#WretchedChoicesWP

Chapter 27
Forgiveness

Despite of the disturbing thoughts which should had kept me awake last night, I was able to sleep soundly knowing that I was able to let everything out. It felt nice to have a long and heartwarming talk with my mother. Why I only did it now, I had no idea. But it was one of the best decisions I had ever made.

And because of the arrival of my grandmother and close relatives, I spent the next morning in bliss. Hindi ko rin napigilan ang sarili kong maiyak sa tuwa dahil sa pag-uwi ni lola sa bahay. It felt like only good things would happen from then on which made me look at life so positively.

Habang kumakain ang mga kalapit na kamag-anak sa kusina ay tumulong kami ni Mommy sa mga staff mula sa ospital na nag-aayos ng kuwarto ni lola. Magandang desisyon na pinauna na rito ang ibang mga gamit kaya kaunti na lang ang aayusin ngayon.

I stayed beside my grandmother the whole time. She kept on saying that she was in a very good mood since she was finally out of the hospital after a long time of being confined. Kung alam niya lang ay mas masaya ako ngayon para sa kanya. Sobrang dami kong plinano na gawin kasama siya. Pero syempre ay pinaalala sa akin ni Mommy na kailangang magdahan-dahan. Hindi puwedeng biglain ang katawan ni lola. Also, her Sundays were reserved to visit the hospital for a weekly check-up.

"E, bakit pala wala rito si Archer?"

Halos masamid ako kahit na walang iniinom dahil sa tanong ni lola. Si Mommy naman ay gulat ding napalingon sa aming dalawa kahit na abala kasama ang mga staff galing sa ospital.

"Hindi ba't malapit lang ang bahay nila sa atin?" kuryosong tanong nito at tila punong-puno ng pagtataka. "Hindi ninyo ba inimbita? Alam ba na uuwi ako?"

I frowned, hearing my grandmother's endless questions about Archer. Struggling to think of an excuse that would sate my grandmother's curiosity, I opened my mouth but no words came out. Good thing I was saved by my mother.

"Inimbita ko, Ma, pero busy ata sa mga school works," paliwanag ni Mommy. "Sa pagkakaalam ko ay kandidato siya bilang Magna Cum Laude kaya talagang abala sa eskuwela."

Curious if it was true that she really invited Archer, I glanced at my mother to find the answer but she wasn't looking at us anymore and continued attending to the staffs. However, I doubted if my mother really did invite Archer because she knew how I felt about him last night. Also, it would be impossible for Archer to decline the invitation, right?

Napailing na lang ako sa sariling iniisip at hinarap muli si lola. Kita sa kanyang mukha ngayon ang pagkadismaya dahil sa narinig. Parang may mainit na kamay na marahang humaplos sa aking puso nang makita siyang malungkot.

"Sayang naman kung ganoon..." Bumuntong hininga si lola ng malalim bago muling sumilay ang kanyang ngiti. "Alam ko na! Imbitahin na lang natin siya rito sa susunod. Aba'y namimiss ko na rin ang binatang 'yon."

There was this slight jealousy I felt, hearing my grandmother's eagerness to meet Archer again. I didn't know how he managed to capture my grandmother's heart that fast which made her long for him, but it amazes and frustrates me at the same time.

"Of course, Ma. We will invite him soon," Mommy assured her.

And because of that promise and assurance, my grandmother finally stopped talking about Archer. Not long after, she was asked by her private nurse to take a rest since she woke up very early in the morning. Ang sabi pa nga ay hindi pa sumisikat ang araw ay gising na si lola dahil sa sobrang excitement na lalabas na siya sa ospital at uuwi rito sa bahay.

When she was finally resting, Mom and I went out of her room—not to be a disturbance while she was sleeping. I took that opportunity as well to ask her about what she said earlier.

"'Mmy..." nag-aalangan kong pagtawag sa kanya nang mauna siya sa paglalakad sa akin at aamba nang pupunta sa kusina.

Pagkalingon ni Mommy, hindi pa ako nakapagtatanong ay nagpaliwanag na siya agad sa akin. She already knew what I wanted to ask since earlier.

