Morph, when he'd had time to breathe--and think--joined the others upstairs to discuss what happened.

They'd patched the wall already and tried to clean up, but everything was still a mess.

"To think something like this would happen while we weren't home," Storm said, shaking her head.

"And that Magnus allowed it..." Xavier was grim. "And what Mrs. West told him--I can't decide if it was clever or crazy to taunt him like that."

"May not have been smart, but it's not like playin' nice was goin' to change a thing," Logan said. "Far as I'm concerned, it's good he got his comeuppance for once. At least he knows if he tries anythin' again, he'll pay for it."

"It was sick and wrong," Wally said, "even for him. And now that I've heard pretty much all of what happened, we're just plain lucky that Kitty was able to pull it off, and Mystique was fast enough to work with that. You guys got here way too slow."

"Well, anythin' is slow to you," Rogue said. "But yeah, we talked too much. I didn't realize how bad it was. We thought it'd be a few people, though, not half a legion or whatever."

"We couldn't have known," Scott said. "Perhaps they brought so many because of Proteus."

"It's not luck." Shine touched Wally's arm. "Not luck at all. But I'm tired of discussing it. What else can we do but what we have done? Unless we pursue them."

"No, I won't start a war. We retaliate--we don't initiate," Xavier said.

Shine looked as if she doubted this strategy would work, but she just got up and went out.

The others broke up the meeting also. They were tired.

It was late by now.

Morph followed Shine and Wally.

"It was so close," he sighed. "Too close...but go figure, I think I finally learned something about Mystique through all this."

"That she's tougher than she looks?" Wally guessed. "Because, I mean, I'm impressed."

"No, more something Shine's been trying to tell me, and I just didn't get it," Morph said. "I feel bad though. On top of everything else, that is. She seemed rattled by it, but she wouldn't talk about it."

"Yeah, she wouldn't," Shine said knowingly. "Not to an X-man."

"That's it, isn't it?" Morph said. "I didn't think it was so bad, but isn't that the truth? The X-men look to find fault there? To blame?"

"Duh," Wally said. "Even I knew that."

"Did she say something?" Shine was a little puzzled.

"She was defending herself," Morph said, "like she was waiting for someone to accuse her. It's pretty sad, actually."

"Oh." Shine nodded. "I understand."

"That reminds me of someone." Wally pulled her closer. "Can't think who."

"Once upon a time, right?" Shine said wryly. "Still too often, I think, though."

"What...what makes someone think that way?" Morph said.

"Other than it's true?" Wally said. "Who ever tries to defend Mystique? I feel sorry for her. I don't think she's ever had a real friend."

"Not that she'd know how to have one," Shine said. "It's a vicious cycle. What have I been saying, Morph? There's thousands of people like her...and me."

"Ouch," Morph said. "Does it ever stop?"

"It gets better. I'll let you know if it stops completely," Shine said. "I've gotten to where I don't look for it usually, just certain situations. She's not there yet."

"But why?" Morph wondered.

"You feel bad, huh?" Wally noted. "It's hard not to, isn't it? And to feel kind of like a jerk for triggering it. But I learned, right, Shine? It's not my fault, it's just how it is."

"We went through this when we started dating, even when we were just friends," Shine explained. "I'd react out of my trauma, not even meaning to, and it seemed like I was angry at him. But I wasn't. You're angry at yourself, at the situation, and at your abuser...but you can't direct that anger at those things always, on purpose, so you direct it at whatever else is around. After a certain point, ignoring that you do it is selfish and makes you the perp, so I had to deal with it." She shrugged. "Took me a while to get there. Luckily, even before I met him, I was trying. Dating sure sped that up, though...in an awkward way. You don't know how many biases you have till you meet the opposite of them."

"Ah, thanks, honey." Wally kissed her forehead. "But yeah...it's rough. It's rough to hear about it too. People do messed up things to each other. And if you didn't have it rough like that, you really can't picture it."

"I wouldn't say I had it that easy," Morph said.

"You had a different hard," Shine said. "That's all. And if that's all you ever understand, you'll only ever be able to relate to people who are like you." She gestured around. "But it's long work to learn any other story but your own, isn't it? If it started to click for you, good. That's a great sign, actually. But if you want to know why, you have to go even deeper. You've noted Raven trusts no one already, and I did my best to tell you why that is, but it didn't make sense, did it? You still think that it's as simple for her as it is for you, doing the right thing...but it isn't. And I know just what she feels like; I remember when every fibre of my being wanted to act out of what I was taught, what I knew. Only because I was also taught about God did I have any clue what else to do. If I hadn't had that, I don't think I was smart enough on my own to guess...and it's still a huge temptation, at first. In time, you stop wanting to because you know it'll hurt others, but, at first, all you see is yourself. All you can see, all you're taught to see. People who abuse you make sure you only look at yourself for flaws and problems, and you look at them like some kind of god of fear, or love, or both. It's sick. Messes up our idea of love for years and years, for most of us. Raven and I have talked some about it...not in huge detail there, but, you know, she says things I used to think.... I hated thinking them, but I thought them anyway."

