16. Made of Stars
Tom liked the warmth inside his chest. It had started when he'd held Angie for the first time. It only amplified when he'd kissed her cheek. For a second, he'd considered kissing her lips, but the school corridor was probably the worst place for that, plus he didn't want to freak her out.
But now, six o'clock couldn't come fast enough. He kept looking out the window of Cafe Hoff as he cleaned the espresso machine. His shift was almost over and he was cutting it close, but at this point, he didn't care if she caught him with his apron on, didn't mind her finding out that he had to work two jobs to get by. He wouldn't mind her finding out he was an orphan, even if he'd rather she didn't. He liked the way she looked at him, as if he were a superhero, not someone to feel sorry for.
Yes, there were still things he'd rather not tell her, at least yet. They would get into serious and deep territory, but it didn't have to be now. Now, they could enjoy each other's company and... Fuck, he'd forgotten the flowers. He did have something better, though.
He did manage to take the apron off and get to a table before Angie walked in. She looked strangely dejected as she moved towards him, her shoulders slumped, her eyes on the ground, as if someone had stolen her light. Tom clenched his fists under the table and waited for her to sit down.
"What happened?" he asked quietly. This was so stupid. He'd wanted to greet her properly, give her a hug, make an inappropriate joke... But it looked bad.
"That asshole is never going to fix my grade," she squeaked. "And class just got a million times harder."
He frowned. "What? Why?"
"Because I called him out on his mistake."
"So what? It's his mistake!" Though the teacher obviously didn't appreciate being told he was wrong. "Look, maybe you shouldn't have. Some people get really butthurt about it."
"I know I shouldn't have." She wiped a stray tear from her eyes and Tom felt like exploding.
How dare that asshole make her cry? Fuck him and his stupid class! But he couldn't exactly say that to Angie, it wouldn't help her.
"It just slipped out because he was being so patronizing. And now..."
"Okay, forget about that for a second."
She raised her teary eyes to him. "How can I? It ruins everything."
"No, it won't ruin anything because we'll figure something out. I'll tutor you more and you'll get so good at it, he won't be able to touch you."
She shuddered at his words, but nodded, rubbing her arms. "You're right. I'll just get better and he'll be powerless to do anything." She raised her eyes and gave him a wet smile. "Thanks. And sorry for turning up so weepy."
He wanted to hug her, but the table was between them, so he did the next best thing. "Want something to eat?"
Her tears dried instantly as she stared at him. "Food? Not coffee?"
"I can get you coffee too, though it's a little late for coffee. Unless you want to stay up all night."
She smiled, and the world didn't seem so bleak anymore. "Food's great."
Tom pushed the menu towards her. "They don't have much since it's a cafe, but I promise everything is delicious."
Angie nodded, focusing on the menu and he just studied her, watching her shoulders gradually relax and her eyes dry up. And what shocked him was that she relaxed all the way, like she'd done after a beer. No more edge, no more suspicion. Did this mean she finally trusted him enough to feel safe around him? His heart swelled at the thought.
Angie chose some Baguette thingies and he got the same thing, not really caring what he ate as long as it filled his stomach. He just liked watching her eating and telling him about her weekend with her friend, Kay.
"I swear, she's so depressed it makes me want to scream. She's a good person. She doesn't deserve this crap."
Tom nodded absentmindedly, watching the way her lips moved when she talked. It was mesmerizing. "So she really kicked that Danny guy in the nuts hard enough to send him to the hospital?"
She giggled. "Yeah. He totally had it coming. Danny's such a dick! And he used to be so nice when we were kids. I have no idea what the hell happened to him."
"That sounds sad."
"Ugh, it is. Imagine always having your ex breathing down your neck, ratting you out."
Tom shivered at the thought of Bella hanging around him and Jimmy. Coming anywhere near them. He felt like throwing up. If Kay was so depressed, he could only guess what was really going on inside Jimmy's heart. Because Tom had noticed the change in their relationship. The small talk, the busy schedules, the lack of time spent together. He and Jimmy would usually hit 99 Bottles of Beer together. Jimmy would be the one using up his free coffee card...
But now, Tom barely saw his brother. And even when he did, Jimmy fell asleep after ten minutes tops. It sucked, but Bella was like a disease, poisoning them both. Except...
As he looked at Angie, Tom realized he'd already found an antidote for the venom. Sure, thinking about Bella still made his skin crawl, but he didn't think about her that often anymore, and even when he did, he could push the thought away with ease. He wasn't obsessing about it like he'd done in the beginning. And he had Angie to thank for that.
Maybe this was the answer for Jimmy as well. Maybe going out with someone new, someone nice and normal would help.
"I think I just had a brilliant idea," he whispered.
"What?" Angie asked excited.
"We should totally hook Jimmy and Kay up."
Her eyes widened and she clasped her hands together. "That's genius! Jimmy is smart and cool and hot as hell."
Tom raised an eyebrow. He knew that, but hearing her praising his brother sent an unpleasant jolt in his chest. "You think Jimmy's hot?"
