Danny shook off the stars from his eyes as some strange nausea had come over him. The half ghost's eyes immediately started darting from side to side, before seeing his friend on the ground. Serana moaned and got at the fours first, pieces of grass in her hair. She opened her eyes and saw Danny's hand outstretched to her. The vampire took it and got up with his help. She wiped off the grass.

"Where are we?" A question followed.

Phantom looked around. They were on what looked like meadow, surrounded by almost lifeless trees. There wasn't much to say. His observations were stopped by a nudge. As he glanced at Serana, she nodded in the opposite direction. Danny then heard several voices and saw that they were far from being alone. Furthermore, it seemed that they had landed in a middle of a tea party.  Danny suddenly remembered a certain fairytale.

There were two men sitting at the long table, stuffed with food and drinks - tea to be specific. One of the people was a blond young man, with his hair in a low ponytail. He was dressed in the regal brown clothing. The other person looked to be much older, with short grey hair and beard. His eyes were completely white, making it seem like he was blind, no pun intended. His clothes were even weirder - a camisole, whose left half was orange, while the right half was purple.

"More tea, Pelly my dear?" The bearded guy asked loudly, like a little girl offering a cup of tea to a teddy bear.

"Oh, I couldn't. It goes right through me. Besides, I have so many things to do. So many detractors and undesirables, naysayers, buffoons. My...My headsman hasn't slept in three days."

"You are far too hard on yourself, my dear, sweet, homicidally insane Pelagius. What would the people do without you? Dance? Sing? Smile?" He laughed. "Grow old? You are the best Septim that has ever ruled. Well, except for that Martin fellow, but he turned into a Dragon god, and that's hardly sporting. You know, I was there for that whole sordid affair. Marvelous time! Butterflies, blood, a Fox, a severed head... Oh, and the cheese! To die for."

"Yes, yes, as you've said countless times before."

"Harumph! Well, if you're going to be like that, I think its best I take my leave. A good day to you, sir. I said good day!"

"Yes. Leave me to my ceaseless responsibilities and burdens."

However, the ponytail man disappeared, not the man in a camisole. Meanwhile the bearded one hummed a song under his nose.

"You first," Serana said, looking at Danny.

He sighed. "I guess it won't hurt. I hope it won't."

Phantom stepped forward and coughed to get attention. The man immediately perked up and grinned from ear to ear.

"Oooh, visitors! How lovely!" He cried in joy. Then his blind (not) eyes widened. "Oh, goodness, a King in our midst!"

He bowed theatrically.

"Good day to you, sir! What brings you here? I don't recall sending an invitation to this little party of mine. Was it Haskill's doing? No, he would have told...hmm..." the man rubbed his beard. "Then again, I did order not to bother me. Anyways. Want some tea, Your Highness? Or would you prefer to be referred as 'Majesty', little Prince? Oh, what am I talking about, I am the Prince, not you, how dare you take my title?" He screeched.

Danny made a step back as the man shouted in his face. Alright, time to remember his sister's teachings.

"I assure you, you can have whatever title you'd prefer," he raised his hands in a calming gesture.

"I don't need your permission," the man responded. "I will be the same old Daedric prince. You can be the King. Whatever. What are you doing here?" He deadpanned.

"Actually, we were asked to bring a message."

"Seriously? From whom? No,no. I want to guess. Was it Molag? No, no... Little Tim, the toymaker's son? The ghost of King Lysandus? Or was it... Yes! Stanley, that talking grapefruit from Passwall."

Danny snorted. "Are there any other talking fruits?"

"Eh, no, actually. I started a mass genocide and got rid of their menace. They could conquer the world one day, better not to take risks. So, is it Stanley? I left that one alive for a reason. Maybe he will be a prophet once his race is reborn."

"No, it's not Stanley. We actually...haven't got his name..."

The man yawned widely, leaning on a cane which came out of nowhere.

"Oh, pardon me. Were you saying something? I do apologize, it's just that I find myself suddenly and irrevocably...Bored! I mean, really. Here you stand, before Sheogorath himself, Daedric Prince of Madness, and all you deem fit to do is... deliver a message? How sad."

