Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Dinala ko ang platito sa sink at lumabas ng kusina. I found the two cats running around the living room. Sometimes, Tart would stop running and Rio would do the same. Titingin si Tart sa kalaro tapos tatakbo ulit. Hinahabol naman siya ni Rio.

My bottom lip thrust out as I sat on the couch. I watched them until Tart jumped on my lap, purring. Rio hopped on the couch beside me, too, and meowed at Tart.

Ngumiti ako at habang hinihimas ang katawan ni Tart, hinawakan ko naman ang ulo ni Rio. Tahimik naman siya at mabait din.

"Huy, manliligaw ka pa lang daw, ah. Huwag mong bubuntisin ang pusa ko!" I told him and then turned to my cat. "At ikaw, magpahabol ka lang, ah? Huwag kang marupok. Hindi pa ako ready magkaapo."

Umupo sa gilid ng hita ko si Rio Grande. I stroked his head to his body when my finger got caught into something around his neck. Kinapa ko iyon at nahawakan ang manipis na bagay. Natigil ako sa paghaplos sa kaniya at tinitigan ang kulay brown na nakatali sa leeg niya.

Ngumiyaw siya nang ikutin ko ang kuwintas at nakita ang palawit nitong leaf clover. It looked so familiar. I dipped my neck to check the pendant further when I heard my father's voice calling our dogs. Galing sila sa second floor at ngayon lang palalabasin ulit. Tapos na sigurong kumain.

Natigil si Papa sa paahan ng hagdanan at humarap sa amin. Lumabas naman sina Mama at Engineer Merrick mula sa kusina. Tumigil ang huli sa harapan ni Papa para magpaalam umuwi. Si Mama naman ay lumapit sa amin.

"Anak, uuwi na raw sina Rio at Lairgren. Ihatid mo sila sa labas."

Nalaglag ang panga ko. "Po?"

"Ihatid mo sila sa labas. Sige na..." nang-uudyok niyang sinabi.

Lumapit si Engineer Merrick sa amin. Ang tingin niya ay na kay Rio agad, kung saan nakahawak pa rin ako sa kuwintas nito. Seryoso ang mga mata niyang bumaling sa akin.

"Uuwi na kami ni Rio, Miss Blaustein," aniya sa malamig na boses.

"Ihahatid kayo nilang dalawa ni Tart sa labas," dagling sinabi ni Mama.

Tipid na ngumiti ang kausap niya. "Ayos lang kahit hindi na po."

"Hindi. Ihahatid nila kayo, 'di ba, Skyricharm?" Ngumiti sa akin si Mam.

Oh... she called me by my name. Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang tumango na lang. Kinuha ni Engineer Merrick ang carrier bag na nakapatong sa tabi ng center table at ipinasok doon si Rio Grande.

"Baby Riri!" Mama called my attention.

Napatayo ako at binuhat na si Tart. Nagpaalam at nagpasalamat ulit si Engineer kay Mama bago ako tumalikod sa kanila at naunang maglakad patungo sa pintuan namin. I could hear his light steps behind me as my cat clung on my one shoulder, peeking on my back.

Nalagpasan ako ni Engineer Merrick at binuksan ang pintuan. He gestured his head so I went outside before him. After closing the door, he caught up with my space and walked beside me. Suot niya sa harap ang bag at mas mataas ng kaunti ang lebel ng salamin nito sa paningin ko.

"Sigurado ka bang ayos lang dumalaw ulit si Rio dito?" biglang tanong niya.

Huminto kami sa huling palapag ng hagdanan at nagharap. Banayad ang tingin niya sa akin habang nakayuko nang kaunti at nakatingala ako sa kaniya. Since there were still lights around us, I could clearly see his blue eyes glinting with anticipation. Only this time, it seemed darker because of shadowed lashes.

I gave him a slow nod. Umigting ang panga niya at bumigat ang pagkurap nang hindi inaalis sa akin ang bughaw na mga mata. The slow movement of his throat had my eyes focused on his neck.

"Ako... puwede rin bang dumalaw?" he asked carefully.

Muntik ko nang masakal ang matabang tiyan ng pusa ko. "H-huh? O-Of course, you can. Hindi naman siguro kayang pumunta rito ni Rio nang mag-isa, 'di ba?" My laugh sounded so nervous.

Hindi siya natawa. Good, 'cause it wasn't a joke! But my heart now couldn't stop from dancing to a hip-hop song. My teeth sank into my lower lip.

"Paumanhin. Gusto ko lang linawin na ang ibig kong sabihin ay kung puwede rin kitang dalawin."

Now, he rendered me speechless. He didn't even hesitate to make his words clear. I could no longer meet his eyes as though staring at him would make me a  stone statue.