"Hey, it runs in the family," she said with a shrug.
That he did like. "So you think Kay will be okay with it?"
"God, no. She'll kick and scream, but I'll convince her to come."
Tom drummed his fingers on the table, wondering if this was such a good idea after all, because he was almost sure Jimmy would do some kicking and screaming of his own. "Jimmy might not be very willing either, but he needs it, just like her. And for very similar reasons."
Angie nodded wisely and munched on some bread. "We should start dance practice."
"Yeah, we should. The school actually has a dance studio we could use."
"Really. So when can we meet for it?"
"I'm afraid we have to sacrifice Thursday afternoon. Unless you want to do it on Sunday."
She shook her head. "Sunday is catch up on sleep and homework day. I can't sacrifice Sunday."
He totally agreed. It was the same for him, especially since Saturday night was an all nighter at the club. "We'll settle for Thursday for now and figure something else out along the way."
Angie pouted. "But tutoring..."
Ah, shit! Right, biology. He racked his brain, trying to figure out which day he could sacrifice. "I guess it could be today. I mean Tuesdays, but after six. We'll just focus on biology and it should work."
She seemed to be doing some calculations of her own and finally nodded. But they wouldn't start today. They'd spend today making more small talk, her telling him about her siblings, him recalling how he'd almost broken his neck when he first climbed on a skateboard. Fun stuff. They moved to other random stuff, like favorite foods and clothes and what they'd do with a million dollars. They both agreed they'd tour the world. Angie really wanted to see India while Tom was drawn to Australia.
"Why? There are like a million things that can kill you there," she said, raising her eyebrows.
"I fear not death for it is merely the gateway to the next great adventure. Plus, would you rather have malaria and crocodiles in the Gangee?"
She laughed and he joined her even if a part of him was breaking. They were discussing dreams, places he would never get to go. He'd be lucky to even leave Tucson, let alone the country. She seemed a lot more confident that it would happen. It might, for her. If she got a job and saved up, she could go on vacation. He doubted he could ever save up for anything.
But he didn't let that bring him down. He liked dreaming with her. It made things almost seem possible. The next moment he actually paid attention to their surroundings, he realized it was already dark outside and the cafe was minutes away from closing.
"We should go," he said, searching his pocket for cash. At least Stewart Mikelson's money was put to good use.
Angie looked out and her eyes widened. "When did it get so late?"
"While we were traveling the world." He left the bill on the table and stood. "Come on, I'll take you home."
"Oh, you don't have to, it's not that late."
"I'm not letting you wander the streets alone in the dark if I can help it."
She nodded and didn't protest when he led her out. Once they stepped into the street, Tom tied his skateboard to his backpack and took Angie's hand. It was risky, but she fortunately didn't pull away. They started walking towards her house. The air was cool for once and it made their stroll even more pleasant. She wasn't saying anything and he was too stunned by the fact that he was walking hand in hand with her to come up with anything to say.
He'd never walked hand in hand with a girl before. He'd had girlfriends, but he'd been much rougher and more direct with them. But Angie... She brought out a soft side in him he wasn't even aware he had. He didn't buy girls dinner and walk them home.
"Thanks for dinner. And walking me home," Angie said as though reading his mind.
"It was my pleasure." Thanks for letting me touch you. Damn, he was pathetic.
"No one's ever bought me dinner before."
"You haven't gone out with many decent guys then," his big mouth said before he could control it.
Of course she jumped at the opportunity. "Was that what this was?"
He stopped. They'd reached a park where he used to spend a lot of time since it was between school and the orphanage. It was a place he went to think, clear his head, make snese of the mess inside him. Because sometimes, as crazy as it seemed, he felt like he was not alone, like there was someone else inside him, cheering him up, bringing him to shore. It happened rarely, but when it did, that presence felt so strong, he thought he'd have to name it soon.
He didn't feel it now, but something pushed him to take Angie here, to this special place. "Want to go through the park?"
She looked at him questioningly, but nodded, probably already used to his randomness. So they walked in and he led her to the playground. It was empty at this time and in the dark, but it looked in no way creepy. It was clean and well kept, not a derelict mess in the middle of the big city. That's what he liked most about it.
He finally let go of Angie's hand and sat in one of the swings, wrapping his fingers around the chain. She sat in the swing next to him and looked at the sky.
"Hey, you can see the stars from here!"
"I know. That's why I love this place."
She nodded and kept looking at the shiny specks. "Don't you find it scary?"
"What?" he asked, turning to her curiously.
"That there's a whole universe out there and we're just these small, insignificant things floating around aimlessly, living all this drama..." She fell silent and started swinging slowly.
"Actually, no. I find it comforting."
It was her turn to stare in wonder. "Comforting?"
"Yes, think about it. We're so small that there's no way our screwups can make a difference. And it makes the drama much easier to bare." He leaned back to look at the sky. "We're free to make our mistakes, to learn and move on without the danger of messing something up. Sure, we mess ourselves up, but how important is that in the greatest scheme of things?"
