QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

"Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect."

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Dedication: @toobadtodie (for her sweetest and elaborated comments)

***

CHAPTER TWENTY

I've watched the game praying that Richard's team will win because the last thing I've ever wanted to see is Levi's triumphant smirk. Gladly, God accepted my prayers and our team made it to final. (This is a quarter final game, I've learnt like seconds ago.) Suddenly, everyone stands up and starts to clap their hands and yell and rush into the field.

I spot Richard at the corner of field, sitting as his head leans against the wall and quaffs off the water, breathless. I saunter at him softly but he notices me anyway, as he wipes his mouth with his arm, and a knowing grin plays on his lips. When I'm sufficiently close, he speaks up: "We won." His tone reveals the excitement and victory he feels. He looks sweaty and tired, his hair a sticky mess and his football shirt wet due to sweat. Even when he's totally a mess, I bet there are lots of girls that find him hot and handsome. Unfortunately, all I see is a sweaty prick.

I lower myself and sit beside him, snapping my head to see his I'm-the-best grin, rolling my eyes in return. "Of course, you did. You would never risk losing me, anyway."

He chuckles. "True." He opens another plastic bottle and drinks a bit, then extends it to me. I shake my head no, so he shrugs and takes another sip before putting it beside him. We stand like that for a while - I'm eyeing Calvin and he is trying to steady his breaths. "It was a struggle," he says after a while. "To win over them, I mean."

"Oh, you did pretty well," I comment.

"Of course, I did," he huffs. "I'm a star - but it was still difficult."

I roll my eyes. "Star my ass. You were almost losing."

"Note the word almost, please." I groan in return. "That guy." he points with his head and I focus on there. "He was tough." I notice he is pointing at Levi, who is talking with some friends. He doesn't seem bothered to lose even though he said he's come to win in the first place.

"Levi." I say flatly.

"What?"

"The guy - his name is Levi."

"Wow," he breaths, his eyes still on him. "You are hanging out with a college gang, huh?"

"No," I retort. "I know him personally."

"I don't know why but that sounded so personal." I keep my mouth shut. "I mean," he says after turning at me. "So personal that it would be fun to interfere."

I huff, trying to hide the ghost of smile. "I'm not telling you."

"Damn. I thought we shared everything."

"We don't," I retort sharply. "You only know about how much I want you to know."

A playful smirk nails on his lips. I think he'll say something witty and tempting but he doesn't. He just says, "Okay.            You know I'll listen when you want me to know more."

Wow, this was quite easy of him. I push the subject and ask something else to keep him occupied. "So, what are you doing tonight?"

"Guys offered to celebrate it out but I'm not sure if I want to go," he says. "I'm exhausted." I nod at him but he looks hesitant. "But if you want to go-"

"I don't know anyone," I cut him off. "And you're tired."

"We can do whatever you want?"

I arch my eyebrow at him. "So eager to spend time with me?"

"Maybe," he answers with a playful grin. There I look up and spot Calvin and Stella talking to some guys, and Calvin looks so cosy. Content. Whatever he isn't with me. I can't help the jealousy flames burning inside me. Since I don't answer, Richard looks at the direction and notices what I've been staring at. "Oh," he breaths. "They are probably going to the party, you know." I spin my head at him. "Because Arsen is Stella's friend and he never misses when there is something to celebrate, so he'll totally drag Stella with him and well, Calvin keeps following her to everywhere."

"He doesn't. All I see is Stella being glued to him. She doesn't leave him alone." I defend him but it actually feels like I defend my pride. I defend myself. Damn it.

He shrugs. "Alrighty." From his tone, I fathom that he just let it pass. He doesn't think so. Does Calvin really follow her around? What is so smart about her, anyway? She looks like a - she doesn't. She looks like the nicest person ever and I have never wanted to take someone's place so much till this moment. "Jack, just let it go." I notice Richard's presence beside me again when he takes my mind away from them, his hand gripping my wrist softly. "He'll come around if he ever wants to." It is like he actually thinks I'm going to rush and punch Stella. Normally I would but I'll keep it classy.

"He will," I say assuringly. "He always do." Then, Calvin laughs and Stella laughs, too. Their laughters mingle into one like two rivers. They become one. I want to tear them into pieces that they cannot even become two again. I can't bear thinking that they would be one. I'm so stupid. I should have confronted with my feelings and woman up. I should have told him when it was the right time - when he told me. Is it late?

"I'll tell him that I like him," I say absentmindedly, my eyes fixated on the green ground. I feel Richard's glance on me. "Because I can't let this happen," I continue, lifting my head and staring at them sharp. "I can't let that girl steal him from me. He's sliding from my grasp."

"Then you weren't holding him tight enough." I turn my head to meet his solemn eyes. It is as if the whole concept is planned to make the sentence sink in. It suddenly goes silent and his tone is sufficient to make the situation more tragic than it already is. He clears his throat. "But I think you shouldn't tell him."

I narrow my eyes. "And why is that?"

"You keep messing with his head, Jack," he elaborates, "he won't take it seriously." He has a point - I've just told him not to leave me but I keep classifying him as a friend. He must be troubled. He must feel so complicated. But I am not doing it on purpose. I lose him either way - because I can't be his friend either.

