i sorta wanna clarify something. even though these are my characters and my made-up conversations, i want all of you to imagine that they text a lot more than what's in these chapters. imagine that they text every day. and if you ever feel like it's going quick, this might be why.

***

Text-thread: Louis and my plum.

my plum: talk to me i'm bored

. . .

my plum: hellooo?

. . .

my plum: shrubbie :( you're always on your phone don't ignore me

. . .

my plum: shrub >:(

. . .

my plum: *sigh*

Louis: oh shit sorry i was doing something

my plum: doing something?

Louis: cooking

my plum: at 11pm??

Louis: okay i wasn't

my plum: then what?

Louis: you know

my plum: no i don't

Louis: doesn't matter, what are you up to ?

my plum: you were masturbating weren't you

Louis: um

Louis: yeah ;)

my plum: why do you seem so pleased with yourself

Louis: cause i made myself feel nice?

my plum: ew

Louis: nah nah

Louis: masturbation is lovely

my plum: yeah but the thought of you doing it isn't

Louis: what >:(

Louis: i'm the sexiest ever

my plum: what's your body count?

Louis: 15

my plum: mine's 8

Louis: see? i'm sexier

my plum: i doubt it

Louis: oh really, plum? are your arse cheeks as PLUMp as your circular body?

my plum: plums don't have arse cheeks

Louis: [inserted picture of a plum from Google]

Louis: there's clearly a line there. that's the delicious arse crack >:)

my plum: are you saying you wanna eat me out?

Louis: :O

Louis: i like eating people out so yes

my plum: people?

Louis: i'm keeping my preferences unidentifed here shush

my plum: so you're not bi or pan?

Louis: shush

my plum: alright i'm just curious. like you were a few days ago. just ... doing the same.

Louis: ok we should agree not to investigate

my plum: right

Louis: let's go back to talking about eating you out

my plum: do you actually wanna eat me out?

Louis: i mean, oral 4 oral?

my plum: ew no you're my friend

Louis: ouch

my plum: shut up hahahaha

Louis: just joking

my plum: i know

Louis: i'm always open to eating arse though, so long as it's clean

my plum: omg stop

Louis: would you rather i talk about giving oral pleasures to *your* genitals ?

my plum: you don't even know whether i have a dick or a vagina

Louis: i have my guesses alright

my plum: you do??

my plum: what are they?

Louis: i'm not telling you bub

my plum: but you got me so curious :'(

Louis: it won't happen

Louis: ugh i'm so spent

my plum: ew why are you telling me that

Louis: thought you'd like to know

my plum: do you masturbate five times a day or something?

Louis: see , you're asking questions about it. you're intrigued ;)

my plum: no, i'm simply amazed by how you seem to have a hand taped to your groin

Louis: why not touch it when i have full permission ? it's there and it wants my hand on it, so i better go for it . oh, and, five times a day ? that's weak for a saturday

my plum: you're weird

Louis: what's so weird about liking having multiple amazing orgasms a day ?

my plum: you don't need to cum five times a day

Louis: at LEAST twice tho

my plum: how do you have the time for that?

Louis: i mean you can always squeeze in two. one in the morning , one before bed. then potentially a third somewhere around lunch. a saturday has a fully different schedule tho

my plum: well i agree that saturdays are more convenient but i still wouldn't masturbate five times even if i was home the whole day

Louis: maybe you're just bad at it

my plum: i am not.

Louis: how'd you know?

my plum: i just do

Louis: maybe i should help you out

my plum: you know, i feel like you're the kind of person who would just say yes to sex regardless of who's asking

Louis: WHAT

Louis: nah

Louis: i just really wanna fuck u

my plum: i can't tell whether you're being serious or not

Louis: joking obv

my plum: oh

Louis: unless...?

my plum: you're ridiculous.

Louis: honestly tho i'm not that kind of person

Louis: i have specific preferences

my plum: oh and what are they?

Louis: brunettes

Louis: no offence if you're blonde

my plum: i'm not looking to date you i don't know why you think i'd be offended

Louis: oh you're blonde

my plum: idk am i?

Louis: yeah you are

Louis: i mean blondes can be super fit obviously but brunettes get my blood going you know

my plum: ok

Louis: you're boring

Louis: i like any eye colour and a nice smile

my plum: okay? this is not a dating show buddy

Louis: fuck off , you asked for it

my plum: you know

my plum: i was thinking

Louis: yeah?

Louis: wanna fuck me?

my plum: .__.

Louis: fine go on

my plum: what if we know each other? like, in real life

Louis: that'd be awkward

Louis: why, tho ? do you recognise my personality or something

my plum: no not at all

my plum: i was just thinking

Louis: maybe we should just stay anonymous forever to avoid any type of social obstacles

my plum: we can't

Louis: you're right you're too eager to see my pretty face

my plum: no i just wanna know who i'm talking to, for obvious reasons. like my own security.

Louis: you don't trust me? >:(

my plum: i mean, i do, to a certain degree

Louis: what does that mean

my plum: you're my ... friend now and i trust you, somewhat

Louis: aw :') we're friends ?

my plum: shut up

Louis: i haven't said anything it's my thumbs talking

my plum: then shove those thumbs up your arse

Louis: what if i wanna shove them up yours?

my plum: then you're welcome to

Louis: :O

my plum: *then you're not welcome to

my plum: goddamn it .__.

Louis: well would you look at that :) you've just given me permission to fingerfuck your arse , sweetums

my plum: i have not.

my plum: i'll do just fine with my  suction cup dildo.

Louis: :O

Louis: your WHAT now ??

Louis: i won't say i am intrigued but fuck i am intrigued

my plum: was that too big of a reveal?

Louis: depends on how big the dildo is

my plum: seven inches

Louis: you could do better

my plum: excuse me?

Louis: :)

my plum: seven inches is quite a lot thank you very much.

Louis: is it?

my plum: i don't know what you're implying rn

Louis: this is fun

Louis: i didn't even have to investigate and now i know you're either a person with a vagina who's into dicks or a person with a penis who's into dicks

my plum: i see you've connected the dots. how smart of you.

Louis: what's the biggest dick you've taken ?

my plum: i don't measure the dicks before i put them in me

Louis: you can guestimate

my plum: probably a seven-inch then, like the dildo

Louis: cool

my plum: what about you?

Louis: i'm not saying anything

my plum: HEY???

Louis: so, about taking dicks

Louis: did you take two at once in your locker room porno ?

plum: ...

Louis: hm ;)

Louis: i remember you saying you like all attention on you

Louis: i'm getting a clear picture in my head here

plum: you aroused?

Louis: very, pup

plum: STOP

Louis: i'm joking !!

plum: you are in LOVE with me

Louis: nearly

plum: oh god you're not supposed to say—

Louis: but you're just so likeable :)

plum: UGH i shouldn't have mentioned the dildo

Louis: :D

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