HIM - (Aethereal_Psyche)
HIM
Who says it is easy to forget? All those memories, all those -
"Here you go, Ani."
"Thank you, Ma'am." A young, teenaged girl - Ani replied, tilting her head to look at the café's owner, Mrs. Daniels - a woman with powdered gray hair, well into her fifties.
"No need." Mrs. Daniels squeezed Ani's shoulder, making the corner of her lips lift involuntarily. "How have you been?"
"Better," Ani muttered, blinking her moist eyes, and resumed reading the book laying open in front of her.
Mrs. Daniels nodded, "I am here if you want to talk." and left Ani alone at her window table. Alone with memories.
Ani hummed in response, feeling as if someone has stuffed a sock in her throat. She swallowed again and again but in vain.
Why did you leave, Hailey?
Ani lifted her head away from the book - her favourite book and looked out the window. The breeze billowing the autumn leaves higher and higher... only to tumble back to the harsh reality.
Ani squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, shaking away those memories. She looked down at the book, at its wrinkled pages. She had always loved to fold the corners whenever she couldn't find a bookmark. But Ani, no, she never treated books so carelessly, despite the fact that her patience had always been limited.
Ani snapped out of her thoughts at the jingling of the doorbell. She was about to turn her head to look at the new entrant but as she was in no mood to socialise with anyone, she stopped. She hasn't been in the mood to socialise for a long time. Shopping, movies, it all had started seeming like a waste of time to her and -
"Hello." A deep voice sounded from behind her.
Ani tensed as she heard the sound, not because it was familiar, but because she could visualise her peace of being alone going down the drain. People always meant small chitter-chatter, and worst of all they never leave. They all talk under the guise of being helpful but somehow they always make things worse. To them, someone's pain is nothing short of a cinema, a good, no, a great movie with which they'd probably buy some popcorn -
"Excuse me." The same voice said, bringing Ani out of her musing.
Ani, knowing she can no longer put it off, turned her head around with a small smile. "Yes."
"May I take a seat." The man, probably in his twenties, not much older than herself, gestured to the seat in front of her.
Ani trying her best to be polite, questioned. "Why can't you sit somewhere else?"
The man let out a small laugh. "Everywhere else is occupied."
Ani, not the one to believe in anyone, especially strangers, took a look around the cafe and realised he was right. The café which was near empty when she came, was fully occupied and has become quite noisy. "Yeah. Sure. Go ahead."
The man nodded and slid in the cushioned seat and rested his arms on the table, crossing his fingers. The silver rings on his fingers clinked together, much like the bells on Christmas.
Ani resumed reading her book, in silence, sipping her coffee every now and then, and involuntarily looking at the man every time she picked up her china cup. She didn't know why but her gaze was attracted towards him, like a magnet to iron, a fact she unwillingly acknowledged.
"Which book are you reading?" The man asked, about half-hour later, appearing genuinely interested. He rested a bookmark between his own book.
"I don't talk to strangers." Ani looked up, tearing her eyes away from the words on the page and noticed the man drumming his fingers on his book. A book? Ani could swear she hadn't seen a book in his hands before and he didn't even carry a bag. However, thinking nothing of it, she soon shook herself out of her it. After all, her observation has never been too good. Her focus is a different matter altogether. Maybe that's the reason she couldn't get over Hailey.
The man hummed, "My name is Dominic." and brought his hand forward, offering a handshake. "What's yours?"
"Ani." Ani shook his hand for a mere second and dropped it.
The man smiled. "There. Now we are no longer strangers."
Ani scoffed. "We just know each other's names."
"That's a start, is it not?"
"I suppose."
"Now, can you tell me which book are you reading?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"I am an avid reader myself. And a book which has grabbed the attention of a lady as beautiful as you must be priceless."
"Flattery will get you nowhere." Ani tried hard to suppress her budding smile.
"Not flattery, my dear. Just appreciation." The man smirked.
Ani simply shook her head, her lips still lifted, blatantly refusing to become neutral, and slumped back on the chair. After a moment of silence between them, she replied. "Pride and prejudice." And looked up to see the man - Dominic closing his book again. "And you?"
