Warnings: Strong language, mention of insecurity, mention of violence, mention of worthlessness, mention of insecurity, mention of death, and mention of suicide.
___
___
What a waste of potential.

What are you even wearing? Did you seriously think you'd look good in that? That colour just doesn't work on you, not that many, if any, colours do. And your shirt is all wrinkled because you're too lazy to iron it, do you ever even make an effort to look good?

Do you ever make an effort at all?

Who would ever even want to look at you, let alone be with you? Your 'friends' never call to check in on you, but they'd probably do that for someone else. It's just because they don't want to even acknowledge the fact that you exist. Maybe they do think about you, you know, or acknowledge that you exist. Maybe they even talk about you. But what do you think they say? How do you think they describe you when they mention you to someone they know? I think that maybe, they bring up that time you weirded them out by something you said.

Excuse me? What do you mean you don't remember? You thought about it for the rest of the entire day! And to be honest, they probably did to. It was really weird.

Your family never take you out anywhere, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why. Look at yourself.

God, you're hair is so boring! Why won't it do anything but sit there uselessly on your head? Other people can do all of these cool hairstyles, or if they don't have any hair they can style wigs and create amazing looks without any hair at all. And yet here you are, too lazy to even brush your hair or style it a little. If you don't make an effort for yourself, how are people going to expect you to make an effort for them? You're awful.

What do you think your friends are doing right now? They're probably out somewhere. Without you. They definitely didn't think about bringing you with them, I mean, why would they want to? You'd just be a huge buzz kill. Not that you'd even bother to go out and meet them.

Oh, and speaking of not going out, when are you actually going to make any effort to exercise? It's not like you have to pay for a gym membership or anything, just go for a fucking walk. That'll at least keep you healthy, even if you can't do anything else.

So untalented. Your friends can do all of these amazing things and what are you doing? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Because you're not good at anything. Nobody will want to employ you if you can't do anything, you know? Not that they'd be too excited about employing you anyway, I mean, look at yourself.

You complain about so much, but you don't try to find a solution! Who is going to want to be around someone that complains about everything?

Do you even want to be yourself?

Maybe you feel trapped in your own body, but maybe you also deserve it. Stuck behind bars of disgusting flesh and bone, and held there by your own dilatoriness. You're trapped, but you can't be bothered to get out because you're just so fucking lazy. Watching movies and videos all day, but do you actually tune in to them? Or do you just sit there staring blankly at a screen because you have nothing better to do? Because you can't be arsed to find something better to do.

Hey, now that I've got your attention, do you remember that time someone stared at you for no reason? Well, there was a reason, but you tried to convince yourself that they had just zoned out whilst looking in your general direction because you were too afraid to face the truth. That's just how you are in general though, isn't it?

God, look at yourself. You want change, but you're too afraid to take the initiative and start change yourself. Such a hypocrite.

How do you expect to stop hearing awful stories in the news if you don't try to do something about it yourself? Other young people, older people, people of all ages are making an effort to change something they don't like about the world. Whether their idea of change is good or bad doesn't matter, at least they're trying. Unlike you. It's never you.

It's never you that gets invited out first either, is it? And when someone says they thought of you first, they're probably lying to you. They aren't afraid of the truth, they just know that you are. And like the wonderful people they are, they don't want to hurt you. You don't appreciate them enough.

You don't appreciate anything enough, though, do you?

You think you'd be better off dead, don't you?

You know that so many people would be better off without you.

But you don't want to die. You're too selfish to give everyone what they want, aren't you? What they don't want is you, and you can't just choose to be someone else, so why don't you just stop... altogether? You're too scared? What a fucking surprise--

"Sweetheart, dinner's ready!"

Startled, I tear my eyes away from the mirror in front of me and sigh heavily, feeling my chest expand and deflate, ignoring the pain it causes me to even do something as simple as that. My mother's voice soothes the pain somewhat. It's so familiar. So soft, even when shouting up the stairs.

I take one last glance at the mirror and swallow, pushing the nasty thoughts to the back of my mind and forcing memories of that funny cat video to the front. Distract yourself. Distract yourself. Distract yourself. Distract yourself. Distract yourself.

Look at yourself.
___
___
Note: This wasn't a vent fic or anything, so don't worry, I'm perfectly fine. I simply found a first line prompt and liked it, but things got a bit dark. Honestly, I don't usually write about things like this, but it was just a sad idea, I guess.

If anyone reading this is feeling like this, please talk to someone you trust and don't keep it bottled up inside. Whether it's a family member, a friend, or a suicide hotline, please talk to somebody.

Thank you for reading!