Peter

Mr. Tony, you know what I keep thinking about?

Mr. Tony

What is it, kid?

Peter

What if humans weren't the ones who evolved to create things. Like buildings, and candy. You know?

Like, Mr. Tony, what if it was raccoons, for example. How different do you think society would be?

Like, instead of going like 'oh, gotta lock up the bins so the damn raccoons don't get into them,' you'd be saying 'oh, gotta lock up the bins so those damn humans don't get into them and eat the garbage.'

And buildings and stuff would be smaller, since raccoons are small of course

But also how about the roads? Cause I think they'd probably travel by foot, since raccoons are fast.

And they can also climb, can't they? So there wouldn't be stairs and stuff.

Wow, that would be sooo cool

Omg Mr. Tony!!!!

It would be like a society full of Rocket Raccoons!!!!!!!!

Though, Rocket isn't actually a raccoon, is he?

God, I wanna meet him :(

Mr. Tony

What the fuck did I just read

Do you think about this a lot, kid?

Peter

Yes, sometimes it'll just pop into my head.

Like for the past year I've been thinking what if humans weren't the ones who evolved to this level

You know?

Mr. Tony

I'm scared about your imagination

Also, no the hell you do not want to meet Rocket.

Peter

Why not? Have you met him, Mr. Tony?

Mr. Tony

Yes I have. It was terrible

He's a little bastard who thinks he's the best

Peter

Like Tony Stark!!!!!!

Only, Tony Stark is sooooooooo much cooler than the raccoon

The not raccoon! Cause he isn't a raccoon, heheh...

I wish I could meet Tony Stark.

😥

I don't think I'll ever be able to

But that would be soooo cool, wouldn't it, Mr. Tony?

That's so cool how you both have the same first name

Does ir make you hagpy?

I widh I had something in comon with Tony start like that 😪

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Mr. Tony

Kid, are you okay?

You're rambling a lot, and towards the end you started misspelling things.

Should I track your location?

Peter

You can track my location????

That's soooooo scaey

Are you a spy, mr tony?

I bet you are

You'd probably maje a good spy

Oh, I'm okay I think

Thouh, I am seeing a lot of blood

Might be from me

Not sure

Mr. Tony

Kid, seriously. Are you okay?

What happened??

Kid!

Peter, come back.

Respond, damn it!

Peter

Hi Tony! This is Ned, Peter's friend. He probably mentioned me before since I'm his bestest friend

Peter is fine, he uh, got a bloody nose

And he's really bad with blood, yep!

So uh, you don't have to worry about him.

Mr. Tony

Listen here, Led, I know you're lying.

Please tell me what actually happened to the kid before I track his location and go over there myself

Peter

Alright, alright! Geez!

Also it's Ned, not Led

He might have gotten shot

Three times

And is bleeding a lot

And is refusing to go to the hospital

Heheheheheheh 👍

Mr. Tony

Shut the fuck up

No

Is he conscious???

Keep him conscious!!

And cover the wounds

With pressure

Lots of pressure

Oh my God

Is he still alove?

Please tell me he's still alive

U'm going over

I have his location, stay there

Peter

No!

No reason to come over

I have it under control

I have the wounds covered and I have pressure on all of them, don't worry!

Also, who the hell are you?

Are you a spy? Are you an assassin? Do you kill people? Are you a serial killer? Are you a pedophile?

Mr. Tony

I am none of those, alright?

Peter is very important to me, okay?

Don't tell him I told you that, otherwise I will get your location, too, and make sure you regret telling him that. Got it, Red?

Now tell me, will Peter be okay and is Peter conscious currently?

Peter

Peter is going to be A okay, Tony!

And yes, he is very conscious. But he is a bit delirious from how much blood he lost

It isn't enough to cause permanent damage.

I'm going to go so I can remove the bullets and stitch him up

Mr. Tony

Oh God

Alright, you better not kill him

I'm trusting you with this.

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Have you finished?

Oh my God he's dead isn't he

Oh God I should have flown over there

Oh my God oh my God oh my God

Hello?!

Respond!!

Oh God

I need to go to his funeral

Fuck

Peter

Hi Mr. Tony

Mr. Tony

Oh my God!!

Peter??

Is that you???

Peter

Yes, it's me

I'm so so so sorry, Mr. Tony!

I didn't mean to get shot!

Mr. Tony

Save it, kid

Thank God you're okay

I don't know what I would have done if you weren't

Tell Ned he's an alright kid, would you?

Hey, do you happen to know if he's applied for a Stark internship?

Just curious

Peter

I'm sorry, Mr. Tony

I told Ned, he's blushing now

He has applied, we both did at the same time.

Mr. Tony

Interesting

Now, tell me why the hell you were shot three times?

And no lies, Mr. Parker