[OP: "Closer to Love" -- Matt Kearney]

A long pause while Scott considered his options.

"I guess it's okay, then," he said to himself. "I mean...everyone says you give good advice."

"Well, it helps me cope." Shine sat back. "I'm trying not to worry too much, but I can help you with smaller problems. And who knows...? They might be related. They often are far more than you think. For instance, I think that your bond with Jean could be why you're here. She was swapped--I think you got dragged with her because she's in your head too. But then they took her out of the world. They must be more exact with that, so you didn't follow there. But it could partially explain your memory loss at first. That sharp severing of your tie, at least part of it, plus the shock, that would do it. But with recovery of one thing, the other will probably come with it. I'm surprised it hasn't kicked in yet, but you have had another thing to focus on."

"That's an interesting theory," Scott said. "It makes sense. It's like the zipper thing, right? The connection."

"You do love that metaphor, don't you?" Shine thought it was funny. "But if it works, it works. Sure."

Scott was silent for a while, then he said, "I guess Jean and I bonded because of the hardship of being mutants, with powers that were...frightening. But it didn't feel like such a burden with her. She helped me."

"Did you help her also?" Shine asked.

"I'm not sure," Scott said. "Jean is strong. She got control of her power sooner.... She actually helped with mine."

"So you'd say you owe her?" Shine asked.

She seemed to be mentally taking notes.

"I'd...yeah, I guess I'd say that," Scott said.

"Okay...this may seem like a weird question, but it has a point," Shine said. "What about Emma? She tried to help you. Did you ever feel a sense of obligation there?"

"I don't think so," Scott said. "It was different then. I just thought she was trying to keep me from leaving the team. I mean, I didn't want to leave, so I was grateful in a way for her offer, but I couldn't take it. It didn't feel right."

"And it wouldn't have worked," Shine said. "Jean's mind would have eventually made your memory come back, but, for a time, it might have helped. Maybe Emma thought that was enough time. Or she just had no other ideas. But that's interesting. You feel like you owe Jean, but not Emma."

"Why is that interesting?" 

"People have patterns," Shine said. "I study this, Scott. I find it interesting. If they tend to feel like they owe someone, they just treat everyone like that, if they help them. But if they are the independent type, they tend to treat people helping like something they just deign to accept. And they won't feel obligated to help you much in return, maybe a little. You seem like you're one way, however, with one person and a different way with another. That happens if we have a different perspective on how certain people work. The most likely cause? You see some people as much higher on the scale of goodness than you see others, and you judge who you owe the most too based on this scale."

Scott stared at her.

"I don't think I do that," he said.

"Exhibit A:" Shine said. "How you look at the dark past of your friends versus your enemies. One you see as in the past, the other you see as ongoing. Exhibit B: You condone Xavier's meddling in people's heads, and Emma wiping people's memories when it's for the X-men, but if the MRD or Circle did it, you'd say that was wrong and they were monsters. I do love some good personal bias hypocrisy."

"Now wait a minute--"

"Exhibit C:" Shine said. "This time-meddling thing only bothers you when it's our enemies, but seems fine when your Professor at home does it, as I understand he has been. Emma told me that. Funnily enough, she didn't seem to have a problem seeing why it was a little weird, though I don't think she thought it was bad, but then, that's in character for Emma. But it's a little odd for you. Need I go on?"

Scott winced. "But isn't there justified cause in all that?"

"Oh, don't we all love that," Shine said. "Sometimes yes, Scott. But if that's the only reason you have for three separate incidents that all sound pretty bad on paper...do I really need to tell you that something is off?"

"You think I'm a bad person?" Scott said. "Selfish, like you said."

"No, I can't blame you entirely. The whole X-men are like this. The ones here used to be. I think they've come a long way. You know, Wally and I try to have integrity. If we say something is wrong, we mean it. We do not break our own rules. There's a time and place for exceptions, but exceptions follow their own rules too.... I know this all seems like it has nothing to do with what you're feeling, but I believe it can help you if you get the point I am making here."

"I don't see what any of this has to do with what happened," Scott said. "I was tricked again."