Wally shook his head. "I guess we all have doubts, but I don't envy the kind of doubt people with that kind of history have."

"But you learned to be grateful you didn't have it, didn't you?" Shine said. "Because you felt like you brought that into our relationship?"

"Yeah...and you felt like you brought deeper and broader understanding of this stuff into it," Wally said. "We've talked about it a lot," he explained to Morph, "doing mentoring, the way we do. You kind of need both sides, you know? I used to feel guilty sometimes for not getting it, but now I feel grateful. Some people need that too."

Morph nodded. "It's cool that you guys are just chill with each other's lives. You don't see that a whole lot."

He couldn't think of it at all, actually.

"We talked about it a lot, until we worked it out," Shine said. "Talk and prayer, biggest tools I know of to deal with this stuff. But I digress. I wouldn't expect Raven to be happy about any success she had, if that is what she was upset about. She literally can't be happy about that, right now. She makes bad choices because of that, you realize."

"How so?" Morph said.

"She's compelled to," Shine said, "all of them.... Oh, it's a choice, sure...but it's our shame, us victims, that we are weak. Even those of us who are strong are weak. I came to praise God for that, because I had God. And when you are weak, in God, then you are strong. But alone? It's a nightmare, and no one I've ever heard speak of it ever felt differently about that. You hate it. So, so much." She winced. "So...just don't judge it too harshly. You can be brainwashed by your life more than by anything else, I think. This world is just soul crushing without the power of God."

"This got dark," Wally said. "But I can't even argue--I've seen it in just my friends. You get tired.... Imagine if you could live a really long time. Wolverine's grumpiness kind of makes sense."

"If you ask me, his memory loss is a blessing in disguise," Shine said. "And don't tell him I said so, but, in some ways, having a fresh start because of it might be better for a guy like him. He carries the weight of the world too strongly. He's angry because of his compassion--it's always the way. Morph, you're not, right? Be grateful that's not your struggle...but it is for many of us."

"I think, if it's not, then it's we feel like we're not that important," Wally mused. "And you others feel like you have to solve everything. Weird how it works out, isn't it?"

"And how untrue it is," Shine said. "I hope this is helpful, Morph... I think I should talk to her also, though."

"Yeah, maybe you could help," Wally said. "She's better with you."

Shine nodded and walked away.

"I get it now," Morph said. "I kind of got why Shine was nicer before, but I wondered why you didn't have a problem with Mystique either. It's because you got used to it already."

"I tried to learn," Wally said. "Seemed like the right thing to do. I love Shine, so I wanted to help her. But I couldn't help her till I could understand. Took a lot of listening and a lot of talking out misunderstanding, but you know...I think there's a reason it lasted, and none of my previous relationships did. You have to have the guts to stick something out if you want it to be real, you know? I guess I learned that."

[And this might be the best advice someone could give to people who do have more healthy backstories...though not perfect ones. Listen a lot and communicate a lot. I don't mean be a doormat--in fact, that's the worst thing you could do. I mean be gentle about standing up for yourself. And as always, use discretion about if someone is actually trying to work with you, or if they are letting their trauma and pain consume them, and it's just not a good idea to engage with them deeply. I think it's always a personal call which it is.]

* * *

Shine found Mystique still sitting alone, lost in thought.

"Why aren't you in bed?" Mystique asked her. "You're probably exhausted."

"Not as much as you are," Shine said. "I thought you might still be upset."

"Why would I be upset?"

"We both know that's girl code for: I'm very upset." Shine sat down in a chair. "Come on, talk to me. Don't make me guess. You know I will, and you'll just get mad at me for being right."

"Don't be so insufferably smug."

"Going to take that with a grain of salt considering the stress you've been under," Shine said carefully. "Would it be better just to have it out?"

"I don't like talking about it."

"Have you ever tried it?" Shine asked.

Pause.

"You know what happened?" Mystique said.

"Yeah, I heard the rest of the story from the kids," Shine said. "Kitty in particular. She said you kept it together. Impressive...for what it's worth. You know, I think in hindsight it was God's provision that you decided to say here today. Colossus and Warren couldn't have handled it alone. They needed your help."

