⚠ Suicidal thoughts and actions, blood, self harm, death(?), pLoT tWiSt⚠

Word count: 1903

Inspiration: Chapter 3 of It; "Stanley Uris Takes a Bath"

I've had this chapter done for over a month, so I really hope you enjoy!

*Stan's POV*

It was 9:16 am when I heard a rapid knocking on the door. Eddie had come over to helped me with wedding plans. It's his favorite thing to do nowadays.

He's too stressed to get a job, he doesn't like be out in the open and vulnerable. He has this fear that if he goes in a super public place, Dan will find him.

So instead of working, he stays with me all day. It helps both of us honestly. I don't trust myself being all alone with all of these knifes around. Or razors, scissors, pills or something else.

But I try not to think about everything dangerous in the house. I will myself to think about Bill and the Losers. How they all love me, even though they shouldn't. How they willingly hang with me, even though I'm pathetic and worthless.

"Staaaaan, you're spacing out again." Eddie nudged me and I snapped out of my thoughts.

"S-sorry Eddie, I'm just thinking..."

"About?"

Death. How I hate myself. How easy it would be to just grab a steak knife and slit my throat and wrists.

"Nothing."

Eddie looked at me suspiciously. He always knows when something's up, probably because he knows what it's like to feel like this.

"Shitty, crappy or angry?"

We made up this code a while back, when I first found out about how Eddie cuts. Shitty means you feel bad about yourself. Either from eating, cutting or just hating yourself in general. Crappy means you want to cut again. Angry means you're feeling suicidal.

"All of them." I muttered and Eddie's eyes popped open in concern.

"God Stan... I'm really sorry. Hugs?"

I nodded every so slightly and Eddie flug himself towards me. I couldn't help but smile as his small figure tried to wrap over my back, almost like a blanket.

"You're loved, Stanley Uris. Please, promise you'll come to me if you want to do anything?"

I just looked down at floor and didn't answer.

"St-Stan," Eddie's voice started cracking. "Promise. Please?"

"Ok, Eddie... I promise."

What a lie that was.

•°•

Now, I know I promised. But 16 hours later, at around 1:30 am, I wasn't thinking about that. All I could think about was killing myself.

Everyone has to die eventually, why don't I just end it early? It's not like anyone would REALLY care.

I walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind. I can't do this anymore. I know I promised Bill and Eddie I'd talked to them if I ever felt like this, but they'd just be so disappointed in me.

Stumbling to the shower, I grabbed the razor. My head was throbbing as I spun it around in my fingers.

"I could kill myself right now," I muttered to myself. "And nobody would even care. The Losers would move on, they wouldn't even remember my name."

I threw the razor against the floor and smashed it with my foot. It broke easily, all of the blades seperating from the plastic. I picked up one of the silver pieces and stared at it for a second.

"Don't be a wimp, Uris." I muttered to myself. With that, I dug the razor across my wrist quickly. I hissed at the pain, but it felt good.

I sobbed quietly and kept doing it. The blood was coming quicker now, but I didn't care. I just knew that I needed to be gone. I can't do this anymore.

I stopped breifly to move to the other arm, watching the blood ooze out of the fresh wounds. The cuts were shallow, but there was dozens and dozens littering my arms. I smiled to myself. This will all be over soon.

The blade fell out of my shaking fingers. I'm actually going to kill myself. I know that's what I want, but what about Bill? He'd move on easily, but still...

I shook the thought out of my head and turned on the bath tub faucet. While I waited for the tub to fill, I picked up the razor and continued to slice up my arms.

I cried to myself. I'm so weak and pathetic...but I can't do this anymore. Wiping my tears, I stood up and got into the tub, still standing. The water lapped at my ankles.

Some good memories passed in my head at the feeling. Going to Sand Beach and hanging out. That's where my first date here with Bill was. Of course we'd had dates before, but this one was more special. This was our first date when we were finally free to be ourselves.

I smiled and sank down into the water, not bothering to take off my clothes. I quickly sliced up and down my arms. I wasn't cutting that deep, but I had made dozens of cuts. It'll work just the same.

My vision was getting blurry and spotted. I started to regret doing this, but it's too late now. I can't do this anymore. I have to die.

My eyelids were getting heavier, and I knew it would all be over soon. I sighed, waiting to feel relief from all of this. I relaxed my tense shoulders and waited for "sleep" to come.

"I'm sorry, Bill." I muttered before closing my eyes one last time.

*Bev's POV*

"Shit..." I mumbled and closed the refrigerator door. We were all out of turkey. I really wanted to make a sandwich...

You know what? I'm just gonna sneak into Stan and Bill's house. They always have extra cold cuts. And I'm STARVING.

I glanced at the clock, which read 1:58 am. Whatever, Stan's used to us barging into his house and he's the only one home.

