Eat water, drink sleep, and food today or you orphan the murder not will.

About a month later

"How do you keep winning! Uno is literally just luck!" Killua complained.

"Maybe you're just really bad at Uno." Gon replied.

"Hey!"

"I mean, do you know anyone else who could lose at Uno 336 times in a row?" Gon hummed. Losing at Uno that many times take skill, or a very large lack of it.

"Dadddd, Gon is bullying me!" Killua whined. Wow, you snitching now?

"Gon, stop beating Killua in Uno-"

"Hah!"

"We all know that he's terrible at it. You should let him win at least once."

"Hey!"

"Alright dad, it's been exactly one month. Can I have ice cream now?" Kalluto asked, completely ignoring the fight currently going on behind him.

"...Did you seriously have a timer set?" Kite questioned. It's about ice cream. Kalluto take ice cream very seriously. ...I'm sure his addiction is perfectly normal.

"Yes. Yes I did. Can I have ice cream?"

"...Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Thank you. Now, Dave!"

"Hello bitches an bros and non-binary hoes! I have every flavor of ice cream you could possibly dream of! You can have an ice cream cone of your own for eighteen simple payments of 1.99!" Dave greeted. ...so like 36 dollars?

"...Where did you even come from?"

"The fiery pits of hell." Dave replied.

"..."

"..."

"But don't worry! That didn't effect the ice cream at all! It's still perfectly cold! Like my heart. Come buy one! It's not a choice. I will sacrifice you. Come get yours before we run out!"

"...Where did you find this guy?" Killua questioned.

"Baskin Robbins." I replied.

"Makes sense."

And then we all bought ice cream. It was definitely a choice, we aren't scared of Dave. Dave isn't scary at all.

Haha, haha, ha...

"Hey, has anyone seen Pitou lately?" Gon asked.

"Actually no- Kalluto get away this is my ice cream!" Killua replied.

"Yes Kalluto, just buy more of my ice cream. I need your money. I need to buy a house. Please." Dave said.

"I think Pitou mentioned something about another Royal guard being born." I mentioned.

"We'll that's just purr-fect." Killua replied. Oh no, not again.

"...Was that a cat pun?" Kite asked.

"Purr-haps."

"Why, just why."

"Be-claws I can."

"The readers don't even like this. Please stop."

"Actually the readers think the puns are claw-some."

They probably don't. But we don't care. Plus the readers can use these to annoy ever around them.

"Yes, the puns are won-fur-ful." Gon added.

"Thank mew for backing me up Gon." Killua replied.

"Not you to!"

"Well I think these puns are ver claw-ver."

"Just go away."

"No thanks, you're stuck with us fur-ever."

"Goddamnit ...I'm in mew-sery." Kite said. Yes, you have been converted into the ways of the cat puns.

"Haha, suf-fur."

"It's un-fur-tunate that you have to deal with these."

"Yeah, Sucks to be mew."

"Hey, we should go see that other royal guard." I suggested. We must see if we were correct, are all the Royal guards decent looking?

"Yeah. Gon get the glitter bombs."

Nobody is safe.

If he doesn't look good enough (Read as: looks like rabbit bird hybrid furry) we'll just kill him!

Insert enderman teleporting sound (My sound effects are amazing 😏)

"Hippity hoppity, surprise shawtyyyyy!" Gon shouted before tossing the glitter bomb at the new royal guard.

"What the-"

"Surprise shawtyyyyy!" Killua added, tossing another glitter bomb at him.

We're so kind.

"Who are you?"

"Mike Coxlong." Wow, no hesitation.

"Ben Dover."

"Moe Lester."

"Hugh Jass."

"Kimmy Hed."

Ah, so Kite's name is now Moe Lester. Amazing. ...Actually, that's a better name for Whoresoka.

"Pitou, do you know these people?"

"Who's Pitou? That's Ray Pest." Gon said. Never mind, that suits Whoresoka perfectly.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Apparently I'm Ray Pest meow." Pitou stated.

