[OP: "What Love is For"-- Amy Grant]

The day after that had the X-men still planning to search for Psylocke.

Somehow, in the midst of this, Pastor Mike called to ask them about speaking at more events.

Storm was on the point of refusing, given the situation at hand.

But Shine told her not to just assume that.

"Yes, we have a lot on our plate," she said, "but we can't focus solely on it. It's not smart. We have to go on with our normal lives also. Wally and I always do. Besides...we want to keep some events going ,right? The more we become absorbed in this, the more we exclude what makes our two worlds different. So...maybe it's in our best interest to keep doing the church things."

"In one way, we at least can be pretty sure that's not parallel," Wally said. "Right?"

"Yeah...it's not," Scott said. "And frankly, I don't see the use in it.... When has the church ever cared about mutants?"

"Well, Scott, no one else seems to care about them," Shine said bluntly. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe you could learn something from us."

"I don't think I'm interested," Scott said.

"Ya will be, Sugar," Rogue said. "That's what we all said at first...until it worked."

Scott just looked at her strangely.

Somehow, in the midst of this madness, Jubilee had almost forgotten about Trinity completely, but Trinity dropped by for a routine Saturday visit, braving what was another cold snap, to celebrate New Year's.

[Crazy story: New Year's Eve in 1983 was actually on a Saturday. I didn't know that till after I wrote it in and decided to fact check just for fun.]

Somehow, no one had noticed that it was New Year's Eve.

"New year, new me," Trinity joked.

"Hey, it'll be 1984," Wally noted. "Wow...and it's not under the whole creepy thing from the novel."

"Yeah...at least not here," Shine said. "Big Brother is not watching, thank goodness. We have enough problems."

"I haven't heard from you in days," Trinity said to Jubilee. "Is something going on?"

"Uh...well, we got a new mutant," Jubilee said. "Illyana, come here."

Illyana came in.

"Who is this? New student?" she asked.

"No, this is Trinity. We're BFFs," Jubilee said. "That means friends."

"Oh..." Illyana said.

"She's human," Jubilee added.

"Ah," Illyana said. "You have human friend? That is nice."

Trinity smiled oddly. "Yeah...nice...like a pet."

"I didn't mean that," Jubilee said.

"But do you always have to say I'm human?" Trinity said. "It's...kind of weird."

"But I just say that so they won't ask what your mutation is," Jubilee said.

"I guess being human really does make me the oddball around here," Trinity said.

She sighed. "It doesn't bother me that you guys have powers, but does it bother you that I don't?"

"Please." Kitty walked in. "Any girl who would frying pan a creep in the living room is fine by me, power or no power. Powers are overrated."

"That sound like fun," Illyana said. "Frying pan is excellent weapon."

"Are you Russian?" Trinity asked

"Da, am Pietro's sister," Illyana said.

"Oh...you do kind of look alike," Trinity said. "So where in Russia are you from...?"

The conversation turned to less awkward subjects.

The kids were not going to join in looking for Psylocke, for obvious reasons, so they had nothing else to do but hang around and play in the snow or else do indoor activities.

* * *

Before anyone left, Shine was doing her study time to try to prepare herself mentally for it, and she was interrupted by Mystique, who came in looking pretty subdued.

Shine looked up and was silent.

Mystique took a while to work up the nerve to speak, but finally she said,

"I gave it some thought.... I didn't really let you explain yourself before. So...just tell me clearly, what did you know about me?"

Shine put down her pen.

"You know...let me read you this." She opened her notebook to the beginning. "I've taken notes on the conversations I have with everyone.... I don't use their names, but I can tell just from how I wrote it, who I was talking about...plus, I color code, sometimes.... Here it is. This is after that first day:

"'I'm happy to report that our names are finally cleared, thanks to some help from (Spiderman.)'... Then I described what happened there and afterward.... 'So, after actually meeting (Mystique), I have to say she's kind of what I expected, pretty guarded and afraid of all of us.'"

Mystique felt herself getting warm with embarrassment at how easily Shine had seen through her back then. So it didn't even take one day.

"'But I have to admit...I get this sense that there's more to her than that,'" Shine kept reading, with no sense of irony at all. "'I'd like to become friends, if she lets me. We'll see. I'll pray about it of course.... I have to try to keep the others from making it worse, but how?'... And then some more about that, and then there's an entry from a few days later that brings it up again. 'So far, progress is slow.... I'm aware that Mystique has had a lot to do with problems for the X-men, so I know why they're being cautious.... I can't even blame them, really. But, I still feel what I felt before--I don't think she's as dangerous as they think. She could be, but I just don't sense that kind of malicious intent coming from her. Maybe she's just alone and bitter from life. I know what Kurt thinks, but I can't expect everyone else to agree....' And you can guess the rest."