Tart was snuggling on my neck while she was standing on my arm and the other was wrapped around her body. When my ability to speak returned to me, I straightened my backbone and raised my head, only to catch him never leaving my face.

"M-Magpapaalam muna ako..."

Sa gitna ng seryosong paninitig niya, umukit ang ngisi sa kaniyang labi.

"Sige. Maghihintay ako ng sagot mo," kalmado niyang saad, tila nakahinga nang maluwang. "Puwede ko bang makuha ang number mo?"

I pouted. Kinuha niya ang phone sa bulsa ng suot niyang pantalon at pinadikta sa akin ang number ko. Pinakita niya sa akin ang screen pagkatapos. Ang una kong nakita ay ang pangalan na ni-register niya.

Cupcake.

I blinked excessively when I looked up at him. "Bakit ganiyan ang name ko?"

Wala siyang sinabi nang binawi ang phone at nagtipa ulit. Hinarap niya ulit sa akin 'yon pagkatapos.

Skyricharm Aera Blaustein, RMT

Mainit na haplos ang humagod sa dibdib ko nang mabasa 'yon. My inner self is proud to see those three letters after my name. For someone who almost gave up seven years ago, this is something that will always remind me that I have reached this far because I chose to continue living.

And the first person who woke me up from that nightmare was standing right before my eyes.

"Iti-text kita. Sana mag-reply ka kapag pinayagan ka na," aniya at binawi na ang phone.

Tumikhim ako. "W-Wala bang magagalit... kung sakaling d-dumalaw ka sa akin?" Halos sabunutan ko ang buhok sa likod ng mataba kong pusa.

Tumagilid ang ulo niya habang pinagmamasdan ako. "Sa panig ko, wala. Wala naman akong nililigawan o girlfriend. Wala... pa." He was so straight and specific.

Yumuko ako pero sinilip ko siya. "Okay."

He nodded and remained his eyes on me. I swallowed the chunk in my throat.

"Sa panig mo, hindi ko alam. Wala bang magagalit kung dadalaw ako sa 'yo?"

Umiling ako nang mabilis. "W-wala! Wala naman akong, uh, boyfriend... o manliligaw."

Umusbong ang ngisi niya. "Alright. Congratulations on passing the MTLE. Pinapahanga mo talaga ako lalo sa 'yo..."

Gumapang ang init sa leeg ko patungo sa mukha. He congratulated and complimented me!

"Thank you," sabi ko sa mahinang boses na halos lamunin ng buhok ni Tart.

"Umakyat ka na ulit. Baka giniginaw ka na. Aalis na ako."

Hinagod ko si Tart na panay ang galaw sa dibdib ko. Kulit naman nito!

"Sige. Ingat ka, Engineer Merrick."

Tumalikod na agad ako at mabilis na umakyat sa hagdan. I shrilled when the first thing I saw upon entering my bedroom was my mother, scaring off my cat and accidentally scratching my neck as she hopped down.

"Mama, kanina pa po kayo rito?"

She was grinning at me like a high school girl after seeing her crush. "Yes, pumpkin. Did you two talk?"

Hindi naman masyadong obvious na gusto mong malaman ang pinag-usapan namin, Mama?

"Yes po," I answered without reluctance. "He asked if Rio could visit Tart. I said yes."

"And?" she urged, holding my hand and widening her eyes.

"A-and... he ask if h-he can visit me too. Sabi ko po... magpapaalam muna a-ako sa inyo," I stammered.

"Yeah, sure! It's okay with me!" She didn't even hesitate. "Kailan daw? Bukas ulit?"

Mama told me that I resembled my Lola more than her, even getting the size in length. Hindi ko lang siya naabutan dahil sa mga panahon na naghihintay ng tamang panahon magkaanak sina Mama at Papa, ang kalusugan ni Lola ang tuluyang bumagsak. My grandmother who saw my mother's sufferings. The mother who saw the pain of her own daughter.

And that daughter—my Mama—is now the mother who witnessed the same fate her mother—my grandma—went through. My mother who became the first victim before me. My mother who thought she was cursed and passed it on to me. My mother who was sorry for losing me when I was still an infant. My mother and I...

My mother—who was violated by Engineer Merrick's stepfather, and me—who was sexually assaulted by Engineer Merrick's half-brother.

This is absurd, isn't it? That's why I don't understand why my mother acted normal around him—like he wasn't related to the person who abused us the most. I don't want to hurt her by having him around me, even if I yearn for him.

"Baby Riri look at me..." agaw atensyon ni Mama pagkatapos kong matulala sa kaniya.

