Chapter 33

"Huy, usog na!" My classmate behind me pushed my back to disturb my attention.

Palapit na ako nang palapit sa unahan ng pila. Moving Up Ceremony namin ngayon at wala pa si Mommy. She was supposed to be here thirty minutes earlier, but I saw not even a phantom of her.

Isn't it she who taught me about this? Punctuality is the greatest virtue, and time is a luxury that we must spend wisely.

It's either she attends early... or she will never come. Yumuko ako nang may napagtanto. It's not the virtue she breaks; it's her promise to me.

"Tala, ako na ang sasama sa 'yo sa pagmartsa," si Tito Nataniel nang napansing mukhang wala nang balak dumating ang magulang ko.

I forced myself to smile, to let him know that it was okay. Pinagpapasalamat ko na nariyan ang dalawang magulang ni Twyla kaya kahit kakarampot na atensyon galing sa kapamilya, tanggap ko nang buong-buo.

"Ate Tala! We made it! We made it!" Mahigpit akong niyakap ni Twyla nang natapos ang seremonya. "Senior high na po tayo sa susunod! I'm so excited! Sana po maging kaklase ulit kita!"

We chose HUMSS strand for our senior years at the same university. I was hoping the chance we would be classmates again was more than 50 percent.

Lumapit sina Tita at Tito sa amin, parehong nakangiti. "Congratulations, Twy. Congratulations, Tala! We are so proud of you."

"Thank you po!" Ngumiti ako nang malawak.

May lumapit sa aming kaklase namin, may hawak na cell phone.

"Uy, Tala! Twy! Picture picture muna tayo!"

We took pictures with some of our classmates and with Twy's parents. Maraming pictures na kaming dalawa ni Twy ang magkasama at may mga solo rin. Her parents were considerate enough not to make me feel alone and out of place, the reason why amongst my other relatives, they were my favorites.

"Oh? Bakit pala hindi ko nakita 'yong isa n'yong kaibigan? Hindi ba't kaklase n'yo rin siya?" usisa ni Tita Shaniah.

Lumingon-lingon si Twyla at halos magkanda-haba na ang leeg sa paghahanap kay Kuya El nang sumagot ako.

"Hindi raw po siya pupunta," sagot ko sa kanila. "Sabi niya po sa akin."

"Huh?" Tita was more confused. "Why not? Is there an emergency he has to attend?"

"I'm not sure po, e. Pero kasama naman po siya sa list of junior high completers."

My attention from her was taken away by my cousin upon noticing her freezing on the spot, her coral tinted lips separated and eyes circling. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang linya ng tinitingnan niya nang bigla siyang nagtago sa likuran ko, hawak ang dalawa kong braso.

May pamilyar na mukha akong nahagip pero binalewala ko iyon dahil halos hilahin ni Twyla ang braso ko.

"Mommy! Let's go home now, please! I feel like pooping!" she said. "Ow, ang sakit ng tiyan ko po!" She dramatically held her stomach.

Tita Shaniah invited me to their house, but I had to decline because I knew Manang was waiting for me. Pinaghanda nila ako at binigyan ng munting regalo. I couldn't express how grateful I was for their existence in my life.

I spent the next hours inside my room, waiting for my parents to go home and have a simple dinner for today's celebration. And then again, they never failed to fail me. Tinitigan ko ang screen ng phone na may text ni Mommy.

Mommy:

Eulalie, we will be home by Saturday. Sinabihan ko si Gibo na kung may gusto kang puntahan, samahan ka niya. Don't bring stray animals in our house, alright?

Tala:

Okay po. Please be safe, Mommy. I love you...

Saturday is two days from now. I have to wait again. Busog na ako sa pangungulila at lungkot na kahit anong pilit sa akin ni Twyla lumabas, hindi ko mapagbigyan. I didn't reply to any other messages, either. My meals were always brought to me inside my room because pulling myself up from the bed was draining.

Tapos... wala na rin si Kuya El.

Napalingon ako sa pintuan nang may kumatok doon.

"Hija, may bisita ka, anak," si Manang. "Papaakyatin ko na lang ba rito o bababa ka na lang?"

Kapag si Twyla iyan, hindi na kailangang sabihin ni Manang. And I only have two other friends who knew our house—Kuya Wilder and Kuya Rain.