She looked up. "Satisfied?"

Mystique stared at her. "And that's what you thought? Really?"

"I can't see any reason I'd lie to myself in my own notebook," Shine said dryly. "What's the point of that? Trust me, no one else can read my writing anyway." She laughed lightly. "I wouldn't have written about at length what I knew about you, because I knew that I knew already. And clearly it didn't worry me enough to analyze it at length in here."

"You mentioned danger," Mystique noted.

"I figured you'd pick that out," Shine said. "I mentioned that the others thought you were dangerous. But I said I didn't."

"So you did consider it," Mystique said.

"Raven, I ask that about everyone," Shine said. "In some ways, I can't help it any more than you can. I've had my share of people who tried to hurt me, both close to me and strangers. Isn't it more important to know I immediately decided it wasn't so? It wasn't my concern. And it shouldn't be yours either. I'm sorry for what I said before... I shouldn't have come down on you at such a moment. I was upset already, you understand? And a lot of people were hurling accusations at me also. Maybe I just couldn't take one more. I'm not perfect."

Mystique sat down finally.

"I'm the last person who should fault you for that," she said. "I suppose I owe you some kind of apology...not that I usually would make one anyway, but...perhaps just this once."

"I accept," Shine said. "What changed you mind?"

Mystique frowned. "You could make it a little harder for me."

"I'm sure that would make you feel better, but why should I do that?" Shine said. "That's harder, isn't it?"

Touche.

"I talked to Morph," Mystique said.

"I thought you must have," Shine said. "I saw him come in yesterday. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. So, he explained?"

"He explained enough," Mystique said. "I still hate it...but...it's not your fault. It's my fault." She folded her hands in her lap. "I made those choices... I knew that, really, already."

"I know you did," Shine said. "I'm sorry you had to find out about it. If I had an alternate self, I wouldn't want to know. I'm glad I don't know the answer to that."

"Mimic said there is no version of me that's ever been on the right side," Mystique said slowly. "I knew that was true of me, as I am here...but Frost is different...so why am I the same?"

"I don't think you are," Shine said. "And...I can't fully answer. I don't really know. Logan is very similar to his other selves in many ways. But there're differences. One possibility is that because you touched the timeline so directly, your personality is just more interconnected. But I doubt that's the real reason. The truth is, your talents are too useful to the kind of people who like to cause this stuff. They'd seek out all those other Mystiques, the same way Apocalypse sought you out. I doubt any of them care about their well being, but it's the way it is. Evil people tend to do the same thing. I've told all of you, people are the same everywhere. I don't think you fully know what that means."

Mystique frowned. "So I don't...have a choice?"

"Did you want a choice?" Shine asked.

"Even if I didn't make it, it would be nice to know I had one at all. Is this predestination?" Mystique asked.

"Raven, predestination in that way doesn't exist," Shine said. "As hard as it is to believe, every one of you had a choice. Yes, they chose what they did. They had the same temptations as you. But did they choose it at the same times? Probably not. Just as you have made better choices, they probably have too. Who's to say if any of them eventually came to change? You know, it's not important. Their actions do not control you. I wanted to tell you that before. They cannot make you do anything. Sure...possibilities increase. There's a pull, I suppose, between worlds. But it's just a pull...it's not destiny. We're pulled so many ways that the influence of other worlds is probably a minor factor in why we do anything. There's plenty of temptation here, isn't there? You will find this hard to accept, but you can still do whatever you want. Regardless of what they did."

"Because we're not the same person. You said so before."

"Perhaps that was for your benefit as much as Emma's," Shine said. "Just in case this came out. I had anticipated it might if you stayed involved. But, you see, I left that choice up to you anyway."

A pause while Mystique thought about that.

"You never did suggest I help," she said. "I insisted... That was on me."

"I didn't stop you. I don't believe it's my call to do so. Morph tried...bless his heart... He wanted to protect you from learning that. He told us as much."

Mystique looked up. "Why? Why not just tell me...? Who knows? It might have worked.Then. I don't know now."

"Blackmailing someone with the threat of what happened in other dimensions is stupid. You can't really know it'll happen again, and trying to alter things like that is just where these rifts come from. Remember, Morph's team fixed what other people did to alter things, they didn't try to alter it themselves. I'm sure they'd have liked it if their team members could have been saved...but they know better than to violate those principles of time. Morph knew better than to try to stop you by force. But we can do our best to make people understand that actions matter... You've no idea how hard that is, even if we're dealing with just the average person in their own timeline. I think we tried to explain this before..."

