Hello Everyone!!

How you been guys?? sorry for the delay..i was stuck up with some work..

And Don't worry guys i'm not going to bring Manya back....*winking*

--------------------------------------

This past month has been an absolute nightmare, one that I wanted to woke up immediately. Since Sam uttered those words...which were not less than any nuclear bomb to me...the words that told me I lost her before I had a chance to try, were eating my soul alive..why couldn't I was able to realize it before...why hadn't I seen what a true angel she was?

Since her marriage announcement, I have been sad, more like depressed. I tried hard to get it out my system, but I couldn't able to work on it...so what did I decided to do?

I continued to hide my breaking heart the best way I knew possible. I worked a lot, if I wasn't working; I kept myself out of sight. I didn't want my family to pity me...I couldn't able to bear it..i knew they would understand me..but that wasn't something I wanted or needed..what I wanted and needed was Sam and that was now something close to impossible..

I couldn't help but to think of that day when she told me that she was marrying Armaan. Since then I was beyond the reach of anyone. I drew all my feelings, not wanting to let them show..so I drown myself in Alcohol so the hurt would go away, even if it was just for a moment. So, after work, I would spend the majority of my nights in The Casino Royal...Even that club too didn't keep me away from thinking about her....I could hear her voice...it was like I couldn't go anywhere without her being there....and it's hard to believe that it took me four years of missing her , to realize that she was the one thing in my life that made me complete..A Whole Person...

Though Sam haunted my thoughts while I was there, The club became my home away from home, a place where I could hide from my family and my fiancé who has been behaving strange this days..

I came to know the bartender that was there that night that Sam sang ,has name Jarvis, he is fan of Iron Man so he changed his name as Jarvis...he was a pretty interesting guy to talk..the thing I most liked him about was that keeping the beers coming.

Things went like this for a week...but it was then Radhika came to the Club and I realized that I couldn't keep going like this..

" Hey, Neil....the usual?" Yelled Jarvis from the other end of the bar counter

I nodded and sat on the bar stool. Jarvis brought the beer and sat in front of me..

" you know you have to get pass this phase buddy...." He stated, crossing his hand across his chest

" Not yet..I'm not ready..."

" I am guessing the girl about whom you are mourning the same girl who was singing that night I saw you here.."

" You remember ?" I asked, shocked that he could actually remember Sam

" there aren't that many beautiful women that come in here and sang..its normally those drunkards ...that you wish you could forget.." he chucked

Sighing, I took a drink.. he went to other side to attend a woman who was waiting for her cocktail

" Neil.."

Turning , I saw Radhika standing behind me..groaning, I turned away and started to took another bottle

" Neil, what are you doing?"

" I think its pretty clear , radz..."

She sat down next to me...Jarvis was wondering if she want any drink

" No thanks..I think my brother has fulfilled family quota..." her tone truly showed how annoyed she was with me

Jarvis met my gaze and left us alone...I tried to ignore her..pretend she wasn't there...she was here to tell me that it wasn't too late...she thought I still had chance to tell Sam how I feel , to win her heart back , but I couldn't bring myself to do that..

Sam accepted Armaan's proposal so it was clear that she loved him..right?

" Neil, Sam loves you..why can't you just tell her?" Radz started

" if she loves me , she wouldn't have accepted Armaan's proposal "

" she doesn't know that you love her...if she knew she wouldn't be with Armaan right now, she would be with you.."

That would be wonderful..to have My Sam with me...To come home to her, to see her smile, to have her curl up against my chest with a book, me running my fingers through her hairs....the best thing would be to pull her into bed and kiss her, to make love to her..that would be blessing...one that would never come in my fate..

" It doesn't matter radz..what done is done...we can't change it..let it go..."

She grabbed me by my shoulder and spun me around to face her..when my little sister got mad, she could do some damage..that's for sure

" Neil Malhotra ..you are a damn fool if you let this go...Sam might be here, but she would only if you swallow your damn pride and tell her. You and your Nobel ways...you can't tell the girl that you love her because she is engaged..well remember you are too..."

" I can't forget that..i am doomed to that one forever..." I mumbled

" why??" she exclaimed " don't tell me you still want to marry her..."

Why not? I now I couldn't love anyone but Sam..ever...but I was engaged to Manya..she hadn't given me any reason to break the engagement except she was complete and always bitch all the time..it doesn't matter anyways..i deserved this sadness..this is what the person like me get..pure sadness..

" Neil..Drowning yourself in bottles isn't the answer...have you even called her? She asked me the other day if you are okay, if you are going to call her...she is starting to think that something wrong happen with you..."

" she didn't need me..she has Armaan ..i will be fine..."