I blinked away the surging liquid trying to leak from my eyes. Mama lifted her hand to my face and offered me a genuine smile.

"I apologize if I'm trying to pair you up with him... because I really want him for you. I like him for you. I know even before that you like him and that he likes you. But if you feel like I'm invalidating your pain from the past by encouraging you with him, please, tell me. I'll stop..."

Umiling ako, nanginginig ang labi. Her eyes were glistening with worry.

"No, Mama. That's not it..." I inhaled a shaky breath. "I'm not gonna lie. Yes, Mama, I liked him. But after learning your story, I'm afraid it will trigger your bad memories..."

"Skyricharm," she said softly. "I said this before, but I'm going to say this again. A person's faults and sins are his own. It can't be passed to nor inherited by their family. At ang mga nagkasala sa atin ay nagbabayad na hanggang ngayon."

Yumuko ako at kinagat ang labi. Patuloy ang marahan niyang haplos sa aking pisngi.

"Kung ako ang inaalala mo, matagal na akong nagpatawad. Pero hindi ibig sabihin ay nakalimutan ko na. When I got married and had you, my children, I swore I'm gonna pour all my attention to you. Your happiness is my happiness. Your pain is my pain, too. My family is all that matters to me until now."

She smiled sincerely, with no more pain.

"Kahit hibla ng buhok niya, hindi makakarating dito kung galit ako sa kaniya. Lalong hindi rin siya makakapasok sa kumpanya ng Papa mo kung galit din ito sa kaniya. But if Lairgren reminds you of your past and it still hurts and haunts you... I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'll tell your father to fire him and never let him step again in this house. I will not let him go near you..."

Umiling ako agad. If my parents are okay with Engineer Merrick being around me, and if he still likes me... I don't want to make things more complicated. I don't have to deny that I don't like him when the truth is, I never stopped. My feelings did not fade, no matter how many times I'd smear them off.

And I know myself that the main reason why I'm still single until now is because I'm reserving the special spot in my heart to a certain person. Naging tulong lang din ang kursong pinili ko na kinakain madalas ang oras ko. Wala rin naman akong pakialam kung may magpahiwatig o umamin, tulad ng ilang pangalang binabanggit ng mga kaibigan ko noong may klase pa.

I turned on my phone after tucking myself in bed, and the first thing I opened was my inbox when I received a message from an unregistered number, saying it was Lairgren and wishing me a good night. I automatically saved his number.

Skyricharm:

Hi! Nakauwi ka na?

He replied fast.

Engr. EL Merrick:

Kauwi lang. Are you going to sleep now?

Kinagat ko ang labi at humiga na. Tart was sleeping soundly on the other side of the bed. Ganoon din sina Donut at Onyx. I grabbed my minion stuffed toy and hugged it on my chest.

Skyricharm:

Not really. I just had a hot shower. You?

Nanlaki ang mata ko pagkatapos i-send 'yon. Why did I even tell him about that? Oh my! I started to nibble my thumb when it took him five minutes to reply. Baka mamaya ay kung ano ang iniisip niya dahil sa sinabi ko!

Engr. EL Merrick:

Hindi pa.

Umusli ang ibabang labi ko sa walang kulay niyang reply. I didn't bother to text back and went to my personal account on Instagram. Rafa's picture smiling with her sister's name carved on the tombstone welcomed my feed. It has a caption saying, "RMT na ako, Ate Rama! I hope you are proud of me, too. I miss you so much!"

My heart sank seeing the photo. Rafa's older sister was the girl who jumped off the building when I was in senior high.

I checked my notification only to see I was mentioned in theoseville's story. It was a picture of a dangling charm doll hanging on the rearview mirror, with the starry sky in front of his car as the background while the chorus of Cueshe's Borrowed Time was playing. Sa pinakataas na kanto ay naroon ako naka-mention sa maliit na font.

I heart the story before I placed my phone on my nightstand. The next day, I woke up with Ate Harley assailing my phone with her video call requests. Ang bigat ng dibdib ko dahil doon natutulog si Tart at nahulog lang siya sa gilid ko nang kunin ang phone.

"Baby girl! Congratulations on passing the board exam! Anyway, sorry for waking you up, baby! Sis is going to resume working. Lemme know which place you want to go to after I get home, okay? I love you!"

Ni hindi pa ako tuluyang nakakadilat, pinatay niya na ang tawag. I got it, okay. She rarely had time to communicate with us while she's on board. So as much as possible, masagot ko ang mga tawag niya kahit nasa kalagitnaan ng tulog.

Dahil hindi na rin ako nakatulog ulit, pumunta na ako sa storage room namin para ihanda ang mga to ship order sa ibang bansa. Siyempre, kasama na roon ang pag-check ko sa phone na tinadtad ng messages ng pagbati kahit wala naman akong pino-post na kung ano. I was lifting some of the box toward the living room when my brother saw me from the stairs.