"P-papasukin..." Pumiyok ako kaya napatikhim ako. "Lalabas na lang po ako."

"Oh, sige. Sabihan ko sila na hintayin ka sa baba."

No one knows in the family that I sold out my cousin. Kuya Rain told me the whole story behind Ate Fatima, Kuya Dwight, and the other people involved in the case. I was guilty of betraying my cousin, but I knew I did the right thing.

I did, didn't I? Mali ang ginawa ni Kuya Dwight at hindi ko iyon puwedeng i-kondena dahil lang sa mahal ko siya. Sumuko na rin siya at umamin, kaya hindi dapat ako ma-guilty. Iyon ang paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili pero madalas tuwing gabi, kinakain pa rin ako ng konsensiya ko.

I brushed my teeth and tied my hair before leaving my room. Naka-pajama at tsinelas lang ako nang bumaba sa hagdan at matagpuan sila sa living room, parehong nakatayo at magkatabi. On the center table was two empty glasses.

"Miss Minion!" Kuya Wai shouted upon seeing me, spreading his arms sideways, knocking Kuya Rain's chest beside him. "I miss you so, so bad."

I smiled curtly but it was short-lived when my right foot twisted on the last step, causing a loud thud of my hapless fall and hurting my knees. Naunang naglakad si Kuya Rain palapit pero mas mabibilis ang hakbang ni Kuya Wilder kaya nalagpasan siya nito.

Kuya Wai slid his hands underneath my shoulders to lift me up. "Hay nako, ang tanga talaga ng hagdan."

Meanwhile, Kuya Rain knelt before me as he inspected my knees. Patayo na siya nang biglang natigilan at hinawakan ang itaas ng left ankle ko, para bang may sinisiyasat kaya napatingin din ako. When his thumb brushed across the skin just above my heel, I already knew what caught his attention.

"That's my birthmark, Kuya Rain," I said, pertaining to the café au lait spot he was caressing.

"Birthmark? Saan? Meron ka pala niyan? Ngayon ko lang napansin, ah?" si Kuya Wai na yumuyuko at sinisilip ang paa ko.

Binitiwan ni Kuya Rain ang ankle ko. "You really are so klutzy," he said as a matter of fact for the nth time.

Tumayo siya bitbit ang isang kulay yellow na paper bag na ngayon ko lang napansin. Binitiwan naman ako ni Kuya Wilder. Iniabot niya sa akin iyon kaya tiningnan ko agad ang laman. May kahon pa na kulay puti sa loob kaya ibinaba ko na lang muna.

"Regalo para sa pagtatapos ng junior high," he said, slanting his lips a little upward.

"May coupons diyan na puwede mong gamitin sa Sheltered Sweets," ani Kuya Wai.

Kuya Rain stared at him questioningly. "Kailan pa nagkaroon ng coupons ang shop namin?"

"Kahapon lang. Kasi kahapon ko lang din natanggap galing kay Tita Rappy. Ibigay ko raw sa kanilang dalawa ni Twyla, e."

Maliit na ngiti ang iginawad ko. "Salamat po. Pero bakit po pala kayo napunta rito?"

Niyakap ako ni Kuya Wai at dinala sa pag-swing niya ng katawan. My cheek was pressed against his chest when I looked up at him.

"Hindi ka na nagpapakita sa amin. Miss na miss na kita. Hindi mo ba kami na-miss?" tunog nagtatampo niyang tanong.

"Uh... miss ko na rin po kayo. Sorry if..." I trailed off.

Hinila niya ang balikat ko pahiwalay sa katawan niya pero nanatiling nakahawak siya sa akin. He bowed and fixated his eyes on me with utter attentiveness for what I was about to say. I transposed my gaze from him to Kuya Rain who was intently observing me.

"Why are you sorry?" udyok niya at nagtaas ng kilay.

"I was doing it... rather intentionally," I admitted guiltily.

"Bakit? Grabe ka naman, Miss Minion! Ano'ng ginawa ko sa 'yo para iwasan mo 'ko?" singhal ni Kuya Wai na nagpaigtad sa akin.

Pairap siyang sinulyapan ni Kuya Rain. "If it isn't obvious, we practically hunted her down to squeeze some info about her cousin."