"Einstein's theory of relativity."
Ani nodded, an appreciating smile on her face. "His theory of special relativity has always interested me."
"Yes. It is very interesting isn't it." Dominic chuckled.
Ani smiled as well. Not a pretentious one but a real one. After almost two years she smiled a smile which didn't cause any stress to her cheeks. Finding his chuckle contagious, she too giggled. Giggled? Ani shut her mouth, smothering it, as guilt started gnawing at her gut. Even though it had been two years she still couldn't get over her sister's demise. It seemed every time she felt anything akin to joy, guilt accompanied it.
Ani wrung her fingers and looked around the café. Her gaze getting glued at a little boy, about seven years maybe, standing in the middle of the floor with various grocery items spilled around him. The boy's mother was crouched in front of him grabbing the items and stuffing them back inside the bag, well, almost all the items. Some items such as lettuce and broccoli looked rather trampled on and so, they met their fate - the bin. The little boy's mother smiled at the people near her table apologetically and dragged the boy back to his seat, scolding him all the while.
"Poor boy," Ani announced as she turned to face Dominic. But her eyes met empty chair with no sign of him. Not even his book lay on the table. She looked around the café and yet no sign of him.
Ani got up from her chair hurriedly and put her book inside her shoulder bag. She walked over to the counter, to Mrs. Daniels.
"Mrs. Daniels, have you seen the man who was sitting with me? It's like he's disappeared."
"Sitting with you? My dear, there was no one sitting with you." Mrs, Daniels stated.
"Pardon?" Ani shook her head bemusedly and let out a deep sigh. "I think we've both had a long day."
"But dear - "
"Goodnight, Mrs. Daniels," Ani said without waiting any longer for Mrs. Daniels' response. She walked out of the café, the doorbell jingled, announcing her departure.
Ani stepped out in the cold autumn night and shuffled deeper in her woolen coat. She sniffled as the air bit her nose, turning it a bright red.
Ani walked towards the road and away from the entrance of the café, she waved her hand in the air for a taxi and in a moment the taxi stopped in front of her.
She opened the door and sat inside. She gave the directions of her house to the driver and leaned her back on the car seat. Ani rested her head on the window, the cool glass brought her some comfort, helping her stay in touch with reality. Her eyes moved frantically over each face that passed, searching for him - Dominic.
"How can a grown man disappear like that?" Ani whispered to herself.
The fact that she wanted to see him again was quite disturbing to her, her worry over him, that he disappeared so suddenly, as if in thin air. She had always prided that she doesn't get close to people, at least not the first time they meet, especially when they had talked for not even full fifteen minutes. So, him disappearing, ideally speaking, should not affect her. But somehow it did, to an extent that she could barely control her eagerness for tomorrow, to go to the café again, to meet him...
.
[Next day.]
.
"Nice seeing you again."
Ani jumped as she heard Dominic's voice. She whirled around to face him, taking care not to fall from her chair. The same café chair she sat on yesterday.
"Where did you disappeared off to yesterday?"
"I had to go."
"You had to go? That's it?"
"Yeah."
Ani shook her head and grumbled. "You could have at least said 'bye' before you left."
"Sorry." Dominic smiled apologetically at Ani. "I am still learning how to be civil."
"Learning how to be civil? Are you kidding me?" Ani scoffed. "Everyone knows how to be civil."
"Not if you have never been around potential friends."
"You've never had friends?"
"No."
"Why? You seem like you could have been one of the popular kids."
"Popular I was. But I have never had friends, just 'yes men'."
"I don't get it."
"I am a politician's son."
"Oh," Ani said.
Dominic hummed.
Ani looked at him, feeling her worry disappearing. She stared at him opening his book, the same book he was reading yesterday.
She had to admit it to herself, he was the first man she had truly paid attention too. Maybe it's something about his demeanour, that's different from the rest.
"Same book as yesterday, huh?"
Ani blinked her eyes, embarrassingly noticing that she had been staring at him all this while. She looked down at her forgotten book and replied. "Yes." Ani then nodded towards him. "You?"
