QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

"That, my dear, is what makes a character interesting, their secrets."
― Kate Morton, The Forgotten Garden

Dedication: @royal-mindz (an amazing friend & the banner on the side is so cool.)

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PLEASE R E A D :

About the comments on the last chapter, most of you are angry at Calvin. You are right, what he has done was really mean and I don't support what he did in any ways but he was angry. When people are angry, some words can slip out of their mouths that they didn't mean to. He wanted to hurt him as much as she hurt her. I don't try to justify him. Please don't be so mad and don't call him a bastard for what he's said or done. Because then, it doesn't make you any different than him. Thank you.

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CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

The next weeks are the epitome of hell.

I am in mixed emotions - I want to hate Calvin because of all those words he called me. But I can't bring myself to do that since I fucking love him and he has every right to insult me after that incident. I am guilty and dying.

My parents haven't left my side since I returned home two weeks ago from Calvin's house. It started to rain and I walked all the way home. I let my tears fall with the drops of rain. I was a wreck when I was home, and my mother screamed when she saw me like that. Then, I fainted. I don't remember anything else until I woke up the next day with my mother by my side.

I didn't tell her what happened when she asked me. She pressed her lips together and looked at me with that heartbreakingly accepting expression. She didn't push it - this time I was grateful though. I don't want anyone to make me remember it all over.

There is a bug in my heart that tears a piece out of there each second and I know it won't stop until there's nothing left in there. I don't eat. I can't. My mother brings something and tries to feed me but I refuse it most of the time.

One day, she finds a way to get to me. She sits beside me on my bed,with a spoon in her hand and I fight against eating. She stops and looks at me angrily. "Do you want me to call Calvin?" She asks meaningfully and I know she senses something is up. I've been home for days after finals and I am always in bed. I do nothing productive.

"No," I say dismissively, looking anywhere but her. "He - he is busy."

"What happened?" She asks, not buying my lies. "You haven't talked to him for weeks, Jack, something is wrong between you two."

"I don't want to tell."

She grabs my chin and forces me to look her in the eyes. "Look at me. I can't witness my daughter ruining herself in front of my eyes, okay? You are getting thinner and thinner. Now, spill the beans."

"Mum-"

"Don't mum me, just say it."

"I slept with Richard," I blurt out.

"Oh," she says and I check her face to see if she's mad. But she looks calm. "Do you like him?"

"No," I cry. "I was so drunk and it just happened."

"Did you tell Calvin?"

"He...found out."

"Oh Jack, this is terrible."

"Thanks for the reminder."

"I wish you told me earlier."

"It would change nothing, Mum," I say, shrugging. "I confronted him afterwards, that night when I came home wet, and he called me slut. He acted like..." I shake my head with remembrance. "It was so awful."

She pulls me to her chest and starts to play her fingers in my hair. "You know you aren't, sweetheart," she whispers into my ear.

I fight back the tears that burn my eyes. "What...what if I am?"

"He was just angry and what he said wasn't right."

"But he is right to be mad," I deny. "I hurt him so fucking much. Richard was his ex best friend and he warned me about him before."

"Try to talk to him, Jack, fight for him if you truly love."

I withdraw from her chest, looking up to see her face. "You really think so?" She nods. "But I know he won't forgive me. Ever."

"At least you can say you lost a battle after fighting for it." She smiles at me and pats my shoulder. "Now,"-she leans to my nightstand and grabs the spoon again-"eat something."

***

My mother urges me back to the school. It's actually because of that evening, Richard appears at my door again and my mother lets him in my room. When I see him at my door, I feel so confused and angry. How dare he come at mine after all the damage he costed in my life?

"Hello," he says with an uncomfortable tone and closes the door behind him. "How are you feeling?"

"Why are you here?" I ask, getting to the direct point.

"I wanted to check on you because you've been gone for a week."

"I'm like this," I say, opening my arms to my sides. "Fucked up."

He laughs, sitting next to me. "I missed you."

I shoot a glance at him. "Richard, seriously I'm not in the mood."

"Jack, you lost weight," he says.

"Did my mother send you?" I groan.

"Maybe she informed me about that tiny detail?"

"She should've kicked you out," I murmur myself. "I thought she liked Calvin."

"What did you say?" He asks confusedly.

"Nothing." He rolls his eyes. "Seriously, you just wondered about me...just like that?"

"Yes, is it so hard to believe?"

"Yes." Then, since he's my only chance, I ask him. "How is Calvin?"