"You're up early. Ako na rito. Ilan ba 'to?" aniya nang kuhanin sa akin ang tatlong box.

"Uh, twenty, Kuya."

Tumango siya. "Can you please make me a coffee?"

I smiled and nodded. I went back to the storage room to grab my phone before I stalked to the kitchen. My hair was up in a messy bun, and I was wearing a spaghetti top, yet I still felt sticky because of sweat.

I made two cups of coffee according to their preference instead of one when I overheard my father's voice outside the kitchen. Abala pa ako sa pag-reply nang pumasok si Papa pero nakabati pa ako.

Engr. EL Merrick:

Good morning! I saw you online on Instagram. Not sure if you already had your breakfast, but I made breakfast for you and your family. Pinadala ko sa address ninyo.

Skyricharm:

Good morning. Hindi ka na sana nag-abala pa. Pero salamat. Kumain ka na rin.

Engr. EL Merrick:

Ayos lang. May plano ka bang gawin ngayong araw?

Skyricharm:

Wala naman. About pala kagabi... nagpaalam na ako. Okay lang kay Mama.

May inabot sa akin si Papa na basta ko na lang kinuha habang nakatingin sa screen. I flinched when it burned my hand. Suminghap ako habang pinapaypay ang kamay at agad tumingala kay Papa na nakabusangot sa akin. He was holding the tablespoon from his coffee that he made me touch!

"You're so busy with your phone. Sinong kausap mo at nakangiti ka pa?"

"P-Papa!" My cheeks warmed. "H-hindi po ako nakangiti—"

His brow shot up. "Engineer Merrick?"

No point in lying or denying. I jerked my chin up slowly.

"Nanliligaw na ba?" he asked without blinking an eye.

"H-Hindi po!" tanggi ko agad.

Lalo siyang sumimangot bago sumimsim sa kape. He set down the cup quite noisily.

"Bagal..." bulong niyang rinig ko naman.

"Pa... puwede raw po ba siyang dumalaw rito?"

Bahagya siyang tumingala. "Kung pumayag ang Mama mo, e 'di..." Nagkibit siya ng balikat.

Mayamaya ay bumaba na si Mama at sinabihan si Ate Hadia na magluto ng breakfast. Pinigilan ko lang dahil sa sinabi ni Engineer Merrick. Hindi rin naman nagtagal nang pumasok si Kuya dala ang dalawang paper bag.

"Oh, he cooked this?" Mama inquired as she pulled out the food containers from the paper bag.

"That's what he said, Mama."

Pagkatapos mag-breakfast ay umakyat ulit ako sa kuwarto para maligo. All the kids were downstairs to have their own breakfast. I wore a cropped halter neck top I crocheted and paired it with white shorts. Bumalik ako sa cell phone at binasa ang reply ng kausap kanina pa.

Engr. EL Merrick:

Si Engineer Blaustein? Ayos lang ba sa kaniya?

Skyricharm:

Slr. Pumayag na rin si Papa! :D Thank you sa breakfast! Sarap ng luto mo hehe. ^^

"Ay!" tili ko nang ma-send iyon. Why did I put emoticons like I was extra delighted and even excited!

Engr. EL Merrick:

You're welcome. Can we visit today? Rio and I.

Skyricharm:

Yup!!!

I slapped my face for embarrassing myself again. Binalibag ko ang phone sa kama at nagpasyang abalahin ang sarili. Nang dumating ang hapon at hindi na masyadong mainit ay napagpasyahan kong mag-swimming. The kids, including the giant baby and scaredy cat, were champing at the bit upon seeing me in my black ruffled sleeves one piece swimsuit. I gathered my hair and weaved them into one braid.

Sina Ate Hadia at Ate Cara lang ang kasama namin sa bahay. Nagpatulong ako kay Ate Cara na bombahin ang flamingo inflatable floater nang nasa labas na kami. Ang nga bata ay nagsitalunan na sa pool pagkatapos kong ihagis doon ang laruan nila. Except from Onyx who was watching us beside the pool.

"Go, Onyx! You can go with them!" It was his cue to turn around and jump into the pool.

"Miss Riri, may bisita po kayo!"

I uncurled my knees from squatting beside the inflatable floater upon hearing Ate Hadia's voice from the inside. Nagpaalam ako saglit kay Ate Cara bago pumasok sa loob, para lang matagpuan si Engineer Merrick na bitbit sa kaliwang braso si Rio at hawak ang pumpon ng bulaklak na daisy sa kabilang kamay.

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