Naghahamong hinarap siya ni Kuya Wai. "Who's 'we' are you talking about? It was you who almost instigated her. Pinigilan kita. Sabi ko, baka magalit sa atin. E, nagalit nga!"

"H-hindi po ako galit—" I inserted my concern, but Kuya Rain spoke louder, drowning my voice.

"Ba't sinabi ko bang gawin mo rin ang ginagawa ko? E 'di damay ka talaga. Huwag ka ngang maghugas-kamay ngayon!"

Halos ipagduldulan ni Kuya Wai ang mga kamay sa mukha ni Kuya Rain. "Anong hugas-kamay? Basa ba 'yan, ha? Basa ba 'yan? Asan ang lababo? Gripo?! Sa'n? Sa'n?!" sigaw niya habang nanlalaki ang matang tumingin sa kaliwa't kanan.

Hinawi ni Kuya Rain ang mga kamay ni Kuya Wai. "Lumayo-layo ka nga sa akin. Wala akong pinsang bobo!"

Magkasunod kaming suminghap ni Kuya Wai. His was more exaggerated, taking his cousin's last word as an offensive remark.

"Aba! Mukha bang gusto rin kitang maging pinsan? Wala lang akong choice!" Nasa dibdib pa ang kamay habang ang isa ay nanginginig na tinuturo si Kuya Rain. "Simula ngayon, tinatakwil na kita bilang kadugo ko!"

"Matagal na kitang itinakwil," Kuya Rain retorted heartlessly.

My jaw dropped, blinking excessively as I tried to process their rally of sentiments. Nilipat ko ang tingin kay Kuya Wai na nakahawak sa kaniyang bibig, para bang hindi rin makapaniwala sa sinabi ng pinsan. Nang humarap sa akin, mangiyak-ngiyak na siya.

"Miss Minion, narinig mo 'yon?"

Tumango ako. Hinawakan niya ako sa balikat at nangalay na ako sa katitingala sa kaniya, wala man lang luhang tumutulo sa mata niya kahit anong pilit niya.

"Wala na akong pinsan. Hindi ko na siya pinsan. Akin ka na lang, please?" His tone was cajoling.

I was slightly taken aback."P-po?"

Tumigil na siya sa pagpapanggap na naiiyak at ang mapaglarong ngisi ay ibinalandra niya. Kada lapit niya sa mukha ko ay siyang paglayo ng ulo ko.

"Hindi naman siguro magagalit si Tita Mitchelle kapag inampon ka namin, 'no? Amin ka na lang, Miss Minion. Sabihin mo sa kanila..."

My eyeballs sprung out of their sockets upon hearing what I deemed an exhortation. Abandoning my family is the least of my concern, let alone did it even cross my mind. I hoped he was kidding. Because even if I only have half-baked love from my parents, I still love them and care for them.

Kuya Rain pulled the collar of Kuya Wai's shirt on the back, tossing him away from me like a bag of trash.

"Wala na talagang magandang lumabas sa bibig mo," asik ni Kuya Rain sa pinsan.

Kuya Wai sported a sly smirk and washed it off as quick as a wink. "My mouth is pretty enough as it appears, so I don't need much sweet-talking."

Umiling si Kuya Rain sa kaniya at humarap sa akin. Ginulo niya ang buhok ko.

"Uuwi na rin kami. Pumunta lang kami rito para makita ang lagay mo at ibigay ang regalo dahil hindi ka rin naman mapilit ni Twyla na lumabas..."

"Pero puwede rin naman kaming mag-stay kung gusto mo," singit agad ni Kuya Wilder.

Alanganin akong ngumiti habang palipat-lipat ang tingin sa kanila. They were expecting me to tell them they could stay for a bit, but I honestly want to bask in solitary right now. After almost a minute of silence, the registration of acquiescence across their faces tweaked something in my chest.

After sending them off with a bottle of blues, I returned to my room. After dwelling on something while taking a shower, I checked what was inside the white box and saw a small, rectangular, matte black case. Binasa ko muna ang nakasulat sa kulay dilaw na sticky note sa takip nito.

'Wear this at all times.'

I unsealed the box and the winking chain of gold resting on the velvety foam insert was the first thing I conceived. My lips parted as it fully revealed the hourglass pendant with actual fine particles inside.

I left the bed and sat in front of my vanity where I could see my reflection from bust up. I watched myself as I put on the necklace and smiled when I did it successfully. It looked so pretty. I got my phone and took a picture of myself before sending it to Kuya Rain and Kuya Wilder.