Serana's eyes widened. They were in deep trouble if the guy was not in the mood. Or maybe he WAS in the mood, but still intent on killing them. You never know with Sheogorath, he was completely unpredictable, that's what made him so dangerous. At least Molag Bal or Merhunes were straightforward in their intent to kill. She hoped he wasn't going to try attacking Danny. Daedra's lust for power was too infamous.

"Well, we could share a cup of tea and talk about some things while we are at here," Phantom suggested calmly.

"Haha, nice idea, dearest friend Phantom. Please take a seat," Sheogorath made an inviting gesture. "Oh, and who is the girl? Your girlfriend?"

Their flustered expressions made the Prince of Madness laugh.

"Honestly, Molag's little toys are not the best choice out there," he said, making Serana glare at his back. "Yet again, who am I to talk?" The daedra sobbed as they sat at the table. "I haven't corrupted a single virgin. I did make a musical instrument out of one's insides, but that's beside the point."

Danny, surprisingly, managed to keep cheerful face.

"This place looks like something from one book," He instead tried to change the topic.

"Really?" Sheogorath raised his eyebrow, holding a small plate with a cup. He made a sip. "Who can be as mad as the deceptively verdant Emperor Pelagius III? That's right! You're in the head of a dead, homicidally insane monarch."

"Hm, I guess it's more hefty than a rabbit hole," Danny smirked. "If this place looks like a Wonderland, who might you be? A Mad Hatter? Or do you think Cheshire Cat suits you more?"

"I certainly need to get this book! Might be an interesting read. Or not. If you ever come to the Shivering Isles, don't forget to bring it."

His look told Danny that that was not an option.

"Why don't you ask the Ghostwriter?" Phantom asked.

"Because your dearest subjects dislike us," Sheogorath said dramatically. "AAAAND I might have left my exploding chicken there. Not that I couldn't take it by force, but honestly, that's not much fun messing with the lesser daedra. Mortals, on the other hand, are much more interesting. Such pretty little playthings. Aren't they adorable when they are reduced to a bloody pulp?"

"Actually..."

"Oh, oh. How could I forget, no harm done," Sheogorath interrupted in a mocking tone. "Listen, I would have wanted to kill you, I really would have. If not for two things. You boy are the King, and being something else but a Prince of Madness is a headache in my humble opinion. It's not fun. But I am still impressed at the show you made in Markarth. Majestic, although I could have performed better."

Danny chuckled. "It was fun, I admit. What would you have done, though?"

"Turned that little bastard in a skeever and let him out on the streets! Imagine the guards' reaction once he turns back as a human after his death! Or better yet, cover him in honey and hurl a beehive at him! There are so many options better than what you did, but who is Sheogorath here? Right, not you."

"You can do a lot of things I haven't heard about."

"Pfft, doesn't make you any less capable," Sheogorath said in a sugary voice. "Remember, boy, you are in the elite, you don't even realize your potential. You still think like a mortal, which won't do. It limits your power. You must think like a deity you are, not some mortal bag of dung."

"And what exactly does that imply? I'm not separating from my human part."

"It's your loss, lad. Without doing so, you are feeble compared to us. How you defeated Pariah is beyond me. Maybe you work by different logic, who knows, certainly not the one who defies these pesky laws."

"Hm...maybe. Are you saying I can do whatever I want from nothing?"

"Close, but not exactly."

"Why are you even telling me this?"

"I want to see what happens if we give an immature kid such power. Should be fun. Or not. It better not to be not."

"Uhm...excuse me."

The two looked at Serana, who looked a bit nervous near the daedra.

"About the message..."

"She is so boring, how can she be your girlfriend? Spill it out, girl, fine, it's not like I have more interesting things to do. Note the sarcasm. It's as thick as your level of boringness. Must have come from Molag. Such a joy killer. Take some cheese!"

Immediately the two were bombarded with a huge amount of yellow cheese wheels. They weren't as soft as expected. It was still painful, because they were basically thrown at them. In a few seconds the undead were already buried beneath an enormous pile of cheese. Danny and Serana managed to climb out of there, before the cheese wheels disappeared and they fell on the ground. Grunting, they got up.

"That wood elf asked us to talk with you about your 'return'. Whatever that means," Danny said.

