QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

"When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Dedication: @lordpringles (HIS comments make me laugh all the time and omg, a boy reads my story?!?!)

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CHAPTER NINETEEN

"He kissed me."

"Come again?"

"He - kissed - me."

"Shit," he gasps, his eyes wide. Then, he clears his throat and continues. "So Calvin kissed you. Wow. I mean, I've never known that guy had those guts."

I roll my eyes. "He can be such a flirt sometimes, you have no idea." I remembered of how he sometimes made jokes about us - apparently, they weren't jokes.

"What did you do?" Richard inquires, in such a tone as if he's watching an intriguing movie and can't wait for next move. Our legs are crossed on the immensely green grass of the field. Yeah, I am here for his match because he texted me last night after Cal left, insisting on how I should be here for him. Instead of warming up, he is with me, listening to what's happened last evening.

I roll my eyes. "You are worse than the cheers, Ric."

A ghost of grin tugs along with his lips, soon replaced by a determined and serious face. "Tell me."

"I kissed him back." Then, the words Calvin said last night come out of my mouth effortlessly:

"If you want to stay as friends, how do you explain what's just happened, Jack?" His words kept echoing in my head, trying to fathom the true meaning beneath them and form a reasonable answer to shut it. The problem was I couldn't. I remained breathing heavily and keeping my gaze on his chest going up and down unsteadily. I admitted myself he won. He tricked me and I totally fell for it. Jack Pierce lost - but I wasn't ready to admit it yet.

Instead, I looked at his questioning and impatient eyes and did the unexpected, planning to amaze him and maybe, even make him forget about his question. I leaned in once again, cupping his face and pressing my lips onto his. He pushes me softly after a few kisses, his hand hovering at the back of my neck, breathless again. Before he could ask, I replied his question with a hoarse whisper. "I said I want to remain friends." I corrected. "I didn't say I don't like you - that way." Speaking of something rather different than friendship burnt my throat as I gulped the lump down, just because I wasn't ready to let go of what we were.

"Then, why do you keep pushing me?" It was the question of the year, or the century. And as always, I didn't have the answer. I'm the one who looks blankly at questions in exams and give the paper almost untouched. It is totally ridiculous of him to expect me to give an answer to such a difficult, complex question.

"For the best, Calvin," I snapped angrily. "For the best, okay?" I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I turned my head at him, meeting his furious eyes. "I can't afford anything serious right now." It was somewhat true. I was too messed up for a serious relationship. Especially with Calvin. Before it could happen, I needed to be a better version of myself. Probably, the best version of Jack wasn't enough for Calvin's standards.

He stared daggers at me before hopping down into my room from the roof. I followed him in, bemused because he was now walking towards the door. "Where are you going?" I yelled after him, bewildered.

He turned and glanced at me, his look piercing into me like a fucking knife. I couldn't breathe right then but I knew I was doing the right thing. I told the truth. I didn't want to get into something serious before sorting out the huge mess inside. I wasn't good for him - but I wanted him so much. My mind still stuck at the kiss, I stared at him, waiting for an answer that would be spilled from his lips. "We shouldn't talk for a while," he said after a minute, his hand on hold and his gaze down. "At least until..." He sighed. "I don't know, Jack, I'm sorry but whenever you say we are best friends, I feel so terrible - I feel guilty that I can't feel that way and keep telling myself it's okay. I tell that at least I'm around you because if I went against you, you would just push me out of your life." He glances up at me with those rueful eyes. "But I can't do this. I can't handle thinking of what would happen if you liked someone else and I'd be still your best friend. I - we shouldn't talk until you decide in what position you want me in your life. Because what's just happened wasn't so friendly."

"Calvin, I don't want to -"

"Goodbye, Jack." He left before listening to the rest of the sentence.

"Screw things up." He was gone before I finished my sentence. If he actually heard it, things may have been different. Or maybe not. I'll never going to learn.

