Chapter 41

I am more afraid that people will not meet me on time rather than having them out of my life. Maybe because if my meeting partner hasn't shown up yet, I get paranoid thinking something terrible happened to them. Regardless if I personally know them or not. But if you're already out of my life, I will no longer care about your existence.

Growing up, keeping my circle small, albeit not always interactive, is better than having a large crowd. Mas kaunti ang iisiping tao at sigurado akong sila ang mga mapagkakatiwalaan ko nang buo.

The accustomed tune of suspended tubes, beads, and keys striking each other gathered my attention at the entrance of Sheltered Sweets. A woman with sexy and bouncy hair in blue ombre stepped in.

Luminga siya sa paligid. I raised my hand to get her attention. It wasn't hard to know she was the person I'd be meeting because of her hair, and I had seen her pictures on Instagram. Her lips curled when she saw me before she marched in my direction.

"Hi! Skyricharm Blaustein? Sorry, I'm late."

Ngumiti ako. "Yes. You can just call me Riri, Miss Claire," I replied, motioning to the chair across from me.

Humalakhak siya. "Claire na lang. Pormal naman ng Miss."

Hinila niya ang upuan na katapat ko at umupo. Nilagay niya ang bag sa katabing upuan at nilibot ang tingin sa shop.

"I'm really sorry kung dito pa kita ni-meet instead sa loob ng campus. This is my favorite tambayan kasi near our campus," sabi niya at may kinuha sa kaniyang bag. "Wait, I'll just order us something. Ano'ng gusto mo?"

"Ah, ayos lang," agap ko sabay iling. "May klase na rin ako mayamaya kaya hindi na rin ako magtatagal. Dumaan lang ako rito para ibigay 'yong order mo."

Kinuha ko ang box sa katabing upuan at nilapag sa mesa. I usually ship orders with my most reliable and trusted courier service because meeting up with clients whom I only knew from social media is dangerous.

But this particular client is an exemption since we go to the same campus and she said she personally knew my brother. Siyempre, tinanong ko muna ang kapatid tungkol sa kliyente dahil sa panahon ngayon, ang hirap na talaga magtiwala.

Although he vouched for her, I had doubts. Pero nang sinabi niyang dito na lang kami magkita, medyo nakampante ako. Pinagbigyan ko lang pero ayoko nang umulit. I don't want to bother anyone to be my representative in meeting up with her. Isa pa... may pakay rin ako sa kaniya.

Natigilan siya sa pagbukas ng wallet at tumingin sa akin. "Holy shit. Sorry! Ano'ng oras ba ang klase mo? May motor akong dala. Hatid muna kita pabalik sa campus?" she offered.

Umiling agad ako at sumilip sa labas ng salaming dingding. I spotted my bodyguard standing next to our car.

"Salamat. Pero may sundo ako." I smiled a bit and pushed the box to her on the table. "You can check your order first before I leave."

"May sundo ka? Sino? Si Rain?" Sabay tingin niya sa labas.

"Our driver."

"Oh? 'Yan bang Cadillac Escalade ang sasakyan ninyo?"

Ngumiti ako at tumango.

Hinayaan ko siyang i-check muna ang order niya. It's a crochet bag made of t-shirt yarn, thus a higher but reasonable price. At first, I hesitated to raise the price since it was my first time using more expensive but high-quality materials. But I have learned how to value my crafts and hard work.

Not all potential clients are my target market, but I hope my rates shouldn't be questioned. Pinaghirapan ko 'yon, e, kaya may karapatan naman siguro ako. If they can't afford it, they can find cheaper elsewhere.

"This is so pretty. I love it!" She praised my craft with a grin.

"Thank you," I replied while smiling before I cleared my throat. "I hope you don't mind me asking. I always stalk the profile of my potential clients, even my repeat clients. We have a mutual following account..."

Nakangiti pa rin siya. "Yes? Sino roon? Bakit? Ano meron?"

Ngumuso ako at nilabas ang phone sa bag. I opened the app and went to the account of our mutual following. Although, that account only followed me. I showed her the screen with my extended arm. She narrowed her eyes and fixed them on the screen.

"Theo Seville?" binanggit niya ang username ng account.

Tumango ako. "Well, I personally don't know the owner. I was just curious if you know the person..."

Shame dawned at me when I retrieved my hand. Nakatingin na siya sa akin ngayon at nangingisi.

