#WretchedChoicesWP

Chapter 4
Revenge

"Hanggang diyan ka lang..." malamig kong sabi kay Archer bago pa siya tuluyang makalapit sa akin.

Parang wala siyang narinig at nagpatuloy pa rin siya sa paglapit. Bahagya siyang yumuko at ang likod ng kanyang palad ay marahang lumapat sa aking noo.

His jaw clenched once when he felt my temperature.

"You still have fever," he said with a soft voice.

"Alam ko," sabi ko na lang at saka iniwas na ang aking mukha sa kanya.

"Rest," he commanded me with his authoritative voice.

Inangat niya ang aking comforter hanggang sa aking leeg. Kumunot ang noo ko sa kanyang ginawa kaya naman muli ko itong binaba hanggang aking baywang.

"Stop being hard-headed, Keia," he said. "You're sick."

I bit my lower lip while gathering the raging anger I have for him. Mas lalo lamang lumalim ang aking galit sa kanya dahil sa mga mata niyang sumisigaw ng awa para sa akin.

I didn't want him to pity me. He must be feeling guilty because he stood me up yesterday. Ayokong kaawaan niya ako. Hindi 'yon ang gusto kong mangyari. Just like what I said, I only have my pride left in me. Kaya ko ang sarili ko. Hindi ko siya kailangan.

"Huwag mo nga akong tingnan nang ganyan," iritado kong sabi sa kanya. "I don't need or want your pity. Just save it for someone else."

Bahagyang kumunot ang kanyang noo sa aking sinabi.

"Hindi kita kinakaawan," pagtanggi niya. "I'm concerned about you. It's different from pity."

I laughed with no humor. "Don't act like you're concerned about me."

Bumuntong hininga naman siya bago ako muling tiningnan ng kanyang tingin para sa akin na ayaw kong makita. Mas lalo akong nagagalit sa kanya nang dahil doon.

"If this is about what happened yesterday, I'm sorry..." he suddenly apologized. "I know I've gone overboard. I just want to teach you a lesson—"

"Don't bother apologizing. I don't need it," I cut him off.

Umawang ang kanyang bibig na tila may gustong sabihin ngunit muli niya lang itong tinikom. Ilang beses siyang huminga nang malalim bago nagdesisyong ipagpatuloy ang kanyang sasabihin sa akin.

"I saw you yesterday..." he said.

It felt like my heart was being clenched by a fist and thrown into a pit of fire. Pagkatapos kumirot nito dahil sa pagkakalamutak ay parang sinusunog ito sa apoy hanggang sa muntikan nang matupok at maging abo kung hindi ko agad binuhusan ng tubig at nanlamig.

"And so?" pabalang kong sabi.

"I was on my way to meet with Hope for our report," he admitted though he didn't have to because I already knew. "I caught you drenched in the rain. You're walking on your way home."

Mas lalo lamang bumigat ang aking pakiramdam. He saw me, but he still didn't bother. Nakita niyang nabasa ako ng ulan dahil sa paghihintay sa kanya ngunit wala talaga siyang pakialam sa akin. Nagpatuloy lang siya at hindi na nag-abala pang agad na humingi ng tawad sa akin. And now, he's here because he feels guilty and responsible for what's happening to me right now.

"When I saw you, believe me, I really wanted to approach you but I shrugged it off away. I know that's a mistake I did. Pero gaya nga ng sabi ko, I wanted to teach you a lesson," he reasoned out. "Pero nang makita kita kanina na hindi maayos ang pakiramdam at lalo na nang nahimatay ka, naisip kong hindi naging maganda ang paraan ko. I realized that despite of the bad weather, you still waited for me."

"Ako ang taong tumutupad sa usapan, Archer," sabi ko at wala akong pakialam kung mag-init ang aking mga mata dahil sa umiigting na galit. "I may be a bad girl, but I keep my words and promises. I don't break nor bend them as much as I can."

Hindi ako makapaniwalang talagang naisahan niya ako. Napagplanuhan niya ng mabuti ang ginawa niyang hindi pagsipot sa aming usapan. He didn't care at all even if I wait for him for ages because that's what he wanted to happen.

"And you wanted to teach me a lesson?" Gusto ko na lang matawa dahil wala na akong mailuluha pa. "What an excuse!"

"Gusto ko lang ipakita sa'yo na hindi maganda ang pakikitungo mo sa mga naging karelasyon mo," pagpapaliwanag niya. "Gusto kong maramdaman mo ang posibleng maramdaman nila sa ginagawa mong paglalaro at pagpapaasa sa kanila para hindi mo na kailangan pang ulitin ang nakagawian mong gawin."