"Yes...well, mind control is not the same, but, on the subject of tricks, why do you think you fall for that so easily?" Shine asked.

"I don't know."

"I do." Shine sipped some water. "You want to believe people are better than they are. So you ignore red flags and think only of the good you know of them."

"Isn't that usually something people think is good?" Scott was put out.

"Well, Scottie, the problem is that when you are let down, you can be vicious," Shine said. "Not so much as the one here, I think, but you are inflexible. Now, if you had more realistic expectations to begin with and thought people are all fallible and they are all liable to be deceived and misguided at times, and so are you, you'd realize that a few mistakes do not make someone irredeemable. Not to be harsh, but is shouldn't take someone dying to prove that to you."

"I--" Scott began and then stopped.

"And you hold yourself to that also," Shine finished. "You can't possibly meet your own expectations of never being subject to error, pettiness, or other temptations. Never wanting to escape problems instead of facing them. But the only thing you really want to escape from, Scott, is knowing that you're never going to be perfect. My, you and Emma remind me of each other now that I say it out loud. No wonder..."

"You think Emma is like that?"

"Think? I know," Shine said. "Ask her, she might admit it by now. With that power of hers, she could almost pull it off, too. If she'd never gotten shattered, I'm not sure anything would have convinced her to drop that act. But it's been dropped for her. But you, you'd have to choose it. We can't make you just because of your power. And your mind is recovering nicely. But it seems to me this whole thing with Jean made you fall apart because of how helpless it made you feel. Rather like Emma is now. Do you see why I think it all connects? You can't forgive yourself."

Scott was silent for a long moment.

"I've heard some of this before," he said.

"Clearly, you didn't listen." Shine was savage.

"Well, I can't just stop feeling responsible."

"No, but it's a choice," Shine said. "Even if you have to just say to yourself, 'I cannot control this,' that's something. We Christians have a saying: 'He is God--I am not.' Some of us find it helpful."

"Yeah, and if He's God, why doesn't He do something?" Scott said. "I've had a lot of bad things happen to me, Miss Likstar, and God was never there in any of them."

"Your perspective of it is not necessarily accurate," Shine said. "Especially if you did not look. God is often in the hidden things."

"Sure," Scott said sarcastically. "Because that's the easy way out."

"Is it easy?" Shine said. "I always thought it was harder. 'You Believe because you have seen. Blessed are those who believe without seeing'. And how many things in your life, Scott, did you miss until they were taken from you? It could very well be that you'd only bother to notice God if He disappeared for good, but you'd die if that happened. And that is what people in hell feel, I've no doubt. But we hardly even notice when other people love us, who we do see, let alone God."

"Yeah, but at least with people there's evidence."

"Does billions of people testifying they've met God and hearing from Him not count as evidence to you?" Shine said. "If billions of people told you they saw someone appear out of thin air, would you believe it? In this world of mutants? Of course you would. But you won't believe them when they say an all-powerful deity that is kind and good has appeared to them, each in their own way that makes sense to them. But they all call Him by the same name and know the same basic things about Him. I can prove it to you with science and reason also, Scott, but you're not the kind of man who cares about those two things. You want to feel valued and seen, don't you?"

"I--" Scott thought she might have just called him stupid. "I don't think you can just say that."

"You know, I find you ungrateful," Shine said, not listening to him. "Sure, you've had some bad stuff happen to you, but you got helped. A lot of people didn't. Even here, we helped you. Don't complain about being found, Scott. Complain about being lost. You shouldn't snub God so fast--He's the reason I help people like you, and lot of these good people find Him motivating also. What do I get out of it? You all need to check your attitudes sometimes. Who do you think you are? To tell God He's doing it wrong? Do you know any and all future events? Do you know what's in people's hearts? Maybe this was the best possible outcome. In fact, I tend to think it always is. God can't make mistakes."

"And I think that's crazy, saying that people suffering and dying is the best possible outcome," Scott said.

"They would have died anyway," Shine said. "Are you sure that prolonging it would have been better? Is that your call? Controlling fate?"

