Every time I go to my therapist, she asks me "On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is your depression?" For a long time, I was down at about a four, which is a really big step for me. But recently, it's been getting worse. Two A minuses, ruining my 4.0, hives, the flu, an ear infection, fear of never being able to have children, stress of college, my family falling apart. Now, after so long in a (somewhat) okay place, I think I've developed into and 8. I can barely convince myself to shower, which I hate because I feel fat and ugly. I don't even know how I'm making it to school. Everyday the thoughts get worse, I want to kill myself, I've relapsed twice in the past 4 months. I don't know what to do. I'm scared of death, but I want nothing more than to die. I'm afraid

And I'm completely and utterly alone.