Author: Teamleo8777
Words: 498
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Trigger warning: Self hatred, faked happiness, implied suicide

Hello everyone!
You may be wondering why I am writing this note to you. You way be wondering-

Patton faltered, staring at the paper, before crumpling it up, throwing it in the dustbin beneath his desk. Taking out a fresh piece of paper, he once again tried to jot down his thoughts.

Dear friends and roommates,
This may come to a surprise to you, but I despise myse-

He put down his pen, crumpled the paper, and started afresh once more.

Dear friends and roommates,
You will find this letter on my room's desk. I want to finally tell you what I've been feeling for weeks- no, months. I hate myself. Every time I look in the mirror, I want to cry. I hate how I look, how I behave, everything about myself.

Before you start to search for me, keep on reading. Don't blame yourself, whatever happens. Please don't change how you live because of any decision I make.

Masks are so tiring. I put one on everyday and it's absolutely exhausting. I Googled the definition of mask today. Apparently, it means: a covering for all or part of the face, worn as a disguise, or to amuse or frighten others. Huh. I suppose I use one differently. It's not like a physical mask or anything, but it covers just as much. I use a smile. Just as effective.

I'm not sure when I started using this smile. It used to be real, I swear! But something changed. When did smiling become so tiring? It used to be so fun to smile, and sometimes it sometimes still is. Like my birthday last year. When I look back on those memories, they seem so distant, so unreachable. Practically a dream. How can I possibly achieve anything else? I feel so helpless, drowning in a feeling of despair that I shouldn't be having. Other people have it so much harder than me. There are people dying! There are people suffering in poverty! But here I am, sitting at the desk, complaining about how "terrible" my life is. Why can't I just appreciate the things I have? Why do I have to be so selfish?

I hate wearing the mask. Whenever I wear it, it feels so fake. I'm such a fraud. People look at me, with my stupid bubbly personality, and stupid appearance and stupid smile and stupid laugh and stupid glasses and they think they know me. You guys think I'm a cheerful person. You think I'm responsible. But I'm not. And it makes me so frustrated that people are so content with the fake me. That they probably prefer the fake me. No, I know they prefer the fake me.

So, who knows? I think you guys will be so much happier without me. I guess this is it. Bye bye.

He signed off, and with a sad smile, walked out of his room. Under his breath, he whispered quietly, a tear running down his cheek.

"Goodbye."