argued. A lie, again. Alex had always hated that you were the one person that could see passed his usual walls, and pick up on anything. It meant that it was way harder to keep what he felt properly bottled up.

You were slightly hurt by him not acknowledging how much you'd been there for him. And yet, you knew he was lashing out for lots of other reasons. It didn't make it okay - - but you understood. "Well, I could say the same to you," You shrugged, not bothering to look for his reply as you shook your head, "I don't want him, and I never did. . . the fact that you don't know that speak volumes."

It was the truth, in many ways. You were only surprised that he didn't see the obvious reason as to why. There was a pause of silence again, and it weighed heavy on you despite the fact that it barely lasted a few moments.

"You don't?" He breathed out, and you thought you heard relief.

"Jesus, no, Alex! How many times do I have to say it?" You met his eyes, trying to portray to him that you really meant it. You didn't know why you were trying to prove it to him, but you did anyways. "And besides. . . I. . . I think I have feelings for someone else, anyways," the sentence caught in your throat slightly, cheeks heating as you ignored the part of you asking why you'd even admit that in the first place. Part of you wanted this to slip, and you knew it.

"You do?" His baby blues remained fixated to yours, and you swore for a moment that you were going to blurt it out. His gaze fluttered between your eyes, as if searching for an answer. One that'd make his heart stop hammering like it was.

"I'm sure as Hell not telling you about it," You informed, not missing the way your skin crawled at the thought of actually admitting it all. Part of you still felt like everything you'd been through wasn't enough, and he'd just laugh in your face. He hated you. Why would he return your feelings?

He rolled his eyes at your stubbornness, not thinking for a moment that it was perhaps a little hypocritical of him. "C'mon, there can't be anybody else, (Y/N)," Alex replied, his tone telling you that he thought he knew everything - - as per usual. You doubted that was ever going to change.

"There can't? Or can you just not imagine it," You asked, slight teasing apparent in your eyes, knowing that you held information that he wanted. Even more so, when you understood the irony of it all.

For perhaps a moment too long, he appreciated your expression, admiring how annoyingly attractive it was on you. After that pause passed, he seemed to understand your words, jumping to his next conclusion, "Oh God. . . you and Erik?"

"Jesus Christ, Alex - - no!" You exclaimed again, holding back a laugh despite yourself at the situation, "You really are clueless. . ." You were admittedly surprised (knowing how intelligent he could be), your voice indicating as much, tilting your head so that a strand of the front of your hair fell out of place, tone teasing. Alex cursed every part of him that wanted to move it back into place, his hands clenching slightly as he shifted in place - - uncomfortable that he'd even had the thought. And that it didn't seem like it'd be all that bad, really.

"I hate it when you do this. . ." He murmured, looking down to obscure the fact that his face had unintentionally heated at his own thoughts. Part of it almost felt adolescent to him, but he allowed himself to be vulnerable in that way. Just this once. Because you were so damn beautiful.

Your shoulders dropped slightly, unknowingly at his demeanor. Yet you didn't let it stop you from speaking your mind, "What, Summers? You know. . . for how smart I know you are. . . you're pretty bad at seeing what's right in front of you."

He peered up, eyebrows drawing together in genuine confusion, "What do you mean?"

Sighing, and then taking in a deep breath, you settled your thoughts, "I don't owe you anything. I don't have to be vulnerable in front of you right now. I . . . I can't be." It was true, but a part of you also knew that you were only saying this because you were too scared to say what really need to be addressed. Unintentionally, you found your vision drifting towards the fire, contemplating your own words with your bottom lip drawn between your teeth. Waiting for a response.

The fire crackled, and then you heard a tone more stark and honest than you were used to, "Do you really think that?"

Not looking to him, refusing to, you asked bluntly: "What?"

"That you can't be vulnerable around me?" He followed, trailing off as he let the question hang in the air. You always had tension, but this was more than you thought you were used to. Like everything would boil over at the slightest misstep.

You thought about it for a moment, and it almost made you feel dizzy when you focused too hard. With your general anxieties not included: as a teammate, you'd trust him any day - - but Alex was known to be blunt, and sometimes even cruel when it came to other people's feelings. You wanted to believe otherwise, but his track record didn't feel very good to you. And Alex had to know that was the truth.

He did in fact know how he came off, and he resented himself for it. He was done being that person. Especially towards you. "We've been through a lot together, (Y/N). . ." His sentence fizzled out, unsureness evident in his face, his wrists wringing in his lap, "I'm not good with words- -" He cut himself off, wanting to swear beneath his breath at his own ineptitude. Honestly, he barely understood how he felt, nevermind how to put into words what he really meant. And not have it come out like a total mess like it usually did.

He so admired how you always knew what to say, even around him. You always had so much conviction, always believed in what you said, and how you felt.