"No! No, no, no. NO. I am on VACATION. I like it here. Pelagius is a sight to see. But. I am not a monster, despite what mortals say. I like fun. We can use the time to our advantage, because outside not a second will pass. You are getting a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'll teach you some tricks the Daedric Princes can all do."

"What's the catch?"

"Oh, I love it when they understand it," Sheogorath squealed. "Yes, there is a catch. I'd need a favor afterwards. No killing, no robbing. I only want an invitation to your wedding."

The undead blushed madly, making the daedra roar with laughter, throwing his head back. Suddenly they heard a scream. Looking to the side, they saw that Pelagius was on the top of the tree, clutching it for the dear of his life.

"Pelly, how have you got there?"

"I don't remember! Please, get me down!"

Sheogorath groaned and got up from his seat. "Each time he gets in embarrassing situation."

"I could get him down," Danny offered.

"No, I can do it myself," responded the Mad God and a rope materialized in his hand. He threw it to Pelagius. "Catch!"

The dead emperor did just that. "Ehm...what now?" He asked.

"Hold tight!"

Sheogorath suddenly pulled another end. With a scream Pelagius fell down on the ground, then groaning in pain, meaning that he was alive...somewhat. The daedra rubbed his chin with a thoughtful expression.

"Huh. Yesterday I pulled him out of the well this way and it worked," he mumbled. "Anyways, shall we begin?" He asked.

"Now?"

"Exactly."

Sheogorath clapped his hands. The surroundings instantly changed to that of a training grounds in some basement. The place was lit by torches, there were some dummies, shooting targets, loads of weapons in the special plaques. The place was filthy, with specs of blood here and there, its smell, mixed with odor of sweat, made Danny's nose hurt.

"I thought we were in Pelagius's mind," Serana noted.

"We still are, girl! In this place poor little Pelly was getting all shit beaten out of him during trainings. See that unconscious lad on the floor? That's him."

Danny was about to approach the boy, but the daedra stopped him. "Don't bother. That's a mere fringe of memory. Just don't step on him by accident. Now, where shall we start? Ah, yes. You probably are aware about conjuration magic."

Phantom nodded. "Well, the name speaks for itself."

"Good. So, the mortals are summoning our subjects to do their bidding for some time. Sometimes it ends in them getting killed by the summoned. I love these accidents. We, however, can simply command our minions to come at the mere force of will. Watch me. Hey, Haskill, mind coming over here?!"

"What is it you wish, my lord?"

Both the undead jumped in surprise and looked at the source of the voice. It was an aged bald man, dressed in ridiculous black clothes with tall red collar. They looked like a mix of the eighties' fashion with the seventeenth's century costume.

"Nothing, dear Haskill, as you have come here. Now leave me alone, pretty please?"

The man vanished without saying a word. Only bowing.

"Who...was that?" Danny asked.

"Haskill, my chamberlain and loyal helper. Such a sweetheart. You have a servant, right? Frigid Knight or something?"

Phantom choked a laugh. "Fright Knight. I don't think he will appreciate my summon."

"Stop right there, boy. What did I say?! Stop thinking like mortal! You are in charge of the dimension here!" Sheogorath assumed the form of a very strict coach. "He is your pawn. Now do it and show him who is the boss if he dares to resist. Surely a helper in your journey may be needed."

"I guess it won't hurt..."

Serana got curious about that. What kind of servant could the King of Oblivion have? It must have represented something of the daedric domain, but when the entire dimension in at your command...Danny in the meantime hadn't expected that something would happen, but it did work. Before them appeared a knight, clad in pitch black armor, with opened helmet, yet with unseeable face, except for green dots for eyes. A burning purple flame was like a fiery cape on his back. A wicked looking green sword was on his belt.

"Wha...where am I?!" A deep voice boomed.

Danny glanced at Sheogorath, but the latter was too busy drinking tea. The half ghost sighed.

"Hello there, Fright, how are you doing?" He asked, getting the ghost's undivided attention.

"You! What do you need, Phantom?!"

"I've summoned you, isn't it obvious?"

"Ha, as if I will raise a finger for you, boy," the green dots narrowed. "In fact," he unsheathed the sword. "You still owe me the rest of your pathetic life."