The account's feed is full of the cat and owner's pictures, the reason why I'm aware that the owner is a male hooman. Although he never showed his face. He was an active liker and commenter on my posts, and later on, he messaged me regarding my cat and dogs. Sila na kasi ang madalas kong i-post doon.

He was fun to talk with. We mostly talked about our pets, and nothing too personal. Therefore, I assumed he was harmless to converse with.

"Nevermind—"

"Well, yes, I know him. Personally," agap niya kaya natigilan ako.

"Really?" Oh, tapos? Ano ngayon, Riri, kung nalaman mong kilala niya nga ang ka-chat mo lagi roon?

"Uhuh. Pero bakit mo tinatanong? Crush mo, 'no!" akusa niya agad.

Nanlaki ang mata ko at agad na umiling. "N-no. It's not that. I'm just... worried about his pet."

Huling pag-uusap kasi namin ni theoseville ay may sakit ang pusa niya. After that, he never opened his account again. I was just wanna know the cat's condition. That's all.

"Pet? Ano'ng pet ba 'yan?" Humagalpak siya sa tawa.

"He has a cat, if it isn't obvious in his feed." Ngumiwi ako pero agad binawi sa ngiti at tiningnan ang orasang pambisig. "Anyway, I'll be late in my class. Thank you for your time answering my question and for ordering my product. Have a nice day, Claire." Ngumiti ako.

Bago ako umalis, sinabihan ko ang isa sa mga staff na nasa counter na sagot ko na ang o-order-in ng kliyente ko. I glanced on my wrist watch while I was inside our car when my phone vibrated on my lap.

Kuya Rain:

Ri, how's the meet-up? Where are you now?

Skyricharm:

Nabigay ko na, Kuya. Pabalik na po ako ng campus ngayon.

Kuya Rain:

Okay. Pupuntahan mo ba ang pinsan mo mamaya?

Natulala ako nang ilang segundo matapos basahin iyon. I didn't really have to tell them beforehand about that, huh? Alam na alam nila, lalo na siya, kung kailan ko pinupuntahan o pupuntahan ang pinsan.

Kuya Rain:

Kung oo, ako na maghahatid sa 'yo. Susunduin kita.

Skyricharm:

Thank you, Kuya.

Huminga ako nang malalim at ibinalik na ang cell phone sa bag. My eyes flew to the rearview mirror. Naabutan ko ang titig sa akin ng bodyguard kong nananahimik. He's not allowed to talk to me while watching over me unless my safety is in danger.

Ilang saglit lang ay nakarating na kami ng campus kaya lumabas na agad ako ng sasakyan. The College of Medicine is the farthest building from the main entrance. Though, sa Gate E kami dumaan dahil iyon ang pinakamalapit doon sa building namin.

I glanced at my watch as I accelerated my steps toward our building. I flattened the invisible folds on my white uniform before tying my hair in a clean bun. Thank God we were done with venipuncture earlier this morning. Exam na lang ngayon sa isang major course.

"Uy, Riri!" sigaw ng isang nakasalubong na blockmate. "Yehey! Akala ko ako lang ang late!"

"Hindi pa tayo late," sambit ko at umakyat na sa hagdan.

"Quarter to three na! Late na 'yon sa akin!" Tumabi siya sa akin. "Nag-review ka ba?"

"Kagabi." I chuckled.

"Luh, nagre-review pala dapat?" Ngumiwi si Nadia. "Mas gusto ko pa rin ng practical exam. Ayos lang maubos ang dugo, 'wag lang brain cells."

Personally, I want practical exams rather than written exams, too. Mainly because I get to hold syringes, and it helps me cope with my past experiences. I had developed a fear of needles during my senior high years. I underwent numerous blood tests. And every time they injected needles of different sizes into my skin, I would flip out.

It isn't easy facing the things you are afraid of. Not everyone is capable, especially when those things have traumatized you. We have to be responsible for our own healing and the trauma that other people have inflicted on us. It's not as if the victims asked for abuse.

"Ano ba 'yan. Sana pwedeng magpalit ng partner! Nakakatakot si Skyricharm, nanginginig ang kamay. Baka hindi ugat ang matusok, e!" naalala ko ang reklamo ng kaklase noong unang beses na nag-blood extraction kami.

My heart constricted when I heard that. Unang taon pa lang kami noon at alam ko, hindi lang naman ako ang ganoon. Sabi nila normal lang 'yon lalo na at first time. Pero sa paraan ng pagsabi niya, para bang napakalaking kasalanan agad na hindi ako marunong.