"I texted Archer if he wants to visit today. Kahit sandali kako lang dahil alam kong gusto siyang makita ng lola mo," Mommy told me, and it wasn't the answer I expected earlier. "He told me he's busy with his school works that he couldn't leave it unattended. Sa susunod na lang daw siya bibisita. Ayon ang sabi niya."

Kung hindi kapani-paniwala na inimbita ni Mommy si Archer, mas hindi ako makapaniwala na tinanggihan ni Archer ang imbitasyon na 'yon na pumunta sa aming bahay. I was sure that he wouldn't waste an opportunity to come here and try talking to me, but he did.

Siguro ay tumigil na siyang sumubok agad pagkatapos kong hindi sumipot kagabi. Though, I didn't even give him an assurance that I'd come. Paniguradong masama na rin ang loob niya sa akin ngayon.

"If that's all what you wanted to ask, pupunta na ako sa kusina para samahan ang mga tito't tita mo." Tipid na ngumiti si Mommy sa akin. "Nasabi rin nga pala ng Tito mo na bibisita si Aliyah pagkatapos ng Sunday training niya."

I just nodded at my mother, lost in thoughts. While I was still pondering, I went inside my room and worked on school stuffs. Bumisita nga si Aliyah nang palubog na ang araw. I entertained her since we were somehow close to each other. She also asked me about Zymond Ambrioso. We recalled our plan before. Hindi na rin siya nagtagal dahil sumabay na siya pauwi kasama ng kanyang mga magulang.

We concluded the small family gathering or reunion in a positive way. Masayang-masaya si lola nang makita ang mga anak at apo sa iisang araw ng sabay-sabay. My heart warmed up when I saw her smiling so preciously. I would give anything just to see her smile like that all the time.

Maaga akong nagising kinabukasan para pumasok. I checked on my grandmother before I went to school, but she was still asleep so, I just left a simple note that she could read as soon as she woke up. Hindi mawala-wala ang ngiti sa aking labi habang naglalakad papunta sa aking unang klase nang maramdaman kong may sumasabay sa aking paglalakad.

I slowed down my pace and turned to see who was walking beside me.

With an innocent smile, Jerome confidently walked with me. I chuckled a bit and gave him a little pounce using my arm. He didn't even budge nor move even a bit. He was too strong and sturdy.

Natawa na lang siya dahil walang kuwenta ang ginawa ko. Bahagya akong sumimangot, ngunit natawa na lang din kalaunan.

We didn't talk along the way to our class, but we were both smiling and laughing without any reason. We were just really in a good mood. Ako ay nang dahil sa pagdating ni lola, siya naman ay... hindi ko alam, pero parehas na magandang nagsimula ang araw naming dalawa.

The smile on my lips couldn't be wavered until I saw two familiar individuals coming from the other end. Unti-unting naglaho ang ngiti sa aking labi nang makita silang dalawa na nakangiti habang nag-uusap.

Archer and Hope were also on their way to our room. I had no idea why they came together from the same direction, but the sight of them getting closer filled me with bitterness. A number of reasons crossed my mind which turned my mood foul.

Did they meet early in the morning? Did Archer pick up Hope from their house and go to school together?

Mukhang napansin din ni Jerome ang makakasalubong namin dahil bumagal din ang kanyang paglalakad.

I suddenly remembered what he told me the other day. He saw Archer and Hope talking before we went out that night to eat. They must had reconciled already. Siguro nga ay sinunod ni Hope ang payo ko at humingi ng tawad kay Archer para makapagsimula ulit ng panibago.

To be honest, I found myself petty. I was the one who adviced her to own her mistakes and apologize tho those people she hurt. I also encouraged her to pursue Archer if she really liked him, but deep inside, I wanted to be selfish. I didn't like the bitter feeling of seeing them together. The devil Keia suddenly wanted to jump right in between them.