Danny rolled his eyes at his speech full of pointless bravado. He didn't want to fight the one who was supposed to serve him. For what reasons it was unknown. "Doesn't it occur to you why I have been able to summon you in the first place?"

Fright Knight froze, his expression turned into that of realization. Painful one. Serana found it somewhat amusing, not to mention that Sheogorath was giggling like a madman he was. It was just as funny as he had thought.

"I am your King, Fright, I thought it has been settled long ago."

"I will never accept you as the king, you puny weakling!"

"Well, ask this guy, he does accept," Danny pointed at the Mad God.

"Hello there," Sheogorath waved his hand with a grin. He was sitting on the ground cross legged.

If it was possible, the face of Fright Knight became even more terrified. His eyes darted from the two deities, as he was at loss what to do.

"What is going on?"

"A practice, little minion. You still remember me, right? It was so much fun! You made such a fine three-headed monkey!"

Fright Knight gulped.

"He is not going to be involved," Danny put in. "This is between us, Fright. You can either serve me or remain under no patronage. Without a king you won't be able to come by. I defeated Pariah fairly. By all means you should serve me now, like you did with the ones before. And I am the last one from whom you should fear the oppression. I'm willing to forget our past mishaps if you do the same."

The ghost's expression was mostly hidden, but the eyes told that he was thinking.

"You are yet to prove yourself to me, boy."

"Maybe if we fight together, you'll get a chance to see," Danny smirked. "What do you say?"

Silence.

"Fine. Do not overuse your power to summon me. I'm not going to solve every mess."

Danny nodded, before Fright Knight vanished again. He couldn't help but smile in relief at how simple it had gone.

"That was the most pacifist act of subjugation I've ever seen," Sheogorath appeared near the half ghost, leaning on a cane. "He is such a cuc..."

"Anyways, what's next?" Danny interrupted.

"I'm not gonna teach you magic. Mortals can do that just fine. Practice some more with summoning lesser beings. I recall Big Bad Pariah used to have an army. Surely you haven't destroyed all. But THAT'S for another day and you do it by yourself. You can do something we cannot - roam among the mortals without causing a crisis and fighting a bastard emperor who turned into dragon. Damn you, Martin, you were a nice fellow."

"Anyways, I can also enlighten you on governance matters, but I don't want you to steal my features...What else is there?"

"Doesn't everyone have own powers?"

"Ah, yes! Everyone has own powers, smart me. It means I won't be able to teach you a lot. Conjuration is what we all do...This means that I've lost my interest. Do it yourself, you lazy butt."

Danny guessed he shouldn't be surprised. The guy was expected to be bipolar as heck.

"So, what happens now?" He asked.

"Hm...I don't know. Tea is past century already. You take your leave now. Shoo!"

"We'd be happy to," Serana responded. "But how are we supposed to do it?"

"So many questions, so little answers. I want a sweetroll. Yes! That's a good one. Or maybe some cheese..."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, the author lost his inspiration and doesn't know how to get you back properly. Maybe I should just go against canon and just get you out on a snap of my fingers. Where is fun in that, huh?"

"What?"

"Dear author is too lazy to go on and think up some other abilities so they won't be too OP. You already are. Maybe teleportation will do. You can do that, too, once you return, you'll already know it, yes. Without completing a canonical quest and receiving my present. Magical power of writing the story and making us do whatever he wants."

"I don't get it."

"Because he wrote this phrase of yours. He probably grins stupidly and thinks that his joke of breaking the fourth wall is funny. It's been made hundred times before, kid. I feel so helpless."

Serana and Danny looked at each other. Probably just another fit of mad chattering. They should have got used to it, trying not to get any extra attention at such moments. Who knew what Sheogorath could do during such fits. They simply made a simultaneous step backwards.

"Alright, alright, he is done with this joke. But honestly, he has to think up so many limitations so you won't seem overpowered to the readers. Guys, seriously, it deserves appreciation. Returning back to the matter at hand, if something happens, you know where to find your closest daedric prince out there."

Sheogorath wrapped a hand around Phantom's neck. "I feel such a strong bond which has formed between us," he whispered. "I almost..." he sobbed. "Ah, fine. Just get out of here and stop bothering me!"