Kuya Rain:

Nice.

Kuya Wai:

pwede mo ba kong sendan ng ibang pic yung di mo sinesend kay ulan. magyayabang lang ako pls

Pinagbigyan ko siya at nag-send ng dalawa ko pang picture. Mabilis naman siyang nag-reply.

Kuya Wai:

kyut mo miss minion :(

Tala:

Thank you po <3

Kuya Wai:

hala may puso <3 ibubulsa na talaga kita sa susunod.

Tala:

Wag po, di ako kasya hehe. :D

Kuya Wai:

damn i really wish u were my sister hehe :D

I wish he would have a sister, too. Financially speaking, I don't think it would be a problem if he had a sibling, regardless of their years apart. But if his parents choose not to have another child, there must be another reason. It's their choice, especially the mother, since she's the one who will carry the baby in her womb.

The sun sunk down the horizon, and the crescent moon smiled. It was as though telling me that life isn't always bright. That after the light, you have to be in the dark. But being in the dark doesn't mean you are alone—because the moon sees you and stays with you until the sun grins at you again.

And I slipped underneath my warm comforter, looking forward to starting the following day with jovial. But my yearning was ripped off me when a devil jumped into my bed in the middle of my sleep, locking me with his body under him.

Ang bigat ng nararamdaman ko ang nagpadilat sa akin kasabay ng pagtapal ng mabigat na kamay sa aking bibig upang pigilan ako sa paggawa ng anumang ingay.

"Hush, baby," he whispered. "You don't want your cousin to be hurt, right?"

I moved my head a bit against my will. My internal mouth screamed when he yanked the cover off my body. I squashed my eyes, letting him again do unholy and immoral on his own blood and flesh.

"Good girl..." he said after making me feel so filthy. There was no remorse in his voice, at the very least.

Saturday came, and I was eager to talk to Mommy now that Daddy was not home. Wala si Mommy sa kuwarto o library, kaya malamang ay nasa opisina. At nang makita nga siya roon sa likod ng kaniyang matandang mesa, inipon ko na lahat ng tapang sa sarili para magsalita.

"Mommy, good morning..." I greeted her with a small smile as I ambled to her table.

"Morning, Eulalie. How are you? Have you had your breakfast?" she asked cooly without transferring her eyes behind the glasses from her laptop to me.

She was working when she was not home, and still working at home. Sana magpahinga naman siya at huwag puro trabaho. Para saan pa ang mga kayamanan kung kapalit naman nito ay ang kalusugan?

"Katatapos lang po," I answered politely as I sat on the chair across from her. "Mommy, can I tell you... something?"

"Go on." She motioned her head.

I closed the gap between my legs and put my hands on my lap, clasping them together as though it was my source of strength and courage to speak up. If I don't speak now, the opportunity to stop further distress may slip through my fingers.

"Daddy..." I started and saw her fingers put on hold above the keyboard. "He had been sneaking into my room every time you were not home..." Ibinagsak ko ang tingin sa aking mga kamay.

Remembering when it started and how I was in a state of naiveté, my eyes got clouded and tears began to fall nonstop. I couldn't bear it anymore. He'd always use Twyla to get what he wanted. I couldn't stay silent and constantly be threatened.

"And?" Mommy's cold voice made my eyes snap back to her. "What did he do after sneaking into your room?"

I swallowed, taking a deep breath before I spoke to clarify.

"He... he was t-touching me, Mommy," sumbong ko at humikbi. "H-hinahawakan niya po ako sa p-private part ko at... hinahalikan niya a-ako, Mommy!"

Napatalon ang balikat ko nang pabagsak niyang isinara ang laptop at mariin akong binalingan. Parang gusto kong lumubog sa kinauupuan habang tinitingnan siya. She didn't seem believing my words.

"Eulalie," she stressed my name. "Are you on drugs?"

Tumigil ako sa pagluha habang nanlalaki ang mga mata. Was she serious with her question? Why would I be on drugs? I would never be under the influence!

"Sa aming dalawa ng tatay mo, siya palagi ang kakampi mo. So how could you make a silly story about your father?"

My hands began to shake frantically because of the words I was hearing. A silly story? She called my confession silly?