"You know, I'm not interested in discussing this with you. And you're the one who wanted to convince me to take God seriously. I thought we were talking about my problem."

"You'd rather talk about that than God," Shine said. "That right there is interesting. You get absorbed in your problems and push aside all other considerations. Is that true?"

"Stop doing that." Scott was getting uncomfortable now. "How...? Are you just guessing?"

"I don't know. Am I right?" Shine said. "Because then it was Insight. If I'm wrong, it was guessing."

"Well, I don't like it," Scott said. "It's my personal business, not yours."

"C. S. Lewis said that 'there are no personal affairs'," Shine said. "Everything that is hidden will be revealed, and what you do in secret will be yelled from the streets. I try not to have secrets I would be ashamed of people knowing. Can you say the same?"

"Stop it," Scott said. "Are you trying to upset me?"

"Is it upsetting you?" 

"You know what? I don't have to listen to this." Scott got up.

"Running away from me," Shine said.

He stopped.

"You do that a lot, don't you?" Shine said, coolly. "It got too close to the truth."

Scott turned.

"I don't owe you the right to talk to me about this stuff," he said.

Shine stood up, now angered a little. "I helped you, Scott. I broke Selene's power off you and more, too. But I guess you think you owe me nothing because I'm annoying you. Aren't we back to the beginning of this conversation here? I'm not good enough, right? Because you decided I wasn't."

Scott was caught.

He didn't know what to do now. She'd trapped him.

He glanced at the door like he wanted to get out.

But then he slowly sat down again.

"That's not fair," he said.

"I'm sorry, what's not fair?" Shine was not done being savage. "That I'm right? Is that how you repay people who help you free of charge? All I want is to keep helping you. Gosh, how does Emma put up with this?" She got up and paced around the chair. "I know you treat her the same way."

"I don't know," Scott said. "And her help was a little different."

"Ah, well, it was still help you never tried to repay." Shine was cutting. 

"Look, I thought Emma lied," Scott said. "Was I supposed to repay that?"

"I don't know, Scott," Shine said. "But you fight me the same way, and I didn't lie. Should I assume that's the real reason?"

"Look, I don't know what to say to you," Scott said. "I don't like any of this. You have a lot of harsh things to say about me. What can I do about it? Why wouldn't I want to end it? You're not helping me, you're just insulting me."

"You insulted me first. Did you apologize yet?" Shine said.

"Am I a child now?" Scott said.

"An adult would not have to be told to apologize, Scott. He'd have done it by now," Shine said.

Silence.

"I'm sorry," Scott said with difficulty. "Thank you.... Better?"

"A little." Shine sat back down. "Actually, Scottie, I like you. You're refreshingly honest compared to your other self, sorry to say it--I know you don't like it. But, it's good that you're different. It'd be a bad sign otherwise. You don't seem to be thoughtless on purpose. A lot of it is that you take on way too much responsibility for what happened to you. But you don't take enough for your reaction to it. Most of us have trouble with that. We try to control circumstances instead of our attitudes. You feel helpless, right? But you're not helpless, or we all are. Which may be true. So why are you special? You're not. But it's the hero complex turned on its head. You find it forced on you to be different than other people, so you try to be a better person to compensate for it. To compensate for having a power you don't like and that is dangerous, you have to be an even better person because of it. And Xavier teaches that, doesn't he?"

"I swear...it's like you read my mind." Scott was almost too impressed to be mad now. "And he does."

"Scott, this is all identifying patterns," Shine said. "Shall I shock you further? I don't agree with Xavier's philosophy at all. Yes, we have to be the best person we can be, and those with power should indeed protect those who don't have it, but God says this is what's expected of every man. The human girl, Trinity, just as much as the X-men, and she gets it. But you guys don't. I got that treatment too, before they knew I had gifts. Like I had nothing to offer without powers. I proved my worth as a counselor, but they still took us more seriously once they knew the full truth. I suppose it's fair enough--we have gifts for a reason, but humans have just as much to offer as mutants, and mutants are not morally superior. You know that I find Xavier and Magneto are oddly alike that way, only Xavier expects mutants to be morally superior inside, while Magneto thinks that mutants being stronger than humans makes them automatically morally superior. A stupid philosophy, and one I'm amazed someone who was in a Nazi prison camp cannot find repulsive...but there it is. You're a product of your environment, Scott."

