Tip: Show, Don't Tell
Most of us have done "show and tell" at school; however, this doesn't work with stories. A story is something that conveys emotions and personalities of a character. Good stories convey this without openly saying exactly what's in the character's head. It's done by showing actions or, sometimes, lack of actions. For example:
Bad Example: Leslie was afraid as she crouched behind the printer. Her boss was feet away. Her mind was reeling and she played with the bag in her hands. She was feet away from being caught with the money from the safe.
Good Example: Leslie's heart was pounding. She tried to keep her breathing silent as she heard her boss's footsteps. They stopped only feet away. Her shaky fingers ran over the bag of money as she crouched behind a printer. The smooth surface reminded her of the safe it had been in only moments before. What was she going to do? What if she was caught? How could she possibly get away now?
By showing and not telling, it allows a reader to get deeper into the story and feel the emotions of the character. Saying she was afraid is something we can all relate to, and it's not wrong to say she was because it's true. However, showing her current state by saying her heart was pounding, she was trying to silence her breathing, and saying her fingers were shaky all show fear and the anxiety. Saying her mind was reeling is okay, but showing her thoughts instead add depth and intrigue to the situation. The questions capture the reader's attention and engage their thoughts, as well as heighten their anticipation for what happens next.
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