I quickly drove to Stan and Bill's house and ran up the steps. Without knocking, I walked in.

I opened the door, only to see the bathroom door open. The lights were on, but everything was deathly quiet.

"Stan?" I whispered and rushed over to the room. "You in here?"

Blood.

That's all I could see. Red streaked the walls, floor and tub. Stan laid still in the bathtub, floating in the water. It was tinted pink from the blood that was quickly pouring out of his arms.

"Stan..." I chocked out. I checked for a pulse and my heart dropped when I didn't feel one. I ran out of the bathroom and grabbed a phone, calling 911 and rushing back into the bloodied bathroom.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"It's my friend, he's bleeding out, we're at 29 Spring Lane, it's off of Shannon Road. Please hurry, I'm really scared, I can't lose him." I rambled on.

"Ma'am, please try to stay calm, we're sending an ambulance there now. Why is your friend bleeding out?"

"He cut himself, I think it's a suicide attempt. Please, he can't die, he just can't. He means so much to me, and he told me he was about to propose..."

I sobbed next to Stan's lifeless body. He was going to propose to Bill. He bought a ring and everything. How could he do this?

Soon, I heard the sirens getting louder. EMT rushed in and put Stan on a gurney. We all hopped into the ambulance and rode the 14 minute drive to the hospital.

In the drive over, they hooked him up to a bunch of machines. They kept saying he flatlined, but I wouldn't believe it. He's not dead, he can't be...

We finally to the hospital and a couple doctors rushed Stan into a closed off room. A nurse led me to a nearly empty waiting area. I walked up to the pay phone, but I didn't have any money.

I started crying again, all alone, covered in Stan's blood.

"Beverly?" I heard a voice call from behind me. I turned around.

"Ruby," I sighed and walked towards her. "Oh my gosh."

"What happened?"

"It's Stan, he...he tried to kill himself." I whimpered, crying harder.

"Oh Bev," Ruby muttered and pulled me into a tight hug. "Do you need some money for the phone?"

I nodded a little, feeling ashamed to take Ruby's money.

"Thank you." I said quickly as she handed me some quarters and turned back towards the phone.

"Richie? Hi...I know it's 2 am...I don't care that I woke you and Eddie up... I know you have work Rich, stop yelli-... It's Stan, ok?! You have to come to the hospital...y-yeah...ok, see you...bye."

I kept making calls, all of them like that. Confused, because who is calling them at 2 am? Angry, because why would I call at 2 am and wake them up? And then fear when I explained what happened.

Finally, I called Bill's work number. A man picked up the phone, he directed me to the hotel Bill was staying at, then they finally got the call to him.

"Bev, it's almost 3 in the fucking morning, what do you want?" he asked, his voice groggy from just waking up.

"Bill, it's Stan-"

Before I could even finish my sentence, Bill was freaking out.

"Wh-what? What h-happened, is h-he ok? Did h-he do something, B-Bev what's going o-on?"

"Stan...tried to kill himself." It's just like ripping off a band-aid, except this band-aid is that one of your friends tried to commit suicide.

"N-no...no, h-he told m-me he w-would be o-ok! I only l-left for th-this stupid meeting because he S-SAID h-he'd be fine!"

"I'm so sorry Bill," I sobbed into the phone. "I went over to get something, but when I got there, he was already bleeding out in the tub."

I heard Bill sobbing on the other end of the line. I kept crying, wishing this was just a nightmare I could wake up from.

"Wh-where is h-he now?"

"MDI Hospital. The doctors are still working on him."

"I'm o-on my w-way." Bill said and hung up. I put the receiver back and went to my seat, giving the Ruby back the spare coins.

"Well it's nice to see you again." I said and sat down next to her.

"Wish it could've been under better circumstances," she chuckled darkly. "I'm here because Em was hanging Christmas lights and fell off the roof."

"Christmas? It's not even Thanksgiving yet!"

"Well, she likes to 'plan early'. I think she's just crazy."

We kept talking for a little while before Richie and Eddie showed up.

"Bev," Eddie sighed and pulled me into a big hug. "Is Stan ok?"

"The doctors haven't told me anything..."

His lip trembled and Richie pulled him into his arms. I noticed the way Eddie flinched when Richie touched him, but I'll ignore that for now.

Mike and Ben showed up soon after and we all were talking with Ruby. She hadn't met them yet, but they clicked instantly. Just like the rest of us did.

A doctor walked in after an hour of waiting.

"Tozier?"

Why would they have Richie's name written down? I'd assume it'd be either me or Stan, Richie wasn't even here when I first got to the hospital...

"That's me," Ruby said standing up. "Hi, I'm Ruby Tozier, how's my girlfriend, Emily Parker?