Napaangat ang tingin ko sa kaniya nang tumayo siya at umikot sa mesa para pumunta sa harapan ko.

"M-Mommy... hindi ko po 'yon gawa-gawa lang—"

"Eulalie, stop!" Her tone rose. "I'll let this slide and forget you told me something shameful. Hindi ka na nahiya sa Daddy mo. Pinagtatanggol ka niya sa akin pero ikaw ang sisira sa kaniya mismo?"

Napatayo na ako sa kinauupuan at hinawakan ang kamay niyang nanginginig na rin.

"Mommy, I'm telling you the truth! Please, maniwala ka po sa akin. Hindi ko po gawa-gawa ito!"

Tinanggal niya ang salamin sa mata at hinagis iyon sa kaniyang mesa. Her eyes were burning in fury when they lasered in on me.

"Oh, sige. Kung totoo nga ang sinasabi mo. Kailan pa nagsimula ito, huh? Kailan pa?!"

"When I was in Grade 9, Mommy! It... it started when he asked for a good night kiss—"

"Just a good night kiss!"

She pulled her hand from mine and pushed me on my shoulder mindlessly, making me stumbled back in the chair behind.

"God, Eulalie! It was just a good night kiss and you completely took it the wrong way?" She laughed in a mocking manner. "At bakit ngayon mo lang sinasabi ito? Eulalie? Do you have any hidden agenda?"

Tumayo ulit ako at lumapit sa kaniya. My heart twisted in agony when she stepped back with a hint of disgust. Nanliit ang mata niya sa akin.

"What were you even wearing that night? Baka naman ikaw mismo ay inaakit ang sarili mong ama?"

Halos manlamig ako sa sinabi niya pa. Aakitin ko si Daddy? Huh? Bakit ko gagawin iyon? He is my father! I don't see any logical reason to do that!

"Mommy, it wasn't only that night. It was just when and how it started! Mommy, Daddy violated me! His own child! Hindi ko lang po sinabi agad.. kasi... k-kasi natatakot akong saktan niya po si Twyla—"

My cheek stung and my left ear rang after her hand landed on my face. Sa gulat at takot, napigil ko ang paghinga pero bumagsak pa rin ang aking luha.

"You even dared to drag your cousin's name to support your sickening lies!" she bellowed. "You're disgusting! If it wasn't for your father, I would never, ever, fucking accept you in my fucking house! In my family! Ingrata!"

Hindi niya ako binigyan ng tsansa na makapagsalita o linawin ang sinabi niya dahil basta na lang niyang hinablot ang braso ko. Her fingernails dug into my skin as she dragged me outside her office.

"Mommy! M-Mommy, nasasaktan po ako—"

Kinaladkad niya ako pababa ng hagdan at naabutan pa naming paakyat ang isang kasambahay na may dalang tasa. Agad siyang gumilid bago pa namin mabangga.

"Lumayas ka sa pamamahay ko!" Mommy shouted at me. "Walang utang na loob!"

"Mitchelle!" narinig kong sigaw ni Manang.

"Manang!" I cried, attempting to seek her help when I saw her following us.

"Ano'ng nangyayari? Mitchelle! Bakit ka sumisigaw? Bakit mo pinapalayas ang anak mo?" sunod-sunod ang tanong niya habang nakasunod sa amin. "Bitiwan mo nga ang bata at nasasaktan ang anak mo!"

"Wala akong anak na sinungaling at walang utang na loob!"

Nadala na ako hanggang labas ng pintuan. Si Kuya Gibo na naglilinis ng sasakyan ay gulat na napatingin sa amin habang patuloy naman akong umiiyak.

"Aya, buksan mo ang gate! Bilisan mo!" sigaw ni Mommy sa isa pang kasambahay na nagdidilig ng halaman.

She quickly obliged without asking. Mommy threw me out of the gate ruthlessly. Sumalampak ako sa kalsada habang nagmamakaawa ang tingin sa kaniya. Isinarado niya na ang gate bago pa man ako makatayo pero narinig ko pa ang boses ni Manang.

"Walang magbubukas ng gate at magpapapasok sa kaniya! Malilintikan sa akin ang mahuli ko!"

"Mitchelle, anak mo 'yan! Bakit mo pinapalayas? Maawa ka naman sa bata!"

"She's no longer a kid! And she's not my daughter!"