#WretchedChoicesWP

Chapter 6
Hate

"Why am I feeling something bad with that creepy smile of yours, Keia?" My best friend finally sensed how good my mood was and she was already expecting that I did something bad. "What did you do?"

I turned to her and chuckled. "You always think ill of me, my dear friend."

"Because making others miserable is what makes you that happy, Keia. Talagang mag-aalala ako. So, spill it out. What did you do this time?" She looked so curious and worried at the same time.

I smiled and grabbed a piece of chocolate chip cookie from the bowl that she brought out from their kitchen. I leisurely took a bite as I watched her go impatient on me.

"Keia..." She already used her warning tone.

"It's not that tragic, Sha," I assured her.

She lowered her gaze at me. "If it's not, then, spill it. Let me judge how awful it is."

I glanced at my phone to quickly check the time and saw that it was already five minutes to ten in the morning. An evil smile automatically appeared on my lips.

"You're getting creepier and creepier with that smile, Keia. Just say it already!" She became more impatient.

"Well, as of this time, since he told me he'll be arriving early, Archer must be waiting for me at the park already," I finally spilled it out to my best friend. "He asked me out and told me that he'll make it up to me for ditching me last time."

"So, now... you're the one who's going to ditch him that's why your smile is to the roof?" she guessed the obvious.

"Bingo!" I exclaimed, laughed and ate another cookie.

Nanliit ang kanyang mga mata sa akin. She wasn't even trying to hide her distaste as she daggered me with her judgemental stares. Kapag may hindi siya nagugustuhan sa ginagawa ko ay sinasabi at pinapakita niya talaga 'yon sa akin.

Well, that's my best friend! Sanay na sanay na ako sa pagiging pranka niya sa akin. She'll always make sure that she's there to give me a piece of her thoughts about how evil I was even though, most of the time, I wouldn't listen to her.

"Are you really sure about this, Keia?" paninigurado niya sa akin.

"Oo naman!" determinado kong sabi. "I'm not a saint just to let it go, Sha. Kung kaya kong iparamdam sa kanila ang ginawa nila sa akin ay gagawin ko.

"Of course, I know you're not a saint. You're a devil in disguise as an angel, Keia," she said and almost rolled her eyes at me. "But in my opinion, I really think that he's serious with trying to fix things up with you. I saw how concerned he was last time. Don't you think it's best if you give him one last chance?"

"Bakit ko ibibigay sa kanya ang bagay na ipinagdamot niya sa akin?" seryoso kong sabi. "He didn't even think twice when he stood me up to meet his girl. And besides, you know I'm way too over with giving out second chances."

She heavily sighed and stared at me like she was convincing me more to change my mind. "Keia..." she called in an almost pleading voice.

Mariin kong kinagat ang aking labi bago tumayo at isinukbit ang aking bag. Mas lalong naging bayolente ang pagbubuntong hininga ni Sharry.

"Kung pipilitin mo lang ako na baguhin ang isip ko, mas magandang umalis na muna ako. I thought you'll support me on this, Sha," nagtatampo kong sabi sa kanya. "Uuwi na lang ako. Thanks for the cookies."

I heard Sharry called me to stop me from leaving but she was doing a great job, trying to shake my conviction and let me destroy my plan. I didn't want that. I wanted so bad to get my sweet revenge and be satisfied.

I gripped tightly on the steering wheel as I drove on my way home. Iikot pa ako sa subdivision namin upang hindi sa harapan dumaan dahil kapag doon ako dumaan ay paniguradong madadaanan ko ang park kung saan naghihintay si Archer. Well, I wasn't even sure if he'll really come and wait for me. What if he just wanted to fool me twice?

Nang maihinto ko ang sasakyan sa tapat ng bahay ay tiningnan ko muna ang oras sa aking cellphone. It was already past thirty minutes from our agreed time. But so what? Ako nga, halos magda-dalawang oras akong nagpakatanga kakahintay sa kanya. Nag-alala pa ako sa kanya dahil sa naisip kong baka naaksidente siya kahit na talagang plinano niya lang ang lahat at ginusto niya lang na lokohin ako.

I pulled the key from the ignition and went out of my car. Nakakatatlong hakbang pa lang ako papasok ng bahay nang maramdaman ko ang unti-unting pagpatak ng ulan. Saglit akong napatigil sa paglalakad at dinama ang papalakas nang papalakas nitong pagbuhas.

