Work Text:

'Hey! This is Keylee! Sorry I can't come to the phone at the moment. Please leave me a message at the beep and I'll get back to ya as soon as I can! Too-da-loo!'
Pressing the end button led to immediately dialing it again. Ring after ring burned into his ears until he heard the same message pick up again. He just had to hear her voice again, and that message along with a message on his own voice mail were the only ways he could. Desperate for relief from the pain, he brought the Jack bottle to his lips and chugged back as much as he could before his body protested for breath. He ignored the river of alcohol running down his chin and dialed his voice mail, playing his saved message.
'Deano! My love! I'm on the way. I know, I know. I was supposed to have a full three days of relaxation, but I missed you too much, not to mention that hot body of yours. These past two days have been absolute hell without you baby. By the time you get this, I'll be home and crawling into bed with you. Probably gonna put my cold feet on your back too, since you're such a good heater. Okay, I'm done running on and on. I sometimes wonder how you deal with it.' A short pause sounded, then a giggle, and then she spoke again. 'I can't wait to become Mrs. Ambrose, just so I can annoy you for the rest of our lives. Just one more month baby. Love you.'
The automatic voice came on, asking about deleting the message, and he promptly saved it without a second thought.
"Dean?"
The auburn haired man refused to look up from the now-black phone in his lap, next to the almost empty bottle, even as his boyfriend sat on the couch next to him. Long, strong arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him into an equally strong chest.
"Listening to Keylee again?" Seth asked.
There was no judgment in his tone; there never was. Seth was too perfect to judge. He knew just how fresh everything was, even six months later, because he felt part of the sting as well, having been chosen the best man. They had been an unbeatable trio, a quartet when Roman was around.
"It's okay baby," Seth murmured.
Lips pressed against the top of his head, and he realized how pathetic he must look. He tried to pull away, but Seth held him close.
"Shh, let it out honey," Seth whispered.
Dean blinked rapidly as he became aware of the stinging in his eyes.
"Don't need'ta let any thin' out," Dean muttered gruffly.
"You do. You need to cry, and grieve."
"It's been six months," Dean argued, trying to stave off the emotions.
They were like vultures pecking at his resolve, breaking through his facade of being happy, until he became this lump drinking and listening to voice mails over and over.
"That's nothing when you spent five years with her Dean. Fuck, I wasn't even with her, and it still hurts me too. She was a wonderful woman. She was going to become you wife."
Dean shook his head as the pain intensified. He didn't need memories pushed even farther into his brain.
"Honey, crying about her does not make you weak. It proves that you're strong, because you were able to live on, even in such a hard time. Okay? She wouldn't want you to bottle it up, and drown it with alcohol. You-"
"Shut up, jus'... jus' hold me."
Seth's arms held him tighter and tighter until it hurt, but he let out a sigh of content. He could feel something beside the crippling emotions again, and it caused the tears to fall. Sniffling, he rubbed his face into Seth's shirt to hide the proof.
"That's it Dean," Seth murmured, rubbing the older man's back.
Before he could stop it, sobs shook his body until they came out of his lips.
"Why her Seth?" Dean asked.
He felt Seth draw a deep breath before he sighed.
"I don't know Dean. I really don't. I wish she was still here, but fucked up things happen to good people. She didn't deserve to die, and you don't deserve this pain."
"Fuck!" Dean snarled, incised as he thought more about it, "If- If I hadn't sent her to that stupid fucking retreat, she never would have had to get on the fucking bus, and she wouldn't-- God damn it!"
The bottle was suddenly across the room in pieces, leaving a wet spot from the little bit of alcohol that had been in it. Seth jumped but didn't let go. Even thought his emotional break downs and incurable depression, Seth never let go of him. Gratitude flooded in with the anger and sadness. Realizing how selfish he was being, he nuzzled his cheek into Seth's chest as he quieted his cries.
"Seth?" Dean murmured.
"Yeah?"
Without verbally replying, he titled his head up and looked at the beautiful, bearded man that had yet to leave his side. Chocolate eyes looked down into his blue ones, and insurmountable relief gushed through his heart and from his head to his feet.
"Are you okay?" Seth asked, concern in those gorgeous eyes.
Dean leaned up and took hold of the younger man's neck, pulling him into a soft kiss, ignoring the taste of salt on his own lips and the feel of dampness between their faces. When he felt he had given as much as he could, he pulled back just slightly so they could both breathe.
"Thank you," Dean whispered, "For everything. For being here. For loving me even when I'm unloveable."
"You're never unlovable," Seth replied, rubbing their noses together, "I just see you more clearly than everyone else around you."
Exhaustion from the alcohol and crying hit him hard, but he refused to move. Instead he grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and pulled it over them.
"Please hold me more."
"Forever honey, forever," Seth whispered as Dean drifted off.