#WretchedChoicesWP

Chapter 18
Avoiding

I didn't know how long I stared at the ceiling after I woke up from a deep sleep. I didn't want to get out of the bed. I just wanted to lock myself up in my room as embarrassing memories from last night kept on flooding inside my head.

After he comforted me inside his car, he even led me to my room. If I recalled correctly, he didn't leave until I fell asleep. Well, that's what he told me. Hindi ko na alam kung anong oras siya umalis ng bahay dahil hindi ko na rin matandaan kung anong oras ako nakatulog.

Parang gusto kong sampalin ang sarili ko. Umagang-umaga ay nag-iinit ang aking pisngi. Even I was amazed with myself on how transparent I was to him last night. I knew I let myself free because he encouraged me to, and I was sure that it was what I needed that moment. I didn't regret it, however, I still couldn't believe that I really did it. Hindi ko tuloy alam ngayon kung paano ko siya haharapin kapag nagkita kami ulit.

"You did what?"

Halos mabuga ni Sharry ang iniinom niyang juice nang sabihin ko sa kanya ang nangyari kagabi. Bakas sa kanyang ekspresyon ang matinding gulat.

Humalukipkip ako. "I already said it. Hindi ko na uulitin."

I knew she understood it the first time. She just really wanted me to reiterate it and make me feel more embarrassed.

"Is that why you're not answering my text messages because you found someone else to confide in? And to my surprise, it's even Archer?"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't overreact, Sha. I just got carried away by the atmosphere and my emotions..." I tried to reason out. "That's all."

"Uhuh..." She nodded nonchalantly. "After countless times of swearing to yourself that you wouldn't be vulnerable in front of others, especially Archer, you failed yourself just because you got carried away. Never thought your conviction would be that easy to sway."

I threw her death glares. I knew exactly what she was doing. She was trying to fish more details about my failure.

To my best friend, I was like an open book. She knew me well than anyone else. It's hard to hide things from her. Kahit wala pa akong sabihin ay alam na niya agad. Sa kanya lang naman hindi gumagana ang acting skills ko.

For sure she had a clue now. She was just waiting for me to spill the beans on my own. Too bad I had no plans to tell her about it yet. She'd surely tease me 'til her heart's content.

Muli akong umirap at humalukipkip. "Ayon lang naman talaga."

"Hmm... I wonder why you sounded so defensive?"

"It's because you're trying to put words into my mouth," I told her. "Alam mo namang pagdating kay lola ay hindi ko napipigilan ang emosyon ko. That's the only reason!"

"Okay, okay..." She chuckled, and I had no idea what she was chuckling for. "So, what's your plan now?

I exhaled violently. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" She sounded slightly shocked. "Ngayon ka lang nawalan ng plano, ah. Are you really my best friend?"

Wala talagang pumapasok sa isipan ko ngayon kundi ang nangyari kagabi. Basta ang alam ko lang ay hindi ko muna kayang harapin si Archer. Saka ko na lang ulit iisipin ang mga susunod na hakbang ko kapag ayos na ako.

"Hindi pa po ba nakakauwi si Mommy?" tanong ko sa aming katulong nang makauwi na ako galing sa restaurant kung saan kami kumain ni Sharry.

Mommy told me yesterday that she'd be home by lunch, but she still wasn't here when I left earlier to have lunch with Sharry. Tinext ko rin siya, pero ang sinabi niya lang ay uuwi rin siya.

"Umuwi siya saglit kanina para lamang ibigay ang pang-grocery at maligo," sagot nito.

Napatigil naman ako. "Saan daw po siya pupunta?"

Habang pinupunasan ang basang kamay ay lumapit siya sa akin. "Babalik daw siya ng ospital, pero uuwi rin mamayang gabi. May kailangan lang daw na asikasuhin doon."

Once again, my mother's vagueness made me feel uneasy. It also felt like she was purposely avoiding me. She knew I wouldn't let an opportunity pass to have a serious conversation with her that's why she opted to avoid me.