"Same." Dominic chuckled and after a moment added. "The weather's nice today."
Ani looked out the window at the sun about to set. There was a slight breeze, ruffling the bird's feathers, as they flew high chirping amongst themselves. The weather was exactly like the way it had been that day when Hailey...
Ani gulped. "Yeah. It is."
"Want to go out for a while?" Dominic asked Ani, staring at her intently. "It's good to get some fresh air. Especially on a beautiful day such as this."
"And why would I go out with you?"
"Why not?"
"We have known each other for only a day," Ani stated.
"But we're friends are we not?"
"Yeah. I guess..."
"So?"
"Okay," Ani replied.
"Okay?" Dominic echoed confusedly. "Just like that?"
Ani nodded and asked. "Why? Should I have said no?"
Dominic chuckled. "I was expecting a few more arguments from your side."
Ani squeezed her lips to conceal her smile. "Should I oblige you then?"
Dominic shook his head, "No need." and grinned. "Shall we go."
"Of course," Ani said getting up from her seat and slid her sling bag on her shoulder. "Had I said no, how would you have convinced me?"
"I was about to open my arsenal of charms."
"An arsenal of charms?" Ani guffawed. "You really are something, you know."
"Thank you." Dominic tipped his head as he picked his book from the table and walked with Ani over to Mrs. Daniels' table.
"There you go, Mrs. Daniels," Ani said as she placed a few coins on her table.
"Thank you, dear." Mrs. Daniels replied. "Where are you heading off to so early? You usually stay in for at least two more hours."
"Oh. I am heading out with my friend," Ani gripped Dominic's forearm, bringing him forward to stand next to herself. "Mr. Dominic."
"That's great! You do need to loosen up a little."
Ani laughed and looked at her sneakers blushingly.
"I smell some blooming romance." Mrs. Daniels teased her.
"It's nothing like that. Just a friendly outing."
"Of course. Of course." Mrs. Daniels waved her hand in the air, dismissing Ani's statement. "Do bring him to the café sometime. I would love to meet this young man who has captured your heart."
Ani stared at the elderly woman and cocked her head to the side. "Mrs. Daniels," she started as she rested her hand on Dominic's arm. "this is Mr. Dominic."
Ani looked at Mrs. Daniel's bemused face as the woman said, "You have a great sense of humour, Ani." and laughed. "But it's alright if you want to keep him all to yourself for a while."
"But - " Ani started only to stop herself. "See you later Mrs. Daniels." And received an eager wave in response.
Ani walked out of the cafe, making the doorbell chime. Such a familiar and comforting sound. She brushed back her hair as she gazed up at the sky. Despite this beauty existing outside, she had never felt such a multitude of negativity all at once.
Ani scoffed. "I can't believe it! She actually refused to acknowledge your presence!?"
"Hey, hey, calm down." Dominic grasped Ani's flailing arms and held them down with her body. "Don't get yourself worked up."
"How can I not?" Ani asked incredulously. "Jokes are one thing but this was so rude on her part."
"Well, we can stand here criticising her or we can go enjoy ourselves for a few hours," Dominic said caressing Ani's arms, placating her.
Ani inhaled deeply and exhaled. "You're right. Let's go." Ani said as she walked forward near the road, to call for a taxi but then suddenly whirled around. "Where are we going by the way?"
"Art museum."
"Really?" Ani gasped as her face lit up.
Dominic nodded smilingly.
She turned back around, facing the door and hovered her arm, signaling for a taxi as she saw one.
"Come on." Ani urged Dominic, opening the car's door.
Ani climbed inside the car and shut the door. "Art museum, please." She said to the driver and rested her back against the cushioned seat.
Not even two minutes later, she found herself staring at Dominic again. The way sun shone on his chiseled features, the way the corner of his lips lifted in a gleaming smile. Exquisite. It was that very moment, when Ani felt her feelings change, from friendship to something more, to perhaps something romantic.
.
[Three months later.]
.
"Ani, may I come in?" A woman's voice sounded through the closed door.
Ani looked up, startled at the interruption. She hurriedly closed her journal and tucked it underneath her pillow, placing her pen next to it. She jumped up from the bed and answered. "Yes, Mom."