" damn it, Neil..she needs you...you are her rock...the entire time , one way or another she was asking about you..she miss you..you can't do this to you or Sam...and beyond all..she is your friend first and you are going to treat her as such..she deserves that much from you..."

She grabbed the bottle from my hand and throw it across the bar table..the glass shattered when it slammed against the wall..everyone turned to stare at us..

I grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the bar. When we were finally outside, I spun her to face me, the pure range of fury were dripping from her eyes..

" Neil don't do these..you are better than this...drinking all the time, being with woman you don't love, loving a woman you can't tell...this is complete ridiculous..."

I knew she was right..My life wasn't less than any film drama..but I couldn't able to hold on...I had lost the woman of my dreams, the only one that would truly have my heart..

" I can't do this Radz..what if she tells me to leave alone after I do..?" I asked

" she can't leave without you Neil, have faith in her..."

She walked towards me and pulled me into hug..wraping my arms around my sisters, I realized she was right. That I couldn't do this...something had to change

And something did change. I realized that drinking every night was going to lead me no where..i couldn't hide from Sam forever..especially her calling Radz and wondering about me daily

So I stopped drinking, and I finally called her. Hearing her voice was music to my ears..i would love to listen to her all the time, she talked about work and other things..and I did the same..told her about my working hours..it was nice just getting to hear her musical laughter on the other end of the phone..

I did continue my work in the office..when I got home I used to spent my time playing guitar..i kept playing the guitar since I realized I loved Sam..and it kept growing into something that was wonderful, a true expression of my love for her.. Maybe one day I could play for her the song which I wrote for her..

Moment later fight with Manya

Storming from the room, leaving Manya shouting on the floor , I quickly descended the stairs and headed out of the house..i could see Radz and Nandini watching me from the hall, but I didn't responded to them. I didn't have energy to talk to them . There was too much going in my mind to even speak.

My head was busting with so many emotions...hatred..anger...frustration...and mostly confustion..i never thought that this would happen...I never thought Manya would stoop so low..to hide that she knew I love Sam..

Kicking my bike to rumble , I left the house..i accelerated the bike to max in hope that the speed would take away all the thoughts..but now they were hurting more...Now I got why Manya used to hate Sam all the time.

I didn't know that I talked in my sleep..No one in the family ever mentioned it..Thinking about it, I realized I must have been doing this for a while to push Manya to the extremes that she went to. I could only imagine how I would feel

My next thought went to me calling Sam's name while I was sleeping with Manya..it wasn't something I was aware of but may be my subconscious was desiring Sam before my conscious was. I knew that lately my dreams had been occupied by Sam but it was hard to belive that I was uttering her name..

The part was making more angry was Tony Fernandez. Damn him. He was still mad that I didn't let him get close to Sam back in past. I saw him many times in various disc in town glaring at me like I taking something he wanted. So I guess he thought that fu*king my fiancé would be getting any revenge . how wrong could guy be?

From the moment I realized that Sam is my everything, Manya meant nothing to me.. but I never thought she would do such stupid thing by bedding with that looser Fernandez

So I broke up with her...I knew that I was free from her for forever and I just need to think about what to do with this feeling for Sam,. She was the only women I ever want in my life and I knew I couldn't live without her., not anymore...Radhika always told how Sam saw me as her rock..but truth was she was my rock...the centre of my universe..i couldn't live without her. I had to get her back.

I drove until I reached the beach where I took her back in college. And I walked on the thick sand on the beach...and I found a spot far from road. I lay down and stared up the sky. And I watched the sun set onto the horizon and I continued to think about everything and how my life had changed forever , mostly because by a brown eyed women that captured my very soul.

It was not long after sun had set and the stars started to shown. And I began to walk towards the sea...the cold water touched my feets...I felt free for a moment, letting my emotions fly. I watched the dark blanket of stars twinkling and I couldn't resist but to think how it would be like to have Sam with me....to have a world of her own, a life together like all those people.

To have that would be heaven. I just had to figure it out that how I could make her see how much I love her..it would gonna be one hell challenge specially with how I handled her declaration those years back..i hurt so badly and she turned to find comfort in Armaan and now she accepted to marry him..

Why would she want a guy who had hurt her so much when she could have a guy like Armaan to give her everything she could ever want? What could I really give her?? Nothing...And now the only thing I have to give is my undying love for her..but would she want that?? Would that be enough??

I lost the track of time in my thoughts and when I checked my watch it read past two in the morning...I needed to be home, but that place caused me so much grief about what happened today..yawining little, I decided to go some other place to go..

I started my bike and I rode until that place which I wanted to stay today...I stopped in front of a two storey house with large modernly designed porch. I reached and knocked the door . looking at the watch it was showing three in the morning..the door pulled opned and there stood my brother in law.....Arjun

He was barely awake standing in the door with just his boxers on and his hair were mess being suddenly woken up in the sleep.

