Who here likes Shadow of war? Your immortal like Talion but you don't have an elven spirit attached to you. Your cloak is that of Terumi, but that's all I'm using.

Enjoy

(Y/N): (imitating a certain Olog) How's it going Bright Lord?

Talion: (turns around) Oh, I thought I was the one going insane.

(Y/N): Yep it is nice to see that you remember that. It was so long ago that you broke the poor guy.

Talion: You enjoying the stab wound he gave you?

(Y/N): Not particularly. Enjoying Celebrimbor's voice in your head?

Talion: Depends on my mood.

(Y/N): heheheheheheheheh Great job. Made me laugh.

Talion: Doesn't take much. Why are you here?

(Y/N): Came to tell you to watch out for an orc named Hura.

Talion: Why?

(Y/N): His moniker is the Obsessed. And you'll find out what he's obsessed with when you meet him, he's part of the Marauder tribe as well. See ya later.

one entertaining orc encounter later

(Y/N): I assume he stapled you with one of his crossbows.

Talion: (Arrows sticking in him) What gave you that impression?

(Y/N): Just a hunch.

Talion: When you said he was obsessed I didn't think you meant that he was obsessed with porking me.

continuing to a fight between the two of you and a warchief 

You and Talion had been fighting the orcs for half an hour now and now you had gotten fed up. Your appearance became closer to that of a spider-demon and you grew an extra set of arms. You grabbed the warchief and began to interrogate him.

(Y/N): Him I understand, but what does your master want with me?

Ishga the Angry: She wants you. (voice changes to female) I'll see you soon sweetie. (head explodes)

(Y/N): That was fucking terrifying.

Later you were talking with Talion about what just happened.

(Y/N): Are you not scared in some way?

Talion: I have no fear of death.

(Y/N): Me neither, but what about Sauron and the Witch Queen?

 Talion: We have nothing to fear from them either.

(Y/N): How? From what you've told me and from what I've heard the Witch Queen say she has some kind of obsession with you Talion.

Talion: I am cursed with undeath much like the Nazgul.

(Y/N): Her objective is to make you into her right hand. Much like Feldush is to you.

Talion: Why, are you continuing to push this conversation?

(Y/N): Because Sauron herself wants to tie me to her bed and fuck me!

Talion: You're overreacting.

(Y/N): Yeah, maybe. Talion.

Talion: Yes.

(Y/N): If anything happens promise me you'll do whatever you can to help me.

Talion: Well, after everything you've done for me it wouldn't be fair to you if I didn't.

(Y/N): Thank you.

You were looking over the known Orcs in the region of Gorgoroth, selecting your next targets and discussing what to do with them.

Talion: This one?

(Y/N): Ogg? He doesn't seem to be strong enough, and despite being a berserker he's not enraged by anything other orcs do normally. Kill. This one?

Talion: Prak? Dear god no. Avoid altogether.

(Y/N): Why?

Talion: He's the bane of my existence, Bane being the operative term.

(Y/N): This one then?

Talion: Az-Bror? He seems like a good candidate. Recruit.

(Y/N): Should we deal with the orc that's about ten foo away from us?

Talion: What?

Prak: Reaaagh!

Talion: Are you KIDDING ME?

Prak: (screams loudly, I'm putting the link to the scream in the comments)

(Y/N): That him?

Talion: (glares at you)

(Y/N): I'll take that as a yes.

You and Talion engaged the masked orc having quite the hard time killing him, even with 5 warchiefs. Afterwards you scraped a sword across his neck and took off his head.

(Y/N): That ought to do it. Now what?

Talion: Now we prepare for the assault on Sauron's fortress.

(Y/N): I'll see you then I guess.

You turned around and walked off, leaving Talion and Celebrimbor to squabble. You found a nice, dark corner to fall asleep in. Then you felt a rag over your mouth and passed out. The second you woke up you realized that your worst fears had become reality. Your hands were tied behind your back and Sauron herself was holding you down.

(Y/N): Don't worry he said, it's no problem he said, she's not going to capture and fuck you he said.

She began to stir from her sleep.

Sauron: Oh, good morning my love. Did you sleep well?

(Y/N): (sarcastically) Aside from being manhandled by orcs, yes.

Sauron: There's no use in complaining you're here with me now and nobody can save you from your fate. Especially not your ranger friend.

(Y/N): What did you do to Talion?

Sauron: The Witch Queen made him into what you are to me. A personal bodyguard and lover.

(Y/N): Oh lord, (sighs) might as well get settled in for the long haul.

You relaxed and laid against her accepting of your fate. Now, for the rest of your life you serve her, and nothing will ever change that.

~Teh edn~

God this took way too long to write.

Fun fact, Talion is voiced by Troy Baker.

Edit: Another fun fact Steve Blum is the voice of Sauron in the game.