Warren was totally useless anyway. He'd later told them that Psylocke had gotten the drop on him pretty easily. She could find him fast enough, and he'd hardly even known what hit him.

"Don't start with that you did good speech," Mystique said.

"I suppose this is the part where you tell me you considered not helping them," Shine said coolly.

Mystique finally jumped. "How...how did you--?"

"I think I know you pretty well by now," Shine said. "Did Psylocke offer? It'd be like her--and Magneto. Some line about redeeming yourself or whatever."

"Stop that." Mystique frowned. "You're as frightening as a telepath, you know that?"

"Thanks." Shine shrugged. "You know, all I care about is that you did the right thing. And, provided you don't mention it to Cyclops or Wolverine, no one else is going to care what you thought about doing."

"Morph said that too," Mystique said. "But it's not like it matters. Maybe I would have done it, if I hadn't known them better."

"Then it is God's grace that that thought occurred to you," Shine said. "You don't understand, Raven, Christians cheat at this. God uses the good and the bad to his purpose so we can look at anything that works out for us as His Provision."

"Which sounds just a little crazy."

"But it's in Romans 8:28: God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him and are called to His purpose," Shine said. "Also in Isaiah He says He will use whomever He wants, and He doesn't really care what people say about it. Also, in Romans, it says God makes some vessels for wrath and some for mercy, even from birth. I don't think that means we have no choice, but that God, knowing our choice, has a plan in mind for whatever choice we make. Like an expert chess player, you can't outsmart Him."

"Then what am I in this equation?" Mystique asked.

"Not being God, I don't know the answer to that," Shine said. "I'm just saying I can say it was God, and you can't prove me wrong. What you do with that is your business." She shrugged. "I understand though. It must have been awful to have to make that kind of a call. You know, it'd be nice if you were just a little angry at them. What they did was sick and twisted, and they shouldn't have even offered at all. You know, strictly speaking, you've never done anything to Magneto. I think his pursuit of this matter is quite childish. And evil." She frowned. "I'd get mad for you, really, if I had the energy."

Mystique was starting to fight Shine less, admittedly. And she sighed finally.

"You know, I don't like that I'm like this," she said. "But it is the way it is."

"I know it is," Shine said. She moved closer and put a hand on her arm. "I really do know. Okay? I have been trapped inside myself too. Horribly."

Mystique suddenly started crying. Shine had just put it into words too well. Trapped inside yourself.

She wiped her face. "Everyone despises me...you know...but I don't blame them for that. Why did I become this person? Even if I do something right, it won't last. It never does."

Shine patted her head, not wanting to speak too soon.

"Do you know," Mystique said suddenly, looking at the wall like she was seeing something far away, "when I abandoned Kurt...I shed tears at the time? I knew it was wrong...but I did it. And I walked away. Why did I? I had reasons at the time...ones I might use again, if I'm honest. But if other people stop because of something higher, then why do I not have that...whatever it is?"

"You have it," Shine said. "It's just weak. We're all weak, you know."

"Not equally weak," Mystique said. "And if I did, for once, what might be considered the right thing, isn't it just because it was easier this time than the wrong thing? Or I'd have chosen the wrong thing again. If I even bothered to ask if it was wrong. I never did before."

"It might be," Shine admitted. "You might have."

"Then..." Mystique trailed off.

"I think I see what you are asking," Shine said. "And I know only one answer. When I turned, I had tried many times already to, and I caved in every time. When I finally made the right choice, I felt as if God broke through the clouds in my mind. I knew it was Divine. As far as I know, for some of us, that is all. Some people, they come to God with reason and evidence.... Others don't need that. They need to feel something is stronger than what is inside them. I will say, my entire life, that was my struggle. God came into the inside of me, and fought it out there...similar to how Xavier talks about what he does...but God can actually take it away, not just figure it out."

Mystique frowned. "That doesn't help me. Why would God care about me?"

"I know why you think that," Shine said. "Perhaps if I put it to you this way: We don't know why. No human does. God asks us to believe Him when He says He cares, even if it makes no sense at all. And He will show it...but faith is believing that God wants to be found too--that's in the Word. I don't know why God cares about you, Raven. But I know He does. I don't know why He cares about me either. Kurt said it--He wants us to be whole. Who knows why? I think, really, Love does not ask why, deeply. Love is its own reason, and it is something only those of us who ascend up into it can understand. All I know is I know that's where I want to be. Not where I am now."

She shrugged. "As for you, you haven't decided that yet. But could it be any different? You're like the rest of us--unable to understand God. But that's not what matters. Understand enough to know what the choice is and that is all that's needed."