"Whoa..." Scott was reeling. "That makes so much sense...but I don't know--why shouldn't we be better? We have to prove to humans that we're not bad."

"So you're agreeing with humans that you have something to prove to them?" Shine said. "And that being born different, in fact, does put you lower on the ladder, so you have to earn acceptance?"

"What? No."

"But that is what you're saying," Shine said. "A human doesn't have to prove they're human. Why does a mutant have to prove they are better than human? Unless they really are worse. Or they really are better. Xavier assumes mutants to be inferior by his own philosophy, and Magneto assumes them to be superior. But we want equal. Same as everyone else. And that is what I and Wally teach. Our students around here are very welcoming. Even Emma has said it."

Emma had, in fact, said it, and Scott knew it.

"I..." He could understand it. "But..."

"And all this makes it hard for you to take a hit," Shine went on. "To bring us back to what all this was about: You think you should be above it. But we all can be exploited. I've been duped myself. Thankfully not with mind control, but I've been manipulated. Memory wiped, you know the drill. You know, I hated it, but, in the end, I didn't really blame myself. I used to, but God set me straight on that. Reminds me that I'm not all knowing. I need Him. Can you say the same?"

Scott was silent for a long time.

"I admit, you just made a lot of good points," he said finally, "and I have to think about them. I think you just explained my whole life to me...but I don't know if I accept your interpretation of the truth even so."

"I'm right about it all except that I think the answer it different?" Shine said. "Yes...well, I've heard that before. To be fair, someone can get facts right and come to the wrong conclusion, but they have an error in their assumptions somewhere, and as far as I can see, all I stated was the plain, hard facts. And that we need a Savior who is better than us. I see no leap in logic here. But you had Jean, right?"

"Yes...exactly," Scott said. "And the X-men."

"So tell me," Shine said, "in that case...why do you fall apart in their absence?"

"Isn't that why?" Scott said. "We need each other."

"But humans are not infinite, Scott, nor are we infallible," Shine said. "Don't you think relying on them to be your savior is a mistake? Admit it, you didn't resent Emma just for taking people you cared about--she took the people you relied on for guidance. And without them you feel lost."

Scott opened his mouth and shut it again.

"You know, she did you a favor." Shine crossed her arms. "Not on purpose maybe--and not that it was right, by any means, to do that. But we have a saying in my time: 'It's good to have the rug yanked out from under our feet--then we see what rock is holding us up.' And if you had no rock, and your life was a house of cars that one blow would knock over...well, is it anyone's fault but your own? I guess Emma had that problem also. But at least she admitted it. Finally. Will you? Or do you want to reassemble that house of cards and wait till something else knocks it over? It will happen, Scott...in fact, it has already. Now, we can show you a rock to build on, but you have to stop liking the sandcastles first. They look nice, but they're sand. One good wave and they're gone. Rock is a lot more lasting."

"I can't believe you called that a favor," Scott said.

"Scottie, let me tell you something." Shine leaned forward. "My father was emotionally abusive to me. Sometimes verbally and physically too, in small amounts, but still. I didn't have it the worst, but I had it hard, the amount of times he made me cry and feel like dirt, and it took me years to feel like I could like myself again."

"Oh...I'm sorry..." 

"Other people did that to me also." Shine shrugged. "I know what it's like to be hated and picked on a lot. We tend to have the same experience over and over again. The enemy likes to try to break us. But you know what? I wouldn't change it now. I would have once, but, as bad as it was, do you know what it gave me? When my parents punished me unfairly, I used to take out my Bible and read it and pray and worship. And God would talk to me. Not like a person would talk, but in His way. I learned to seek solace in things deeper than just human actions. My go-to now is God, before man. Do you know how lucky I am? Nothing can take God away. Any man can be taken from me, and I know it. I love my friends and family and my husband, and they helped me a lot, but they know and I know it can end any time. I would hate that, but I would survive it. And they would survive without me." She leaned back again. "Because we all have something we're standing on. Even in all this mess, I still have that."