After letting out my fears last night and confiding in Archer, I realized that it's better to be knowledgeable about the truth. I'd rather be hurt than have false hopes because of a lie. I'd start embracing the inevitability and hope that, maybe, it would hurt less once the time arrives.

Nakakagulat man pero inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pag-aaral. My groupmates in thesis were in shock when I volunteered to do one chapter in our thesis even when I was already done with my part. I was so focused that I finished it before midnight. Saka ko lang naisip na baka nakauwi na si Mommy pagkatapos kong ligpitin ang aking mga gamit.

I checked the master's bedroom and saw her already asleep. Ayoko namang gisingin siya para lamang pilitin siyang sagutin ang aking tanong. She also looked tired and weary. I'd let her rest for tonight.

I woke up early the next day because my first class would start at seven-thirty. I thought Mom would be awake by breakfast, but she was still fast asleep. Siguro ay talagang napagod siya sa pagbabantay kay lola.

Hinayaan ko na lang at naghanda na ako papasok sa eskuwela. Kakabukas ko pa lang ng pintuan ngunit agad ko rin itong maingat na sinarado nang makita ko kung sino ang naghihintay sa labas ng aming bahay.

My heart raced so fast that it became slightly hard for me to catch my breath. I panicked while thinking of ways on how to get rid of him without being obvious that I was avoiding him.

It was a good thing that he didn't notice me yet. His back was facing our house so, he didn't see me about to go out of the house earlier.

Isang tao lang ang kilala kong makakatulong sa akin ngayon.

I immediately dialed Sharry's number. After two rings, she answered the call.

"What? I'm driving."

Napairap ako kaagad. Ang sungit talaga ng babaeng 'to lalo na kapag umaga. "Nasaan ka na? Nakalagpas ka na ba sa amin?"

"Hmm... Not yet. Why?"

"Oh my God, Sha! Please, pick me up right now!"

"Bakit?" kuryoso niyang tanong. "Sira ba ang sasakyan mo?"

"Hindi!" Nagpapanik na ako dahil nakuha niya pang makipagdaldalan sa akin gayong nagmamadali ako. "Bilisan mo na lang, please. Sasabihin ko sa'yo mamaya."

She sighed. "Okay. Give me five minutes. Malapit naman ako."

"Five? Ang tagal naman!"

"Fine! Three!"

"Sha—"

"Keia, wala pa akong balak na magpakamatay. Three to five minutes. That's the fastest I could go."

Napabuntong hinga ako. Alam kong wala naman akong magagawa. Also, I was asking for something impossible because I was panicking.

"Okay," sabi ko na lang. "At saka pala huwag ka sa harapan ng bahay dumaan. Doon kita hihintayin sa likod. Again, I'll explain it later. Take care. Love you!"

I didn't give her any second to speak and object. I ended the call right after I recited my favor. But before I went to the back door, I returned to the kitchen to carefully present my abrupt plan.

"Ate, puwede bang lumabas ka mamaya after mga hmm... ten minutes?" bilin ko sa aming katulong na mukhang naguluhan sa akin. "Kunwari magdidilig ka lang sa labas tapos nakita mo si Archer. 'Di ba kilala mo po siya?"

Nag-aalangan naman siyang tumango sa akin.

"Good!" puri ko bago nagpatuloy. "Magkunwari kang gulat kapag nakita mo siya tapos tanungin mo kung bakit siya nandoon. Kapag hinanap niya ako, sabihin mo nakaalis na ako kasama ni Sharry. Kanina pa kamo. Huwag na huwag mo ring sasabihin na inutos ko lahat ng 'to sa'yo. Gets mo po ba?"

Even though she was still struck and dumbfounded, she nodded her head. With that, I was finally relieved. Tumuloy na ako sa likuran at dalawang minute lang ang lumipas sa aking paghihintay ay dumating na si Sharry. Nagmamadali akong sumakay sa kanyang sasakyan.

