I have always been outspoken

I speak my mind and for the most part I really don't give a 

Flying Fiddler's Fuck

what people think of me

And I have always lived my life with the saying 

'I will never live on WHAT IF'

Now that is not to say that I have never gotten myself in a ton of shit because of that belief, because I have

2 divorces attest to that

but I  have always

also said

'Any fool can stay out of trouble, but it takes a real genius to get in shit and figure his way out'

Great words of wisdom from this fool

I have fucked up more times than most people and I know what some of you are thinking ...

Well you haven't come close to me. I have fucked up ......

BLAH, BLAH, FUCKING BLAH

When you get your hands out of your pants, lets talk about it

Fuck

But, truth be known, I was never that person for a lot of my life

I was a super shy teenager

NO

NO

NO

I mean super shy

I would quickly cross the street if I saw a cute girl walking up the same side of the street as I was

I guess that is partly the reason why I was hit 3 times by cars

LOL

I would tell people I had a bad habit as a kid

"Walking in front of moving vehicles"

But I paid for it

3 compressed fractures of the spine

The inability to stand or lay flat

and 3 separate forms of arthritis in my back

Can you say

FUN, FUN, FUN

?????

Fuck you

But I survived 

I guess the point in all this mindless ramble is that 

I want control of my own life

Yea

I made a shit-ton of mistakes, 

BUT

they were my fucking mistake

and believe me

I paid for them

BUT

THEY WERE MINE

I had control and I made the decisions to do what I did

NOW

I feel I have no control anymore

and 

that FUCKING 

scares me

And

what is even more

fucking

discouraging

is

I WILL NEVER HAVE CONTROL AGAIN

and that is fucking sad