About to tear my gaze from them, I met Archer's eyes but it immediately went to Jerome beside me. The smile on his lips couldn't be found now. Napatingin din tuloy ako kay Hope na ngayon ay nag-aalangang ngumiti sa akin bago yumuko nang bahagya at naunang pumasok sa room.

Seeing her friendly smile, I was slightly dumbfounded until I felt Jerome's hands at the small of my back. I turned to him and he bobbed his head to the door as a sign that I should enter the room now.

Isang tipid na ngiti ang binigay ko sa kanya bago sinulyapan si Archer na ngayon ay nakatingin sa kamay ni Jerome na nakahawak sa aking likod. Mabilis ko ring iniwas ang tingin ko bago tuluyang pumasok sa loob. Agad akong dumiretso sa aking upuan. Napabaling akong muli sa pintuan kung saan tipid na nag-usap sina Archer at Jerome.

Creases showed between my eyebrows. It was a very brief conversation. Jerome came in right away with a grin on his lips, while Archer looked grumpy and serious.

I saw Hope talked to Archer with a smile on her face, but Archer didn't seem to be in the mood anymore. He just nodded and the scowl on his face remained until the arrival of our professor. She discussed the last lesson on her subject for this semester. After that, she had given the pointers for the last quiz and final requirements that we needed to submit before the final exams.

Mauuna kaming mga seniors na mag-exam kaysa sa mga lower years. It was always like that from the very start. Since we would be graduating, we needed more time to practice our graduation march after exams. Hence, our final exams were pushed earlier than the rest.

Break time came after three hours of discussion from two professors and consecutive subjects. Marga, who was running to Hope, caught my attention while I was fixing my things. Hindi na sumama si Marga ngayon sa mga kaklase naming kasama niya noong isang araw. She told Hope something and they both laughed.

A small smile escaped my lips—happy that things turned out well for her. I didn't need to ask her anymore if Archer and Marga forgave her because it was obvious that they had all reconciled. Sa loob ko ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang sinunod ni Hope ang payo ko. Pero masaya rin ako dahil kung hindi ay wala na talaga siyang pag-asa.

Dumako naman ang tingin ko kay Archer. May sinabi siya kay Hope bago lumabas ng silid at nakangiting tumango lamang si Hope sa kanya.

After sighing because of the unwanted view, I continued fixing my things when I felt a shadow towered over me.

I was surprised to see Hope standing in front of me. Tumingin ako sa likod niya upang makita kung nandoon pa si Marga pero nang makitang wala na ito ay muli kong binalik ang tingin ko kay Hope.

"Puwede ba tayong magsabay kumain?"

Sa sobrang gulat ko sa kanyang biglang pag-aaya ay hindi agad ako nakasagot. Siguro ay nakita niya ang pag-aalangan sa aking mukha dahil sa gulat kaya muli siyang nagsalita.

"Gusto lang din sana kitang makausap kung okay lang."

She looked so harmless and I found her smile genuine. Because of that, I saw no reason to reject her offer.

I smiled back at her after a while. "Sure."

Mabilis kong niligpit ang gamit ko at tumayo na para sabay na umalis ng silid kasama si Hope. Napalingon ako kay Jerome na mukhang hinihintay akong mapatingin sa kanyang gawi. Nakasabit na ang isang strap ng kanyang backpack sa kaliwang balikat niya. One glance at Hope and he just smiled before he left.

"Sorry..." biglang paghingi ng tawad ni Hope. Tiningnan ko siya kaagad. "Mukhang magkasabay ata kayo ni Jerome dapat. Did I interrupt something?"

Chuckling at her apology for something nonsensical, I shook my head. "Wala kaming usapan na ganoon ni Jerome. He just really likes to tease me all the time, but he's also caring at the same time. Akala niya siguro ay magsasagutan ulit tayo kaya nakaantabay siya."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit dinadaan ko na lang 'to sa biro ngayon, pero gumaang ang loob ko sa kanya lalo na nang nakita ko ang pagbabago.

"Halika na!" Ngumiti ako sa kanya at nauna nang maglakad. Agad din naman siyang sumunod sa akin.