"You know you can tell me anything, and I wouldn't judge you. I saved your life, you've saved mine. Literally, and figuratively. For a long while, the only thing getting me out of bed were the stupid conversations we'd have. So... just know that no matter how much bullshit I talk, I'd take a bullet for you. I'd never judge you for a moment. I'm just an asshole, okay. I say shit before I think, and I'm immature about my emotions. And you don't deserve to be on the receiving end of me figuring them out," He rambled out, not allowing himself to stop, because his body was telling him to hold back by virtue of how guarded it was used to being. But he just couldn't anymore. Despite his embarrassment, and his flaring cheeks - - this was all honesty.

You couldn't find your words for a moment. But for (perhaps not) the first time, you felt a deep appreciation for the man across from you. Deep down, you knew it was true, but having him say it out loud made your stomach turn in knots, and an oddly warm feeling fill you. For a moment, you felt like you could actually breath. Like there was something in you that felt oddly okay about this. That you could like him, and it wouldn't be the end of the world. For the amount of red you used to see around each other, you were never horrible - - never hurt one another because that wasn't the point. The point was having his attention. And his, yours.

"I . . . I appreciate that," You admitted, voice in a whisper despite not meaning to come out that way, "What did you have to figure out?" You sounded genenuinely curious, eyes glimmering slightly as you pried deeper into his thoughts. He'd never been this honest with you before, and a part of you couldn't help it. His effort to be vulnerable around you was making you heart tug in a familiar way.

Alex's Adam's apple bobbed as he pondered what he'd say - - not ever remembering a time where he was this wordless around you. His gaze drifted to the place next to you, before he was standing, and taking it up without his brain even telling his body to do it. You swallowed and watched, entranced as he got close enough for his thigh to touch yours. Despite coming all this way, his courage refused to let him look at you, instead feeling your stare on the side of his face as his shaking hands began to fidget in his lap.

Before he could become lost in thought, your hands reached out to capture his. You were known to be touchy sometimes with the other mutants, but never with him. He'd caught himself longing for the feeling before, but never let himself think about it too much; because he knew he'd just be torturing himself. But now, all of those feelings melted away, and he'd wished he allowed you to reach out sooner.

"Um . . . how about you go first?" He suggested, looking up at you with an earnest expression and a stuttering chest, "I'm new to . . . this."

You offered him a comforting smile, nodding your head in sympathy as you thought about how hard this might have been for him. He put up these walls because he was scared and hurt, not because he was actually angry. Allowing you to see that was a big step in a good direction.

Realizing you might not be in the mood to admit your secrets, despite how anxious he was to go first, he clarified with: "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just want you to know that . . . I'm here for you, at the very least. " His one hand slipped from beneath yours, no longer trembling as it ran across your fingers and clasped them in his, trying to convey with growing intensity that he meant it.

"You know, for someone who claims to not be good at this, you're . . . very comforting," You admitted, slightly flustered by the way his blue eyes locked on you, and you swore you hadn't ever been this close in your entire time knowing each other. "But it's okay . . . I thought you'd find out sooner or later, anyways," You let a laugh slip passed your lips at your words, knowing what you were about to admit to the man across from you, almost in disbelief by your own decision.

In return, the corner of his mouth pulled into a slightly humored, but admiring smile as he watched you flush. Waiting for you to continue as he settled into the fact that he'd have to be okay with whatever you said. Despite how he felt, or the closeness he perceived with you, you were admitting your feelings for someone else. He had to support you, because you were his friend. His team mate. He had to smile and nod and accept that the person he'd just realized his love for, had fallen for another. Alex had handled worse before, probably. Probably. He'd live through this. He had to.

You sucked in a breath, meeting his vision with yours as you admitted something you could barely say to yourself: "It's pretty obvious to most people . . . even Ross - -" You cut yourself with a slight laugh, remembering fondly the moment where you'd turned his advances down and admitted what you really felt; how understanding he was, claiming he'd felt how you were together. How he knew from the start, something that'd taken you up until now to understand. "After the last few months I've developed feelings for . . . well . . . you, Alex," You told him, watching his expression with your lips parted, cheeks hued pink and breaths more unsteady than you'd care to admit.

To him, he'd never seen anything more beautiful. And he couldn't seem to process your words. Like his body wanted to reject it, because it didn't even believe you'd said it out loud. His heart was in his throat, and before he could think to reassure you, his natural reaction was to stutter out: "Y-You've. . . what?" His voice was deep, and breathy in disbelief.

Your chest continued to rattle as you swallowed momentarily, relaxing yourself in hopes that his reaction wouldn't be too bad. Your hands were still clasped in his, and his thumb began to run across your skin as he watched you, clearly dumbfounded by your admittance. It wasn't a negative reaction, but that didn't mean you were in the clear.