" Neil?" he asked with yawn

" I need a place to crash...."

He didn't say another word but just stepped out of the way to let me come in..i followed him from the foyer, past the living room to the one extra bedroom..he opened the door n I could sense that Radhika decorated the room..not that much mattered to me..as I need place to sleep...

" See you in the morning, bro.." grumped Neil as he left..

I crashed on the bed pulling the duvet and within moments...sleep took over her charges..

When I woke up in the morning I could see the sun was shining outside..rolling over I saw it was little after eight , so hopped out of the bed and did morning chores..when I got in the kitchen, I saw the coffee pot was still on , so poured myself a cup..

As I pulled it to my lips, I saw Radhika sitting outside in backyard with another person..pushing the door open to the backyard the another person surprised me caused it was none other person than my mother..

" good morning, Neil.." smiled Radhika

" Morning " I said as I sat on the chair across my mother

" Radhika, I want to have words with Neil for a moment..."

The only thing I could do was to drop my eyes, cause tone in her voice was enough me to realized that I disappointed her...and I know it was related to my angel...shining star in my dark universe..i knew it hurt my mom to know that I broke Sam's heart those years ago..now it was coming back to bite me..

"Yeahh..i will be inside..." Radhika said as she went inside

The silence was that eloped the moment was killing..and I could feel air tensing around..i waited for her sturn voice that she used to used in childhood..but I got surprised with tone came..

" Neil..."

Finding some courage I looked at her eyes, they weren't angry..they were soft..filled with sorrow and hope..

" are you okay?" she asked

Confusion flooded in my mind..why wasn't she scolding me?

" I guess that depends on your definition of okay, Mom"

She patted the seat next to her and shifted on the chair beside her..she slowly wrapped her arm around me and I leaned my head down on her strong shoulder.

" Neil, do you remember that conversation we had about Sam at the beginning of your last year of graduation?"

" the one in which you told me to be careful or one day I would lose her..yes..i remember it..." I mumbled as I stared down

" Neil, I could be yelling at you about how you behave with Manya..how unfair to her because you never loved her..but that's isn't going to help anymore...Manya didn't loved you either..though how much she said until she left..and that too don't matter now...what matters is that you have seen the light, and learned what love truly is...."

I looked at her eyes shimmering with unshed tears and I was mesmerized by mother's grace..while she spoke those words..

" you love her, Neil..you always loved Sam..the love that friends share is something rare, and it changes over time..it never stays exactly the same..it got faded with time...but it was always there...I have seen you both growing...you weren't in love with her when you were a boy, but live was still there..you learned to know what is true love ..and Sam is other half..the only one to make you whole..."

" I know mom..she is everything I could ever hope..i just don't know what to do to fix it.." I whispered

" Oh Neilll..you still have time..to show her how much you love her.."

" How do I do this mom? I told her I want to be her friend and now I wants to turn everything around and tell her that I love her...that isn't fair mom..i can't ruin her happiness..."

" Neil, you will ruin her life if wouldn't be honest with her about your feelings...she deserved to know that you love her..yeah, she may not come back to you, but she deserves to know...."

" how do you tell someone "Oh, by the way, I just realized after I saw dancing with your boyfriend that I can't live without you..leave him and be with me..."my voice dripping with sarcasm...

" you can't tell her like that Neil..but.." she paused for moment " you are part of her and she is part of you..that is what love is..you become part of one another..you both always been one person together..there were never two people but one.."

I said nothing but started think about what she said...were all the answers to my problem inside of me,?

" Take your time Beta..you will know what to do when time is right...have faith..i do..i have faith that every thing will end up like it supposed to be..believed me, you two are destined to be together.."

She stood and wrapped me in hug.. the warm of security I had in my mom's arm never changed. Though I have grown into a man..i still need her at times...I was blessed with truly amzing mother that had more faith on me than I really deserved

Watching her go inside the house, I stared at the flowers in the garden and after some I realized radhika was standing beside me

" so ?"

" I'm going to fight for her.." my voice was firm with determination

Turning my face towards her I saw her giving smug smile..

" I'm so happy...you two deserves to be happy..and I know you both would be truly happy together.."

" do you think it will work ?" I asked

" Ofcouse Neil..its called destiny..." she said with smile..

Her words gave me hope..something that I hadn't felt in so long...she belibed that I could show the woman of my dreams that I truly cared and could make her happy..the moment made me feel good..that was something I felt after really long time..

----------------------------

How's it guys???

Did your perception for Neil changed after this??

Let me know...So plz keep voting and commenting..

love you

xoxo