Edited:

Published: Monday, November 9th 2015 10:45 am

Ayah:

"Here you go," Abu Jafar handed me a glass of lemonade, picking his up, before taking a seat beside me. I smiled at him gratefully, taking a sip and looking out into the neighborhood. "Today is a hot one, isn't it?"

"Indeed it is," I agreed, keeping my gaze on the horizon in front of me. Despite it being late in the year, Riverside has a slight breeze, but it's mostly warm. People in other states are preparing for winter, but because this town is a couple minutes from the beach, it's always a warm or hot day.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Jafar," I said, placing my glass on the table beside me, looking up at my father in law. "And you, of course. How have you been lately?"

"Touch and go, but I'm stable...for now. But, anyways, what's up with my son?"

"You," I bluntly said, to which he raised his eyebrows.

"Me?"

"Yes," I nodded. "Your relationship with each other, and trying to bring himself to forgive you. I'm not here to blame, just to help."

"I see. So I'm guessing Jafar doesn't know you're here?"

I shook my head, bringing my hand up to wipe a bead of sweat off of my forehead. Today is a hot day.

"Ayah, I have made unforgivable choices, but I've also moved on. I will always love my children, and I was going to speak to them eventually about what's going on so I can make my will, but I don't plan on messing up the lives they have right now. They're happy with their families, have new parents, and are doing fine without me. I'd like to keep it that way."

"I don't think you should," I voiced, and he let out a deep sigh.

"And why not?"

"Because you're not sure you should either. Heck, you know you shouldn't. Even if not seeing them is for you, make it about them. Put your differences aside and heal what had been wounded before its forever broken and shattered into pieces."

"You're wise woman, but no. Me interfering will just mess up their lives more than I already have. When I'm gone..."

"Don't talk like that," I told him softly. "Insha Allah you'll be fine."

He ignored me. "When I'm gone, I'll be out of their hair. That's how it's going to go. Period."

I pursed my lips and stood up, taking a piece of paper out of my purse. "Here," I handed it to him and he frowned.

"What's this?"

"Date, time, and a list of all the things Jafar needs for his birthday. You're at the top of the list. But if you do decide to stop whatever it is that's holding you back from seeing your kids aside--they'll all be at the party. Please consider."

I was already down the porch, making my way back to Um Jafar's house when he called me back.

"You never told me. What do you want this meeting so badly?"

"Well, one you were a good friend of my fathers. And two?" I smiled slightly. "I want my child to know its grandfather."

-*-
Jafar:
October 1st

"Jafar, can I talk to you for a minute?" I was just heading out of the gym from practice, getting ready to meet up with Ayah at my parents house when Wasim came over. He didn't look good. His eyes are red with bags under them, and his face is pale.

"Yeah," I nodded and pulled him over to the side. "You look beat down. What happened?"

He waved me off. "I wanted to apologize for blowing up on you the other day. I was just worried and thought that...well..."

"That I would feel the same as you?" I filled in, and he nodded his head.

"I just freaked when I saw the note. I don't know what came over me."

"It's not your fault," I quickly assured him. "Anyways, is that why you look like this? Because you're taking care of him?"

"Ummi has to work to keep up the income, so I help out after school. Some days are better than others."

"Yeah," I scoffed. "He needs a nurse to look after him, not a sixteen year old boy. Have your studies dropped?" When he didn't answer, I had the answer. "Wasim, school is important."

"So is taking care of him. He's not doing well. He's getting worse."

"Then why was he released from the hospitals care?"

"He wanted to be with his family before," He paled again at that, shaking the mental image from his brain. "I don't mind helping him."

I decided to give it up. Wasim is passionate about few things. And his latest one is nursing our father. Allah knows what it will take to get him to see clearly.

"Alright. But let me give you a ride home."

He smiled at me through tired eyes. "Thanks."

I nodded. "Yeah."

-*-

Ayah:

"Knock knock," I smiled, peeking at Jamila from where I stood in the hall. It's been entirely too long since we've last spoken. And when we did, she was still secretive.

"Come in," She waved me in, clicking on a tab in her laptop. "Look at this."

As soon as I saw the image, my breath caught. She made this?

"Jamila, it's amazing. What's this for?"

"A friend of mine on Wattpad. Her story was getting more viewers, so she wanted a cover. Is it bad?"

"Bad?" I laughed at her. "It's amazing. You have a gift."

"I figured it out. This is what I want to do."

"Instead of college?" I asked, but she shook her head.

"For college. I want to major in art, specifically graphic design. The only problem is, I'm not applying until next year. So I'll be taking the year off..."

I rolled my eyes and sat down next to her. "It's not the end of the world. You're going to college for something amazing! Be excited. Also, I wanted to talk to you about something."

She eyes me suspiciously. "What?"

"How's it going to with, you know, him? Any more complications for your future."

"Not really. I stopped talking to Khalid, but Mu'adh is a whole different story."

I eyed her. "Different how?"

"We haven't stopped talking. And we don't want to."

"Wait," I sighed at the sudden revelation. "You're putting school on hold to marry him, aren't you?"