"He won't take seriously what? That I like him?" He nods. "I'll make him take seriously." I'll tell some sense into his skull that will convince him.

He rolls his eyes. "I think you should wait." I don't really get why he's being so persistent that I should wait. Doesn't he see that Calvin is getting further and further from me? With Stella, to begin with.

"And I think I shouldn't." I look at him. "Seriously Ric, he's going there with Stella and you say it doesn't bother you a bit?"

"I didn't say that," he denies. "It does but Stella isn't mine, Jack. I can't force anything on her."

"Tonight, make her yours then." He shoots a dumbfounded glance. "I mean - do something and make her fall in love with you. I don't know - surf on the Net and act like an intellectual?"

He laughs uncomfortably. "You are crazy. And why am I doing the work? Go take your boy from her since you claim he is yours."

"Okay," I snap, looking at them. "I will."

"Okay," he sighs. "Go - tell him," he urges me, pointing at Calvin's way with his head.

"Not here," I quickly say. "Later, at party."

"Among a crowd and noise?" He asks sarcastically. But he gets serious when I nod my head. "So, we are going?" He asks.

"Yes," I say, determined. "We do."

***

Richard takes me home, saying that he will pick me up after getting ready for the night. When I step into the house, I notice my mum is at home as always, watching TV at the loudest volume. It almost blinds me - the annoyingly loud woman voice filling the whole house - so I go and take the remote from her hands and shut it off. I turn at her angrily and notice she's been crying - therefore, my anger vanishes away to be replaced with wonder and pity. "Mum," I mutter, my eyes searching for a hint in her face. She wipes her nose off with the tissue in her hand and looks at me. When she removes the tissue from her face, she puts a feigning soft smile on her face but it's for vain. I know she's sad - in fact, in ruins. Because I've never seen my mother crying before as odd as it sounds. With that sticky smile on her face, she always looked happy. Content with life. Optimistic. She was - she is - the person I admire for her positivity. Yet now she's crying. Life screws us all one way or another, it seems. "What happened?" I ask warily, trying to sound soft and caring. I hope I manage because it's so far away from my usual style.

She pats on the couch beside her and I sit down, my eyes never leaving hers. She clears her throat after wiping her nose once again - there I notice Mum is one of those people who doesn't look beautiful crying - and she looks up at me. "How was your day?"

This isn't what I've expected. But instead of protesting, I actually answer her question. "It was okay," I murmur, remembering Calvin and Stella. Not so okay. "I went to Ric's match after school and they won."

"Great," she smiles a bit widely, "I'm glad. So how is Calvin?"

I know why she has brought this up but I'm not really happy with how the conversation is going. Totally to the opposite way of where I'm trying to reach. Her. "Mum," I sigh, "how about you telling me about your day?"

She sighs, looking down. "It is so obvious, isn't it?" She lets out a breathy laugh. This is the first time I've ever seen my Mum being real. I think that she's real. Her expressions. Everything. "Jack," - her eyes dart on me - "what would you think..." Then, she stops, shutting her eyes and biting her bottom lip. "Or wait. I'm not going to explain it like this." She runs a hand through her hair, opening her eyes and smiling a bit. "I actually considered my speech that I would make if you ever ask - but I never thought you would."

"Mum, you scare me."

She sighs once again. I fucking wonder what's going on. There are lots of bad scenarios in my head. She looks at me with that painful look. "Do you have any plans tonight?"

"Why?"

"Just answer me."

"Yes," I say, giving in.

"Then, we'll talk later. When you come home."

"Why not now? What happened?" I say, grabbing her wrists and forcing her to look at me. "Mum, I'm not that fragile kid anymore - whatever it is, I'll handle. Okay?"

She nods. "I know it. It is just I don't want to ruin your night. Believe me, darling, this can wait."

"I can raincheck," I suggest, "It's not that important, anyway." She has been crying, this is an extreme situation.

She looks at me, sharp and determined as if there is no trace of sadness and fatigue in her eyes. "Jacqueline Pierce, go upstairs and get ready! Hurry up."

I sigh, looking at her once more before I head to my room. Twenty minutes later, I feel ready - which is quite a long time for me since I've put makeup on my face and spent more time thinking what to wear. I want to look beautiful and different tonight - in such a way that Calvin will see nobody else but me.

I huff at my reflection in the mirror. Her (my) straight blonde hair falls from her shoulders and the black pain around her eyes reveal the colour of her eyes. She looks good, ravishing and even sexy when you look carefully. Yeah, I look decent enough.

As I descend the stairs, I espy Mum sitting (curling on the couch) at the same spot and watching TV quieter this time. "Mum, I'm going." I let her know. She turns her head at me and nods, "Have fun."

"Thank you," I murmur before I vacate home. I sigh, thinking of what has bothered Mum so much but when I see Richard, I manage to take my mind from there for that instant, as he looks at me with a knowing grin. He looks good, too.

As I walk over to him, I roll my eyes (just because it became a routine between us) and the closer I get the more excited I get for the night.

If there is one thing I know, that is I'm not going to let Calvin go - and I will destroy everything that blocks my way.

***