Mystique leaned on her hand dejectedly. "I could only think one thing... I still can hardly believe you had no other intentions. What did I ever do to warrant such leniency? One thing isn't enough. One pathetic little act of bravery."

"Like it matters," Shine said. "I liked you anyway." She shrugged. "You get me. I have no illusions about your moral compass being the same as mine, but didn't you ever kind of wish it was? If you were honest."

"You thought you could change me?" Mystique said bitterly.

"I can't change anyone," Shine said. "But if you wanted change...I try to help people believe in that. But it's your choice. It always was. It always will be, with me." She looked serious. "I will never force you to do something like that. I won't lie to you to get you to do what I want. I have wants. We all have preferences, Raven. You'd prefer things to be less complicated, I'm sure. But this is our life. You're part of it by a series of circumstances out of our control as much as yours. You have to play this the way you want to. But it's funny. You're kind of in the same boat as us now. It'd be better if we all work together, wouldn't it?"

Mystique snorted. "We're not doing this for the same reasons."

"Not all of the same ones, but I think we all don't want the world to end," Shine said. "Is that so hard? But what brought this on...? I thought you would never talk to me again."

"Would you believe it if I said Frost did it?" Mystique said. "She lit into me yesterday." She shook her head wryly. "Afterward, I realized if I was going to get the third degree treatment, I'd rather get it from someone who showed at least a little restraint."

"I guess that's a compliment to me?" Shine said uncertainly.

"Close as you'll get from me," Mystique said, sitting up now. "I guess if it comes to it, I can tell you what I think, and it never makes any sort of difference in how you treat me. I don't get why...but it's your way. I realized that's better than someone looking for a weakness just so they can throw it in your face."

Shine seemed to be trying not to laugh. "Well...duh."

"You'll forgive me because you insist on doing so," Mystique added. "Not that I'm asking for it, but..."

"But I will," Shine said. "And there's nothing you can do about it. We established that."

"So I won't bother trying," Mystique said. "Moving on...I don't think Morph ever will."

"He might surprise you."

"He shouldn't. I was abominable...but then, when am I not?"

"Usually not," Shine said. "But I don't understand. Why not just apologize to him also? I think he was more worried than anything else."

"I don't think I could confront it." Mystique suddenly looked more upset. "I can't avoid it either...not if I'm going to try to fix the dimensional problem...which is laughable, but it's what we have to do, and I can't get out of it... Worse than doing it is not knowing what's happening..."

"Yes, so you have to deal with it," Shine said. "I don't see the dilemma here."

"I'm not the kind of person who resolves conflict," Mystique said. " I just...avoid it. I can't... Anyway...I can't believe him. All I said and did, and he still has the gall to be sympathetic.... Who does that?"

"Perhaps he has some experience in this area."

"I didn't know that," Mystique said. "But if it's true, it's worse."

"Are you upset that he's not as petty as you are?" Shine asked.

Mystique frowned at her.

"I'm just asking." Shine shrugged. "What did he do?"

"Not important," Mystique said. "The point is...I don't deserve this kind of leniency... I can take it from you. You're too...strange. It doesn't matter as much. But..."

"Well, thanks." Shine crossed her arms. "I do have feelings."

"Yes...ones you admit to," Mystique said. "Which is rare."

"I'm not ashamed of them. I'm confused. What's bothering you exactly?"

"I shouldn't even ask you," Mystique said, sitting back. "You should tell me to solve it for myself."

"Knowing that you probably can't, why would I tell you that?" Shine was savage even while being reassuring.

"Morph said some things... I was reminded again of how little I deserve to be here," Mystique said. "I can't... I don't know why you all didn't just kill me or something right off. I know you don't do that...but we'd all have been better off that way."

She looked down.

"That's a terrible thing to say about yourself." Shine was fierce. "Please, never say that again."

"Isn't it true?" Mystique said, losing her calm more. "It's ridiculous... I...I don't know now. He must hate me."

"Hate you?"

"Who wouldn't?" Mystique said. "It's...what he said basically said it all...all the ways I've handled this poorly... What did he expect? But...I suspect that's just the kind of stupid expectations you people have... I couldn't meet those expectations, not even if I tried...but..."

"I can't picture Morph saying anything that harsh to someone."

"In so many words," Mystique said. "I know what it means. I'm not sure how to work on this mission now...but..." She sighed.

"I think you're a goose," Shine said bluntly. "Morph does not hate you. The whole thing stressed him out. If he got angry, it was because of that."

"I made him angry on purpose," Mystique said. "He knew it. But I'm like that..."

