Present Day ~ two years after the Battle of Hogwarts

"Wait. You thought you were fucking Fred?"

I wince at Draco's crass choice of phrasing.

After slipping on some actual clothes, Draco and I had moved to the sofa in my living room, allowing him to fix my hand as I explained about how Lily came to exist.

"It was him." I say forcefully, trying not to flinch as Draco knitted up the flesh wound with a spell. "I saw his eyes and he told me he loved me. George wouldn't say that."

"But," Draco's eyes flick back up to meet mine, clearly struggling to understand, "it wasn't Fred. He had been dead for two months, and that little girl's father is actually George."

"I know," I say, frustratedly running the fingers of my free hand through my hair. "But I can't explain it to you any better. I just believe it was him - that night - using George's body."

Draco gives me a pitying look, like I knew he would.

"And I suppose you didn't stick around long enough to actually ask George if that's what he believed too?"

"No." I shake my head, "I felt so ashamed, Draco, like I'd somehow used him."

Draco releases my now healed hand, and looks at me sadly. "You were both grief stricken and clearly looking for comfort in one another. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

"It was the day of Fred's funeral - my fiance's - and I slept with his twin brother!"

"When you discovered you were pregnant," Draco asks carefully, "what made you decide to keep it?"

I hesitate, knowing my answer is going to make me sound absolutely bonkers. "Because, in my mind, Lily was Fred's gift to me. He gave her to me so that a part of him will always be with me, like he promised."

There's silence as Draco contemplates what I've just said. I can't look at him, I'm too ashamed to. And I can't bear to see the pity in his eyes or even hear the inevitable truth he's about to tell me.

By running away, I could keep telling myself that this is true: that Lily is a gift from Fred.

Cool fingers wrap around mine as Draco takes my hand again and softly brushes a thumb back and forth over my knuckles. "She's George's, Harri," he says gently, as though he knows the words will hurt me, "you can't keep this from him. He has no idea that he is a father."

I close my eyes just as a tear rolls down my cheek. I feel so sad: Fred's death is like an unbearable pain that never goes away.

"Come back with me," Draco insists, gripping my hand firmer. "Come back with me and I'll help you face this. You're not alone. You're never alone. It doesn't have to be this way."

I freeze.

"They need to know, Harri." Draco continues. "The Weasleys need to know about Lily. Especially George."

But I shake my head sadly. "I can't, Draco. I'm sorry. I just can't go back."

"Funny. I never took you for a coward, Potter."

I open my eyes and snatch my hand out of his grasp. "I am not a coward!" I say fiercely, glaring up at him.

Draco doesn't flinch, he just looks at me, his grey eyes staring at me determinedly.

"Yes you are. You have run away from everything, choosing to live as a Muggle who strips for lowlife garbage than to face your fucking responsibilities. You are a witch, Harri. And you are a fucking good witch, at that - one that could get a decent fucking career and give that little girl in there the life that she deserves! Do you know what I would have given to be a part of a huge family like the Weasleys?! Yes, I know - don't look at me like that! But at least I am man enough to admit that I only bullied them senseless because I was jealous. You and me Potter, we both know what it's like to grow up lonely. Don't do that to Lily. Don't deny her what she deserves."

His chest rises and falls heavily, his face hardened with anger. And I know he's right. I just don't know how to go forward, or even if I have the strength anymore.

"I've got a lease on this place." I say weakly.

"Screw that, I've got a fucking mansion."

"But there's the rent-"

"I'll pay it off for you. Come and live with me. You and Lily can have your own space, your own garden and you'll never have to give another lap dance again. Well, unless you want to. I mean, I'm still waiting for mine-"

I look at him, my mouth falling open. How does he do it? How does he switch from being a sweet, sincere man to a cocky bastard in the space of a nano second?!

I smack his arm. "Draco, that's not funny."

Draco's eyes twinkle as he chuckles softly. "Who says I'm being funny? You'd be making a lot of my dreams come true."

"I'm glad to see you're still a smooth bastard after all this time," I mutter. "Tell me, does it still work on the ladies?"

A strange look flitters across his face and he glances away. "Look," he says quietly, reverting back to Mr Sincere. "I just want you to be safe and happy and I can't see how you will be here. I'm not being funny, but even if you do get your job back, how long will it be before you're attacked by some sick bastard who wants more than a lap dance? Fuck, you're gorgeous, Harri. I don't understand how come you're not the top tart in that place."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "I can't work out if I should be flattered by that comment or not."

A twitch of a smirk on his lips. "Definitely flattered. Although it's true. You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. I've always thought that. Literally no one holds a candle to you."

I swallow, suddenly feeling hot. Draco really is good with his lines that he almost has me believing it.

