Eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today or I'll ...Idk I'm running out of threat ideas guys-

"Are- are you guys done now?" Killua asked.

"We don't talk about Bruno-"

It's safe to say that Killua hates us. Oh well, who needs sleep when you can not talk about Bruno. Talking about Bruno is absolutely forbidden. Singing about him however-

After they got done torturing Killua

"So, what's your name?" Kalluto asked.

"What are your guys name?" Random guy questioned.

"We asked first."

"You guys were the ones to appear out of literally nowhere. You've literally teleported into my living room."

"Alright, that's a good point. However-" I said, grabbing an Uno reverse.

Actually not that terrible advice: Always carry an Uno reverse on you. If your friends/family is just as mentally unstable as you then you should carry multiple. Just to be safe.

Thinking about it, telling you to use an Uno reverse on your parents is not that great of advice.

But, if you don't think about it, it might work.

"The name's Kite." Random guy sighed.

...I should probably stop calling him random guy.

"Now, who are you and why the actual fuck are you in my house?"

"Names Mike Coxlong, these are my friends, Ben Dover, Hugh Jass, and Dixie Normus. We've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty." Killua informed, now done crying in the corner.

"...Kill me now." Kite muttered.

"Writing's not that easy, but Grammarly can help. This sentence is grammatically correct, but it's wordy and hard to read. It undermines the writer's message, and the word choice is bland. Grammarly's cutting-edge technology helps you craft compelling, understandable writing that makes an impact on your reader." Kalluto said. Do you just have that memorized? That's amazing.

"Geico could save you 15% or more on car insurance." Gon added.

"I- Fuck it."

And then we spent the rest of the day going from random ads to what type of children taste better. Kentucky fried children for the win.

"Mmm, the snack that smiles back until it bites your head off."

"Goldfish! Wait what-"

"Bites your head off?"

"The goldfish seek revenge! They've started a revolution!"

We're definitely mentally stable.

I just realized, we teleported into this guys house, sang We Don't Talk About Bruno with him, forced him to tell us his name, and he still doesn't know our names. Oh well.

"Yo! He has ice cream!" Kalluto shouted. And now we're raiding his kitchen.

"This is definitely what I had planned for today." Kite sighed.

"Yo, Kite, would you like to take over the world with us?" Gon asked.

"I don't even know your names." Kite replied. We technically introduced ourselves, I'm apparently Ben Dover now.

"I'm Kill-you-ah. This is my friend His-dad-gone. And this is my brother Kangaroo. And Y/n is also here." Killua replied.

"Wait, why didn't I get a nick name?" I asked.

"Alright, that's A-mother-fucking-bitch."

"Thank you."

"Why is my name His-dad-gone?" Gon whined.
Because your dad is gone? Have you not heard your name?

"At least your name isn't Kangaroo." Kalluto said. Kangaroo is the favorite.

"Goddamnit. Terrible fashion, a missing dad, and an overall idiot. Your Ging's son, aren't you?" Kite questioned. I see you've had the displeasure of meeting Ging. I'll assume that's why you've lost your will to live.

"You know Ging?" Gon asked. Yes, tell us about his weakness so we can absolutely destroy him in a fight.

"Sadly- *cough* I mean, Yeah, I know him. I'll take that as a yes. Gon, right?" Kite replied.

"Actually it's His-dad-gone." Killua corrected.

"Hey! My name is Gon."

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No-"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Kangaroo, what's my name?" Gon yelled.

"It's His-dad-gone!" Killua shouted.

"No, it's Gon!"

Ah yes. The life of a parent.

"I'm not a fucking babysitter." Kite mumbled. You are now because I am outta here.

Wait-

Fuck.

I'm not allowed to abandon my children with a stranger. I think it's call 'neglect' or something.

"Kangaroo, get off my counter and put the ice cream back. Gon, stop arguing with Snowball. Snowball, stop arguing with Gon. Now someone explain." Kite said.

Damn, is this what parenting is supposed to be like? That's gay. Neglect is so much fun.

"Snowball!?!"

"We we're trying to teleport to Ging, but we got sent here instead." Gon explained.

"Alright. Now, I'm pretty fucking sure that his name isn't Kangaroo. So what is everyone's names?" Kite questioned.

"Kalluto."

"Killua."

"Gon."

"A-mother-fucking-bitch."

I'm sticking with the nickname.