I was holding my breath while we drove out of the subdivision. By the time we reached the main road, that's the only time I was able to relax and breathe properly. Nang mapatingin naman ako kay Sharry ay pasulyap-sulyap siya sa akin. Kung hindi lang siya nagmamaneho ay baka tinitigan na niya ako upang pagsalitain.

"I know I don't have to say more..." she simply said and fixed her eyes on the road when she finally got my attention. "Spill it out, Keia."

I heavily sighed and rested my back on the backrest. "Archer's waiting outside of our house earlier. For sure, he's there to give me a ride to school. Not that he needs to since I have my own car, but... ugh!"

"So, that's why you rushed me to come and pick you up at your back door?"

"Yes!"

She raised her brows, and a playful smirk was plastered on her lips. "You're avoiding him, huh... I guess that's the plan you came up with."

Though I was shocked that she was able read through me right away, I still tried my luck and be defensive. "And what makes you come up with that conclusion?"

"Come on, Keia, it's not that hard to guess." She laughed hard. "You're too obvious now. If you're not avoiding him then, why did you even ask me to pick you up in the first place?"

I knew I've said this a lot of times, but I really hate Sharry whenever she's stating facts which could hurt my pride.

"I mean, you're Keiandra Ariolla," she continued. "You will face him and without second thoughts, turn him down."

I sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine! You're right! I'm avoiding him!"

She smiled victoriously, and I hated it so much. I guess it was a wrong idea to call her after all. But what can I do? She's the only friend I could trust on this matter.

"But that is just because I'm embarrassed for what happened the other night. That's all! You don't have to read onto it too much."

She chuckled and raised her hands briefly to surrender before gripping on the steering wheel once again. "I'm not doing anything."

Muli ko na lang siyang inirapan. Hindi ko na pinahaba pa ang usapan namin tungkol doon. We talked about our upcoming trip instead. We haven't decided on our accommodation yet so, that's where our topic fell. Mapili si Sharry pagdating sa mga ganoong bagay kaya siya na ang hahayaan kong mamili.

When we arrived at the campus, I still had ten minutes before the bell rings. Dumiretso muna ako sa lavatory para makaihi at ayusin ang sarili. Pagkadating ko naman sa silid ay halos madulas ako pagpasok nang agad kong mamataan si Archer. He's already here! That fast!

My eyes traveled to the empty chair beside him. I subconsciously smiled when I realized Hope's absence. Oo nga pala at hindi siya papasok ngayon dahil mamaya pang hapon ang balik niya sa Manila.

Kung ganito ba naman ang aabutan ko tuwing papasok sa klase kung saang kaklase ko sila ay talagang gaganahan ako.

After a brief celebration inside my head because of Hope's absence, I immediately frowned when I saw Archer looking at me. Agad kong iniwas ang aking tingin sa kanya. Tinungo ko ang aking upuan at kunwari ay wala akong pakialam sa aking paligid.

However, when I saw in my peripheral vision that he suddenly stood up from his seat, I lost all my coolness. My mind was swimming again in a sea of chaos while looking for a refuge, and that's when my eyes caught Jerome. I didn't know what book he was reading, but it was obvious that he didn't want to be disturbed. Nonetheless, I'm still going to disturb him because he's my only hope for now.

Ilang hakbang na lang ay makakalapit na sa akin si Archer kaya naman kumaripas na ako paalis sa aking upuan upang puntahan si Jerome. Mabuti na lang at mayroong bakanteng upuan sa kanyang tabi. Hindi ko na kinailangan pang ipagsiksikan ang sarili ko o paalisin ang katabi niya sa kabilang gilid.

He shot his brows while he continued to read. "What are you doing here?"

Jerome didn't bother looking at me. His eyes remained on the book.

Now that I got a closer look, I saw that it was one of the works of a top international best-selling author. I had actually read that already. It was a mystery/thriller-romance novel which left me with a big question mark in the end. I tried to read it again before in order to look for clues, but I still didn't manage to get closer to the truth. It was very frustrating.