"Oh, is that why you played with me by giving me a different number? Iyong mapahiya ako sa totoong may-ari ng numerong ibinigay mo?" Hindi ko maiwasan ang ibuhos lahat ng hinanakit ko. "Alam mo, hindi mo na kailangan pang ituro sa akin 'yan dahil alam na alam ko ang pakiramdam nang pinaglaruan at pinaasa. At mayroon pang bonus! Alam ko na rin ang pakiramdam na pagmukhaing tanga at lokohin. Napagdaanan at naramdaman ko na 'yan lahat."

"Kung alam mo naman pala, bakit mo pa ginagawa sa iba?" tanong niya sa akin.

His question was like an arrow that shot me straight to the heart. Agad na tumagos sa aking pagkatao ang kanyang ibinatong tanong.

The only person who knew the reason behind all of these is my best friend, Sharry. Siya lang ang pinagkakatiwalaan ko sa sikretong tinatago ko. Alam kong siya lang ang makakaintindi sa akin dahil alam at nakita niya kung paano ako nasaktan kahit na minsan ay nalalabuan pa rin siya sa mga ginagawa kong decision.

The root of all my wretched choices was anger, pain and betrayal.

I never told anyone about it. Pero kung gusto niya talagang malaman ang sagot ay sasabihin ko sa kanya. Pagkatapos nito ay ako na ang mismong lalayo sa kanya. I'd probably look for another victim who can satisfy me with the pain I got from Archer. Kung sino man ang mabibiktima ko ay siya ang makakaramdam ng pinakamalalang gagawin ko dahil kahit hindi man naging kami ni Archer ay sa kanya ako pinakanasaktan sa hindi ko malaman na dahilan.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked him, wanting him to challenge me that will trigger me in telling the truth behind my games.

He nodded. "I wanna know."

I slightly grinned and raised three of my fingers. "I was cheated for three times by three different boys," I confessed and brought my hand down. "I sincerely loved them, Archer..."

His forehead slightly creased as I began my story. I saw him clenching his jaw like his suppressing himself from doing something.

"My first ex-boyfriend cheated on me. Noong una, akala ko kasi nagkulang ako kaya nang mabigyan ako ng tiyansang magmahal ulit, ginawa ko ang lahat para manatili siya pero iniwan niya pa rin ako at ipinagpalit sa iba. I seriously thought that I was the one at fault, pero hindi pala," sabi ko at mapait na ngumiti. "Kahit na dalawang beses na akong naloko, sumubok ulit ako. Nagmahal pa rin ako. My third ex-boyfriend was my greatest fall so far. Sobrang tagal nang tinakbo ng relasyon namin na akala ko'y nasagot na ang panalangin ko. Our relationship was legal on both sides. I was close with his family, and he was also close with mine. Naisip ko pa nga na siguro'y bata pa ako noong sumabak ako sa dalawang naunang relasyon ko. Chance and I had a mature relationship. Pero hindi pa rin pala..."

Huminga ako ng malalim habang inaalala ang pangyayari sa club na sariwang-sariwa pa para sa akin. Siya ang lalaking tuluyang pumatay sa puso ko. Siya ang pumigil sa pagtibok nito para magmahal ulit dahil sa takot at sakit.

"He still cheated on me..." I told Archer. "I lost my faith in love and loyalty. Pagkatapos no'n ay hindi na ako sumubok na magmahal pa ulit dahil pakiramdam ko'y kung mangyayari lang ulit ay hindi ko na magagawang iligtas ang puso ko."

Kahit nahihirapan ay nagawa ko pa ring ngumiti upang maipakita sa kanya na kahit nasaktan ako'y nagawa ko pa ring maipagtanggol ang sarili ko.

"That's why I did what I can to avenge myself from those pain and betrayals," I said. "I dated three boys and broke their hearts by cheating on them. Tuwing nagtatagumpay ako na saktan sila ay kakaibang kasiyahan ang nararamdaman ko dahil alam kong napaghiganti ko ang sarili ko."

Isang malalim na hininga ang kanyang pinakawalan nang malaman kung saan ako nanggagaling.

"Iyon din ba ang balak mo sa akin?" mahina niyang tanong. "Ang paibigin at saktan bandang huli?"