Kaya nga nag-aaral, para matuto.

"Ayusin mo, ah! Uubusin ko dugo mo kapag hindi sa ugat ko 'yan tumusok!"

Pinigilan kong paikutin ang mata. Ang yabang! Kung tutuusin, mas mabilis ko pa ngang nahanap ang ugat niyang nagtatago pa. Natatakot lang talaga akong iturok. Siya nga, inaabot pa ng ilang minuto kakaasinta sa ugat kong kumakaway na sa kaniya. Buti nga hindi ko pinaltik ng tourniquet para lumabas ang ugat niya, e. Iyon pa naman ang advice sa akin ni Kuya Wilder.

Ang bigat pa ng kamay niya! Ako kaya ang nagtiis sa kaniya sa buong sem. Puro pasaring pa. Pero pasalamat din sa kaniya dahil imbes na matakot palagi, mas lamang ang inis na naramdaman ko sa tuwing tinutusok niya ako.

But... my brother and my cousin are probably the ones who have helped me the most to handle my fear of needles. Papa had trypanophobia since he was a kid so I couldn't rely to him. Kapag nasa bahay naman ang pinsan ko at kapatid, sila ang pinagkukuhaan ko ng dugo. Inaalay naman nila nang kusa ang ugat at dugo nila.

Or perhaps, they just didn't have a choice every time I'd go to them with a syringe in my hand. Ngingiti lang ako habang ipinapakita ang syringe sabay tanong, "Puwede po?"

Pumasok na kami ni Nadia sa lab room. Tumatawa si Chisa nang lumapit sa akin dala ang isang plastik labo. Sumunod sina Rafa at Nadia sa kaniya.

"Oh my God, Skyricharm! Tingnan mo ang bigay ngayon ng manliligaw mo!"

"Ano 'yan?" Hinablot ni Nadia ang plastik at pagkuwa'y humagalpak sa tawa. "Tanginang 'yan. Isang pirasong squid ball?"

"Chicken ball, hindi raw squid ball!" Winagayway ni Rafa ang isang papel sa harapan namin ni Nadia.

I seized it from her hand before I went to my seat. Nakabuntot ang tatlo sa akin at inabangan akong basahin iyon. Akala mo naman hindi pa nila binasa.

Miss Blaustein,

Kumakain ako ng chicken ball kanina tapos naalala kita kaya tinirhan kita ng isa. Bilog din 'yan, nangulubot lang. Nahulog na 'yan sa sahig pero wala pa namang 5 seconds kaya pwede pa 'yan pantawid gutom.

Paranas naman pong maturukan ng isang bilog. Open for donation pa rin ako ng: blood, stool, urine at semen kapag kinailangan.

— Merrick.

Nadia's bark of laughter somewhat irked me. I folded the letter into two before slipping it into the pocket of my bag.

"Ayos, ah? Buti pa manliligaw mo, nag-o-offer ng dugo. 'Yong jowa ko, need muna laplapin bago pumayag turukan!" bulgar na sinabi ni Chisa.

"Ay sus! Ganiyan talaga kapag manliligaw pa lang. Nagpapa-impress! Siyempre, alam niyang Maverick na 'yan na Med Tech student si Riri. Vein is life!" si Rafa.

"Kaya nga..." sang-ayon ni Nadia sabay tango.

"Merrick, not Maverick..." I corrected, ensuing teasing looks from the three of them.

"Alam ko, Riri. Sinadya kong maliin para malaman ko kung binasa mo talaga nang maayos ang sulat niya!"

Lumingon si Nadia sa kanila at tinulak sa tiyan palayo. "Alis na nga kayo rito. Parating na si Ma'am! 'Di pa tayo nagre-review!"

"Wow, ha? Tayo? Tigilan mo 'ko, Nadia. Kapag sinabi mong 'di ka nag-review, nag-review ka talagang lintek ka! Hmp!"

Kinuha ko 'yong plastic na nakabuhol kung saan nakalagay ang kulubot at nag-iisang chicken ball. I snorted and shook my head, reminding myself to throw it in the trash bin later.

Lagi na lang nagbibigay ng kung ano-ano ang Merrick na 'yan. Anything circle, and often times, food. Minsan matinong naka-pack at nakakain, minsan kung ano-anong nahuhulog niya raw. Last week, binigyan ba naman ako ng bilog na bato, takip ng mga bote, at butones. Mukha ba akong basurahan?