He looks at me as if I'm mental. "He seems fine enough."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means he's not in bed, refusing to eat and looking like a wreck. He's not crying himself to bed or he's not avoiding school or people. It means he's attending the classes, he is at lunch and he talks to people. It means he's hanging out with Stella all the time. Yeah, he is fine, Jack. You should be fine, too. Seems like it isn't worth it."

This stings. Not that I expected him to die from my absence - I actually did. "You are lying," I say at last.

"Why don't you come to school tomorrow to see for yourself if I'm lying?"

The idea sounds great, tempting even but I know better than facing Calvin. "No," I retort firmly.

"Why not? Is Jack Pierce scared?"

"You cannot pull that card on me again, Ric, not again."

He laughs instead. "Look, I think you should come. The prom is soon."

I peek at him. "And who says I have a partner?"

He wiggles his eyebrows at me. "You've got me."

I grimace. "Oh, please."

"But seriously, come tomorrow Jack."

"I - I don't know." I want to learn if anyone talks about me. "Does anyone say anything about me?"

"Nope. No one knows."

"Really?"

"Yes. And you should talk to Calvin after all."

"I did," I answer. "And it was the worst ever."

"You say."

"I don't want to talk about it though."

He stands up and walks to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow. Your mother is going to kill me if I stay any longer."

"Did she say something?"

"Only fifteen minutes," he imitates her with a sharp tone. It makes me slightly laugh. "And I love living," he says afterwards.

I wave at him. "I don't guarantee that I'll be there."

"I know you will," he says sincerely and leaves the room.

***

Apparently Richard Butler knows me better than myself because next day, I am walking through the familiar school corridors. It feels so uncomfortable, almost foreign and dangerous. I don't want to interact or exchange glances with anyone thus that's why I keep my head down and my eyes on the ground.

Before I know, I bump into someone. I lift my head to see Stella in front of me. Alone. I want to strangle her even though she has no fault. "Jack," she says astonished.

"Hi," I say with a fake smile.

"You...you look bad."

"That must be an extra point for you," I snap in return. "Did Calvin say he loves you yet?"

She frowns at me and she looks a bit hurt. Then, she looks around as if looking for someone. "I'm so sorry," she starts off. "I swear I had to do that."

"What are you talking about?"

She shoves me to the corner, at the front door of staff room. "Jack, I can't do this anymore." She looks unsettled and ready to spill anything.

You can't do what?" I ask again. "Just fucking say it, Stella, got no time for your shit."

Her jaw starts to tremble and she is so close to crying. What the hell is going on? Did something happen to Calvin? "Did something happen to Calvin?" I grab her upper arms and shake her. "Just tell me."

"No," she says, her voice almost a whisper. "It's...it's..." She starts crying.

"Stop crying and say it."

"I swear I said we shouldn't do this. But he threatened me and I had to do as he said. Otherwise he would tell everyone."

"Wait," I stop her. "I am not following. Who threatened you? Calvin?"

"No,"-she looks at me horrified-"Richard."

"What the fuck?"

"I - I told him you are so happy together and we shouldn't mess up. But he kept on how he loves you. That you shouldn't be with Calvin."

"When did this happen? What did you do?" I yell and then, realise we are at school so I soften my tone. "Tell me everything without skipping up. Please."

"It was two days before the party where you two hooked up. He came and threatened me. If I don't distract Calvin from you, he said he would make sure everyone hates me at school. I am new and I couldn't risk it. Sorry Jack."

I close my eyes, cursing at Richard. He is even worse than I imagined. "So, he planned it all? He planned to bang me in the party, you say?"

"I don't know," she answers. "He just told me to distract Calvin somehow. Never what he is up to."

I can't help but ask. "Why did you accept it, Stella? What did he threaten you with?"

"He found my diary," she explains. "And he learnt - he learnt that I like girls."

"Wait? You like girls?" I never pegged Stella as that but when I think about it, it actually suits her.

"Yes," she says embarrassedly.

"It's okay. It's so mean of him to threaten you with your sexuality." She remains silent. "I'll introduce you to someone I know...well, thanks for telling this."

"I know it won't change a thing but Calvin isn't well, Jack, he hasn't been ever since." Even though it is terrible news, it feels good to know I'm not the only one. He suffers from that, too. "Tell him."

"As you said, it won't change a thing."

"He still loves you," she replies. "I know it." She smiles at me when I glance at her. "Please don't give up on him - he's just so hurt."

I nod in return as she disappears. He still loves you. Before I find a way to speak to him again, I need to speak to Richard - I'm so kicking his ass.

***