"Stop trying to get me into bed," I say, looking away. "It's not going to happen."

"I'm not trying to get you into bed," he says, suddenly serious again. "But I would like to stay - on the sofa. When Lily wakes up in the morning I can meet her and then we can get you both moved out of this place."

I stiffen. "No. I can't go back, Draco. I just can't."

"Why?"

"I have a life here now." I try and reason. "I can't just upheave Lily from that. It's not fair."

"Upheave her from what, exactly?" Draco scoffs, "From this pokey old flat? A place where she is left every night with a stripper whilst her mother prostitutes herself to seedy old men?"

"Don't you dare come swanning back into my life judging me!"

"You wanted to be an Auror!" Draco hisses, his eyes flashing angrily. "You cannot seriously give that up for this?!"

"I also wanted to be married to Fred and live with him on a houseboat," I reply hotly. "Life doesn't always go to plan!"

Draco looks defeated, exhausted even.

"Please," he begs, looking at me so desperately, "come back with me."

But I turn away, unable to tell him what he so desperately wants to hear.

"I'm sorry," I say, standing up from the sofa, "I'm glad to see you again, I really am. And you're welcome to visit me and Lily anytime. But I'm never going back with you."

His silence is heavy and full of disappointment.

Not being able to bear it, I walk away and fetch him a blanket and a pillow. When I return, he is sat in exactly the same position, his posture tall and stoic.

As I hand him the blanket and pillow, he reaches out and clasps my wrist, his silver eyes piercing mine with such an intensity, it steals my breath.

"Just so you know," he murmurs ardently, his throat bobbing as he speaks, "I'm never going to give up on you."

I swallow, my heart beating fast. Gently, I tug my arm back and tear my eyes away from his intense gaze.

"Good night, Draco." I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "I hope you find the sofa comfortable enough."

And I hurry away before I can get lost in those eyes again.

******

Lily's cries wake me up from my dreamless slumber.

I sleepily crawl out of bed and drag myself to the crib where she has pulled herself up using the bars and has begun rattling the sides. Tears streak down her chubby face. "Mumma, Mumma!"

"Mummy's here," I soothe as I lift her from the cot and cradle her soft warm body against mine.

It's not until we are snuggled back under the covers in my bed as I allow her a feed do I remember that Draco is sleeping out in the living room on my sofa.

My heart does a funny sort of clench. Lily, clearly sensing this, lifts her head from my nipple and blinks up at me with wonderous brown eyes.

"It's okay, sweetie," I whisper quietly, kissing the top of her red curls, "Mummy is just still tired."

Satisfied with this answer, Lily turns her head and reattaches her mouth to my nipple, drinking deeply.

The books tell me I no longer need to do this after one year, but I cannot bring myself to stop breastfeeding her. Not only does it bring her comfort, but it brings me comfort too.

Everything about Lily brings life back to me - she stops me from feeling numb. She stopped me from killing myself when I was once so lost and sad that I just wanted to end it all.

There is a soft knock at my door. I look up and the door opens to reveal Draco standing there, his suit crumpled and hair messy.

"What time is it?" He asks thickly, clearly having only just woken up.

"Five am." I say softly. "Lily often wakes at this time for a feed. You can go back to sleep."

Draco wrinkles his nose. "Pointless. Now I'm awake, I won't be able. Can I come and sit with you?"

"Sure, but I'm feeding Lily, so don't freak out about it."

His eyes flash in amusement.

"Potter, last night you stood in front of me topless, about to serve me up a whiskey and a lap dance. I think I can handle this."

I shrug. "You'd be surprised how many men in that club would be disgusted at the sight of a mother feeding her child."

Draco crosses the room and sits down on the edge of my bed, the mattress lifting slightly under his weight. He stares down at the child attached to my breast and reaches out, cradling his large hand against her small red head.

"I happen to think it's a beautiful sight," he murmurs softly, his eyes flicking up to meet mine, causing my heart to give a maddening flutter.

And then a huge sadness swoops over me: very unexpected, and very painful. I look away, blinking back the tears.

"Harri?" Draco cups my chin and tilts my face up, forcing me to look back at him. "What is it?"

"Seeing you again," I whisper, my voice trembling, "it brings it all back: what I left behind, and what I lost."

It should be Fred lying with me on this bed. It should be Fred watching me feed our child and telling me what a beautiful sight it is.

Draco's eyes flicker with a deep sadness as his hand falls away from my face.

"I'm sorry." He says, practically jumping off the bed. "I shouldn't be here."

"No, wait - I'm sorry." I quickly say.

Lily chooses that moment to unlatch from my nipple and begin to grizzle. I hurriedly try and sort her out, readjusting my vest and wiping her mouth.

When I look back up, Draco has already slipped away.

******