I didn't really know what he was up to. But one thing's for sure—he's consistent. Hindi ko lang alam sino ang pinapapuslit niya rito para magbigay ng kung ano-ano.

Madilim na nang nag-dismiss ang prof namin. I received Kuya Rain's message saying he was already waiting downstairs.

"Mol Bio talaga papatay sa akin ngayong sem! Ayoko na!"

Naglalabas pa sina Nadia, Rafa, at Chisa ng sama ng loob sa isang subject nang natanaw ko ang kapatid. He was already looking in our direction. He was wearing a white button-down longsleeved top, cuffs rolled up to his forearm, revealing his strong, veiny arms. Pretty sure if it weren't his veins that caught the attention of these MT students who were gawking at him, it was probably because of his face.

But he never cared about them. He only cared about few girls in his life. And... physics, of course. Kaya lang ay dahil wala namang maaasahan sa amin ni Ate Harley na mag-manage ng kumpanya ng magulang, napilitan pa rin siyang mag-MBA. Same goes to Kuya Wilder since he was an only child.

His lips pursed and one corner curved into a smirk upon seeing me.

"Nandiyan na ang Kuya ko. Bye, girls! Ingat kayo!" paalam ko sa tatlo bago nakipagbeso.

I almost ran in my brother's place. Niyakap ko agad siya sa baywang habang ang braso niya ay gumapang sa likuran ko. He bowed to plant a kiss on my head. Hinalikan ko siya sa pisngi pagkatapos.

"How's your exam today?" napapaos niyang tanong.

I grinned. "I got five over twenty!"

He chuckled. "At least you're not zero, huh?" Sabay haplos niya sa ulo ko.

"Yup!" Tumango-tango ako.

Kinuha niya ang bag ko at naglakad na kami patungo sa sasakyan niya. I know he's tired from work and he could let our driver send me home, but he chose to fetch me himself. Ganito siya tuwing gagabihin nang sobra ang huling klase ko lalo pa't gabi madalas natatapos ang mga klase ko.

Pagkapasok sa sasakyan ay kinalabit ko agad ang aking charm doll na nakasabit sa may rearview mirror. I fastened my seatbelt as the doll danced. Naroon sa backseat ang bag ko katabi ang minion plushie na gawa ko. Kinuha ko iyon at agad niyakap.

My brother's car is full of my crochet stuff. Hindi naman siya nagrereklamo. Siya pa nga ang naglalagay nito madalas. Karamihan ay nasa dashboard ang maliliit na gawa ko.

"Kumain ka na?" he asked after buckling his seatbelt.

Tumango ulit ako. "Yes... but I want to eat again. Ikaw po ba?"

"I already had my dinner. Daan muna tayong Saquirias kung gusto mong kumain."

"Magsasara na po 'yon. Sa bahay na lang ako ulit kakain pag-uwi natin."

"You can take a nap while I drive, Riri. Malayo pa naman dito ang sementeryo."

Instead of following what he advised, I pulled out my yarn and hook from the drawer on his dashboard. May mga kailangan pa akong tapusin na assignment pero sa bahay ko na lang gagawin dahil nandoon karamihan ang mga gamit ko.

Iniisip ko pa lang ang mga gagawin, nauubusan na ako ng dugo. Idagdag pa ang thesis namin ngayon. I spent almost sleepless night crying over our subjects. Lalo na sa mga failed exams, mapa-practical o written. Pero mas okay nang iyakan ang bagay na pinili ko mismo kaysa manatili sa dilim ng nakaraan.

My chosen path contributed with my healing. Kaya kakayanin ko ito hanggang dulo.

Mabuti at may nadaanan pa kaming flower shop papuntang sementeryo. Dala ko iyon nang tumigil sa puntod ng pinsan ko. Hawak naman ni Kuya ang isang kandila at lighter.

I put down the flower bouquet beside Kuya Dwight's tombstone. Si Kuya ang nagsindi ng kandila at ipinatong iyon sa kanang bahagi ng puntod. He rose from kneeling and moved a few steps away behind me to give me space and time with Kuya Dwight.

"Advance happy birthday, Kuya..." Hinaplos ko ang pangalan niyang nakaukit sa kulay ginto at padaloy na mga letra.

I talked to him like usual every time I went here. I talked about some events of my new family life and school. Wishing he's doing better where he is and thanking him that he existed in my life. I had stopped apologizing.

