Welp, I'm still stuck here.. back to the cult chat I guess.

🛐✨Cult groupchat✨🛐

✨Y/n✨ is now online
Y/n has changed their name to 🛐A literal
god🛐

🛐A literal god🛐
Hullo people

2 people are now online

✨Urara✨
I expected this 😑

✨Anzai✨
Why let us sleep if you're just gonna
wake us up 2 hours later???

🛐A literal god🛐
Idk-

✨Illumi✨ is now online

✨Illumi✨
Hullo

✨Shuko✨ is now online

✨Shuko✨
Hi!

🛐A literal god🛐
Only coming online once Illu does I see
how it is💔

✨Shuko✨
What's with the name-

🛐A literal god🛐
Idk- I'm probably high

✨Anzai✨
Nice

🛐A literal god🛐
So what are y'all doing now-

✨Anzai✨
Still not sleeping 🥲

✨Shuko✨
Drugs

✨Urara✨
Regretting my life decisions

🛐A literal god🛐
Noice noice

✨Illumi✨
I feel like we're missing one-

🛐A literal god🛐
Ik 😔 doesn't wanna talk to us💔

✨Shuko✨
L

✨Harou✨ is now online

✨Harou✨
Exactly

✨Harou✨ is now offline

🛐A literal god🛐
Mood

✨Shuko✨
So- can I sleep now??

🛐A literal god🛐
:( fine

3 people are now offline

🛐A literal god🛐
No hesitation-

✨Illumi✨
Bye 🫡

✨Illumi✨ is now offline
🛐A literal god🛐 is now offline

Well that failed. Hmmm, who else can I annoy.... Hisoka? He'd just be happy that someone's talking to him... Illumi? Nah, probably can't be annoyed... Dad? Nope, I'd get kidnapped.. Well fuck.

"Mm..." Kalluto slowly woke up, rubbing his eyes. Yo! Perfect timing!

"Good morning." I greeted.

"Mornin.." Kalluto replied, reluctantly getting out of bed to get food. I followed him to the table, knowing that we'd just eat candy again. Candy>real food.

Kalluto sat down across from me, grabbing a bag of candy. Is it normal to only eat candy for two days straight?

Me- Yes

Y/n- Ok-

"What are we planning on doing today?" Kalluto asked. I have literally no idea.

"What do you want to do?" Pretend like you're not an idiot Y/n, just fake it 'till you make it.

"...Ice cream." Kalluto replied. I should've expected that, Kalluto is literally obsessed.

"Alright, we can go now if you want." I said. Kalluto nodded before going to look for a hoodie.

I grabbed on of my (used to be Illumi's) hoodies, before leaving to an ice cream shop with Kalluto. Did we care that it was five something in the morning, and that the shop was closed? Of course not!

We broke into an ice cream shop, as you do. I grabbed an ice cream cone before sitting down at a table.

Kalluto and me hung out in the ice cream shop, eating ice cream, (obviously) and watching anime on my phone.

"...I'm not even going to question why you guys are in here." An employee said after entering the shop. He went to work, completely ignoring our existence.

"Aren't you going to get fired for this?" I asked, grabbing another ice cream cone.

"Probably." He replied.

"Then why still working? Why not stealing?" I questioned. Ah yes, speech one-hundred.

"Amazing idea." The, used to be, employee grabbed an ice cream cone for himself, sitting down to watch anime with us.

We watched anime at the ice cream shop for the next two hours, before the next employee entered.

"The kitchen is a disaster! Have you even been working? And why are customers already in here!?" The new employee, commonly referred to as 'Karen' shouted. Are we really customers if we aren't buying anything?

"I quit." The cool ex-employee replied, continuing to eat his ice cream.

"Are you stealing!? I'm going to call the cops!" 'Karen' threatened. Oh, would you look at that, it's time to kill a bitch.

Kalluto got to it first, killing 'Karen' before getting more ice cream. I've never seen Kalluto kill before... I'm so fucking proud..

"...Out of sight out of mind..." the cool
ex-employee muttered, kicking the body into a closet.

"...So, you got a name?" I asked.

"For legal reasons no, though you may refer to me as Dave." 'Dave' replied.

"So, 'Dave', you ever commit mass murder?"

"..No?"

"Would you like to?"

"...Also no?"

"Damn."

And just like that we spent the next couple hours watching anime in an ice cream shop!

"Police! Come out with your hands up!" How the fuck!?

"...So do y'all have a way out of this or?" 'Dave' asked. Of course we do! Murder is the solution to everything!