"Partly," She said. "I can't apply until next year, but I've known about him for a while now. I just have to tell my parents about it. Soon."

My eyes narrowed. What is she up to?

"Why soon?"

"Because he's going to ask for my hand soon."

"Jamila," My voice sounded harder than it was supposed to, but she didn't to hear me. "You really think your parents are going to say yes?"

"It's worth a shot," She sighed, pulling up another image to work on. "I just feel like this is the right decision for me, even if I'm the only one who does. I'm almost eighteen, too. One of the last girls not married in my group."

I sat down in her bed, contemplating all that she told me. She's serious about this. Usually she would ask for my opinion, but she has made up her mind.

I was about to say something, when suddenly, we heard squeals and rushed down the the front room where Zahrah stood, baby Rahil in her arms.

"Ayah, Jamila, come here," She laughed, nodding us over.

I turned to Jamila. "We'll discuss this later."

"There's nothing to discuss," She snapped. "I made up my mind."

"But, Jamie..."

"Let's go greet our sister," She said softly, changing the subject, placing a fake smile on her face. Reluctantly, I left it alone and followed her to the group forming.

-*-

Dinner had been very quiet for most of us. Like always, Jafar was in his own world, Jamila in hers, and me worried about them. Jamila is my little sister, I worry about the decisions she makes, because a lot of them are made to spite the people who have hurt her in some way or another. She could genuinely like this guy, but the way she's going about it is going to make matters worse. I just know it.

Then there's Jafar. I really hope his father pulls through with my request. I know at first they won't welcome each other with open arms, but it will be a start towards something more; a chance to do it right this time.

"Are you ready to go?" Jafar asked me, looking down at me gently. Dinner finished ten minutes ago, and Jamila, Jafar and I have been sitting watching random shows that come on. Zahrah and the baby went to get some sleep a while ago. While it was difficult explaining why she was visiting again to Jafar, he was just too distracted to notice anything out of the ordinary.

"Yeah," I stood up, smoothing out my abaya before reaching for his hand. "Let's go."

After saying goodbye to everyone, we made it to the car--Jafar opened and closed it for me--before getting inside himself and making the drive back. Much like this morning, it's still a warm October evening, the distant smell of the ocean far away, but not far enough to not hear faint waves, or smell the salt water.

It was when we were almost to our street when it all happened so fast.

"Jafar, watch out!" I screamed at the same time of a horn went off. Jafar came back done to earth, swerving away from the car and near a curb. It took a minute for either of us to even move. It all happened so fast. Thankfully it didn't hit us, but the shock of it got to me.

Jafar quickly unfastened his seatbelt, opening his door to ruch over to mine. He swung it open, guilt in his eyes as he crouched down by my side.

"Ayah, are you okay?"

I nodded. "Fine. Shocked is all," He let out a breath of relief.

"Are you sure?" He asked me again. I didn't answer, I just looked at him. I didn't know what to say. All the things he's been thinking of, the whole time he has been daydreaming about everything he can think of, it could have been serious. We could have crashed, lost the baby...

Lost the baby...

"Ayah, I'm sorry," He whispered, wiping away a stray tear I let fall at the thought of losing our child. "Please talk to me."

"It's eating you alive," I finally said, looking directly into his eyes. "This guilt you're carrying, it almost killed us because it had consumed you, Jafar."

He stayed silent.

"You can't keep going on like this. What would have happened if I wasn't there to warn you?"

"Ayah..."

I ignored him.

"What if you got seriously hurt, better yet, killed because you won't try to end this? What if we did crash and we lost..." My voice faded away at that, and I watched him through blurry eyes. "You don't realized how bad off you are. Just from tonight, don't you see?"

It took him a minute, but he eventually stood up, pressing his back to the side of the car and putting his hands into his pockets. The house is just a couple down from here. We could walk if we needed to.

"He's dying," He finally let out, and I turned to see a painful expression on his face. I know it hurts him, but he needs to let it out. All the hate, anger. It's time for it to go. "He's dying and I don't want to care, yet I do, Ayah."

"Hey," I stood up, moving so I was in front of him, my hands on his cheeks. "Hating him is what comes natural to you. It's not a foreign feelings. It's just one you adapted."

"I keep thinking about you and the baby, how I want he or she to make me out to be their hero. But how can I do that when I can't even glance at the man who was supposed to be mine?"

"You could be the example you want our child to follow," I told him. "Be the better man."

"I want to be," He whispered, and I smiled at him, turning his head so he was looking down at me.

"You are. You are the better man. All you have to do is prove it."

As he looked in my eyes, I finally saw how torn he was. Eyes glistening with tears, but he wasn't going to shed them. My Unlce once told me that a man isn't a man if he doesn't know how to cry. He's right. But what Jafar needs isn't a good cry. It's closure. And only one person can give him that.

"Why don't we walk back. We're right down the street. We'll pick up the car later."

He smiled at me, but it was mostly a ghost of a smile. One hiding how he truly felt. And the only thing running through my mind is that I hope Abu Jafar comes through.

-*-
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