Some people may hate him... loathe him because of what he did. I don't condone his wrongdoings, nor am I trying to justify them, but I do recognize all his love and care for me back then. That will never be forgotten.

Our parents were already asleep when we got home. Bawal kasing magpuyat si Mama. Si Papa, madalas naghihintay pa siya hanggang makauwi ako pero kapag alam niyang gagabihin na kami nang sobra, nauuna nang matulog. If and only if he knows that Kuya Rain will be the one to bring me home.

"Don't stay up too late," bilin ni Kuya nang tumigil kami sa tapat ng kuwarto ko.

"I'll just finish my homework, Kuya."

"Alright. Katukin mo ako kapag may ipapatulong ka. Mamaya pa ako matutulog. Don't forget to take your vitamins, please..." Naging malambing ang boses niya sa huling sinabi.

Ginawaran ko siya nang magaan na halik sa pisngi. His hand reached for the back of my head before crouching to kiss my forehead. Pagkabigay sa akin ng bag ay pumasok na ako ng kuwarto. The first thing I saw was Onyx, my Black Russian Terrier. He was guarding my bedroom now for almost three years.

He was sitting right next to the door. Anyone who sees him for the first time is frightened, and I don't blame them. He's a giant dog with solid midnight black coat. Everything about his outer appearance is black. If he's standing or sitting still, he can be mistaken as a giant stuffed dog. Huwag lang hahawakan kung hindi ka kilala.

I gave him a treat before I took a half-bath and changed into my minion nightwear. Natanaw kong pumuwesto na siya sa cushion niya sa may paahan ng kama ko. Katabi niya roon si Donut na mukhang kanina pa natutulog. Meanwhile, my cat, Tart, was lodging on my study table. Nang nakita niya akong palapit ay bumangon siya at tumalon pababa para lumipat sa kama.

Natigilan ako nang makita ang mga punit-punit na papel sa ilalim ng upuan ko. My knees automatically bent as I picked up the ripped pieces to check them. Thank goodness they were just my used printed notes in Toxicology last academic year. I didn't want to waste too many paper in printing, so I usually recycled them and used the blank space on the other side.

"Don't go near my table again, huh?" sabi ko sa pusang nakatanaw sa akin.

Lumubog lang siya sa duvet, nagpapa-cute. Hmp!

Bilang parusa, nangingisi akong lumapit sa kaniya dala ang phone ko. I cupped Tart's face while fixing the camera lense at her, but her snob side activated and slid herself underneath the duvet. Humagikgik ako at hinawi iyon bago mabilisang kinuhaan siya ng picture.

"Done, baby!"

She purred and let me take a picture of her again. Hinayaan ko na siyang matulog. Pagkatapos ay in-open ko ang Instagram para i-post sa story ang nakuhang litrato. I used my personal account, which is different from our business account. I set it in private just last month.

I went to my study area. I turned on my iPad and opened the lab manual I'll need for studying and doing my homework. Before starting, I pulled one of the drawers on the left side of my table for my O-puff. Gumuhit ang ngiti sa labi ko nang makita ang maliit na cookie jar sa tabi ng mga marshmallow ko.

Nilagay ko iyon sa mesa katabi ng aking phone bago ko sinara ang drawer. I read the handwritten note from my mother that was stuck on the jar's lid.

You did great today, my cupcake. You deserve a treat! I love you.

Love,
Mama

Beside her name was a small heart. I folded it horizontally until it was thin enough and uniform to the other sticky notes inside the bigger transparent jar with the label: Mom's Treats.

My phone beeped right before I even twisted the jar's lid right next to it. My eyes enlarged when the notification panel showed me a part of the direct message from theoseville. Mabilis kong pinindot iyon at unang nakita ang comment niyang tatlong yellow na puso sa story ko.

theoseville: gising ka pa?

riricharm: Hi, Theo! How's everything? Tagal mong nawala. I miss seeing your pet in my feed.

The message was marked seen but he didn't reply, nor didn't even try typing one. The active status was replaced by a minute since he logged off. Napanguso ako at hindi na hinintay ang reply niya. Balak ko nang magsimula sa gagawin nang may biglang mag-pop up na message mula sa inakala kong patay nang account.

My heart rate doubled in a race. I clicked his name on my direct message and read his first message after almost three years. Agad nangilid ang luha ko.

elmnop1105: I damn miss you, baby Riri.