Mystique shivered. "I still don't know about that. I just think I can't help it."

"Yeah, it's true, you can't," Shine said. "Does it help if you know that none of us can? You feel pathetic and weak, right? But who doesn't? If they don't, they are a liar or a narcissist. We hate facing our own humanity. I think if you can't avoid it yourself, perhaps you're lucky in the long run. You don't think so, now, but it's much easier to start if you've hit rock bottom than to only think you're at the edge of the pit itself. If it's dark, you may not see how far you've fallen already...but hitting the bottom lets you know, doesn't it?"

"An analogy for everything," Mystique noted. "Do you just write this stuff down?"

"Some of it," Shine said. "Thanks for noticing." She smiled. "Is this helpful at all?"

"I don't know," Mystique said, gripping her dress. "I think I know what you're trying to do, even if I don't know why you'd bother trying at all. What is my life worth even if I bought into this? At most, I'd stumble along with it and be indecisive."

Shine laughed. "I think I'd worry about that only if we got that far..."

"I can't even see one side for long and stick to it," Mystique said. "Why should it be different with you? In fact, maybe I just like you enough not to do that to you. To lie to you." She looked down, seeming ashamed. "It wouldn't be right to act like that."

"Interesting," Shine said.

"What?"

"You just said it wouldn't be right," Shine said. "That's a moral decision, isn't it? You didn't seem to struggle with that."

"But I have," Mystique said. "I have considered pretending to go along with this, just to earn more trust...but I couldn't make up my mind to it. I felt like you'd know...or Kurt would. It felt...sick to do that."

"I agree it would be, but yet you have helped."

"In small ways.... Perhaps I was still trying to decide," Mystique said.

"And you're telling me this now so I will decide myself that you're hopeless and do it for you."

She caught her...though Mystique hadn't thought she was doing that.

But hearing it out loud, it sounded a little too plausible...

"No good," Shine said. "I can't do that. But I appreciate the warning." She seemed amused. "It's good to confess about your temptation."

"Why doesn't it bother you that I'm literally toying with the idea of lying to you about this?" Mystique said.

"Because toying with it is not doing it," Shine said. "It's bad to want that. And there are two sorts of temptation, Raven. One is the temptation to someone to do what they are thinking, and they want to, deep down anyway and are looking for a way to justify it. That is one temptation. And there is another kind, usually given to people who are trying to get out of a sin, to keep doing it and to go back to it, and it has many forms. Fear, anger, excuses...lies... Fear is a lie anyway. We were talking about that in class the other day. But the person who is slipping further in doesn't confess it, because they don't really want to be dissuaded. The other who is slipping out does. And feels worse about it."

She looked at her seriously. "So I'm not worried."

Mystique was quite speechless.

"And if you do give in to it again," Shine said slowly, "I won't like it, but I knew you when I began this, and I signed up for it. I knew what your demons were and your temptations. And it didn't matter. We take risks all the time. With everyone. If you asked, I would help you fight this out as much as I could. If you never ask, I will fight it as best as I can on my end and hope for the best. That is how we do things. I told you--I won't let you talk me out of it. It's too important to me. This is love, you know, knowing the risks and disregarding them...not out of foolishness, but because some things are more important than risk."

Mystique shuddered. "I do not know anything about that kind of love, if it exists..."

"I think you do, just a tiny bit." Shine tapped her arm. "It's written into all of us, somewhere. Somewhere we want it, and we want to have it. Even if we've forgotten. That's why you saved Kurt, even once. I know it hurt you to watch yourself fall this far. It hurt me when it happened to me...but if I can be dug out of that prison, then I think you can. I was afraid of my own shadow. I think you're a little less desperate than that, don't you? But even if not, what could surprise me? It's a shock any of us can be delivered from such a deep darkness. But isn't all your wandering around searching for a place to fit and straining to feel justified? And to feel a purpose? What is that but what we have? There's this piece of wisdom I heard from a pastor once I feel like I should tell you: No matter how fast you go, if you're going the wrong direction, you will never reach your destination."

Mystique blinked at her oddly.

"So turn around," Shine sad. "But as for today, what you did was good. Whatever you feel like doing. And no, that doesn't make you a good person or a trustworthy one. It only proves that you can do good things and come through. It's true, we are fickle. And you'd have to change completely what you live your life about to be able to stick this out. Good news is, that's possible. Any time you want to start. But it's hard. It will be easier to go back. And you'll be tempted to again, maybe a hundred times, before you really, truly no longer feel like it'd be easier. But there does come a point where it would be harder to go back than it is to go forward. I don't know when it would happen for you, only when it happened for me."