The door opened and entered a woman, appearing quite similar to Ani.
"Hey Mom," Ani said.
"How have you been?" The woman asked, leaning against the door.
"I have been well. And you?" Ani asked in return, as she rested her hand on the bedside table.
"All well, all well." The woman replied and sighed looking down at her heeled sandals.
"Mom, anything important?"
"Nothing in particular." Ani's mother answered, wiping her hands on her knee-length dress.
"Okay..." Ani said dragging the syllables.
"Have you talked to Katherine recently?"
"No," Ani replied, her posture became rigid as she remembered her best friend. Both mine and Hailey's.
"She called me a few days back."
Ani hummed not willing to talk about Katherine because she knew just like always this topic led to Hailey.
"She's worried about you, Ani"
"Tell her she doesn't need to be," Ani replied, she knew her mother meant well but she couldn't help her. Ani felt herself closing off.
"Why don't you tell her yourself." Her mother insisted.
"Mom." Ani sighed. "Please don't start."
"Ani, it's been two years! You can't keep on living like this."
"Living like what? I am perfectly happy."
"Really? Are you? You have abandoned your friends and even Katherine simply because they reminded you of Hailey."
"Mom, stop."
"No! My biggest mistake was I stopped talking to you. Maybe if I had kept on pestering you, you wouldn't have buried yourself in guilt - "
"I haven't."
" - don't think I don't know. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't you who planned that blast. It wasn't you who executed it. So, let go! Whatever happened, happened. We must move on."
"How can I let go!?" Ani cried. " And how can you say that? How can you tell me to forget her? She was your daughter."
"Yes, she was and always will be! She's always in my memories, but lingering over that accident isn't going to help anyone." Her mother took in a deep breath and walked forward and gripped Ani's shoulders. "And moving on doesn't mean forgetting her."
Ani stared at her mother, with unblinking eyes.
"Please say something honey." Her mother caressed Ani's cheek, tucking the lock of hair behind her ear and pleaded. "Talk to me. If not me, then someone else but please, Ani, talk to someone. If you need I can get an appointment with a counselor - "
"Mom," Ani said, shaking her mother's grip from her shoulders and slumped on the bed. "I am fine."
"I am your mother Ani. It pains me to see you hurting. I want you to heal and be you again." Ani's mother sat next to her on the bed and hugged her tightly.
"Me too," Ani confessed. It's not that she didn't want to heal, to move forward in life but she knew to heal it would mean to let her go... to let Hailey go. And she wasn't ready for that. She couldn't let her sister go, the one who had always been there for her.
"I love you, Mom." Ani said after a few minutes, leaning her head on her mother's shoulder. It's been a long time since Ani had spent time with her mother, with anyone actually. Well, anyone, except for Dominic. Thinking of him made her stomach tingle, something akin to butterflies. Especially when he held her hand the first time they went to the Art Museum. Funny how fast three months flew by.
"So..." Her mother started. "Any new friends?"
"What?" Ani straightened up suddenly.
"Ah, so she was right." Ani's mother mused.
"Who Mom? Who was right?"
"Mrs. Daniels."
"What did she say?"
"Something about you and a certain Mr. Dominic."
Ani chuckled, awkwardness dripped through her voice. "What about him?"
"That he has you charmed, and that you always talk about him but never introduce him to anyone." Her mother smiled at her teasingly.
"It's nothing like that. We are just friends."
"Oh yes, it's quite clear from the way you are blushing."
"I am not blushing," Ani said clasping her cheeks with both hands.
Her mother winked at her. "Of course, you are not."
Ani's mother got up and went towards the bedroom door and opened it and faced Ani again. "Invite him over for lunch tomorrow."
"Pardon?"
"You heard me. We would love to meet him."
"But - " Ani spluttered. "Wait. We? As in you and Dad both?"
"Yes."
"I highly doubt Dad wants to meet him."
"Actually, inviting him over was your father's idea."
"Really?"
Her mother nodded. "I'll see you in a while, I gotta call Mrs. Sanders."