"We don't have time for this. Just kill them." In-fur-ior royal guard sighed. ...I'm sorry it was a perfect time for a cat pun.

"Well that's rude." Killua replied.

"I mean, you don't see us threatening to kill you." Gon added.

"Yeah. It's just really inconsiderate."

"It almost seems like you don't care about our feelings."

"Do you need some anger management classes?"

"Or some therapy?"

"Or both? Both is also an option."

"Don't worry, we'll get you the help you need."

"And if that doesn't work we'll just beat the kindness into you."

"Yeah. Nothing a good old hockey puck can't solve." I love my children. They just harass everyone they meet. It's amazing.

"Oh yeah, I'm immortal, so you can't kill me." I mentioned.

Now you all saw, I did tell him that I was immortal. It's completely his fault that he still tried to kill me right in front of my mentally unstable children.

Long story short, he got beat up with a stick and a couple of hockey pucks. Sucks to suck.

Timeskip to when Youpi is born-

"Oh thank god. Now they have someone else to annoy." Pouf mumbled, tired of dealing with our bullshit. Sucks to be him.

"Surprise shawtyyyyy!" Killua and Gon shouted, glitter bombing not only the new guard, but the rest of us as well.

"What's with the kids?" New guard questioned.

"They randomly appear at times. They always yell 'surprise shawtyyyyy' and then toss glitter bombs." Pouf explained.

"And why are we keeping them alive?"

"We can't exactly kill them."

Oh look at that, another person(?) who was warned that they couldn't kill us and tried anyway! He was also beat up with hockey pucks. This is why Pitou is the favorite.

"Have we using tried fire?" New guard asked.

"Yes." Pouf replied.

"Ice?"

"Yes."

"Water?"

"Yes."

"Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked." Gon said. Le gasp! You are cultured after all! (*cough* the author hasn't watched atla *cough*)

"Are you sure we can't kill them?"

"Yes. They're sadly immortal."

"Damn."

"You can save yourself from daily chaos by drinking a cup of bleach." Pitou informed. Yes. We must watch you drink the bleach though.

"Or you can write a ten page essay about Jinx!" Gon added.

"Who is Jinx?"

"Oh god no- not again."

"It all started back in 6969, when Jinxus Crimes was born. Back then he was just a normal cat, besides the fact that he burned down orphanages of course."

"Please stop."

"On the ninth day of June or, 6/9, Jinxus Crimes died. The time of death was 69:69."

"There's not 69 hours in a day, and there's not 69 minutes in an hour!"

"Yes, it was also the 69th second of the minute. It was a very sad day for everyone. Especially satan."

"There's not-"

"Jinx fought his way out of hell before climbing the stairs to get to heaven. He fought god with nothing but his claws and sarcasm, and he won. After completing overthrowing heaven he decided to start chaos on earth."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"After I met him he gifted me with infinite power, telling me to cause chaos. And now me and the children rule the world."

What a beautiful story. I can't remember my name, but I can remember everything about Jinx.

Good news: Youpi, the new guard, is now a Jinx follower! At least until the King guy is born.

"So what does this 'King' look like anyways?" Gon asked.

"We don't know."

"Oh. What's his name?"

"We don't know."

"Oh. What do you know about him?"

"He's going to rule over the world."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"How are you sure?"

Oh look, it's 'Why?' but more advanced. It's the evolution of 'Why?'. Don't you all love children. They're just amazing, aren't they?

(The author heavily dislikes children. That is why so many of them are pushed off roofs.)

"Why?"

Oh look, it's devolved!

Pouf answered a lot of questions that day. It was not very fun. Sucks to be him.

Word count: 1399

Fun Facts:

• This whole book is just pride parade vibes- I love it. Embrace the gay.

• We're finally getting somewhere- the next chapter will probably be the King's birth and then after that it's just some random filler chapters-

• Ideas for this chapter? None. Motivation to write this chapter? Also none.