Sheogorath clapped his hands and the world turned black.

Phantom and Serana woke up in the same place where they got to that unusual realm. The forbidden ring of the palace was just as empty and dirty as before. They got up slowly, while the vampire put a hand on her forehead.

"Ugh, that was insane," she mumbled, before seeing her companion's smirking face. "Don't. You. Dare."

"Dare what?"

"Don't you dare to say it."

"Say that we were in the insane god's hold?"

"You did it! You did just that."

Danny smiled innocently. It was time they took their leave. Suddenly he was hit in the head with something. It turned out to be another wheel of cheese. Phantom picked it up, it was huge.

"What are we supposed to do with it?" He asked.

"Maybe it is like a pie and a file?"

"Hm...maybe. I don't like cheese, so we may as well peek inside."

Phantom made his hand intangible and phased it inside. He rummaged a bit there, but then his face brightened and he pulled something out. It was an envelope. Danny opened it. There was a letter. The half ghost read it aloud.

"Dear Inviso-Bill..." he grimaced, not knowing how Sheogorath even knew that despised nickname. "I'm writing to tell you that teleportation is pretty simple to use. Something out of intuition. Just don't fall into the Red Mountain or something. What is that?" Phantom looked at Serana.

"The ever smoking volcano in Morrowind."

"I see. There is some untranslatable game of words on daedric. Oh, goodness, good thing he doesn't kiss anyone with such dirty mouth of his. Ow..."

"Just what is there?"

"I cannot say it aloud. Let's go already. We'll say goodbye to Dixion and then go."

Serana nodded in agreement, before taking the offered hand, knowing what he was about to do. They became intangible again, before going through several walls. The vampire got used to the strange feeling, it had become nice and ticklish. They ended up in the same hall. After turning visible, the two went searching for the old man, who kept sitting on the same place.

"Hey, Dixie, we are back!" Danny called.

"Oh, so soon? Have you completed what that elf asked?"

"Uh...no. The guy wasn't easy to convince. Actually the topic didn't get to it properly...we better avoid this elf, or my consciousness will kill me again. Well, that's all, I think. We'll be going..."

"I'll be damned..." they heard a voice behind.

They turned around, seeing a surprised and very familiar Nord standing there.

"Oh, Dave, didn't expect to see you here!" Danny grinned cheerfully.

"Neither did I. What in Oblivion are you doing here? You were supposed to go on with that vampire stuff."

"We are doing just that," Serana rolled her eyes and crossed her hands. "Don't start a lecture, please, I'm hundred times older."

"We just needed to get Dixie to safety. That's why we are here. What about you?"

"I was called by the steward, he sent me on a small errand, which turned out to be the attempt of resurrection of one of the most dreaded necromancers in history - Queen Pothema, mother of Emperor Pelagius the third."

"Huh, and we got a chance to see Pelagius. What a coincidence," Danny noted, making Dovahkiin raise his eyebrow.

"He's been dead for centuries."

"Sheogorath doesn't know about such concepts, sadly. I think that's because he claims madmen's soul," Phantom explained.

"You...met Sheogorath?" Dovahkiin whisper yelled.

"Yep. I learned a few nice tricks. Wonder how they work. He is in the forbidden ring."

"Don't go there," added Serana.

"I certainly won't. I've got my reward, so I'll just keep going. Need any help?"

"No, we are fine, just about to depart to the god forbidden cave in a middle of nowhere. But some company is never bad."

Serana nodded in agreement. "Yes, if you have nothing else to do."

Dave shrugged. "It's not like there is a world devouring dragon on loose anymore. Count me in."

"Wait, I'm gonna test my power."

"Danny, no."

"Yes."

Phantom grinned, before attempting to teleport them all to the Solitude gates. He shut his eyes, trying to think up some way to do what he wanted. For the lack of options, the half ghost recalled some movies. He heard some flashing noise and then opened his eyes. It came as a great surprise to him, because he indeed was outside of the city. He gave a joyful laughter, wanting to demonstrate this ability to his friends. He would never be late anymore. Danny noticed some guards staring at him with wide eyes.

"What are you looking at?" Phantom asked. "Just the most badass guy around, right guys? Guys?"

It turned out that the ability had worked only on him.