I snap back to where I am, the football field, with the amazing comment coming from Richard. I am kidding, it isn't amazing. I don't even know why I keep telling him about my problems. "You totally screwed things up, bro."

"Thanks for reminding me," I hiss, annoyed.

"Let him go," he says, shrugging. "Calvin needs time and what will you even tell him? Your confusion will only drive him mad. Give him time."

I nod because he's right. "True."

He laughs. "Seriously, you are a chicken when it comes to love. I've heard love is strong but I didn't know it was that strong - you know, it shut you up, the Great Jack Pierce."

I fake a laugh. "Ha - ha. You are so funny. I bet you are all brave and charming around Stella. No wonder she keeps running from you."

"I've never tried to approach her yet." He remarks.

"You should've invited her here. Seriously, it'd be the best opportunity to show her your amazing talents with football. Maybe she would be madly in love afterwards."

"No," he sighs, "she wouldn't."

I look around to notice Megan peering nervously at us and the other girls whispering around her. When our eyes meet, I wave at her with a wide smile and she just scoffs. Richard, who has turned his back at Megan, looks at me confused and snap his head back to encounter with Megan's furious glance. He immediately looks back at me nervously. "Stop teasing her, she's going to get to me again."

"She's so in love, I can't blame her," I murmur.

"She just misses the attention she's had when she was with me. She never loved me, you know, and it was the same for me. I never loved her either." He didn't look depressed or sad telling me about it and I can't believe he has a match within an hour and we are talking about the most depressing stuff ever in history. Love. This isn't what he needs right now.

"Go warm up." I clap my hands together, getting up and giving him a hand. "You're going to be the star of the game, you understand?"

He rolls his eyes even though he likes it, I know. "Aye aye captain."

"Don't come at me if you ever lose the match." I pause and realise I don't know who they are playing against. "Who is your rival?"

"Wow. Now I really need to warm up - or burn up, maybe?" He winks. "Well, a college team."

"You are seriously the lamest person I've ever met. Now, go."

He chuckles and steps closer to me, smirking playfully. "Maybe a kiss? For luck." He taps his finger on his cheek.

I roll my eyes and plant a kiss on his cheek. "Idiot."

Then, his face freezes and his grip on my arm tightens. "Looks like we have an audience."

Frowning, I turn to meet Calvin's gaze. But it's not the only thing I notice in that instant. He is sitting at the tribunes with a blonde girl. Stella. "Fuck," I whisper. "Why are they here?"

His eyes still locked on them, he hums. "I know one of Stella's close friends play in our team. But I don't know why Calvin is here." The annoyance in his voice is evident.

"Maybe she invited him," I guess, jealousy washing over me. "Let's go say hi."

"What?" He hiss-whispers. "Are you crazy? No. I'm not coming."

"You are," I demand, shooting him a determined glance. "Make the best first impression ever if you want your girl to fall in love with you."

"Easier said than done." Grabbing his hand, I drag him until we stand in front of Calvin and Stella. They are actually laughing at something and patting each other's knees. The scene makes my heart go wild. I feel the same ol' Jack waking up. I want to tear up this bitch right here - into pieces, slowly. So slowly that she'll feel every cut. Before I step and grab her hair, Richard throws a calm-down-woman look at me and starts off. "Hey Calvin, Stella." He smiles like a Cheshire cat but Stella doesn't even blink at his greeting.

"Hey," Cal murmurs, looking at me after stopping. I remember the last night and now, seeing him so happy without me drives me mad. And betrayed. As if he wasn't the one begging and complaining about my behaviour.

"Hi," I reply sardonically, "what brings you here, Cal?" I cross my arms together.

"I've invited him," Stella replies cheerfully. "My friend Arsen is going to play today."

"I didn't ask you though," I spit, annoyed. What? Now, does he have someone to speak for him? Richard pinches my arm from behind and I turn at him. He looks at me warningly but I mouth a 'What?' instead. I officially hate Stella.