She shrugged. "So...God gave me a lot of pain when I was younger so that I knew not to rely on men. Some are very wonderful, and others aren't, but no one is perfect. God is. And you, you need to deal with this. I've heard this old prayer people have: 'God, I thank you for the roses. Help me thank you for the thorns as well.' The bad and the good in life, they come together."

She stood up. "I think we've talked enough for now.... I can't give you better advice than this--to seek help from something bigger than yourself. With that, you can overcome all of this. 'Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil by doing good.' All I can do for you, Scottie, is knock down your house of cards...but what you rebuild is your choice. Thank you for listening to me, though. Not walking out. I appreciate it." She left the room directly.

Scott had so much to think of, he sat there for probably half an hour, just transfixed and questioning everything.

[Been there. That was long, but good, mostly. My siblings didn't think Shine should have been so critical, but I thought it was a sign of stress with the situation. Could be something she needs to examine herself. Still, overall, I thought her advice was correct. You cannot heal until you can stop saying you shouldn't be wounded at all.]

* * *

After all these difficult conversations, everyone was exhausted.

The crisis itself had just about worn them out. For a whole day, things were kind of listless.

They had been supposed to find Magneto and see if he had any leads, but, now that Selene had threatened them if they did that...they weren't sure what to do. Was risking it worth the slight amount of information they might get?

Wally maintained they should hold off. Even Selene had said they had weeks, probably. They needed to give themselves a break.

It certainly seemed their foe didn't want them to have that after what happened.

Scott avoided both the girls, out of shame.

Emma and Mystique had it better.... They had little dignity to lose when it came to the other, and after avoiding it for a while, Emma grew tired of doing exactly what she knew Selene wanted and just talked to Mystique directly.

She apologized.

Mystique said it wasn't any of their faults and she didn't blame Emma.

That seemed the end of it.

"Of course...it's still uncomfortable," Emma admitted to her. "But then, that's what that witch wants from us."

"Why does she hate you so much?" Mystique asked. "What'd you ever do to her?"

"Nothing at all, that's the odd part. Ever since the Phoenix incident she was always harsh to me, and then with the X-men, she was vicious," Emma reflected.

"So she's jealous," Mystique surmised.

"Of what?" Emma asked. "My telepathy? It seems she has her own."

"How can someone who can read minds be this bad at knowing how people think?" Mystique looked at her like she was a child. "Selene's just a vampire living off other people's lives. She must hate that you could move teams, and fit in, and have something she doesn't have."

"Doesn't want, also," Emma said. 

"Well, you were powerful enough before to be a problem for her," Mystique said. "People like that like to utterly destroy their rivals. Gives them a kick. No, that's the only thing in all this that makes perfect sense to me."

She frowned. "So make her pay for it, Frost. Don't take it lying down."

"Oh, I'm livid," Emma said. "But it's worse for Scott.... You and I, we could take being framed.... I'm sure neither of us really was surprised someone would have it out for us, but Scott is a good person. He must be feeling it.... I haven't seen him since, hardly."

"I can't say I want to talk about it." Mystique made a face of disgust. "But anyone would know that he was mind controlled. He shouldn't be ashamed...not that that makes it better."

"Odd, it's almost normal to talk about it now," Emma said. "After Shine removed the power, I felt freer from the situation.... I don't understand how that power of hers works. Do you?"

"Whatever I understand, I couldn't put it into words." Mystique shrugged. "It just does."

Shine came in, looking pretty down for her.

"Hi, ladies," she said dully.

"What's wrong with you?" Emma asked.

"I'm...just so tired of all this," Shine said, rubbing her head. "Perhaps it's my gifting, but I feel as if I can just feel how anxious everyone else is. I normally take a break at times like this, but we're snowed in, and even if we weren't, it feels like any break would be an opening for the enemy to attack us again."

"So even you have a limit," Emma noted.

"Of course I have a limit, Emma," Shine said crossly.

It caught them off guard.

