⚠Talk about self harm and suicide⚠

*Richie's POV*

I hastily walked into the campus building. This was the first time I've ever been early, but I knew I couldn't be late on my first day of work.

I still can't believe what Bev told me yesterday. And she was saying that she cheated on Ben, even though that's not true. It was Tom's fault, and she didn't choose to do that.

I sighed and walked into the main building where the Administration Office is. The secretary gave me instructions on how to get to my class building. I thanked her and walked out.

"Ok," I muttered to myself. "Straight out the doors, take left, then a right, another left and I'm there."

I followed the path, and soon enough, I was at a large, gray building. A giant sign was posted on the entrance.

BUILDING 2
Arts and Science Building
•Amos Eno Greenhouse
•Greene Laboratory of Botany
•Chemisty Lab
•Christensen Zoology Laboratory
•Drafting & Portrait Studios
•Geographic Information Systems Lab
•Green Media Lab
•Taxidermy Lab
•Writing Center

I sighed in relief as I read the last part- that's what I'm here for. Writing for entertainment and media.

I walked through the doors and found the classroom easily. The professor was already inside. I tried to flatten my hair before he looked over.

"Ah, you must be my new assistant professor, Richard!"

"Yep, that's me!" I said and walked towards him. "Nice to meet you, Professor Peterson."

"Please, call me Max," he chuckled and shook my hand. "Only the students call me Professor Peterson."

"Oh, ok. I go by Richie by the way, not Richard."

"Noted. Let me show you around the classroom before class starts."

He started going over everything, but a loud ringing went through the building and kids poured into the room. Max walked to front of the whiteboard and grabbed a dry erase marker.

"Good morning students!" Max yelled out to the kids. They mumbled greetings towards him, obviously tired and not energetic.

"The new Assistant Professor is here! Introducing.... AP Tozier!" I waved to the sea of kids in front of me.

One of the girls' head popped up and stared at me. Her eyes widened for a second, but then she shook her head and looked back down at her work.

Max started talking about his experience writing for a show. The students were taking notes and I sat back and watched. The girl kept looking over at me, but I tried to ignore her. After class, I went up to her.

"Hello, you seemed to be very...interested in me?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, you just look like someone I know... Sorry to bother you."

"It's ok," I laughed. "Just confusing."

"Okie dokie! I'll see you tomorrow Assistant Professor Tozier!" The girl said cheery and walked out of the room.

"Ugh," I groaned and walked back over to Max. " 'Assistant Professor Tozier'. That makes me feel so old."

"I feel the same way when they call me Professor Peterson," Max laughed and grabbed a bag. "I have to head to another lesson hall, but I'll see you tomorrow Richie!"

"Bye!" I said as he walked out.

I quickly walked over to the doorway of the empty classroom, where the payphone was. Using some extra change from my pocket, I called Eddie.

"Eddie Kaspbrak speaking!"

"Hey Eds, it's Rich! My class ended, so I should be home in about 3 minutes."

"Okie dokie. I'll see ya then!"

"See you then. I love you." I said and hung up, not letting Eddie get a chance to tell me he loves me more (an obvious lie, I love him more).

I smiled to myself and grabbed my bag, quickly walking out of the classroom and out to my car.

*Eddie's POV*

Fuck.

Rich is gonna be here soon.

He's gonna see me.

Oh fuck.

•°•

I tried cleaning up, but since the campus is so close, I didn't get a chance. Richie walked into his apartment, only to see me cleaning up a blood stained floor.

"Eddie, what happened?!" Richie yelled and walked over to me. "Is that..."

"Would you believe it's strawberry milkshake?" I asked softly.

"No, I would not believe that."

"Melted gumdrops?"

"No."

"Floor nectar?"

"No..."

"Some of God's tears?"

"Tell me the truth, Eddie. Did you cut yourself?"

I nodded my head slowly, feeling tears wet my eyes. Richie pulled me into a hug, avoiding my arms. He knows...and he probably hates me.

"It's ok Eddie," Richie said calmly, but his voice was cracking. "It's going to be ok."

"I just felt so helpless," I whispered into Richie's chest. "And I knew that cutting would help... I'm sorry, Rich."

The tears finally rolled down my cheeks and Richie held me closer. He kissed the top of my head and I felt safe, for once, but it also felt wrong. What about Dan...?

You know what? Screw Dan. After all the shit he put me through, I shouldn't have to worry about him. I looked up at Richie and smiled softly.

"Thank you so much, Richie... I don't know what I would do without you."

"Hmm...you'd probably impulsively buy 9 dogs."

"Most likely." I laughed.

"Eds..." Richie said slowly. "What happened when I was gone?"

"N-nothing. Just b-bad thoughts..." I muttered.

"Memories?"

I nodded, even though it wasn't the memories of Dan. But it's not like I would tell the Richie the truth, he'd just lie to me. To make me feel better.

He'd tell me that I was loved, even though I'm not. He'd tell me that the Losers don't hate me, even though they obviously do. He'd tell me that I didn't do anything wrong and Dan shouldn't have hurt me. But there was always a reason when Dan did something. It's all my fault. All of it.

Richie pulled away from the hug and looked at me. There were too many emotions in his eyes to count. Sadness because of me cutting, love because, well, he loves me (bad choice on his part), anger because of what Dan did...or because of what I did...

"H-how?" Richie asked, his voice shaky.

"Razor," I muttered. "Nothing new..."

"Where is it?"

"What?"

"Where's the blade? I'm taking it away. I can't stand the thought of you hurting yourself again when I'm not home. I can't lose you Eds, and what if you cut too deep on accident? Or on purpose? And I'm not home to help you, and-..."

Richie's voice cracked and he started crying.

"I'm not letting that happen." He said sternly, yet softly at the same time. "So show me where you keep the razor."

I nodded slowly and led him to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet under the sink and reached into the very back. I had put dozens and dozens of blades in a small bag here when I moved in.

I reached in and grabbed a couple out of the bag. They all looked rusted, dried blood coating the small silver blades. I handed them to Richie and he sighed and put them in his pocket.

"I'm going to throw these away, FAR away, and I'll make sure my razor is gone and out of sight too. Besides," Richie grinned. "I know you like my stubble, I can live without shaving for a couple days." He winked and I rolled my eyes.

For Richie, everything was great. According to him, I couldn't hurt myself. But there's still knives. And all of the razor blades I hid from him.

Oh, and don't forget about my plan to kill myself in two weeks. The one I made when I was still in the closet at Dan's. The one that I said I wouldn't actually do.

But I changed my mind. I'm going to do it.

A/N: Hey everyone! I have some news to tell you guys.

1) I'll be updating about 3 or 4 times a week

3) I got a home teacher! So I'm still not in school, but I'm working with her from 9-11 every weekday. So I'll still have time to work on both books 😁

4) I'm starting a ST/IT crossover book with my friend Liv, so be on the look out for announcements about that

I think that's all...

Anyways, I love you all sm, feel free to DM if you have any questions or suggestions about either book.

-Sami ♡