"Hmm. Okay. See ya."
"Invite him over?" Ani whispered and smiled to herself.
She bit her lip and picked up her phone from the bedside table and dialed Dominic's number.
"Dominic? Hi..."
.
[Next day.]
.
"Ani. Come on. He's gonna be here any minute now." Ani's mother shouted from downstairs.
"Coming Mom," Ani replied as she placed a photo frame back on the table. She touched a girl's face in the photo. A girl appearing quite similar to herself, just more beautiful. She smiled to herself and whispered. "I wish you were here Hailey. I am happy, just like Mom wanted... just like I wanted. I am finally healing. But I am afraid I'll forget you and I am sorry - " Ani stopped in the middle, struggling for words. She gulped that rough ball of guilt in her throat. She knew no matter how much she apologized, the past will remain the same. Ani gulped again managing to swallow her guilt. "I am sorry I dragged you to that book fair that day. Maybe if I hadn't... maybe you would still have been here - alive and well."
"Ani." Her mother called her again.
Ani wiped her tears and got up from the chair, she walked over to the door and slipped on her sandals, and walked out closing the door to her room. Her each step still felt heavy to her but lighter somehow, as if talking to Hailey had helped her. Always so helpful, even now. But she supposed it could also be due to the fact, that she's starting anew, with Dominic.
"Ah. Here you are." A brown-haired man said as he grinned. "You look beautiful Ani."
"Thank you, Dad," Ani said, giving a showy twirl, making her dress flair around her.
Just that moment, Ani felt her cell phone vibrate in her jacket's pocket. She took it out and announced to her parents. "It's him. He must be outside. I'll go get him."
"Of course." Her mother answered.
Ani opened the door and stepped out in the snow-covered lawn. She wrapped her jacket tighter around herself as she craned her neck, searching for a glimpse of Dominic.
"Dominic." Ani waved out as she saw him standing on the side of the road. She gestured to him. "Come on."
Ani rocked on her feet, although her face seemed calm, her eyes and her smile gave her away - her eagerness to see him.
"How are you, love?" Dominic asked.
Ani stood up on her toes as Dominic kissed her forehead. "I have been well. How about you?"
"All well," Dominic said. "You look very beautiful."
"Thank you." Ani blushed, brushing her dress for unseen dirt. "You look very dashing yourself," Ani replied as she appreciatively gazed at his black suit. "Come on, let's go inside. Mom and Dad must be waiting."
"Yeah. Let's." Dominic asked as he gulped.
Ani laughed as she saw his pale pallor. "Don't worry, you'll be fine." She squeezed his hand encouragingly.
"I hope so." Dominic chuckled, tugging Ani towards her house. "Let's go before I lose my courage."
Ani smiled as she looked at him. She had to say, she was enjoying herself seeing him so nervous. Never did she thought that a day would come when her Dominic would appear nervous. Hers? Oh dear! Ani took in a shaky breath. He is not hers. But perhaps he will be?
"Are we going to head inside?" Dominic asked.
Ani looked at him confusedly.
Dominic explained. "We've been standing in front of the door for three minutes."
"Oh." Ani chuckled.
Ani opened the door to her house and also her heart's door. She clasped his hand tightly, feeling her heartbeat rise, she could hear the rushing blood in her ears. Had she been alone she would have laughed out loud, she never thought she'd be this nervous meeting her own parents. She exhaled, regaining her composure, and called out. "Mom. Dad."
Ani smiled as she saw her parents enter the living room. She tugged Dominic closer to herself. "Mom. Dad. This is Mr. Dominic."
Ani then turned to face Dominic and extended her palm to her parents, introducing them to him. "Dom these are my parents - John and Anna Philips."
Ani looked at her parents expectantly, that they'll make him feel comfortable and talk to him. But as she stared at them, she found both of them staring right back at her with multitudinous emotions, worried, horror, confused, scared...
Ani then turned to look at Dominic but found his posture comfortable, not at all bothered by the fact that her parents hadn't started interacting with him.
"Honey."
Ani faced her mother as she heard her wavering voice. "Yes, Mom."
"Who are you talking to?"