"Uhm..." I quickly and subtly glanced at Archer who stopped on his tracks after I walked away. "Nothing. I just want to hang out with you. Bawal ba 'yon?"

He chuckled, closed the book and faced me this time. "You think I'd believe you?" he asked and also glanced at Archer. "You're too obvious."

Itinabi niya na ngayon sa kanyang bag ang libro. Siguro ay naisip niyang hindi na rin naman niya mapapagpatuloy ang pagbabasa dahil ginulo ko na siya.

"I just want to talk to you about the novel you're reading." I still played with my reasons not to get caught and smiled sweetly. "I'll give you a friendly warning about it. The ending will surely fuck you up. No kidding!"

He showed a playful grin. Now, he looks interested. "Really?"

"Yup!" I proudly said like a bookworm and crossed my arms. "Nabasa ko na 'yan. Dalawang beses pa!"

"Looks like you're not lying about reading this book," he said and relaxed. "Pangatlong beses ko na 'tong binabasa. I'm still trying to figure out the truth."

My eyes slightly widened in surprise. I couldn't believe he already finished it. He was just re-reading to discover the truth like me!

Natuwa ako kaya mas lalong humaba at lumalim ang pag-uusap naming dalawa ni Jerome. I was so thrilled that we had something in common. Hindi rin siya boring kausap kaya mas lalo akong naengganyo. If only our professor didn't show up, we would end up tracing every detail of the novel just to assess things together.

When I returned to my seat, I was in a very good mood. However, the moment the class ended and I needed to transfer rooms for my next class, I panicked again. Nagmadali ako sa pagliligpit ng aking gamit, ngunit hindi pa ako tapos ay nasa tapat ko nasi Archer.

Like a dog who did something very bad to her owner, I slowly looked up at Archer. His eyes were piercing me down. It seemed like he wouldn't allow me to leave without his permission even if I'd be late to my next class because of him.

"Oh, Archer! May kailangan ka?" patay-malisya kong tanong sa kanya at saka sinukbit ang aking bag. Hindi nga lang ako makatayo dahil nakaharang siya sa aking harapan.

"Where's your next class?" he asked calmly even with a storm forming inside his eyes.

"Uh... Sa lower floor lang," simpleng sagot ko at pinilit ko nang makatayo kaya napaatras naman siya bahagya upang bigyan ako ng espasyo. "Anyway, I don't want to be late so, ciao!"

Hindi pa ako nakakatatlong hakbang nang pinigilan niya ako. He pulled me gently, and I was like a spring going back to him.

"What now?" I asked with slight irritation this time because I failed trying to flee without having a long conversation with him.

"Ihahatid na kita sa klase mo," sabi niya at hanga ako dahil kalmado pa rin siya. "Sa baba rin ang susunod na klase ko. Magsabay na tayo."

Bahagyang nanlaki ang aking mga mata. Umiling-iling ako at natatawa pa. "Nako! Huwag na, Archer! I can take care of myself," pagtanggi ko. "Sige na at mauuna na ako. Bye!"

Muli kong sinubukang makawala para lamang bumalik ulit sa kanya nang hilahin niya ulit. Ngayon ay nakaharap na ako sa kanya ng maayos. Ilang segundo rin akong napatitig sa kanyang mapanganib na mga mata, pero nakaiwas din ako agad nang matauhan.

"Ano na naman—"

"Are you avoiding me?" he asked straightforwardly and sounded slightly irritated. "Alam kong tinakasan mo ako kanina. Your maid is a bad liar."

Napapikit naman ako ng mariin. Grabe! Ayon na nga lang ang pinagawa ko pero pumalpak pa rin.

Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi at saka sinubukang kalmahin ang sarili para lamang makaalis na at hindi na humaba ang kumprontasyon ay tinangala ko siya para tingnan ng diretso.

"Oo!" sagot ko nang walang pag-aalinlangan. "Now that you know, can you please just cooperate, then?"

He was so stunned that he just stared at me while processing my raw answer to his question. I, on the other hand, took that opportunity to finally get away from him.