"You seem to have come to your senses now."

"Too late," Mystique said. "And I can't say I wouldn't do it again, tomorrow...I calmed down a little, but I don't trust it to last."

"Neither do I, if that helps," Shine said. "But getting upset is fine, you know... Yes, you could have handled it better...but you're here still. It could have been worse too. I'd say it's water under the bridge. I mean, it hurt...but I think we all know what learning what you did would do to someone. You can't expect yourself to be able to just shake that off... You know that's not fair, right? No one would. I'm sure you're not okay even now with it. You have to stop driving yourself like this."

"I'm not," Mystique said. "If anything, I expect little of myself."

"Yes, that doesn't mean you're not driven, just that it's desperation, instead of performance," Shine said. "I swear, Raven, if you would ever just give yourself a break, you'd find you're perfectly capable of the things other people are...but there, you don't believe me, do you? I know... I wouldn't have once."

She just got a blank look in return.

"Okay..." Shine said slowly. "What can I help you with, then?"

"Nothing. I should have known better." Mystique got up in a hurry.

"Oh, no, you don't." Shine beat her to the door somehow. "Don't just walk away from me."

"What's the use?" Mystique said. "I wouldn't do it even if you told me the right thing to do here."

"I may not know the right thing, but here's my two cents," Shine said. "You feel guilty. Fine. You think you can't make up for it? Fine. But don't add to it, then. At this point, continuing to act the way you have been is only going to make all of us feel worse about it. You should let us help you, but if you won't be helped, then don't try to be hurt more, at least. Can you do that? Can you stop inviting our scorn in this manner?"

"Inviting it?" Mystique said. "I'm not--"

"You literally just sat there and told me to think badly of you."

Mystique hadn't heard it out loud before.

She blinked.

"Yeah, you have problems," Shine said. "But so do I... I like you anyway... So, if that's okay, then just shut up about it. If at all possible. It would stop gumming up the works so much, at least. And you'd probably find it's easier that way for you. I wouldn't talk to Morph like this... He'll only blame himself for it. Morph always wants people to feel safe and secure...so...I don't mean you shouldn't tell anyone if you're hurt...but don't tell them they should want you to die. That's about the worst feeling there is...hearing that. Can you do that?"

Mystique gave her a strange look.

"That's such a hard thing?" she said.

"For you, Raven, it seems to be," Shine said.

Burn.

"And this would help you," Mystique said.

"It would," Shine said. "I'd appreciate it, really. You just about crushed my heart there...but I don't blame you...I just don't want you to say it."

"I don't know why you worry about me so much," Mystique said. "I certainly never did anything for you."

"So?" Shine shrugged. "I worry more about people who never do anything for others...if that's even true. This whole thing has messed with your head. You should remember that, outside of what you learned, you did things, things most people would say were not, in fact, wrong. Someone will always be criticizing us, Raven, whether it's someone we know, or people we don't. You can always find a bad spin to put on your own actions and anyone else's. But here's a thought: That's not necessarily more valid than us trying to put a good spin on it. Perspective is everything, and so is motive. They usually go hand in hand. And we humans tend to have multiple motives for what we do. We call it ulterior...but if any of us ever make a truly unselfish or truly selfish decision, we're often the last ones to be sure of it. What I do benefits me. Not because of other people, but because God will reward me for it. And yes, there are times I have to think of it that way, because people just annoy the crap out of me, and I wouldn't do it for them."

Mystique finally had to laugh at that.

"And other times, I feel like I'd do it for them no matter what," Shine said. "I don't ask that of you, but I do think you're naive... You assume there's only ever one reason to do things, and that the worst reason is the one you should believe. That's silly. At least give them equal treatment... I think that would help you here more than anything I could say about our opinion of it."

"I think you just basically said I was pathetic the same way Frost did, but you did it in a way that didn't make it sound that way," Mystique noted.

"I didn't say you were pathetic," Shine said. "But if I did, I had two motives about it."

She looked impish.

"One would be frustration," Mystique said.

"Yeah, and the other would be in the hope of clarity," Shine said. "You take your pick, but I can live with knowing I still have selfishness... Selfishness does not control me, it's only part of me, and I try not to feed it. Speaking of which...I have to go. The others will be getting impatient now... Are you coming?"

"To find Psylocke? I wouldn't miss the look on her face," Mystique said, with more ire. "If she's there at all..."

"Yes, well, I'd be open to believe you have another motive," Shine said. "Let's go. And please, do not tell Emma that you think I one-upped her. She'll kill me."

"You should tell her instead," Mystique muttered. "Might make her think twice about it."

* * *

In fact, Shine had way better revenge on Emma than Mystique could have planned.