"Mr. Dominic, of course," Ani replied to her mother's question.
"Is this... Mr. Dominic, standing next to you?" Ani then shifted her gaze to her father as she heard his question.
"Yes..." Ani's gaze flickered between her parents. "What's wrong?" She asked after a moment as her mother gripped her father's arm and fisted his sleeve.
"Honey, there is no one standing next to you." Ani stared at her father shocked that he would joke like this. But the more she looked at him, at her father, she found no traces of amusement on his face.
"What are you talking about? Please stop acting like Mrs. Daniels." Ani yelled yet her voice was no higher than a loud whisper. "You told me to invite him over! So, stop treating him so rudely."
"Ani, please, try to understand... there is nothing but empty space next to you. No one is standing there..." Ani's mother said, trying to make her understand. "Except for you, your father and me, no one is here."
"Mom?"
"She's right, hon." Ani's father, John, agreed with his wife, Anna.
"What - " Ani started but stopped as her attention went to Dominic's retreating form from the living room. "Dominic! Wait!"
"Ani!" Anna shouted.
"Dominic. Dom, please stop." Ani said as she came to a halt behind Dominic. "I am sorry for the way my parents acted. I really didn't know..."
Ani stared at Dominic as he lowered his hand from the doorknob. She kept her gaze on him, refusing to even blink, fearing is she did, he'll be gone. She looked at his back moving up and then down from each heavy breath.
"Dom..." Ani pleaded, for forgiveness.
Ani's heart leapt a little as he turned around and finally faced her, looking into her eyes. She shivered a bit as he approached her and embraced her. Yet despite this fact, she couldn't shake off the chill which had enveloped her. Not only her body but her heart.
No matter how much she placated herself - that her parents were merely joking, she couldn't shake off their expressions, especially her mother's. Ani was well aware of her mother's inability to lie, even a harmless one. So, it was clear to her that her mother's reaction and her expressions weren't only a work of art, they were real. And this is exactly what bothered Ani - if her mother was telling the truth, then it would mean that Dominic isn't real?
But she shook off the thought just as it entered her mind. No. It's not possible. He is very much here and very much real. How can a man like him not be real? Not possible.
"Ani." Ani's ear tingled as Dominic's lips brushed it.
Ani hummed.
"I love you."
Ani rested her forehead against his. "And I love you. Promise me you'll never leave me."
Ani said, no, asked for his word, desperation apparent. She curled her arms around his neck, hugging him, as tightly as he had hugged her. Ani rested her cheek on his shoulder, the rough cotton biting her skin but she paid no attention to it. The only thing she cared for was him - Dominic and him alone.
Her mother, her father, Hailey, Katherine... for once far from her mind and thoughts. No worries, just the two of them.
Ani, not even remembering when she had closed her eyes, opened them slightly. She opened her eyes and saw her reflection in the mirror. The mirror placed on the wall near the door, for convenience as her mother liked to check her appearance, every time she exited the house. But when Ani's eyes saw her reflection in the mirror, it shook her deeper and with far more impact than Hailey's demise.
Ani exhaled as she saw herself looking - staring into her own eyes, wearing the same dress, same hairstyle, surrounded by the showpieces that her mother had decorated their house in... she saw everything exactly the way it was, exactly but not quite.
She saw herself embracing Dominic the same way she had always, only in the reflection there was no Dominic... just empty space. Ani saw herself hugging empty space.
"Dom...?" Ani murmured, her eyes stayed open, frozen in horror.
Ani disentangled herself from him and brought her hand up to Dominic's face. She paced her entire palm on his chiseled cheek and faced the mirror again, but all she saw was her hand hovering in the air. No Dominic.
Ani jerked her hand away from his skin as if being electrocuted. She brokenly cried, "No!" repeatedly in a mantra.
"Ani," her father shouted, sliding on his knees in front of his daughter.
Ani could feel it again, that same numbness which she had been shrouded in after Hailey's death. She couldn't think, couldn't see anything except the fast-approaching darkness. She heard her father's voice from somewhere beyond the veil, from a place she had temporarily abandoned. No! Dominic... he couldn't be just an imagination. He couldn't be a mere hallucination.