"Really..." bulong ko sa aking sarili.

Bahagya akong pumihit pabalik sa aking sasakyan. Hinawakan ko ang handle nito at akmang papasok ulit sa loob nang maalala ko ang aking sarili na basang-basa sa ulan noong araw na pinaghintay niya ako.

"No, Keia..." I whispered. "Don't fail yourself. No... Don't..."

I slowly let go of the handle and turned away before I even changed my mind. I was sprinting just to avoid the pouring rain and went inside the house instead. Dire-diretso ang takbo ko patungo sa aking kwarto at inilock ang pintuan. Ibinagsak ko ang aking katawan sa kama at saka tinakpan ng unan ang aking ulo upang hindi ko masyadong madinig ang pagbuhos ng malakas na ulan.

I used to love the sound of light rain drops and heavy pouring rain because it has the power to calm and soothe my raging soul, but now, I don't know why it's tearing my heart into pieces, little by little.

Stop it, Kriesha! I thought you're done being vulnerable. You swore to yourself, especially to your heart! Remind yourself why you chose to orchestrate this revenge. Remember the pain you've felt and still feeling hidden in the deepest part of your soul.

"I really think he's serious with trying to fix things up with you."

I closed my eyes tightly when I heard my best friend's voice resonating inside my head, still trying to convince me to change my mind.

"Don't you think it's best if you give him one last chance?"

Mas lalo kong diniinan ang pagtatakip ng unan sa aking ulo. I wished I could just fall asleep right away and stop myself from reconsidering my plans and decisions.

"Please, Keia, just this once..."

Napadilat ako nang napalitan ng tinig ni Archer ang aking nadidinig. His pleading voice was echoing inside my mind. And when I closed my eyes, all I could see was his hopeless face. Parang nagzoom-in pa ang kanyang imahe sa aking isipan at tanging ang kanyang mga mata lamang ang aking nakikita kung saang punong-puno ito ng pagsisisi.

Muli akong napabangon at ginulo ang aking buhok sa nararamdamang prustrasyon sa sarili. Hinahabol ko pa ang aking paghinga dahil bahagya akong hindi nakahinga ng maayos sa pagtatakip ng unan sa aking sarili.

"Come on, Keia!" pagalit kong sabi sa sarili ko. "Pinuntahan ka ba niya noong pinaghintay ka niya? Hindi naman, 'di ba? He still went on with his plans to embarrass you and put you into shame—Ah!"

I stopped from ranting and squealed when the thundered suddenly roared so loud, indicating that the rain had gone wilder and stronger. An image of Archer drenched in the rain flashed before me.

Napapikit ako ng mariin at saka bayolenteng tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo sa aking kama. Kinuha ko ang aking payong na nakasabit sa tabi ng pintuan sa aking kwarto bago nagmartsa palabas.

"Ugh! I hate you, angel Keia!" mariin kong bulong sa aking sarili at padabog na bumababa ng hagdan.

Mukhang nagulat naman ang aming katulong nang makita akong pababa ng hagdan. Hindi siya tumuloy sa pag-akyat at hinayaan akong makababa muna. Siguro ay natakot siya sa aking ekspresyon. Halos lahat naman sila ay natatakot sa akin lalo na kapag iritado ako.

"You're leaving?" Mom asked me when I bumped into her.

She was wearing her casual clothes and holding a basket of fruits. Siguro ay pupunta na siya ngayon kay Lola para bumisita.

"Punta lang po ako sa park," malamig kong sabi.

"Umuulan. Baka magkasakit ka ulit. Hintayin mo muna kayang tumila," nag-aalalang sabi ni Mommy sa akin.

"I'll be fine, 'Mmy... Saglit lang ako," sabi ko na lang at nagpatuloy sa paglabas ng aming bahay.

I didn't bother bringing my car with me since the park was only a few blocks away from our house. Malakas man ang ulan pero kaya naman itong sanggain ng aking payong. Hindi rin naman ako mababasa.

I kept on cursing myself while walking in the midst of the pouring rain. I couldn't believe that I gave up to the angel Keia and betrayed my devil self. I let the pity she was feeling overpowered the vengeance I was planning. I really need to work on this. I should learn how to block sympathy from my soul, except only for those who deserve it.

Unfortunately, it seemed like mother nature was really testing my patience by letting the rain pour even harder. Now, I was mad at myself even more for not bringing my car with me because even with my umbrella, the rain still kept on splashing on me.