"...Okay who are you?" Oh look, Dave is here now.

"...Kimmy Hed-"

And would you look at that, Dave was shot.

"How do you know my dad anyways? Do you know where he is?" Gon asked.

And it's time to stop listening.

The only thing I learned from this is that Kite punched Gon once. Punching random children is fun.

If the police ask, I drop kicked that child in self defense. (Shhh, I'm in denial.)

"So, back to talking about important things, do you want to take over the world with us?" Killua asked. And I'm listening again.

"...Why are you planning world domination?"

"Why aren't you planning world domination?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Yeah, sure. I'll help with world domination." Kite replied. Yooo! More people to cause chaos with.

"Yes!"

And that's how or journey of world domination began.

Yes I know that it started awhile ago, I'm trying to be over dramatic here.

"We should take control of Greed Island. As far as I'm aware it's now that accessible to the public, it'll be a good start." Kite suggested. Wow, we finally have someone smart to help us!

"And it has a castle!" Killua added. Killua really wants that castle.

"And it has a castle." Kite sighed.

Apparently Greed Island had no form of government. It was very easy to take over, all we had to do was hockey puck Razor again.

...Yeah he's gonna have permanent brain damage. Oh well, that's not my problem.

(Time for: Kite trying to be a parent to the mentally unstable children!)

Timeskip brought to you by: Kites eye bags

"Killua, how the actual fuck did you tame a hundred and fifty crows?" Kite asked. Shhh, they're going to be part of our army.

"It's actually a hundred and fifty two crows-"

"How. Did. You. Tame. So. Many. Crows."

Needless to say, Kite was somewhat concerned.

Timeskip brought to you by: The readers terrible sleep schedule

"Kalluto if you eat eighteen ice cream cones in three minutes you're going to get a brain freeze. It's common sense."

Timeskip brought to you by: The children in my basement- i mean- uhh- uh

"No Gon, you can not jump off the cliff- and he's already gone."

"Was the pun intentional or?"

"Killua shut up or I'll toss you off that cliff."

Timeskip brought to you by: Jinxus crimes! Please make sure to commit your daily dose of arson

"Y/n- no."

"I didn't do anything-"

"Whatever you're planning, no."

Timeskip brought to you by: Hockey pucks. The best weapon to ever exist.

"It's silent... My ice cream is still here... Fuck, they're taking over another country! This is the eighth time this week! It's only Tuesday!"

Timeskip brought to you by: Kites need for a fucking break :D

"Killua, if you keep burning orphanages without me you're going to be grounded."

Timeskip brought to you by: Dave! Who was recently charged with: Assult, theft, fraud, DUI, breaking and entering, solicitation, armed robbery, shoplifting, aggravated assault on a police officer, and more! Dave is a good role model, be like Dave.

"Kalluto.. fuck where is Kalluto?"

Timeskip brought to you by: The Phantom troupe! Who are currently being chased by a Pikachu!

"Gon you need to stop bringing home stray dogs, the stray cats Killua brings home always end up killing them."

Timeskip brought to you by: The authors fear of Google! Y'all may be confused by this, but to those of you who do know, you have to agree with me.

"Y/n, no."

"But-"

"You need to stop throwing children off of roofs. Someone has to clean up those bodies you know."

Timeskip brought to you by: Kites need for, sleep, coffee, and a fucking break!

"Children where are you all! I want to go home and get dru- go to sleep!

Has anyone seen my children! That parent's adrenaline is kicking in!

Children! I can see every equation!

Excuse me ma'am! Have you seen my children? They're clearly gay, but we haven't had the talk.

Children are you in there!? Children!?

Look, my lucks begging to turn! ..Who the fuck put soy in their coffee!?!?

Do you know where my children are? No? Goddamnit! Children!!??

Where the fuck are you!? I'll let you do drugs!

Children! I'm gonna have a stroke!

Where's the park ranger!?!"

Word count: 1601

Fun Facts:

• Incase y'all were confused, they speedran Greed Island so the Chimera ants haven't shown up yet- The actual start of the chimera ant arc will be next chapter. This is just a filler chapter Ig

• If y'all haven't already noticed, I don't do canon characters- everyone is ooc (out of character) as fuck. You still can't say Kite ain't a depressed whore-

• This chapter is mainly just Kite trying to be a parent

"Im not a fucking babysitter" he said.

Of course not, he's a parent now!

Poor Kite needs a break-