"Kalluto, would you mind.." Kalluto was gone and back before I could finish my sentence. "Great job! We do need to move though.." I praised, patting Kalluto on the head.

"I think I'm going to stay here and play the hostage card." 'Dave' said, me and Kalluto left him there, never to be seen again.

"So, where are we going next?" I asked, now wandering around the streets with Kalluto.

"Hm.. Oo! I saw this place that had a bunch of colorful lights!" Kalluto said, now walking in a different direction.

We arrived at an amusement park, which honestly sounded fun. Kalluto immediately decided to go on a roller coaster, note to self, inform Kalluto of what a ride does before we get on it.

"That was terrifying.." Kalluto shuddered. I'm sorry!!

"You want to go on this ride? It goes up pretty slow then drops down." I asked, making sure to explain how it worked.

"Yes." Kalluto replied, already heading towards the ride. I see how it is, you just abandon me...

"Y/n I can hear you being over dramatic from here." Kalluto said. Hey! I can be over dramatic if I want to! "Whatever.." He muttered, starting to walk toward the ride again.

I allowed Kalluto to wander around and try rides, making sure to explain them first of course. I also introduced him to some new foods, including, cotton candy and pizza. What child doesn't eat pizza...

After Kalluto got bored we headed back to Heaven's arena. Kalluto decided to watch Gon and Killua's fights, abandoning me yet again.

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Kalluto

Amazing child is now online

Amazing child
Stop being dramatic

Amazing child is now offline

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Ouch... Oh well, time to annoy Hisoka! After that I should annoy the troupe... heh heh heh..

I knocked on Hisoka's door, I would just barge in, but it's Hisoka... I don't want to know what would happen if I just walked in...

Hisoka opened the door, because that's what you do when someone knocks, unless you're an introvert like the author, then you run to your room to hide.

"What a surprise darling~" Hisoka greeted, I ignored him, entering his room. I should see what candy he has... I started raiding his kitchen, because why not.

"Ouch~ you're just here to steal my food~" Hisoka said with a, probably fake, hurt expression.

"Where the fuck do you keep your candy?" I asked, rummaging through the kitchen. Hisoka sighed, grabbing a bag of candy from a cabinet.

I grabbed the candy from him before sitting on the counter. (Why is it so much more fun to sit where your not supposed to-)

"There is a couch you know~" Hisoka stated, grabbing another bag of candy from the cabinet.

"Didn't notice." I replied, opening a chocolate bar. Hisoka decided to sit on the counter across from me, what ever happened to the couch?

"So~ You going to explain why you're here?~" Hisoka asked, grabbing a lollipop from his bag.

"Well it all started when my dad and mom-"

"Not what I meant darling~" Hisoka said, cutting me off.

"Mainly to annoy you, but also for free candy." I replied. Free candy>anything else.

"Alright~"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Yeah, you're gonna run out of candy." I stated, looking at the now-empty bags of candy.

"Would you like to get some with me~" Hisoka asked, jumping down from the counter.

"Depends, are you going to buy me Bungee gum?" I replied. Why is that shit so good?

"Sure~" And that is the story of how I got trapped into going on a second date with Hisoka.

Now, time to rethink all my life decisions that led me to this point. I'm friends with murderers. Two murderers are in love with me, but I mean, who wouldn't be. I'm becoming known for kidnapping children. I'm a fucking hunter! What the hell went wrong...

"Want to raid another candy store darling?~"

"Yes." I should really stop allowing people to figure out my addictions.... But free candy though....

After a long day of raiding every candy store in the city, we went back to Heaven's arena. Killua's going to go to a store for choco-robots and all the stores will be all out...

"Excuse me, I noticed you were talking to Hisoka, if I may ask, what is your relationship with him?" Someone asked. Why the fuck is a banana talking to me?

Word count: 1609

Fun Facts:

• Idk what I did or how I did it, but everything is becoming overly wholesome.. It's a story about murderers!!!! What the fuck did I do and how- I'm just writing chapters and suddenly, boom ✨Wholesome✨ Help-

• Yay! 'Dave' was charged with murder btw..

• Imagine being an employee at Heaven's arena, and having to clean rooms- and so they enter Hisoka's room, because it's their job (and they lost the bet with all their employees and now they have to deal with Hisoka) and they walk into a murdering-pedophile-psychopath-clown and a random person sitting on the counter eating candy-
Then they get candy tossed at them and they just sit on the counter in silence, eating candy. And when they tell their coworkers they don't believe them- Idk I think that would be hilarious-