"Well, we know you just hold it together for everyone else," Mystique noted flatly. "But this has been crappy enough for even you to have some excuse to scream about it. If that would keep you sane."

"Thanks, but...I'm not sure it would," Shine said.

"Did your talk with Scott at least go well?" Emma ventured to ask. 

"I'm not sure," Shine said. "I had to duck out. I got too stressed about it. I didn't really get to what I wanted to, but I always hit the same wall with him...not that I should be telling you that."

"I'm a telepath. I already know," Emma said. "Some of it, anyway."

"And we all live in the same house. I think we can figure it out." Mystique gestured around. "If you really need an excuse."

"It's just poor practice..." Shine said. "Of course Wally said I maybe should have softened it a little. You know, I just keep thinking we have to hurry, because I have no idea when the feathers will hit the fan completely...but then, you can't rush these things either."

"I hope you were not critical," Emma said.

Shine shrugged.

"Shine!" Emma was severe. "At such a time, that is not right."

Mystique saw Shine's eyes flicker like she might start crying.

"All right, Frost, don't jump the gun," she said warningly. "You don't even know what was said. Anyway, it's none of our business."

"You just said we all share the same house," Emma said. "Changing your tune out of concern? How sweet, but I'm more concerned--Scott needs support. You don't know how he is when you back him into a corner."

"Actually, I do." Shine looked up. "Maybe you have a point, Emma.... If it was as easy as just identifying problems, half of us could do the same. Getting to the roots and knowing how to help is the hard part. Usually I love this kind of thing, but I'm starting to dread it. I'm overtaxed for sure. I suppose it could affect my approach."

"Then you shouldn't have at all, if you weren't ready," Emma said.

"Who has time to be ready?" Shine said.

"Not helping." Mystique looked at Emma in annoyance. "Unless you had a better suggestion for helping Scott, but then why leave it to her at all? Everyone relies on them too much."

"True," Shine admitted. "An easy mistake to make. But short-lived. Just when you rely on someone too much, they always fail you. It's like the law of equal and opposite reactions."

"You could say no," Mystique said.

"I do, sometimes," Shine said. "But we're all playing catch-up here, aren't we? I can only say no so many times."

"I suppose we did ask..." Emma allowed. "Well, now you know how a telepath feels."

She got glares from both of them.

"All right, but, still, I think you should have supported him," she said.

"Well, it's not really my style," Shine said. "I encourage, correct, rebuke, and reinforce, but support? I tend to feel if people know what they need to do, I just need to get out of their way. More how I am, also. I praise people sincerely, not to hype them up."

"Which is less nauseating." Mystique didn't care for flattery herself.

"I don't flatter people," Emma said, "but sometimes you have to let them do as they think is right."

"That's never backfired on you?" Shine said.

Emma paused. "The principle is the same."

"It could be you're right about Scott." Shine had clearly been thinking about it in the back of her mind while they were talking. "Both you and Wally might be. I will have to apologize to him, if so."

"For bothering about people who don't do anything for you in return?" Mystique said. "Even if you have a sharp tongue, I personally don't care. I think it's stupid to be that particular if someone is trying to help at all. Most people wouldn't."

"Well, if everyone was like you, Raven, I'd never have gotten in trouble in high school for stating my opinions in the wrong way," Shine said. "But there is something to be said for delicacy. Still, thanks. At least someone is not upset with me."

"I didn't say I was upset," Emma said. "I just worry--" She broke off.

"Yes, I think we all know why you worry," Shine said. "But all power to you there, I suppose."

"Well, Scott can take of himself," Mystique said. "I guess he does like being babysat, however."

"That is not in good taste!" Emma said sharply. "None of you really understand him. He has to save people--that's just who he is."

"I know that," Shine said. "Where we disagree is that you think that is always a good thing. I know from my own life it's not. But I could be preaching to myself here. Excuse me." She left the room again.

"You know, the enemy won't have to do a thing if we can't even function ourselves," Mystique said to Emma. "That's the whole point of the attack in the first place. Don't let them win. You have to work with the others also. Not just Scott."

"I know," Emma muttered.

https://youtu.be/asaCQOZpqUQ