"Huh. That makes us sound powerless."
"We're not. We can change the world if we want to. But not by accident. Not without meaning to."
Angie pondered on his answer, nibbling on her lower lip. "You know, you do have a point. And it does ease the load."
"And every time you feel small, remember." He waved his hand towards the sky. "We're all made of stars. Cosmic dust. So you're a star yourself."
She smiled and looked at her joined hands. She fidgeted with them, and in that moment, he wanted nothing but her to be happy, feel like a star, leave behind her worry and her pain. It was time.
"Can I ask you something serious and deep?"
She froze. "Only if I can ask you something in return."
"Sure." He waited for her to nod before he continued, "Is this the problem? You not meeting many decent guys?"
The stiffness in her posture made him regret asking. But she sighed, relaxed and wrapped her hands around the chains of her swing.
"Decent people. I haven't met many decent people. That house you took me to, that's Kay's house. That's why you couldn't come inside. My house..." She sighed. "Was the one next to it. Except it's not my house anymore. My dad had an accident at work and can no longer keep a job. We had to move. My family lives two hours away."
Tom's hands tightened around the chains, fighting the need to interrupt, to ask more questions, because he had a feeling that if he stopped her now, she wouldn't finish her story.
"It was okay, though. I got a job, too, we got by. But when you're in need, people tend to look at you differently. I had this friend at work. We got along and joked around and had fun. I told him about my problems and he made me see the silver lining. We were not so different after all. Excep..." She took in a deep breath and even in the darkness, he could see her eyes becoming glassy. "I was apparently his silver lining. He pointed some guys my way, convinced I'd jump at the chance to lose some clothes for money. Of course I didn't, but word got out that I did anyway, and in a small town... People talk. I was so embarrassed, I did everything I could to leave town."
He'd grabbed the chains so hard, they dug painfully into his palms. His blood boiled with rage at these pricks who dared take advantage of an innocent girl, of her trust.
"The thing is," Angie continued, her voice drowning in tears. "That's what people do. They're like sharks. If they smell blood, they're all over you. That's why I don't show blood. I'd rather be alone than surrounded by vultures."
Tom didn't know what to say. He knew what he wanted to do. Protect her from the cruel world out there, show her that not everything was a bleak as it seemed. That she could still laugh, have fun, be happy. He also knew he had to say something, but he was blunt and rude and terrible with words.
"I understand," he finally said. "That's brutal and you're totally entitled to be suspicious about everything and everyone. And I know I come off as a creep most of the time, but I swear I would never do anything to hurt you."
She didn't answer and his stomach clenched with nerves. What if this was it and she'd decide he knew too much and avoid him from now on? What if he'd actually said the wrong thing and came off like a creep again?
"Can I ask you something now?" she whispered.
"Of course."
"Was that what this was?"
Tom looked on the ground and found a dandelion growing on the edge of the sand beneath their feet, its yellow petals shining in the little light coming from a distant streetlight. He swung back, leaned all the way and grabbed it before stopping the swing. He held the weed up to her. "Only if you want it to be."
In a flurry of movement, Angie was out of her swing and in front of his. Before he knew it, she was in his lap, hugging him, the lone flower in her hand. He hugged her back, pressing her against him, trying to show her through that one gesture that she was no longer alone. He was there for her and he had her back.
She pulled back a little, smiling at him, like an angel fallen from the stars, there to bring out the best in him, to light him up and give him hope. And even if he was dying to lift his face that one necessary inch and kiss her, he wasn't going to, because he would prove that he was in it for more than that.
"It's the most beautiful flower I've ever gotten," she whispered.
"No, it's a weed and you deserve much better, but I was trying to make a point."
She laughed, the sound bringing him back to life. "I have faith in you. You're gonna get so much better."
"At what? Romancing your socks off?"
"Is that what you want to do?"
"Yes." It was, but he was surprised that the word slipped out anyway.
"Then I might just let you try, as long as you take it slow." She sounded wary, as if she were afraid he'd throw her off his lap and walk away.
"For you, anything." He wasn't sure where these words were coming from, but they earned him another hug. He liked hugging her, holding her, how well her body fitted against his, as if they belonged together.
And despite the growing heat inside him, he didn't feel the need to take it further because this was perfect just the way it was. Just like her. So, like a good boy, he just took her home and was more than happy with a kiss on the cheek.
As he rolled his skateboard towards the orphanage, he really did feel like he was made of stars.
♪♫♬
I know I'm late with the update, but I have trouble finding time to write, so since this was the last completed chapter I have, I'm not exactly sure when the next update will be. Obviously not this year, but I'll do my best to make it next Thursday.
Right. I loved writing this chapter. It's cute and a bit of a game changer for the story. It also shows who Tom really is. So I hope you liked it
So, what do you think? About Tom and Angie and what will happen next?
Btw, we're past the halfway point of the story by now, so not much longer to go now.
Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to vote and comment. Also, listen to the song. It's pretty good ;)
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