Why do I always end up regretting my decisions?

Nang makarating na ako sa park ay bumagal ang aking paglakad. I scanned the area and the benches, looking for Archer but he was nowhere to be found.

I smiled bitterly, and my gripped on the umbrella's handle got tighter. I could already see my knuckles losing its blood. Galit na galit ako, ngunit ang galit ko ay hindi para kay Archer kundi para sa sarili ko.

What do you expect, Keia? Do I even need to host a pity party for you? What made you think that he'll wait here under the rain like what you did? That he would even really come at all to meet you?

Hindi ako makapaniwalang talagang sinugod ko ang ulan at pumunta rito para lang mapatunayang niloko na naman niya ako ng pangalawang beses. Ikaw lang naman ang tangang maghihintay ng ganoong katagal, Keia. No one would dare to do the same for you, simply because they think you aren't worth it. You're the only one who can recognize your worth, but you let it slip away today and decided to become a fool once again.

Tang ina mo, Keia! Akala ko ba natuto ka na? Bakit nandito ka na naman? Bakit hinayaan mong bumigay ka na naman? Bakit nasasaktan ka na naman?

I bit my lower lip. I was actually surprise that there's no more tears streaming down my face. The only thing left was the pain and betrayal that I was feeling.

I took a deep breath and decided to go home already. I turned my back from the playground, and I stood frozen when a very familiar eyes met mine.

His eyes were looking cold like the rain, but it turned warm after a few seconds. My lips parted as I stared at him. He was drenched in the rain and looking very wet. He wasn't holding any umbrella to shield himself from the pouring rain. He was catching every drop of rain using his body.

Slowly, the corners of his lips rose as we stared at each other's eyes.

Nangangatog man ang aking mga binti ay mabilis akong lumapit sa kanya upang maisilong siya sa aking payong kahit na alam kong wala na iyong silbi dahil basang-basa na siya. Bahagya siyang humakbang paatras ngunit muli ko siyang hinila pabalik sa akin.

"Ano ka ba?! Basang-basa ka na!" galit kong sabi sa kanya.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya ay kita kong namamangha siyang nakatingin sa akin. Nakangiti pa rin siya at hindi ko alam kung para saan ang ngiti na 'yon.

"Bakit ka ba nakangiti? Nakakairita!" Hindi mawala-wala ang iritasyon na nararamdaman ko sa kanya pero inaamin kong nawala ang bigat na nararamdaman ko sa aking puso.

It almost felt like my whole body was floating in the air when I saw him standing in front of me. He really came! He waited for me even if it's raining so hard! Even if he knew that the probability was high that I wouldn't show up, he still decided to wait.

Gusto kong magtatalon sa tuwa! Nababaliw na ata ako pero hindi ko maitago ang saya na aking nararamdaman, ngunit naiinis din ako sa kanya dahil sana ay umuwi na lang siya dahil baka magkasakit siya. Ugh! Hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko. Hindi ko alam talaga kung ano ang gusto kong gawin niya.

"Dumating ka..."

Mahina man ang pagkakasabi niya na halos malunod na nang marahas na pagpatak ng ulan sa payong ay dinig na dinig ko pa rin ito. Nag-iwas naman ako ng tingin sa kanya.

"Hindi dapat ako pupunta," pag-amin ko sa aking plano.

"But you still did..." he said as a matter of fact. "You're here..."

Napakunot ang aking noo. Pakiramdam ko ay insulto sa akin 'yon. Siguro'y ang iniisip niya ngayon ay patay na patay ako sa kanya dahil pinuntahan ko pa rin siya kahit na plinano kong huwag siyang siputin.

"Pumunta lang ako dahil naaawa ako sa'yo," depensa ko sa aking sarili.

He smiled and nodded. "I know..."

Mas lalo akong nairita. "Gusto ko ring patunayan sa'yo na hindi ako katulad mo."

Muli siyang tumango. "Uhuh... I know. I'm sorry..."

Ang pagiging kalmado niya ay sobrang nakakainis para sa akin. Muli ko siyang tiningnan gamit ang aking matatalim na tingin. He didn't even falter. He just continued smiling at me.

"I really, really hate you," I told him, but I didn't where my conviction went when I said those words.

His smile got wider. "I know..."

I closed my eyes tightly because of the overflowing irritation. Damn you, Archer Velarde!