Eat food, drink water, sleep for 5+ hours today, and burn down the houses of all your enemies. Nobody shall ever oppose you again. Sacrifice your enemies to Jinxus crimes, in return you will get amazing luck.
You can only do all 4 or none. It's all or nothing.

"Okay but at least the ant(?) looks good. Maybe all the strong ones are actually decent looking." I said.

"Great now you've jinxed it." Killua scoffed. Rude. Don't use our lord and savior's name in vain.

"Uhh, shouldn't we be paying attention to the enemy?" Gon asked.

"Oh shit, yeah."

"Ooo it's a cat! We can adopt it!" Killua suggested.

"Killua no."

"Killua yes."

"Killua no."

"Killua yes."

"I'm still here." Cat/ant(?) thing mentioned.

"Are you interested in getting adopted? You'll be put in charge of my army of stray cats." Killua asked.

"Goddamnit Killua, no. There's no way they'll agree to that anyways." Kite stated.

"Hmm, alright. I've got nothing better to do until the King is born." Cat thing(?) replied.

"Wait what-"

"Amazing. We need to introduce you to our lord and savior, Jinxus Crimes."

"Alright."

And that's the story of how we got a literal ant to praise a cat as their lord and savior.

"...So, what do we do now?" Gon asked.

"I'd say we find Kalluto." I replied.

"Find Kalluto? Oh shit- Kalluto ran away again!" Kite shouted. Not a parent you say.

"I mean, we could just follow the trail of ice cream cone wrappers." Killua suggested. Yeah, that might be a good start.

A group of ants(?) attempted to attack us on the way, but ...cat thing kind of scared them off.

"Hey, what's your name?" I asked. Do the ants(?) even have names?

"Neferpitou." So they do have names. Now I just need to figure what the actual fuck they are. They can't be ants. An ant doesn't look like a rabbit bird hybrid furry.

"Oh yeah, I'm Gon! This is Killua, that's Kite, and that's Y/n!" Gon introduced.

"Why do you immediately introduce yourself to everyone else? It took me twelve hours to get your names." Kite complained.

"Hey look, it's that old man from the Hunter exam!" Killua said. Oh yeah, I think I remember him.

"They look like fun." Neferpitou mentioned.

"Oh? I didn't expect you three to be here." Chairman guy said. I doubt that.

"Is that a Chimera ant?" Random guy asked.

"No, it's the leader of my army of cats." Killua replied.

"...You adopted a Chimera ant?" Other random guy questioned.

"Can I fight them meow?" Neferpitou asked.

"Yeah, sure." I replied.

"Hey Pitou, you should fight the one in the suit! He looks like an asshole!" Killua suggested.

"Alright."

I'm so proud. Pitou absolutely destroyed that guy. Apparently the guys friends didn't like that much. But that's not my problem.

"I see why the Chimera ants are such a problem." Chairman guy observed. Well I guess the chairman guy didn't care all that much, but that's still not my problem.

"Woah! Pitou's so strong! Do you think we could get him to train us?" Gon asked.

"Hell yeah! Screw scary dog privileges, we have scary cat privileges!" Killua replied.

"What's wrong with these kids. What's wrong with these kids. What's wrong with these kids. What's wrong with these kids. What's wrong with these kids..." Kite muttered. ...He's probably fine. Nothing to see here.

Well both of the random guys are dead now.

"That was so cool!" Gon praised.

"Yeah! You should train us!" Killua added.

"Are you two sure it's safe to be around a Chimera ant?" Chairman guy questioned. Why would we care if it's safe?

"Huh? Of course it is." Killua replied.

"Yeah, we'll make sure to feed him!" Gon added. Yes, we'll feed him only the finest of humans. He shall only eat the best food to exist.

"Hm. You are aware that it's dangerous to keep the Chimera ants alive, correct?" Chairman guy questioned.

"Yeah, it's dangerous for everyone else. We're perfectly safe." Killua scoffed.

"Yeah!"

"At this point I'm just giving up. We can adopt random catlike animals. It's fine. Who cares if humanity is in danger anyways? It's fine. Everything's fine." Kite mumbled.

...So, have we forgotten about Kalluto? Oh well, he's probably with Dave.

"It seems I'll have to come back with another team." Chairman (🪑🧍‍♂️) guy said.

"L. Loser. Bozo. Sucks. Sounds like a personal problem. Who asked? Nobody cares..."

And then Gon and Killua bullied the man until he left. They're very different from when I first met them. The character development is amazing.

"...So, are we gonna find Kalluto or..." I asked.

"Oh shit! Kalluto's still missing! Fuck, he could be in danger!" Not a parent you say.

"Or dead."

"That's not helpful Gon!"

"He might have been fed to the queen by now." Killua added. Kite is now searching for Kalluto like his life depends on it. Oh well.

We're all great at making situations better.

After finding Kalluto

"...I leave for fifteen minutes, and you adopt a Chimera ant?" Kalluto questioned.

"...Well yes, but actually no."

"Then explaining why you are currently petting a chimera ant?" Uh- well- you see- um... yeah, I got nothing.

"Uh- um- ...It adopted me?"

"...Why does that make sense?"

"I have to go meow." Pitou said. That's very sad.

"Aww, now what will we do?" Gon whined.

"...You all do know that we were supposed to kill the ants, right?" Kite asked. Yeah, and we'll do that later. We have more important things to do, like... We'll come up with more important things to do.

"Wait, we were?"

"Yes. What did you think we were here for?" Kite questioned. To adopt a cat?

"To adopt a cat, obviously." Killua stated. See? He agrees with me.

"Why would we come to a place with murderous ants to adopt a cat?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Anygays, what do you all want to do?" Killua asked. Bro I don't know. We could kill more of those ants. And by 'we' I mean you.

"Uh, take over more countries?"

And that's how we, with the help of a certain emo band, gained control of the whole world.

Word count: 1162 (Effort 0)

Fun Facts:

• It's disrespectful to not use Jinx's full name when introducing him to potential followers. If they don't become followers they become sacrifices :)

• Explaining the plot of this book to someone be like: And then they got a talking cat/ant hybrid to praise the god of chaos, which happens to be a cat that crawled out of hell and fought god, as their lord and savior.

• Pouf is a butterfly ant hybrid, right? So did someone just feed the queen a butterfly or-

No, I need to know now. Was one of the chimera ants like "Okay, we couldn't find enough humans, but here's a handful of butterflies." ?????????

LE GASP Do you think that there's a raccoon chimera ant? I love raccoons :D