Little did you know what was going through his head at a mile a minute. Little did you know that this was something he'd never imagined would happen to him in his wildest dreams. He thought he was ridiculous for even wanting something with you. And yet here you were, admitting to everything he had bottled up.

"I know it probably sounds weird, but- -"

"No," He cut you off simply, immediately wanting you to know that he'd never think you were stupid for saying anything like that. That he meant what he'd said before.

You looked at him through your lashes, feeling like the wind had been taken out of you by that one simple word. He admired you in that moment, taken back by the fact that the closer he got, the more he seemed to adore you.

"No?" You asked, not meaning for it to come out as hopeful as it did. Alex couldn't help but let a smile flicker onto his lips. Genuine, and warm, and comforting enough for you to feel like you could finally breath again. He hoped his next words were the ones you wanted to hear. And now he had an inkling that they really were.

He looked to your joined grasp, and then back to your face, awaiting his words in a way that made him suddenly incredibly grateful that he could be where he was in that second. Shaking his head, he explained a little, "No, it doesn't. Not at all . . . I mean, that's kinda what I was talking about before. You know . . . what I figured out."

It seemed to click into place after a second, and your blush only darkened as you asked, "You have feelings for me?" Less of a question for you, and more of something that you needed to say out loud to process. Neither of you had any bit of hope that what you felt had been returned, but now . . .

"Well, yeah. . . fuck, how couldn't I at this point?" He chuckled slightly, almost bewildered that you'd have to even check. You cared about him more than anyone. If he was going to fall for someone (which he never thought he would), it was going to be you. It almost felt inevitable to him at this point. Though saying it like that maybe wasn't as eloquent as he pictured in his head - - a reoccurring experience on his part.  "I mean, no. . . that doesn't sound right - - it's not that. It just happened, and I couldn't stop it. Not that I wanted to, I guess- -"

You cut him off with a gentle laugh bubbling from your lips, a hand retracting from it's place in his lap, and coming to rest on his shoulder. The movement was new, but felt so natural that neither of you seemed to bat an eyelid. Instead, he secretly admired the fact that this was the most you'd touched him since you'd met. And your face was flushed, your eyes filled with a soft twinkle, mouth stretched into the most gorgeous smile he'd ever seen. This was a moment he'd never forget, even if he was just an idiot.

"Alex, it's okay. . . I get it," You borderline giggled, trying to hide your smile that now matched his growing one. You understood him better than anyone. You knew what he meant, and he knew you understood. "I definitely get it. You didn't notice it happening, and then you just felt it one day. All at once," You described, watching as he nodded, subconsciously moving his hand up to hold the one that had found its place on his shoulder - - holding it there as he melted into your touch.

"Yeah," He sighed like a weight had been lifted off his chest, remembering just why he'd fallen for you in the first place, "Exactly like that."

For a moment, both of you sat together, silent and unable to care enough to speak. It felt like you were always wound up around each other, and this resolved tension was more comforting than either of you cared to admit; but knew you'd craved every moment up until that point. His pretty blue eyes trained on you like he was the luckiest man in the entire world - - because truthfully, he felt like he was. He thought he could never find his way out of the dark place he'd put himself in. He could never come back from the way he treated you, and the relationship you'd formed. But true to form, you made it so fucking easy to do better.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked, not sure when he'd even started thinking it, nevermind why he'd had the guts to just say it. Never in a million years did he think he'd be in this position with you when he woke up that morning. So fulfilled, and warm. Your hand moving to place his palm on your cheek as you nodded in reply, momentarily unable to speak.

"Yes," You told him, honest, and eager, and lost in a haze as you shifted toward him slightly. Bodies magnetized as you allowed your hand on his shoulder to drift around him, fingers running through the hair at the nape of his neck as his eyes trained on your lips. Then back up to meet your gaze, drinking in the twinkle it held, and allowing himself to smile smally before your lips touched. Obsessed that you were just as excited about this as him. Just as nervous as your heart thumped, and you leaned into him, humming contentedly as you moved in tandem.

His hands were cradling your face tenderly, thumb brushing your cheekbone as his tongue slipped into your mouth, causing you to sigh deeply, your other hand moving to press against his chest as it rise and fell.

If past you could see yourself now, they likely wouldn't know what to think. But everything inside you, all the knots you had tangled were starting to fix themselves. You couldn't not be grateful. It always felt like you needed to do something about your relationship with Alex, but you never felt that exploring that would lead you here. Although, admittedly, almost everyone else did.

The thought made you grin into the kiss, and then he was doing the same.

"What's so funny, hm?" He asked under his breath once you'd parted, seemingly not mad at the interruption at all - - instead taking in how you looked after you'd kissed.

"Do you think this is what Charles had planned when he told us to start getting along?"