From that same place, she could hear a woman's voice calling for her, but her voice sounded farther and farther away, much like a fainted image. Ani was able to recognize her mother's voice and her father's, calling out to her, she wanted to answer but she felt stuck in these weeds which only seemed to pull her in deeper and deeper, away from the world and from consciousness.
Then she heard his voice, Dominic's voice, "I am sorry..." which soon morphed into a voice similar to her own, Hailey's. "...Ani."
She fought these suffocating weeds grasping her body, she tried, she tried... desperately she tried, for a whole minute. But then she remembered, they're both gone! And he wasn't even real. Ani sobbed. Both of them - both Hailey and Dominic. Gone! And then she relinquished control. She surrendered. She gave up. She stopped fighting those weeds and allowed them and her memories of the lost times pull her in, submerge her in the void. So deep that she lost even herself.
.
[A year later.]
.
"May I come in?"
Ani snapped her head up at the voice which had once again become so familiar to her. She closed her journal abruptly and stuffed it underneath her pillow, just like always.
Ani got up from her bed and with a smile walked towards the young female, not much older than herself.
"Katherine. It's been a long time. Where have you been? And how are you?"
"Woah. Calm down." The woman, Katherine, said.
Ani smiled a genuine smile at her best friend as she bombarded her with questions.
"Well, I have been good. My course is almost over." The woman said as she climbed Ani's bed and sat on it cross-legged. "How have you been?"
"Better." Was Ani's only reply as she stared out the window at the snowflakes which fell like the autumn leaves, just faster. Those wondrous but cold snowflakes, fantasy, and reality combined. Fantastical in appearance but colder than harsh reality when touched. Just like that day, when he... Ani stopped her train of thought before she burst into tears again. Even though it's been a year, thoughts about Dominic still broke her heart. Let go. He wasn't real! She convinced herself every day but after all matters of the heart cannot be resolved with the mind.
" - are you even listening to me?" Katherine asked.
"Pardon?"
"I was telling you about my roommate."
"Oh. I am sorry. I got lost..." Ani said apologetically.
Katherine chuckled. "No need. I understand. What did the doc say?" Katherine asked.
"According to him, just a few more months and I'll stop having hallucinations altogether. Of course, I'll have to keep taking meds but still." Ani shrugged, referring to her visit to the psychiatrist, two days ago. When the psychiatrist told her that in a few short months, her hallucinations due to schizophrenia will stop altogether, she couldn't feel as happy as she had hoped but she pretended for her mother's sake.
"That's great! Your parents will be so happy, especially your mother. She's been worried about you a lot."
"Yeah," Ani replied with a small smile. Their relationship - hers and her mother's, has gotten better. They both sat and talked together, revisited the memories of the past - happy memories, burying all the pain and the hurt beneath it.
"And it'll be easier for you too. No more ghosts." Katherine teased good-naturedly.
Ani laughed. Yeah. No more ghosts... No more Hailey and no more Dominic. It made her happy that she's on her way to healing from schizophrenia because she was again on speaking terms with Katherine and also because it made things a lot easier for her as she could talk to people without being suspicious all the time, and hence be more in touch with reality. But healing would mean leaving them behind, both Hailey and Dominic. And that's what scared her.
At least Ani knew Hailey was real and whatever that is alive must meet their demise one day. She was also aware that not only in her memories but her parent's memories and also Katherine's, Hailey will live. So, it was easy for her to cope up with it.
But Dominic, on the other hand, was not real. He wasn't alive. He was merely her happy hallucination. So, how could she hold on to him? Those moments weren't real, his every whisper, his every touch, nothing more than her imagination. Only she could see him, feel him, and no one else...
Sometimes she could still hear his voice calling her, she could still feel him... So near yet so far. But it's only for a few short months, then he'll leave, forever... and leave the canvas of her mind splashed and splattered with their precious unreturnable moments, much like an abstract watercolour painting.
Ani realising that she hadn't yet replied to Katherine, amusingly confessed. "Sometimes I feel as if my mind is nothing short of a haunted house."
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