Yes, that's my plan. But of course, I wouldn't tell you. Kahit kailan ay hindi ako umamin sa mga biktima ko na iyon ang balak ko sa kanila. Even if he already knew my reasons, he's not an exception. He should not know that he was my supposed target. That will ruin everything.

"I'm done breaking hearts for my own satisfaction and vengeance. I already managed to break three hearts. That's my only goal," I lied so flawlessly. "I'm serious about you. I'm serious about letting my heart rule me once again because I like you. Pero magsisimula pa nga lang ako ay pinaalala mo agad sa akin na hindi na dapat ako sumubok pang ulit."

Bahagya niyang iniyuko ang kanyang ulo bago kinagat ang ibabang labi.

"I thought you're just playing..." he whispered. "I thought you're just trying to win me and leave me hanging in the end just like those guys because I challenge you the most."

Halos masamid ako dahil totoo ang kanyang sinabi pero hindi ko dapat iyon ipakita sa kanya.

"Do you remember when I confessed to you before that I like you?" I asked him. "Pinagtawanan mo lang ako no'n at inakalang nagbibiro lang ako."

"Masyado pa tayong bata no'n. Of course, I wouldn't take it seriously," he said.

"Pero bakit nang magkita tayo muli pagkatapos ng ilang taon ay umakto kang parang hindi mo ako naaalala?" I tried not to sound bitter, but I still did. "I was trying to get your attention and greet you but you just passed by me like you don't know me at all."

Natahimik naman siya bago umangat ang gilid ng kanyang labi. Napakunot naman ang aking noo dahil parang natutuwa pa siya at hindi ko alam kung bakit.

"Why are you laughing?" I irritatedly asked him.

"Nothing..." He shook his head before looking straight at me. "You might not believe me, but I purposely ignored you because I didn't know what to say."

My lips slightly parted because I found his reason ridiculous.

"You're right..." I uttered. "Hindi nga ako naniniwala."

"Well, you have to believe me because that's the truth," he said. "My last memory of you is when you confessed that you had a crush on me for a long time since we were kids. I didn't know how I should approach you. But when I was about to try, I heard all these rumors about you that turned out to be true. Mas lalo kong pinigilan ang sarili ko dahil naisip kong nagbago ka na. I didn't know the reason why before but now, I already know."

Napatitig ako sa kanya at kitang-kita ko ang sinseridad na ipinapakita mula sa kanyang mga mata na hindi natatakot ipakita sa akin ang totoong nararamdaman. Muli kong naramdaman ang unti-unting pagguho ng pader na itinayo ko upang protektahan ang puso ko. Ngunit bago pa ito tuluyang magiba ay agad ko itong pinigilan at tinabunan muli ng panibagong semento para mas lalong tumibay.

I've learned my lesson now. Natuto na ako at hinding-hindi na ako basta-basta na lang mapapaniwala.

"Hayaan mong bumawi ako sa'yo," desidido niyang sabi. "If you're feeling better tomorrow and in case you go to school, let's eat lunch together. It'll be my treat. Or if you want, we can just reschedule our supposed rendezvous next Sunday."

I smiled bitterly. He's only doing this because he's guilty.

"Salamat na lang pero hindi na kailangan, Archer," pagtanggi ko sa kanya. "Ang gusto ko na lang ngayon ay ang umalis ka. Huwag ka na ring mag-alala dahil hindi na kita kukulitin. I wouldn't try to ruin whatever's in between you and Hope. Don't worry."

His forehead creased. "There's nothing going on between me and Hope."

"Kung mayroon man o wala, it doesn't matter to me anymore," I told him. "You can leave now. Salamat na lang sa pagtulong sa best friend ko na iuwi ako rito."

Mariin niyang ipinikit ang kanyang mga mata bago huminga ng malalim at muling dumilat.

"Kahit na ayaw mo ay hindi mo ako mapipigilan. Babawi pa rin ako sa'yo," sabi niya at tila parang walang makakabali ng kanyang desisyon.

"Suit yourself." I crossed my arms with a stoic expression. "For now, I want you to leave me so that I can rest peacefully."

Kita ko sa kanyang ekspresyon na ayaw niya pang umalis ngunit tumango pa rin siya at tahimik na lumabas ng aking silid para sundin ang aking gustong mangyari.

As soon as he got out of my room, I can't help but to grin. Scratch the plan I had earlier. Archer is still going to be my target and I won't look for a new one.

I have a new approach on how to make him fall for me. If I have to take advantage of the guilt and pity he's feeling for me, I'll do it.

I will have my revenge, Archer. Just wait and see.