Emma was coming with them, so was Scott. They were tired of being left out. And Emma could be useful, she insisted, as a telepath.

The others questioned whether this was smart, but she seemed determined.

Shine and Mystique finally joining them raised a few eyebrows. Had they talked finally?

Morph was surprised to think so.

Before the others got on the plane, Shine walked up to Emma and caught her way off guard by hugging her.

"What are you doing?" Emma pushed her off.

"I have to thank you," Shine said. "You convinced Raven to finally talk to me. I think we worked things out. So thanks. You can be sweet sometimes, Emma."

Emma stared at her in utter astonishment.

"I.... Excuse me?" she said.

"Oh, don't pretend like you didn't do that on purpose," Shine said. "But I didn't tell her that. It's cool." She winked and walked away.

"Huh." Scott saw the whole thing. "That was weird."

"I don't know what she's talking about," Emma said. "I certainly wouldn't bother getting in the middle of their little tiff... All I did was give that woman a piece of my mind."

"I guess it worked," Scott said. "Strange, I wouldn't have thought she'd listen to you."

He didn't really mean that to be as much of a burn as it was, and Emma knew it, but it still stung.

"I guess Shine appreciated it though," Scott said. "So something improved... At least someone is happy." He shook his head.

Which made Emma ask herself if maybe her interference hadn't accidentally turned out to be beneficial, and if so, why would she complain about that? Didn't it do her good if they thought she was helping?

But Shine of all people would have known that it was just a fight... She was messing with her, wasn't she?

The truth was, Shine was such an enigma, Emma couldn't actually tell--no more than anyone else could, and that was what bothered her.

But she reasoned it was not the time to get hung up on this. They had work to do.

Actually, before they'd gathered, she'd already done something else that she suspected Mystique wouldn't like.

It had been earlier, just after breakfast, and Morph had been sitting by the window and looking lost in thought.

Emma had discerned pretty quickly what happened the day before...at least some of it, and she thought it was amusing how over-dramatic they were...

Also annoying.

"You're wondering about our little prison call, aren't you?" She walked up to Morph. "You want to ask me? Go ahead."

"I don't really want to ask, actually," Morph said. "It was dangerous, that's all... I think you shouldn't have gone. Mystique does crazy stuff, but you seem like you're a bit more cool-headed."

And yet Mystique is the one you like, Emma thought to herself. Not that Morph was her type, just...what was it with men and not preferring the cool-headed sort anyway?

[Just based on the men I know...I don't get it either. Though maybe it's 50-50.]

"Well, I didn't really know that much about Sabretooth till I collected it out of your minds later," she said. "She was lucky I was there. Had I let her go alone, he'd probably have killed her all right."

"Did he try?" Morph said.

"He would have," Emma said. "Fortunately, she knew I was watching. She didn't get that close."

"No?" Morph said, perking up. "But Logan said..."

"I suppose the cell was thick with him, but no actual contact was made, thank goodness," Emma said. "You think I wanted to see that?"

"No, who would?" Morph said.

"Well...clearly you haven't met some of the people I have," Emma said dryly. "I could name a few, but not me."

"There's such a thing as too much information, Emma," Morph said.

"Exactly, Morph," Emma said.

There now, Mystique, she thought. Your pathetic little attempts to make him jealous are flittering away.

Not that she hadn't sort of embarrassed her on purpose the day before by even suggesting it...but it was better not to leave that idea out there for long... Might come back to bite her. Mystique could say that Emma tried to make her look bad on purpose, after all. [😱]

Emma had had her fun, she figured.

But Morph was still puzzled. "I just don't get it. Then why did...?"

"You really don't get it?" Emma said incredulously. "Well, I'm afraid I can't disclose it myself. Some things really should not be explained... At least the idea worked. I hope we find who we're looking for, that's all."

She walked out of the room before she could read anything else.

Consequently, Shine's subsequent gratitude just threw her off more.

Emma was not used to not being sure what was happening.

Even reading Mystique's mind, she still wasn't sure exactly how things had worked out so fast.

Which was because Emma didn't understand that, where there's genuine love not based on meeting certain conditions, fights are easily and quickly put aside once the truth comes out.

Emma had never witnessed anything like that in her life, and no amount of telepathy would make her able to understand it.

[Which is sad.

But on the flip side, who's ready to see if Psylocke knows something about all this?

If y'all paid very close attention, you'll have remembered there's actually another coincidence in all this that makes it seem a bit more sus. If you don't remember, here's a hint. Reread the Conference section of this book.

If that doesn't make you wonder just how long the Merging has been going on, I don't know what will.]