Some acquaintances were staring at us when we settled down on a vacant table in the cafeteria after we bought our food. Siguro ay hindi sila makapaniwalang magkasama kaming dalawa ngayon na mukhang hindi magkakasagutan.

Hope wanted to pay for my food, but I told her that it wasn't necessary. Hindi na rin naman niya pinilit at hinayaan ako sa gusto kong mangyari. Pakiramdam ko ay alam ko na tuloy kung bakit niya ako inayang makasama ngayong break. There was only one reason in mind.

"Uhm... Thank you nga pala," nahihiya niyang pasasalamat sa akin habang tahimik kaming nagsisimula sa pagkain.

I looked up to her. Just like what I expected, she wanted to thank me.

"Not just for accepting my invitation to eat together today, but for also giving me advices," she explained and smiled. "You're right... I was blinded by my own mistakes. I didn't see my faults and put all the blame in you. I-Iyon din ang sinabi sa akin ni... Archer."

Napaawang ang aking mga labi. Pinagpatuloy niya lamang ang pagsasalita habang tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa kanya.

"I first apologized to Marga. Noong una ay ayaw niya akong kausapin dahil masama ang loob niya sa akin, but I didn't give up. As a friend, she means a lot to me. She's always there for me and to see her away from my side, I feel like everything's incomplete," she told me without hesitation of sharing her side. "Kahit ayaw niyang makinig sa akin ay nagpatuloy ako sa pagpapaliwanag at paghingi ng tawad. I guess I was just really fortunate that she listened and forgave me. Ganoon din kay Archer. Actually, sa kanya ako pinakakinabahan."

Hilaw siyang tumawa. Her eyes shone because tears were starting to well up in her eyes. She was getting slightly emotional.

"Gustong-gusto ko siya..." pag-amin niya kahit alam ko na naman na iyon. "I told myself before that I'd never fall in love, or even have crushes because it could be a big disturbance to my studies. You know my parents expect a lot from me since all my siblings are great achievers. But when I met someone as passionate as me when it comes to studies; someone who pushes my limits; someone who won't be a hindrance, I couldn't stop myself from liking him. And it changed me when I felt threatened because of your presence... I don't want you to take him away from me. Kahit wala naman talagang kami. Ayokong malayo siya sa akin."

Umiling ako. "Hindi dapat ganoon—"

"I know..." she cut me off and a tear fell from her eye. She immediately wiped it and smiled once again. "I know now that it was wrong to be selfish. I told him how my feelings grew into something I least expect it to be. Archer is really a kind man..."

Medyo nakaramdam ako ng kaba sa sinabi niya. One loud pound from my heart pounced against my chest.

"He rejected me but he was still kind... sweet... and caring... It was painful, but he made it sound so sweet to my ears," she said slowly like she was recalling everything that Archer told her. "I still like him, but I know where I stand in his life now."

She smiled through her pain, but I could see that it was still a genuine one.

I was right when I thought she had a good heart. I doubted if I could be like her once I was rejected by someone I really like. It would be another trip in hell, for sure. The devil Keia would rise up once again.

"Anyway, I also want to apologize and ask for your forgiveness..." She slightly bowed her head. "Alam kong ikaw ang ginawan ko ng masama. I ruined your reputation. I said some things about you that weren't true. I offended you a lot. Gusto kong humingi ng tawad sa lahat ng 'yon."

Hindi sa bastos ako pero hindi ko mapigilan ang bahagyang matawa dahil sa kanyang paghingi ng tawad. "Sa totoo lang ay wala naman akong pakialam doon," sabi ko na mukhang ikinagulat niya. "Gaya nga ng sabi ko, ayos lang sa akin kung ano man ang isipin ng ibang tao patungkol sa akin. And besides, I just earned what I deserved. I knew I consciously did things wrong. I played and broke hearts. It's only natural that people see me like the way you did and I have no problem with that."

She stared at me in awe. I smiled at her and sipped on my juice before I continued.

"But if my forgiveness is really important for you, then I'd gladly give it to you," I told her without hesitation. "I forgive you, Hope, and I hope we can be friends."