She got up, slowly, thinking. "But you know, whatever you decide, I think we all owe you for this. Whatever the reasons...I'm thanking you anyway. Even if you go again, we have something to think of and not feel bad about, don't we? That's good. Never complain about something going right, only about it going wrong. And even then, don't complain, I think."

Mystique just shook her head.

Shine left after that.

* * *

The day after, somehow, the last meeting of the conference was gotten through.

Shine was able to happily tell the concerned people that the crisis was averted. Many people had prayed about it.

And the amount of donations, which were not even asked for, to the cause blew the mind of the staff and mutants alike.

Storm attended and was approached by five different people who asked if she'd consider telling her story at their churches or meeting places.

Logan heard that a few mutants did get insulted going and coming to the conference, but that it was minimal, and over all people were really nice. There had been some who came just to gawk at the spectacle of it, but even some of these had been moved.

They knew that because one such person told Mike.

"Before I came--to think I thought Mutants were stupid freaks who just flaunted their powers and bothered folks," he said roundly. "But after I heard your stories, and that one woman spoke, I realized I hadn't heard the real truth about them. I'm going to be more careful from now on. I don't know if I like that some of them are basically terrorists, but maybe we drove 'em to it."

Mike encouraged him to keep learning about it.

"We rescued some," he said. "I'm glad we went ahead with this...but, Mrs. West, Mr. West, if people are threatening you over it...should we persist in this kind of publicity?"

"What else is there to do?" Shine said.

"I already got a call from our local news station," Mike said. "Your speech of last night made the news. Apparently one of the press was brave enough to come inside and film it. No one saw them do it. Now people want interviews. A talk show asked if you'd come on as a guest. And some people wanted to interview Storm also. Reporters and things."

"Did ya tell 'em no way?" Logan asked. "I know how they rig those things. They'll make us look stupid."

"You're so sure?" Mike said. "This subject is hot right now."

"I will have to think about it," Storm said.

Later, at the house, she spent quite a bit of time on the roof, thinking.

Logan finally came looking for her.

"Still thinkin' about it?" he guessed.

"I don't know what to do, Logan," Storm admitted freely. "I admit, I felt proud of finally speaking the truth to people. It's a wonder to have anyone want to listen to mutants. But knowing full well how many of our kind are feeling threatened by this, I don't want to frighten them further. I cannot be the face of more oppression...and some people will think I am just...how do you say, kissing up to the humans?"

"But ya didn't feel that way when ya did it?"

Storm shook her head. "It felt freeing."

"Ya have to follow yer instincts," Logan said. "No one can tell ya what's right except you. It does all seem too good to be true, but everythin' about it did. Maybe it's not. Maybe people really are startin' to care."

"Why, Logan, that must be the most optimistic thing I have ever heard you say," Storm said. "Could it be you are starting to have hope?"

Logan looked uncomfortable with that idea. "Maybe it just doesn't seem as dark as before."

"All this has changed you more than you realize," Storm said.

"You too," Logan said. 

"I suppose that is true. I certainly couldn't have pictured myself doing this months ago," Storm said. "Perhaps it would be wrong to stop. People will still hate and fear us...but what matters is if it's not all of them, all of the time. Finding people who are different. Shine quoted something to me this morning. While we were waiting, we were talking about how this is bringing some people out of hiding. She said that we 'have to be part of the world we live in.' We cannot hide from it. We cannot shut our eyes to people's suffering. She said she got it out of a novel about a girl with a gun."

["Girl Waits with Gun". An excellent read.]

"Sounds futuristic," Logan said.

[It's actually not.]

"I should thank you also, Logan," Storm said, more seriously. "The truth is, I wouldn't have had the courage to do any of this without your encouragement."

She turned to look at him full on. "It's been...difficult, with all the changes, but doing it together has made it possible."

"Didn't do much." Logan downplayed it.

"But you did," Storm said. "More than you realize."

Logan tried to hide how flattered he was.

Exchanging a look, they both suddenly kind of felt like this moment might be going a little deeper than they thought.

Storm suddenly saw a different meaning in her words and felt a little warm, despite the cold November air.

Logan was anxious to forget this moment ever happened, almost before it ended. It was too weird.

"Anyway, they have dinner ready downstairs if ya want it," he said hastily.

"Right." Storm looked away.

Logan left quickly.

[And that was abrupt.

Man, these two are stubborn.

Yes, I ship them. If you don't...you won't like the rest of this story very much.

Although it's funny--most of the fans I've seen talk about it actually ship them more than their other pairings. Probably because those pairings suck. One thing the X-universe does not do well is match the right people. All their canon ships disappoint me, except for Rogue and Gambit.]