Please, for the love of all things readable, make sure your story follows the few rules of grammar that need to be used.

Instead of this:

Tom turned around to face kim "this is my own problem" kim sighed "but you dont have to do it alon" tim voice raise in frustration and rage "yes i do this is my destiny!!1!1"

...maybe try this:

     Tom tensed as he glanced at Kim over his shoulder. "This is my own problem," he murmured.
     "But you don't have to do it alone!" Kim cried, her voice filled with pleading and an undertone of fear for her friend.
     "Yes, I do!" His voice rising to a shout, Tom fully whirled around to face Kim squarely, his eyes aflame with rage as they met her frightened gaze.

...Something like that.

Now, I know it's not the best, and I know I use "this happened as that did" and "while this is happening, that happened" waaay too often, but y'know, I'm too lazy to fix it. Also I'm not really smart enough to find other sentences that work.

Now, let's discuss what was wrong with the first paragraph:

1) The description is kind of bland.

Okay, so I know not all people are expert crafters of words, but I prefer to have a clear vision of what's going on. Ray Bradbury does an excellent job of exactly describing something (maybe even too good a job. His descriptions are so so detailed, sometimes even I can't follow them). Just make sure you don't over-explain things. Again, Ray Bradbury is a perfect example of over-explaining. An overly detailed paragraph can take away from the story. But don't worry, bland descriptions can sometimes work. And before you ask, no author is exempt from under-detailing or over-detailing. I have done both countless times.

2) The PUNCTUATION

Ugh, this is one of my pet peeves--when people don't use proper punctuation. And YES, I KNOW I USE COMMAS INSTEAD OF PERIODS IN RCS AND BASICALLY EVERYWHERE.

And that's the thing: improper punctuation is okay outside of a novel. But when you're trying to write a story, please make sure you know that you need to start a new line for dialogue (in most cases) and that most sentences actually end with something. I'll make a guide someday, promise.

And using no punctuation at all is even worse. Please please please proofread your story, and if you don't trust yourself, then send it to a friend and ask them to read it.

And yes I know I keep typos in my story. It's because I'm lazy and forgetful. Don't be me.

3) Capitalization, pronouns, and the rest

Names. Are. Always. Capitalized. Don't try to tell me otherwise. The same goes for the beginning of dialogue, sentences, and paragraphs. Always capitalize those.

Please use pronouns. It's weird if you just put "Tom" or "Kim" a bunch of times. And maybe you can't use pronouns. Maybe it doesn't sound right to you. Again- ask a friend to proofread.

CON. JU. GATE. This isn't usually a problem, but when people constantly skip conjugating, or, like I did, skip the is/was/are entirely, it becomes a problem. Conjugating is so common in the English language nowadays, it sounds overly formal if you leave things unconjugated.

Also, make sure you spell things right. Ask a friend, a teacher, a co-worker, a classmate, whatever. Whatever you have to do, please make sure you use the right word.

WHICH REMINDS ME!

Don't use "defiantly" if you're trying to say "definitely."

defiantly (adv): the act of bold disobedience.

definitely (adv): without doubt.

Or, if you still don't understand:

definitely: the word you mean to use.

defiantly: the word you wrongly use instead.

That should be clear enough.

Sorry it's so salty. It just pisses me off more than it should when people use defiantly instead of definitely.

On the topic of words:

two: The written version of the number 2.
to: going to; having to do; making it out to. Used when speaking of, such as a noun or verb.
too: too much; too many; too far. Used when one has more than needed/expected.

many: Used when thing in question can be counted. many cups; many students.
much: Used when thing in question cannot be counted. much water; much space.
"Lots of" and "a lot of" can be used in place of either of these.
.
Now, verb conjugations (which you should know, but I'll put them down anyway):

I : am. I am. I'm.
You : are. You are. You're.
He : is. He is. He's.
She : is. She is. She's.
We : are. We are. We're.
Y'all : are. You all are. You're or Y'all're (please only use the last one in dialogue where the character has a Southern accent).
They : are. They are. They're.
.
More words that sound alike:

You're: you are.
Your: belonging to you.

They're: they are.
Their: belonging to them.
There: referring to a certain place.
.
Also, a cooler set of words that sound alike that you probably won't ever have to use:

Littoral: referring to a bay or other body of water.
Literal: real.

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PSA: Using "literally" in every other sentence outside of dialogue (and even in dialogue sometimes) is not cool. Please don't do it.

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PSA 2: Don't try to avoid pronoun use and/or name mentioning by using "the girl" or "the boy" or "the brunette" or "the blonde" or whatever else. It's okay if it's only a few times throughout a couple of chapters if they're spread out, but if that's the only way you're going to refer to your character then no.

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Well that chapter was late. Sorry 'bout that.
-Parker