"Jack," Calvin defends her. Why the fuck does he defend her? "Stella's trying to be nice."

"Oh, okay." I am so near to losing my temper and attacking but I hold myself. Be still, Jack, you know better than punching that girl's face. Not yet. I turn at Stella with a feigning smile on my face. "Sorry darling, I didn't mean to be rude. It wasn't about you, anyway."

"It is okay," she says with a genuine smile. This girl is either so stupid or so nice. It's so awful how similar she is to Calvin in some cases. "Have fun, Jack," she adds.

Richard looks at me, uneasy. "I need to go - erm, I'll see you later, okay?" I nod at him slowly and he slowly pats my cheeks and smiles at me. It's so hopeful but I can actually see how much it hurts him to be neglected by the girl he loves. "I'll win this game for you."

"You'd better," I say, my peer on Calvin. He is looking at us, too. "I know you will. Go go go." I tap his shoulder and he starts running through where his friends are warming up after flashing a smile at me.

I glance for the last time at Calvin and he glares at me nervously. I return his glare with an annoyed one. I shove my hands in my pockets, turning back to walk through the field and find a good spot to watch the game. But before I register who that is in front of me, he is already dazed by seeing me. But it only lasts for a second and the shock is soon replaced by a witty grin.

"Can I get one of those luck kisses, too?"

Levi.

"How did you find me?" Did Lauren tell him about me? That bitch.

"I didn't, Jacqueline, you've literally come to my feet." He is now smiling widely.

I snort a laughter. "You are a fucking dumbass," I deadpan. "Why are you here?"

"I have a game to win, lovely." He used to call me lovely all the fucking time and I used to love it so much - it always made me feel lovely and loved. Until I learnt that it was just a word - only weighing a place in space and having no real meaning at all. I shake my head, getting mad at myself for an instant to let him get to me once again. I buried Levi down along with my Brighton memories and now he's standing in front of me. I didn't expect this nor was I ready.

"Hope you die during the game," I retort, angry as hell.

He throws a laughter. "You're so hilarious. Outgoing. If you were like this two years ago, we would actually work out, Jacqueline."

"There was nothing to work out, Levi, it was just one night. Get over it."

"True." He nods knowingly. "It was why-"

"Jack." I snap my head on the right to see Calvin looking at us. "Is everything okay? You seem sort of...annoyed."

"Who are you, her guardian angel?" Levi snaps, his hands on his hips.

"Her boyfriend," Calvin answered sardonically, swinging my waist with his arm. I stare at him, astonished but later, before Levi gets the hint, I look at him and smile, shrugging. Calvin turns to me but his eyes aren't really looking at me as I want them to. So distant, so forceful. "Was he bothering you?"

"No," I reply, turning at Levi. "He was going, weren't you, Levi?"

He smirks at me before walking away. "See you tonight after game, Pierce. Goodbye the angel."

When he's far away to hear us, Calvin retreats his hand and starts to walk away. I grab his arm before he can go. "What was that?"

"What?" He snaps.

"What - what you've just done there." I choke on my words.

"No big deal. He really looks like Lauren, you know. I gathered he's Levi." He always amazes me with his smartness.

"Thank you," I say, my eyes lingering on his face, seeking a single emotion on his face. He smiles softly and turns back. "Calvin," I blurt out and he looks back at me. "Don't leave me." I immediately step forward and hug him. Wrap my arms around his neck so tight that it probably suffocates him. It feels like if I don't squeeze enough, he'll go. I'll let him go. I don't want him to go.

"Jack, you're making everything harder. Just give me time, okay?" Just give him time. Richard's words echo in my head.

I withdraw and look at his face. He looks at me, waiting for an answer. If you ask me, he doesn't want me to be okay with it. But I don't really understand what he wants at times, so I say, "Okay."

I'm not sure if it's okay - but I just go with it.

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